• so frustrated

    1396695669
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    I would not go too ott on the setting to reduce possible freak-out ir performance-anxiety. I would also hide the Ipad when he is in the bath and tell him he gets it back after at least 90mins of just you and him. 90mins of attention is not much to ask after all ... Esp given context of restricted opportunities.

    Good luck. Xx

    1396695887
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    JessyBunny89 wrote:

    I agree with Gentle Giant, there is clearly an underlying problem here that he is not being completely honest about. He obviously knows that you are upset about this, but clearly this issue is too much for him to change that. Speak with him, tell him how much you are worried about your sex life, and how he needs to communicate with you to move forward with this. I find that writing things down before hand, even if you don't give him the note, keeps everything in the forefront of your mind before having a conversation with him, so you say all that you want to say. Best of luck to you.

    I would agree about a background problem. Weight issues equating to him feeling less sexy, children excuses, he seems to be hiding behind these...maybe badly stressed?
    1396697499
    Horny Glass Lover [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 526
    • Joined: 6 Sep 2011

    Have you tried reverse psychology? Sometimes the more we push, the less the effect. Go stone cold on him and don't bring it up, make him ignite the fire. I will probably be disliked for this advice. But sometimes things can't be 'talked out' and sometime people read too much into a situation, assuming there is an underlying issue. (Even if there is an underlying issue, it can't be resolved until he is ready to talk anyway) It's human nature to usually want what you can't have... so maybe spend a coule of weeks simply not trying to get his attention in a sexual way. It might be the kick he needs... plus if nothing else is working, maybe it's worth a shot?!

    1396698804
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    I have already hid the ipad!! He should be home soon. but yes i do think there could maybe be an underlying problem. I think i may know what it is as its been brought up before, but i think i was thinking it was another his excuses. I wont go into properly on here for fear he may one day read threads on here and know its me been chatting.
    Hi Horny, yes i have tried that too, not mentioned it at all and ended up going out for 2 weeks, didnt even get it on certain day of the week routine!

    Well like i said he should be home soon, so i will say goodbye for now and hopefully when i next come back on i will be in better spirit ;0)

    Thanks again everyone for the chat, you have all been great. Speak soon.

    S xx

    1396699302
    MissUnknown [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 12
    • Joined: 6 Sep 2012

    Hi snow38, I have a similar problem in my relationship with my partner having a pretty low sex drive primarily we believe is due to the medication he is on for health reasons. I have tried what the above post suggests about not initiating etc and have went over a month without it when I eventually gave in. Last night my partner also fell asleep so I do understand how you feel this morning although I probably never had anything as exciting as you had planned. My partner works strange shifts and this also means he is very tired all the time and also is a reason for his lack of interest. I probably do not have much advice to be honest other than I wanted to share that others are in the same situation so you do not feel alone. I like others have said, use my toys a lot and plan my night if I am horney on what toys I will use in the bath etc when other half is asleep as he can go to bed at same time as I put my son to bed so I know when I leave my son's room he will be asleep. So I think about treating yourself to a toy just for you is a good idea. And what has been working for me recently is telling him what I want him to do in bed and talking to him about it the next day by text or on phone when he is at work telling him I really enjoyed that thing you did and want you to do it again. He has said that this at least makes him think about sex as he never does otherwise where as at the moment it is all I can think about. I am sorry my advice is not the best but wanted to share my experience too. I feel like our sex life is slowly improving with it being at least once and sometimes twice a week which is a major step for us. And not just a quickly which it would usually be in the past.

    1396699414
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2480
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Horny glass lover, I do agree with this some times, it does work for a lot of ladies. You don't want to be pestered and just want some time.
    Not sure this would be good for a stressed man. Although we maybe cold and UN communicative we do need the attention we are very bad at showing or asking for a hug. I have no idea why this is. we some how just expect our OH's to know like a fairy tale or telepathy.
    Hers a tip if you are strong enough if things are crap or just quite. Walk up to your man put your finger on his lip look him in the eye as if to say don't talk and hug him .

    1396699532
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 943
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    I can't quote posts at the minute, but that last bit of advise from GG is fab I think. A very simple act but very powerful.

    1396700601
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2480
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Must be a glitch LadyS I can't quote post either. Or put a big smiley up for you either.

    1396731191
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    Quick update,

    LYing in bed Lone, tried to talk didnt happen :0( absolutelt gutted. Feel like im so alone :0( ... feel broken xx

    1396731679
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    So sad for you. :-(

    He would not talk?

    1396731773
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 943
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    Oh Snow, I am so sorry :( If you want to share more about what happened please do, we will try and help you through it if we can x

    1396731880
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1576
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    So so Sorry for you hugs.

    1396731986
    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2921
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2013

    Hugs snow; hang on in there x

    1396731996
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2480
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Snowy hang in there gal. It allways seems,much much worse whilst you are in the thick of it. Tuff it out regroup and try again.

    1396732716
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    Am laying up here in tears. He is downstairs.... wtf am i doing wrong? Have expressed how i feel to him, espressed howi feel so alone
    He has said he loves me witn all his heart but how how is that su9posed to be with him downstairs and me uphere all alone?? Have tred to tell him how i feel and once again been told im stupid. I have never felt so alone as i do tonight, what more does a girl have to do??? Xx

    1396733119
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    Did you tell him you needed physical expression of his love for you? Now!

    1396733134
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1576
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    To be honest sweetheart, for now don't bother, get yourself a fabulous toy, a pretty underwear set for you no not for him chocs or a DVD of anyone you fancy,

    1396733266
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    Sorry if i have mispet things, thought a few bacardis might help, but thats not the case!! He yelled at me for suggesting that he is not interested no more, but when i mentioned how frustrated i was he didnt care. He said once agaib i was being silly and that it was all in my head. Im starting to feel that maybe ut is?? Maybe its all me... what a head fu k eh?? Xx

    1396733394
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    I think that the drink may not be a good idea, easy to overdo it when nervous.

    I agree about taking the edge off your need and lack with toys for yourself, but fully understand you may not feel like any such thing atm.

    1396733404
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    Hi alastor, yes i have t8ld him, has faloen on deaf ears :0( can honestly say am at the end of my tether now xx

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.