• Sexual incompatibilities in otherwise great relationship. I need input people...

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    nomoken [sign in to see picture]
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    edit: apologies for the lack of paragraphs, I have no return key on this forum using my phone...I don't really want to admit this even to myself but i am a bit bored at this point. Having been with my girlfriend for 5 years i suppose i have been fooling myself into thinking she might grow to enjoy certain things but at this point it is beginning to seem unlikely. I am annoyed with myself as we are pretty much compatible in every single aspect apart from sexually. She is quite inexperienced, I am a bit of a freaky freak. For some guys it wouldn't be a problem but my mind begins to wander. i would never cheat on her and this would be a really shallow basis to consider ending things. Consider exhibit a- cunnilingus...I have never been with a girl who doesn't like that kind of thing. She says she finds it 'icky' and it doesn't turn her on at all unless she has pants on! Some blokes would find this to be a blessing but i really enjoy administering tongue action and have really begun to miss it. I could go on and on but hopefully that gives you an idea. So then err...any ideas for a girl who appears to find her own vagina a bit disgusting? She likes vanilla sex, that's good or i wouldn't even be here still but i need to shake things up a bit. She doesn't like toys even really either. Not sure what to do at this point.

    1398301020
    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    Unfortunately we as women are often raised to believe that sex is gross, that it is something we do only to have children and that we shouldn't enjoy it.
    We are also raised with a huge sense of the importance of hygeine but with blurred messages. All substances are "icky" to many women, natural or not.

    If you are to overcome this, the first step is that she needs to WANT to overcome this. If she is happy with the way she is, then that is her normal. You cannot force her to change unless it is something she wants to do. (I'm sure you don't want to force her into anything anyway)

    Firstly I would suggest speaking to her regarding her feelings around sex. Explain to her that you love her and everything about your relationship is perfect in your eyes, but you would also like to spend more time exploring and appreciating her body; that you understand she may feel uncomfortable with some things but that they are natural desires for the both of you.

    Communication is the key for you here, try to establish her true feelings around sex - does she genuinely think things are gross, or is she just embarrassed to admit she likes things, is she insecure because she doesn't like her body... all these things run through most womens minds. They need to be loved. Nice dinner, relaxing bubble bath, hold hands in public for no reason etc If she is going to open up to you she needs to trust you... beyond the normal levels of a relationship.. she needs to feel loved and like nothing in the world matters apart from the two of you, like she has nothing to fear from anything you want to do with her.

    It might not work, but I think treating her and communicating with her are the best places to start personally, hope it helps x

    1398310227
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    As a woman we are always super conscious of smells, discharge genenal ickiness, and perceived cleanliness vs. " dirty" behaviour.
    It is only natural.... The best way I would broach the issue is maybe get her mentally in the frame of mind she is as clean down there as she could ever be.... Shower/ bath before.
    Get her to pee before starting up, as most women also have a hangup of Loosing control and peeing once taken to orgasm.... Its a real poss, and for some this is a big hurdle.
    Maybe suggest something like chocolate paint, to play on areas around the keys spots, and work inward in a paced manner.
    Its a reflex go to reaction for most women.... But once she is brought gently around, I am sure you could spice up with some oral.
    If she has issues with going down on you.... Again... Buff up well and good... And maybe try the flavored lubes or choc again.
    Enjoy the work up to full on oral. But take it at a pace she feels comfortable, once all the initial hurdles are overcome.

    1398311326
    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    PS... There is nothing like the smell and taste of something fruity and sweet, and that might give you the edge to help her venture past this hurdle.

    When I was younger, it used to be daunting, and I didn't have as gentle a way into it as I have suggested..... But once you get into it, it becomes a bit addictive;)
    The fact our scent down there is a huge turn on for blokes does settle in after a while.
    If she has a crack of doing it manually, she needs to get used to the smell she makes while cuming. It soon becomes apparent that it can turn a woman on just as much as bloke☺

    1398337050
    MrPink [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it can depend on a woman's female friends to some extent. I've known women who only like to be with men and don't have those intimate lady friends to share their view on stuff like this as it er, comes up in their lives.

    I know that's a bit simplistic, but a couple of my former partners were of the gregarious tyoe who spend time with other girls and hence have a deeper knowledge of women's opinions of what goes on on the bedroom. As far as I can tell, their was a strong link between going out with the other girls and being more adventurous, but I wouldn't say it's a statistically valid sample size ...

    And the biological thing, sex being for making babies, is still amazingly strong for quite a chunk of the females I've known over the years.

    1398345745
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    So basically you expect/want her to change her likes and dislikes to please you, when you're not prepared to do that for her? Sorry to be so blunt but you should have made the decision to accept what she doesn't like or find someone more suitable a long, long time ago. You've known since your relationship became sexual that you had very different desires, to take 5 years to decide she isn't right for you unless she changes is awful. You should never try to change people but accept them as they are.

    1398360200
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/773020-labiaplasty-or-pussy-lip-reduction/

    Hi nomoken, the link above helps you begin to understand some of insecurity's that women can have about their bodies read it through. Many women are brought up to believe sex is dirty and so are their pussy. This can have massive effect on their sex lives. I my self had a very simular issue with my Wife , it took us years to get her to relax and enjoy her own body. I will post some more links to other threads that will help you both. You will have to love and care for your partner to help her enjoy her body. It's not wrong to want to help her enjoy want her own body and I don't think that what you are asking for is a lot.

    My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last year and helping her over come her sexual issues has made our marriage very special. It's not easy and you must love the person first, before you can take the journey to help them. My wife didn't like her pussy because of her upbringing from her mum. She was told its dirty and men only want one thing. I had tell her eventually that I wasn't going down on her for her pleasure but my own. My wife being very caring and giving was able to do it as I wanted it , then bit by bit she began to enjoy it . Now she asks for it and it is probably it's now the easiest way for her to orgasm.

    Good luck and keep posting for more advice and reassurance.

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