• so frustrated

    1396684834
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Been so looking forward to the weekend and once again OH falls asleep early.

    We had some great texting yesterday while at work, told him how horney i have been all week and even have had to have a play a few times as im that bad. He didnt even seem suprised that i had been having a play while he was not here.

    So i was full of hope that last night we could have some fun, but nope.

    I even put on frisky business last night as i hadnt had a chance to watch and hoped that he might watch too so he could see what was on offer as such and see behind the scenes of sex toys.... but he barely looked up from his ipad!!

    Just feel like i am fighting a losing battle. I have had tonight planned after getting advice from you all the other day. When he goes for his bath i was going to set the scene.... i was going to dress up all sexy, get the candles out to make the lounge romantic with music, have my box of tricks ready, with all the numerous toys that have never been used. Was going to attempt the kama sutra cards first off. Then go onto playing with myself (as suggested) and see where it all leads..

    BUT .... i have lost interest now.... why should it be me doing all this?? Why should i make the effort knowing that i will come away dissappointed. Think i just have to accept that the honeymoon period is over and the only time he wants it is when his balls need emptying and it will be just a quick fumble and f**k.

    Wish we could go back to the early days, when he showed me how fun sex could be and we were at it all the time at every given chance.

    Im sick to death of my own voice talking about sex and trying to intice him.. im sick to death of gagging for it all the time and not getting it... so yeah just simply fed up.

    Sorry for the rant.

    S xx

    1396685437
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe im asking to much of him? But then again i only want some attention, is that really too much to ask? :0(

    1396685497
    Ikey [sign in to see picture]
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    Whenever my OH isn't on the same page as me, sexually or otherwise, I try to sit her down and have an honest conversation with her about all my emotions and why I'm feeling the way I do. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't what I do is write it all down, if she's not listening to me when I'm trying to pour my heart out verbally, then she'll have to read it and honestly reading it tends to hit her pretty hard.

    If talking is no longer working and it's getting you frustrated, angry and/or upset, then I'd recommend giving it a go. Write down a thoughtful, straight from the heart letter about how he's making you feel and leave it somewhere where he'll read it. It might help.

    1396685977
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Ikey,

    Have tried talking numerous times and its not working. At first his excuse was becsuse the kids are in the other rooms. But when we first got together that was never the issue, he didnt seem to mind then.

    Earlier this week i had a bit of a breakdown saying why dont you come near me anymore, he said its him because he has put on weight. I posted about it the other day and i just dont believe him. So its gone from one excuse to the other.

    Im back on night shift next week, so a letter maybe good. I always leave a good night nitenin the bed for him when im on nights so i know he will read it. But whatis he dismisses that too. I know his reply will be i am being silly as he has used that excuse before too.

    Think im just a lost cause :0(

    1396686150
    Cap54 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi snow38
    Sorry to hear of your piight but you have just discribed my sex life to a tee
    I can give the OH all the attention she wants
    No complaints on the earth shattering O's I
    Give her , by hand or oraly yet when I suggest she return the favour she suddenly go's deaf

    There are so many threads on here about this subject, what's going on?
    Stress at work and busy home lives are give as excuses but there is only so much you can do if the sex side of a relationship is one sided

    Sorry I don't have any answers just to say enjoy your own body in your own time
    It's his loss

    1396686156
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh snow, so sorry to see you have been disappointed. I was very much hoping to hear that this weekend had been a big hit for you. I totally get what you mean about being fed up trying, do you think tonight is worth another shot though. Take the iPad away from him if need be and hide the bloody thing, technology can be a real pain in the bum sometimes, we have also had iPad/xbox issues on occassion.

    Maybe he will be a bit more receptive when the scene is so obviously seductive. Was he at work yesterday and off today? That could make a difference too.

    If you do give it another try though and still feel this was I think you should tell him just how fed up this has got you, if you haven't already.

    I really do hope this works out for the best for you x

    1396686779
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Cap54.... its so frustrating isnt it! Oh im good at pleasuring him. When we do have our quick fumble and f**k i am the one who quite willing start giving him a bj and try to make it interesting, but i get nothing in return. Mind you i think i give the bj so that he is wet and can enter me easier as im finding it difficult to get wet at the moment because of the same old routine. I cant remember the last time he went down on me as he is always in a rush. Quite amusing really as i have never been one to give a bj, my ex who i was with for 16 years proobably onky had a handful.

    Thats why im so frustrated, when we got together he showed me there was more to plain old sex and i started enjoying it once again and now its all gone.

    Morning LadyS, yes he works 6 days a week, sometimes 7 days. He is at work right now but i have already had the text to say how tired he is and cant wait to chill later!! Thats what has put me off doing what i had planned for tonight...

    I can just see it now.... theres me trying my best and theres him falling alseep!

    Just find it a bit degrading if im honest. Im not bad looking and although i have had 4 kids, my body is not that bad. Just cant understand it.

    S xx

    1396687600
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel frustrated for you just reading your posts, so can only imagine how you feel. I really wish I had a foolproof idea to remedy things for you. It is such a shame that so many people seem to be going through this at the minute.

    I know you said you might leave a letter for him while you are on nights, have you considered writing it all down now and getting him to read it while he has his bath? I know he might need time to mull things over, but maybe reading how you are feeling, while you are home alone might trigger something in him.

    x

    1396690043
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    It's a sad one this my heat goes out to you , meds and other health problems means hubby just doesn't do sex at all now, he's never been into the stockings suspenders so never had to dress up like that, but, to be honest though I miss it with him because he was good, I'm lucky because we've talked about this a lot, he knows I have toys but don't flaunt them, he has worried in the past about it not being to have sex but I reassured him it's OK because and this makes it work for me we are very close cuddles and lots of hugs we love each there very much, we are older as well, he loves teasing me about my crushes he's also just paid for a 12 month subscription to Dr Who mag for me because I love the magazine and he knows I'll be drooling over the

    next few years if that isn't love I don't know what is,, we laugh a lot and are very close

    If you've tried the talking, I had this with my ex, he was hopeless me being younger thought oh he'll get better not a chance,so after a few years I gave up showed no interst in him sex just lay there, let him get on with it looked after myself, he moaned at that, moaned about crushes, that god I am out of there. Now to you put yourself first toys for pleasure not his, when he wants it tell why should I you don't bother with me, you've got a hand use it. He will either get the message and realize he's got a lovely partner and up his game or you have to decide can I live like this. Sorry to give such harsh advice but you've tried so much all ready, massive hugs

    1396691475
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    LadyS, i could bear the thought of him reading it while i was in the house, i suppose im scared of the reaction, scared it wont be the reaction i want.

    Yes there does seem to be lots of us like this at the moment. Maybe its something in the air.

    I find it upsetting that he is experienced in many ways, he was quite a player in his younger days and god knows how many ladies he has had sexual relations with. Me on the other hand have always been a good girl, in fact probably a prude! We were old teenage flames, but we went our seperate ways ( never had sex though) and then got back together 4 years ago. I often wonder what it wouldhave been like if we stayed together all those years ago. He has taught me so much sin e we been together, so thats why i cant get my head round things have gone so damn sour.

    Kitten, thanks for your reply. We have never done dress up, until 2 months ago i got some items from here. Have only dressed up the once though. Have tried theSaying no way, but as its become such a routine, same time and day every week. But because it is so routine when that day arrives im gagging for it and end up giving in.

    S xx

    1396691964
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    snow38 wrote:

    LadyS, i could bear the thought of him reading it while i was in the house, i suppose im scared of the reaction, scared it wont be the reaction i want.

    Yes there does seem to be lots of us like this at the moment. Maybe its something in the air.

    I find it upsetting that he is experienced in many ways, he was quite a player in his younger days and god knows how many ladies he has had sexual relations with. Me on the other hand have always been a good girl, in fact probably a prude! We were old teenage flames, but we went our seperate ways ( never had sex though) and then got back together 4 years ago. I often wonder what it wouldhave been like if we stayed together all those years ago. He has taught me so much sin e we been together, so thats why i cant get my head round things have gone so damn sour.

    Kitten, thanks for your reply. We have never done dress up, until 2 months ago i got some items from here. Have only dressed up the once though. Have tried theSaying no way, but as its become such a routine, same time and day every week. But because it is so routine when that day arrives im gagging for it and end up giving in.

    S xx

    Get toys for ppleasure good quality dildos rabbits wands whatever does it for you, look after your own body, so your not gagging for it hugs.

    1396692416
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I understand that. Whenever you do decide to write you thoughts down, if you do, at lest whatever reaction you get will be some sort of answer to what you can expect from him in future. If he really has lost his libido and feels that is unlikely to change, then kittencub is probably right about making sure your needs are taken care of. The thing that I always find annoying about unresolves situations, is the not knowing, once I know, be it good or bad, I can take action and make decisions. When you're neither here nor there, not knowing what is going on, it's hard to be proactive I find.

    x

    1396692679
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Kitten, i have got a rabbit other ones, but they are up in the loft. Have had them many years and feel bad if i was to get them out as they were used when i was with my ex.

    Over the past few months i have started collecting again. I must admit i havent got myself a good didlo yet. I have got bullets, eggs and even anal probe. But i dint leave him out, i got him numerous cock rings.

    My new delivery this week was the pussy pump and a butt plug, these are still in the box.

    Just writing all that down i have realised the things i have brough are really for both of us to experiment with.... roll on next pay day as i think it is time i invested in simething just for myself, somthing i will use entirely on my own! You are right i need to start looking after myself and not relying on him!

    Thanks hun xx

    1396692833
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    LadyS wrote:

    I understand that. Whenever you do decide to write you thoughts down, if you do, at lest whatever reaction you get will be some sort of answer to what you can expect from him in future. If he really has lost his libido and feels that is unlikely to change, then kittencub is probably right about making sure your needs are taken care of. The thing that I always find annoying about unresolves situations, is the not knowing, once I know, be it good or bad, I can take action and make decisions. When you're neither here nor there, not knowing what is going on, it's hard to be proactive I find.

    x

    Yes i think you are right, an answer is an answer even if its not what i want. But like you said least i know where i stand. I will still have to leave it for him to read when im not here though, havent got the courage to do it when he is here lol.

    Will let you know what he says, fingers crossed.

    Thanks for your help and advice, its much appreciated xx

    1396692858
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    As I've a ready stated I'm one of the lucky one's blessed with a loving husband outside the bedroom, the sex bit is a bonus or was, so today I have great fun with toys crushes but I do understand this isn't everyone's way, big question can you survive as I do and I'm very happy, if not if sex is the thing and you can't live without it do you decide to stay or leave? Thing is, what's the relationship like out side the bedroom, for me I'm very lucky, Sorry not putting this well at all hugs.

    1396694003
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes you have put it down fine hun. My Oh is complementing and loving outside the bedroom, always tells me i look great and how much he loves me. We are always out on adventures together and have lots of fun. We do honestly have great fun together.

    Only time will tell if i could live without sex i suppose or if i can only have it once a week. i love him with all my heart and soul and so leaving wouldnt be an option. He has taught me to live again after a not so nice previous relationship and thats what im finding hard to understand why it has gone this way sex wise.

    Maybe it will be something i will have to live with, but im goung to try my damn hardest to change it first. Xx

    1396694241
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Snow I am so sorry for you. We all feel your frustration in one form a another this the whole idea of these forums. Either to improve or help with our love lives. You obviously care for your man very deeply. You must find away of communicating all this passion and desire you have for him. Don't give up keep going you will getting there. I have a wonderful wife who is an amazing lover but this has taken 27 years to get to get wear we are and it is still evolving. This doesn't mean to say it wasn't good when we were young, but absolute key to this sexual relationship growing is communication. So keep going if you love him. You are going to have to address why, stress ,work, family pressure who knows but there will be something underlying. The bit that you are seeing and feeling are symptoms you have to find the cause. Good luck chin up and keep posting.

    1396694352
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Good luck I really hope it does change but don't forget invest in a good toy for you not to try together but your alone, get rid of anything from your last relationship then try changing things hugs.

    1396694916
    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks GG! Im very stubborn and will get the answers i need and yes i will keep posting and will keep my chin up. Although i feel a bit naughty posting about him, dont think he would like me chatting about our sex life to strangers. But i am doing this for us, so whats the harm. :0)

    1396695168
    JessyBunny89 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Gentle Giant, there is clearly an underlying problem here that he is not being completely honest about. He obviously knows that you are upset about this, but clearly this issue is too much for him to change that. Speak with him, tell him how much you are worried about your sex life, and how he needs to communicate with you to move forward with this. I find that writing things down before hand, even if you don't give him the note, keeps everything in the forefront of your mind before having a conversation with him, so you say all that you want to say. Best of luck to you.

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