• other half jealous of sex toys

    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Luvbug, I have noticed that you have not posted since this thread. Would love to know you are ok, even if you do not wish to continue on this thread. Or being asked not to come on these forums again.

    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Hun.... I feel for you. I have experience in abusive relationships and IMO you are denying the pink elephant in the room.
    He won't let you have or use things to give you happiness
    He controls things you have
    He destroys them if you are seen with them
    You admit that he did this in a most violent manner
    You state you are not getting a fulfilling sexual relationship( in effect it is all about him and his pleasure and his needs and his insecurities)
    You are trying to justify the acts of an unreasonable man
    You are making excuses for his actions/ insecurities
    Your sex life is made public to his friends, who will always defer to the mob rule IMO
    You state you have been with him for 7 years since 15... I assume then you were also in a sexual relationship

    When You sit back and look at it objectively... You are not seeing what he is doing as manipulative/ abusive/ controlling/explosive/ potential to escalate further.

    My advice, you stop making excuses for him... And think about you and potentially your safety in the future.
    We all get into relationships and make concessions for eachother, and live through bad times.
    I see what you are going through is the thin end of the wedge. We all love or partners... There is always a reason you click in the beginning.... But when your trust and wellbeing is being totally controlled by another.... You are staring an abusive relationship in the face. 20 years with a man I thought was. Caring, kind and thoughtful, turned into a nightmare with police and ultimately safety intervention and divorce.
    Sure, .my ex never " meant" to punch holes in doors or walls when he was angry..... I must have made him so..... Sure my ex didn't mean to cause me both physical and mental harm..... I must have got on his nerves.... My fault right?..... Wrong..... It is his actions that are in the wrong. Abusing another is not justified under any circumstance.
    It may be hard to admit... I have been there, but women that are put through this sort of thing are usually the last to admit it is happening, because we don't want to admit it.
    He will stay unreasonable, and I am sure that this will be one of many things that really you need to think is it really worth Sacrificing yourself to.
    Confide in a good friend of yours, and tell them your hurt and what goes on. Not his... They will always follow the matcho pack.
    And yes there is life after splitting.... It may take time... But you need to think of yourself.
    Long post I know, but it is something I am passionate about and I have lived through it and Survived.

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    ^ all of that.

    At the very least, have a look at a site that gives you a quiz (just Google "am I in an abusive relationship") and see if it all sounds far too familiar.

    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Apr 2014

    I am glad to see some guys posting that they don't approve of this behaviour. When you are on the receiving end, you tend to blank out the real reasons and spend time trying to justify crap. Behaviours. You. Can't reason with an unreasonable man.
    There are better ppl out there, which you. Can still find a compatible relationshipi know you say you have kids.... And that is one of the biggest reasons a woman stays in a bad relationship. Your kids would thank you for sorting it out sooner rather than later
    Write down all the bad things in your relationship and then the good and see if you it is truelly balancing out well. I suspect not
    Help is there, do not be afraid to speak up. You are brave to even mention it here, and I applaud you for doing so.
    I hope that you find the strength to follow through with your gut instinct.

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Ok, I admit I have red flags flashing brightly here.
    I have to agree he seems controlling and also loosing a temper. Everyone looses temper sometimes, but honestly, how many people take hammer and destroy their partner or shared property? I ran out of the room and slammed the door when younger and I remember hitting wall with pillow when alone, but I would never ever do any permanent harm. Not talk to the person if I was really angry for a short while? yes. But do any actual damage? NO.
    If my partner took hammer out before me and destroyed something we or I bought... I would be walking out of the relationship. I could see it as possible sign of future abusive relationship.
    Actually I think in a way it is bordering abusive, controlling relationship. If you were in consenting Don/sub relationship and your Dom hid the toys or told you not to touch them alone, it would be ok for me, because this would have been an agreement between you and then its fine. But if he does it like this, without your consent, then he is controlling and my alarms are up, because who know what other aspects he will want to control in the future? Whom you speak to? Whom you are not allowed to speak to? Not being able to see your family? Choosing your job? Choosing your hobbies? Choosing when and if you can go out? I am bit worried his control will not end here. But will escalate over time.

    Personally I would really think if you want to be with this guy. I know I would end it now if it was me in that situation. Just pack my stuff and say good bye, for good. No taking back.

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