• Is LH a den of sexual deviancy?

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    Peitho [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,

    I've really enjoyed my time on here since joining the forum and have found everyone I've spoken to to be really nice and helpful both in offering suggestions and advice if I have queries and in just general chit chat. I do not see this forum as a place to go for flirtation and sexual deviance but just as a place for like minded individuals to discuss things be those sexual or otherwise.

    Unfortunately however, last night after reading my posts my boyfriend decided that he has a massive problem with this site. He says the whole thing portrays the opposite of what I say it does and finds it low and morally wrong. He thinks people just come on to flirt and perv at profile pictures. I told him when I initially joined the forum and he'd seen my profile picture which did have bottom and figure on display but says he “took my word that things were more innocent within the forum than they actually are”. He wants to know if so innocent why the hidden faces and worry of anonymity.

    I believe they are innocent and that there isn't a hideous sexual undertone that means I'm going to imminently cheat on him (something I've never done in this relationship or any previous one!) I'm happy not to have a provocative avatar but I like talking to you all and have got some really useful advice both from posting myself and reading previous threads on this site.

    So after that ramble, my question is, am I being naive and “blind to the damage this can cause”? Any thoughts on either side would be very much appreciated as I really like this forum and don't want to leave but I also don't want it to come between us.

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    JuicyJ89 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think there is anything wrong with the forum, you're bound to have the odd few people that are a little bit forward but doesn't mean you will respond or even ackowledge them.

    I really like it on here, perhaps you could include him if he's that insecure? xx

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    Kinky&Curvy [sign in to see picture]
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    You shouldn't leave there isn't anything 'morally wrong' about this site, we're all here to give each other advice whether it be sexually/relationships or just normal day to day things.

    I tell my mates that its like a grown ups fb (haven't put the real networking site, nt sure if it's against the rules)

    If anyone comes on here asking for dates or what not they are always put in their place.

    Why don't you convince your other half to make his own account so he can see for himself ??Xx

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    To be totally honest with you, I kind of agree with him. Most of the forum is really friendly, and you're right, there is some awfully good advice and I genuinely do believe that this forum helps hundreds of relationships...mine included!! The advice given here is amazing, and expands across a broad range, from sexual health problems to what butt plug to buy next. However, specifically on the good morning thread there is some flirting, but I just think of it as people being nice to other people and giving them a compliment, but as an outsider looking in, it could look like it was something it's not.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with KC, he should make his own account for him to really see what people are like. Everything that goes on is totally harmless and there's nothing wrong with it in my eyes x

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    Kinky&Curvy [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    To be totally honest with you, I kind of agree with him. Most of the forum is really friendly, and you're right, there is some awfully good advice and I genuinely do believe that this forum helps hundreds of relationships...mine included!! The advice given here is amazing, and expands across a broad range, from sexual health problems to what butt plug to buy next. However, specifically on the good morning thread there is some flirting, but I just think of it as people being nice to other people and giving them a compliment, but as an outsider looking in, it could look like it was something it's not.

    I guess so, I've also noticed a few to be a bit flirty but it really is some peoples way of being friendlly and nice Xx

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    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
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    I find this surprising. For a pervert there are so many better sites for wank bank investments and flirting. The internet is brimming with porn and dating sites and this forum is definitely different. The only thing here I could see that would benefit a pervert is that most members here are genuine women. On a flirting sites there would be blokes prentending to be women just to troll.

    As far as anonymity goes I never show my face on the internet and I wouldn't want myself here to be traced to me in real life publicly. I'm sure that many others feel the same. I don't see how this compromises LoveHoney's innocent culture.

    Some of the off topic stuff can be a bit personal like the newbie initiation test but I think they can easily be avoided if desired.

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    Peitho [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys, it was actually his suggestion that I ask this and see what people say. I don't keep anything from him and he's welcome to look through my profile so really I just want to find out what your views are. I do see your point Mrs. Any other thoughts, including from the male perspective would be much appreciated.

    Edit: Thanks Flaneur, good point!

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    I sincerely apologise if any of my kindly posts have made anyone uncomfortable or their situation awkward. However, I would wholeheartedly support your view that they are intended to make people feel good about themselves. To do that with compliments that only tell the truth (as seems to be the case) should surely cause little harm.

    Beyond that there certainly some remarks about, for example, why people are happy which one might fully expect from a group of friends. That is generally how we see ourselves I think. Perhaps the worry is that behind our internet personas we remain something of a potential unknown, and it is that concern combined with possible mild flirtation that causes real unease.

    Some people of course might think that a website discussing sexual happiness is itself scandalous and worrying, no matter how conducted. I know we are not among that number.

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    Hi Peitho

    Thank you for highlighting your first impressions of the forum - it's great to know that all the hard work that goes into this forum to make it a helpful, friendly and informative place is paying off!

    It's a shame that your partner has got a different impression of the forum. It sounds to me like he hasn't spent a lot of time here or I think he would have a very different idea of what we're all about!

    As the forum moderator I am very happy to say that our site is NOT for hookups, flirting or any other chat up type activity and this can be seen in our Forum Rules. We used to have a private chat function but this was removed for the exact reason that we don't want conversations taking place which we can't moderate. Not only is this important for the safety of our members, but also for protecting the Lovehoney image and brand. There are plenty of other websites in existence which are designed purely for chatting and hook ups, Lovehoney is NOT one of these sites. As for avatar images, we allow members to upload whatever they like (as long as it adheres to our Photo Guidelines). We do not allow full nudity or pornographic imagery, but in the same token, we don't insist we have to see someone's face! Not everyone wants their work colleagues knowing what they get up to in the bedroom!

    As with every forum, there will always be rule breakers and 'Trolls' here to test the rules, atmosphere and other members, but this is usually stopped very quickly. Our vigilant forum members are quick to report misconduct in the forum (which includes flirting, sharing personal contact information or inferring to meet up) and we/I step in quickly to end the conversation and warn the participants. If the behaviour continues, those members are removed from the forum permanently.

    Those of you who have mentioned threads such as the 'Good Morning / Afternoon / Evening' thread - yes. Sadly flirting DOES still happen there and if it isn't reported, it can easily be missed by me. Please, please, PLEASE do report flirting, inappropriate *spanks* *kisses* etc etc etc and one-on-one conversations which exclude other members. I can't see everything all of the time, so your help and support to report these issues is very important so we don't end up with more members / non-members getting the wrong impression of our community.

    Peitho - I can say in all certainty that you have not been 'tricked' into believing we're a friendly, helpful bunch - we really are! And you're definitely not being naive or "blind". In fact the vast majority of our members with partners say their involvement here has done nothing but help their relationship grow and become stronger than ever. A lot of our members share a profile with their other half, or both partners have their own profile here. Why don't you encourage your partner to join the forum to see what it's all about? He doesn't have to take part if he doesn't want to, but it would give him a chance to have a good lurk before he asks you to do something which (it sounds like) you don't want to do?

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    Dali256 [sign in to see picture]
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    Its a site that sells sex toys and other sexual health products, what does he think is going to be talked about here? The profile photos are more PG than youll find in the asos lingerie section.

    If he thinks the lovehoney forum is bad then he has a big shock in store if he ever ventures further into sex related sites on the internet. God forbid he ever uses bings image search!

    Sure someone could form a relationship on here but you can do that at the supermarket too.

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am happily married to Mr Scorpius and like you, he has total access to everything. I do upload pictures (but never with my face) which has been a real confidence boost. Mr Scorpius said that with any social netoworking site, 'it is what you make of it'. I really enjoy my time on here, and yes, there is sometimes flirting on some of the threads, but nothing that has really bothered me, as I just tend to ignore it. If anyone was to get a bit fresh, you can always report them and Lovehoney soon get things back on track - lol.

    The reason I keep myself anonymous is because I don't want work colleagues, friends or family to know what I get up to in my sex life as we like to keep that side private. It is so refreshing to be able to come on here and chat to friends about this side without being judged at all, that is what I love about LH the most.

    I think Lovehoney keep things very safe on this forum and it is a wonderful community and I have made some genuine friends on here. I also think it may be a good idea for your OH to make his own account and come and join in the fun. I really hope you don't leave, and I hope this helps him to understand a bit more :) xxx

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I am also in a relationship and very happy in it. My partner doesn't have any issues with me coming on here, he has full access to my account and he has his own too if he wants to come and have a look what's going on.

    As Scor said, I come on here to chat to adults whom I consider to be friends about a wide array of things. Morely about my epically mundane life lol. I don't have a face picture up because I don't want family seeing me on here. (If they shop here) My sex life is my buisness. I certainly wouldn't want someone to reconise me, look at my profile and see all of the stuff I've reviewed. So I just have an avatar.

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband knows that I use the site, and the forum on a daily basis. He doesn't have access, but he knows that it's not a place to 'trawl for booty' as he says. It's just a friendly place to talk about sex toys, get advice from relationships to how to boil an egg! (ok not quite, but not all the conversations are sex related!). When we sign up to the forum, we agree to not use the forum as a place to 'pick up' people, flirt, or be explicitly suggestive and flirty, and anyone who abuses those rules are dealt with my LH's swift iron fist!

    If anyone was to detract that this forum breeds any kind of sexual deviancy, or encourages people to be unfaithful or anything like that, hasn't spent any time properly reading through the forum.

    In terms of staying anonymous or whatever, that's up to the individual. I don't have a problem showing my face - people know I have sex, and it's not any of their concern if I happen to use sex toys. In terms of my current pic though, it was more a confidence boost excercise. It's not designed to encourage flirtatious behaviour or signal that i'm down for a hook-up or anything. It's just a silly little avatar I put up because I was constantly depressed about being big and having a fat arse, and he keeps telling me i'm being silly. It's just harmless fluff.

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    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Most of us keep out faces hidden on here because what we do in the bedroom is our buisness. It's nice to have a place we can come and discuss things and ask for help if we want to try something new, but the uk is still rather prudish when it comes to all things sexy related and I'm pretty sure my work collegues would have a stroke if the realised I like butt plugs or to be put over my husbands knee and spanked. Also managers would from upon discussing things so openly and you can get sacked for putting things on the internet depending on your job. I ended up in a disciplinary for a photo of me modelling underwear for la senza appearing in a newspaper about 8 years ago..... Something I did not personally see as a big deal as the photos where very tasteful.
    As for flirting.... Yes some of us have a flirt in the more casual threads but it usually is in a jokey manner and between members who have been "friends" for a long time. When more serious flirting occurs the long term members on this forum act very quickly at reporting it and LH moderators give the people involved a slap on the wrist or block them from the site of they see necessary.
    I would advise your partner to join the forum to see how useful it is. People come here for relationship advise.... I have seen marriages getting saved thanks to the advice people have got on here. I have also watched people in abusive relationships find the advice and support they need to escape them. There is also great advise on safe sex and tips on how to have a healthy sex life after children.
    Yes we talk about sex a lot but it's 99.9% in an educational and informative way. If he sits down and takes a good look at the site he will prob be shocked ( in a good way) at what we discuss. I have seen several discussions on slimming world tips, crochetting and knitting and cooking tips.

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    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    I love it on here, I had teething troubles with my tablet I kept making sentences and full stops where they weren't needn't sorted my spacing out, now no problem love the advice here and the brilliant laughs people have with about my PC crush hubby has no problem me being here.

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    kittencub wrote:

    I love it on here, I had teething troubles with my tablet I kept making sentences and full stops where they weren't needn't sorted my spacing out, now no problem love the advice here and the brilliant laughs people have with about my PC crush hubby has no problem me being here.

    Does one want one's crushes to be politically correct?

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    Peitho [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all very much for your replies, I really appreciate your input and Jess you do a fantastic job moderating the site as far as I can see! My boyfriend's had bad experiences in the past with unfaithful previous partners and I think this is having an effect on his thoughts. We've been very happy together for nearly four years now and this is the first real disagreement we've had. He's not insisting I leave the forum and I'm not going to - it's a fantastic site with lots of information - but maybe I'll leave off the good morning thread for a while and just play the games and write reviews. Got an email from Cazz about a tester today, very exciting, personally I think Lovehoney's great and you're all so friendly and welcoming.

    Al, my very best wishes for your wife's ongoing treatment.

    David, please give Elphie some treats from me - just been having cuddles with my dog!

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm obviously terribly innocent because any flirting has gone way over my head. I do notice the odd post by a new member every now and again trying to bring the conversation into the gutter. They normally shag off when they realise it's not that kind of site.

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    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Alastor wrote:

    kittencub wrote:

    I love it on here, I had teething troubles with my tablet I kept making sentences and full stops where they weren't needn't sorted my spacing out, now no problem love the advice here and the brilliant laughs people have with about my PC crush hubby has no problem me being here.

    Does one want one's crushes to be politically correct?

    No incorrect then Peter can spank me, Oh Yes got my audio book.

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