• Lost my touch - Advice?

    1397687983
    Samlike [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 17 Jun 2011

    Hey, I'm Sam. Here's a little about me before I explain. I'm 19 years old and my 'needs' are raging. I've been in one serious relationship which lasted for 3 years.

    Here's my problem. When I was in a relationship, I had lost of girlfriends that I spoke to (they were friends). Now that I'm single, I don't seem to speak to any of them now and I'm confused as to why?!

    By lost my touch, I mean as to how I approach and talk to girls. Before I got into a relationship, I had a bowl of confidence and had no trouble to speaking or approaching females but now, I just don't know how?!

    There's always a fear of rejection, but that's not always to blame, and to be honest, it's finding my needs; affection, sex and well, more affection.

    What I'm after really is advice on how to deal with, how do I grow my confidence back? How do I deal with rejection?

    Speak soon!
    Sam

    1397688648
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1489
    • Joined: 20 May 2011

    I have problems when I automatically assumed from the titled that you'd lost your We-Vibe touch. Clearly I'm a sex toy addict.

    I'm sorry that you seem to have lost touch with some of your female friends. Sometimes that can happen when a guy starts dating a girl as not all girls are overly keen on their BF having female mates. (Just like not all guys are happy with their GF having male mates) It can also just happen over the course of a relationship. You're usually busy making time for your GF that people forget that they need to balance a relationship between friends and partners.

    I don't know how to help you with getting over the fear of rejection, it's something that you need to generally over come. My advice is just jump in, take the arm bands off and jump in the deep end. Worst thing that can happen is they can say no. If they do don't take it as a personal insult, shrug it off, let it go and try again.

    Also there's plenty of places online where you can meet people, get to know them. It takes the pressure from face to face sometimes.

    Sorry! I'm not much help!

    But Hi Sam :) Welcome to the forums.

    1397689864
    Samlike [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 17 Jun 2011

    Lots of girlfriends* didn't mean lost sorry

    1397690668
    PurringTiger [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 775
    • Joined: 22 Jun 2012

    From the little you've said and from personal experience of friends in the same boat, I think I can explain it a little as to why you feel like this suddenly.

    When you were in a relationship you didn't feel a need to impress or make anyone like you for any other reason other than to be a friend. You could be yourself and if they liked you for who you were then great. You were taken and had that special person to impress and spend your time with already. So being around girls then was easy for you as you didn't look at them as potential partners.

    Now however you're single and whether you realise it or not, you will be looking at women in a different light, could they like me, do I like them, could anything happen, should I say/do this incase they think x/y/z of me? Simply put you're not as relaxed and it affects how you interact with women now.

    You need to get yourself back into the mindset of just being you. Stop looking at every girl you meet/speak to as a potential partner and view them as a potential friend again instead. If you stop expecting something to happen, the fear of rejection can't be present.

    Girls can see desperation and it's not very attractive but more than that, it makes for an uneasy feeling and conversation. If you meet someone and they talk to you like they would a friend it's much more relaxing and when you make someone feel at ease, you've more chance of finding that connection and hitting it off.

    Get it into your head that if it's meant to happen it will. You can't force it, so stop stressing and worrying about it and just relax and enjoy your time socialising with friends and meeting new people.

    You're young and have plenty of life and exciting times ahead, so enjoy it and don't fear rejection, if she says no, she's not the right person for you and it's as simple as that. The right girl will come along when you least expect it, so just have fun til she does ;)

    1397727459
    kayliixx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 275
    • Joined: 8 Apr 2014

    PurringTiger wrote:

    From the little you've said and from personal experience of friends in the same boat, I think I can explain it a little as to why you feel like this suddenly.

    When you were in a relationship you didn't feel a need to impress or make anyone like you for any other reason other than to be a friend. You could be yourself and if they liked you for who you were then great. You were taken and had that special person to impress and spend your time with already. So being around girls then was easy for you as you didn't look at them as potential partners.

    Now however you're single and whether you realise it or not, you will be looking at women in a different light, could they like me, do I like them, could anything happen, should I say/do this incase they think x/y/z of me? Simply put you're not as relaxed and it affects how you interact with women now.

    You need to get yourself back into the mindset of just being you. Stop looking at every girl you meet/speak to as a potential partner and view them as a potential friend again instead. If you stop expecting something to happen, the fear of rejection can't be present.

    Girls can see desperation and it's not very attractive but more than that, it makes for an uneasy feeling and conversation. If you meet someone and they talk to you like they would a friend it's much more relaxing and when you make someone feel at ease, you've more chance of finding that connection and hitting it off.

    Get it into your head that if it's meant to happen it will. You can't force it, so stop stressing and worrying about it and just relax and enjoy your time socialising with friends and meeting new people.

    You're young and have plenty of life and exciting times ahead, so enjoy it and don't fear rejection, if she says no, she's not the right person for you and it's as simple as that. The right girl will come along when you least expect it, so just have fun til she does ;)

    +1
    1397728716
    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 274
    • Joined: 14 Apr 2009

    +1 so so much x

    There is another factor here,

    Girls *can* be quite vain. When you're taken they don't feel awkward around a guy, but when you suddenly become single they start acting like you're immediately going to make a move on them and distance themselves.
    Were they friends with your Ex? Girls tend to stick together so it is likely they would pick her..

    Either way it doesn't sound like they are the kind of friends you need right now.

    As PurringTiger said, don't worry about looking for a relationship right now; I know you need affection and a little bit of sex in there, but it's better to take it slowly, take the pressure off - just be friendly and comfortable with people and if the connection is right somewhere then it will happen.

    This isnt the advice you were after, but there is no better way of overcoming those issues (confidence and fear) than taking the whole scenario away from them, just build on your friendships and when the time is right yes you'll feel nervous, but you'll also feel "I have to do this" and you'll push through it x

    Good luck x

    1397729380
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3171
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2012

    I also thought you had lost your We-touch vibe

    I can't really add anthing else to the great advice and info already given. Good luck x

    1397729708
    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 176
    • Joined: 28 Aug 2012

    +1 from me as well. As soon as you look at a someone and think 'I am going to try and catch that' a little hunter light comes on in your eyes. (Especially if your needs are raging and you fear rejection.) Not many like to be hunted.

    Your friend circle might have changed as well, and if your around guys who hunt you have the same problem. Surround yourselff with people you want to be like.

    1397736611
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2471
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Hi Samlike, your getting to hung up on it and reading into it deep. Stop trying and be natural behave as you normally would and it will happen trust me.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.