• Domination and humiliation

    1397430230
    brandy loves a good spanking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    Hi.
    This guy has asked me to domiate him and give him humiliating instructions whill he wears my underwear.

    Im happy to do this but he seems quite expereanced as a sub and although I am a national dom I would appreciate some ideas as I want I could make him do. I don't want to sound unimaginative or inexperienced. That would be no fun for anyone.

    Cheers

    1397467068
    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not what you ask him to do, but how you do it. Wording is key really within humilation. Make sure you take it with seriousness when asking, but when he does what you command, basically laugh and joke about it to him. Talk about emotions he may of felt as he did it but didn't realise. Confuse him, basically mind fuck him.

    Also always get photos

    Although I do have a very evil suggestion, like get him to wear them to m and s and instruct him to get a suit measured and fitted whilsts they are on ^_^

    1397489207
    brandy loves a good spanking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    OMY that is evil! I love it. I'm very forceful when I email him and its never a suggestion but an order. Its just trying to think of humiliating things for him to do. im sure once I get the hang of it I will find my dominant feet but I always think its good to ask and as I can't ask him its other dom women. Thanks so much

    1397490926
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    1399231338
    Deamonheart [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Feb 2014

    I have a question for you or any one listening....

    How do you know if this is your scene? Don't you get bored after a while?

    I've been asked to dominate a couple of guys online and for a while it's fun but I don't think it's totally my scene. Bearing in mind I met these guys on a dating site and they said they had other interests too, all they wanted to talk about was me dominating them.

    I enjoyed it for a while and could support this scene but not as an all day every day thing...

    Any clues?

    1399283736
    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    You might be a switch, or just in the bedroom Dom. Very few people are actually 24/7 like someone like me, and I must admit it's not always easy due to outsiders not understanding etc. Like when I mock a sub in a public place, it's what he desires greatly, but many of the men looking at what's happening and listening really dislike it.... although I've seen men treat women in non-consenual adbusiviness and it's been more accepted *sigh*.

    1399293090
    curiosity'xo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    Lady Ness wrote:

    You might be a switch, or just in the bedroom Dom. Very few people are actually 24/7 like someone like me, and I must admit it's not always easy due to outsiders not understanding etc. Like when I mock a sub in a public place, it's what he desires greatly, but many of the men looking at what's happening and listening really dislike it.... although I've seen men treat women in non-consenual adbusiviness and it's been more accepted *sigh*.

    Lady ness, I have to agree with you here, it seems that it is more 'socially accepted'.
    I have been humiliated by my partener a few times in public, she loves doing it to me and i love it also. We change around every now and then, although some people really don't understand.

    The main thing for me when being dominated is the commanding, the voice tone of which it is said, what is said and how it all fits together. :)

    Have fun :)

    1399386479
    malechauvinist [sign in to see picture]
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    Lady Ness, I think what's basically the case in society as a whole is that it's acceptable for one person to abuse another and make them unhappy, but perverted for one person to abuse another because they enjoy it.

    To be quite honest I think it should be the other way round, but that's humans for ya!

    It still astounds me though, just how many people do enjoy being abused. Get off on it, even. For years, at school, in my 20s, even into my early 30s I like to think that I was a gentleman. I was polite, honest, caring and always did my best in relationships to make the generic 'her' feel appreciated. It did me absolutely no good: I either got shat on from varying heights or simply that was all just not exciting enough for the opposite sex. A few years ago after one particularly abusive relationship (yes, guys do suffer abuse too) I absolutely flipped. Like it or not, I turned into a twat. I have simmered down but I do continue to regard myself as a male chauvinist as my name suggests...and you know what, women genuinely find me a lot more interesting now that I don't care whether I upset them or not. I don't go out of my way to treat women badly, but I certainly have no qualms about putting them down if I feel like they need it, nor in assuming that role where man is on a pedestal above woman. I had no idea all those years that I was going about this dating business all wrong by being nice.

    The lesson I've learnt - being abusive is generally the way to go if you want to keep someone interested!

    1399540792
    Deamonheart [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the insight guys, it's been most helpful!

    1399574691
    Annsie [sign in to see picture]
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    malechauvinist wrote:

    is that it's acceptable for one person to abuse another and make them unhappy, but perverted for one person to abuse another because they enjoy it.

    To be quite honest I think it should be the other way round, but that's humans for ya!

    That's not true at all. No one finds abuse acceptable - even if they engage in it, unless they're a sociopath, they know it's wrong and hardly something society as a whole deems acceptable.

    When it comes to BDSM, again, the majority of people find it very much acceptable. A book where the male love interest whips and spanks and 'abuses' the protagonist is a best-seller and is being made into a movie. When it comes to the kind of BDSM in Marquis de Sade's novels - it is perverted. By the very definition of the word, it is sexually abnormal.

    I like to think that I was a gentleman. I was polite, honest, caring and always did my best in relationships to make the generic 'her' feel appreciated. It did me absolutely no good: I either got shat on from varying heights or simply that was all just not exciting enough for the opposite sex.

    I'm sorry, Lovehoney has one of the most polite forums I've ever seen on the internet, and I obviously don't know anything about you, but if I'm to judge you from your post - maybe you're not mentioning some of your faults? A lack of modesty seems to be one. And maybe you just got unlucky with your choice of partners - either way, most girls do like nice guys.

    The lesson I've learnt - being abusive is generally the way to go if you want to keep someone interested!

    Unless you've dated nothing but masochistic women, being abusive is NEVER the way to go. This applies to life in general - if you experience nothing but good things, they just don't seem as good anymore. Some realistic pain/hardships between all the good things in life just make the latter all the more pleasurable. And like I said, this is a polite forum, but if a guy or a girl complains about ALL their partners being jackasses, despite their actions being nothing but perfect, I always feel like they're not telling the whole story.

    1399578449
    Case [sign in to see picture]
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    Bdsm for me (as a top) is nothing to do with being abusive. It's about being attentive, caring and meeting my wife's needs. It's about taking the time to figure out what makes her tick and using that for her benefit. Yes bdsm can open a can of worms but it's about deconstructing the negative and rebuilding it into something positive.

    Just my thoughts.

    Case

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