• Argh! Anal is Annoying - Advice Please

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    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    It sure is! Only started reading through and posting today after getting an unexpected day off work and im hooked ;0)

    S xx

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Others have covered everthing I would have said, but I want to highlight what SumSub said. That stingy feeling is caused by stretching too quickly.

    Just as a ballpark, it took me a year or so of experiementing with anal (Admittedly not every day) before it became something that I could manage comfortably (Pain free) and my partner took roughly a year to build up slowly from small things (Fingers, beads) to the point now where he can take an average size dildo. (Even still, we both require some warm up before, we cannot just go from nothing to thrusting with a dildo)

    In other words, I just wanted to help you feel better and let you know you are not fighting a losing battle. Can I give you one huge tip? Don't try to insert anything unless it 100% comfortable. So, take that butt plug for example...don't push past the stinging sensation just to get it in. Yes that stinging sensation might die down while the plug rests inside you, but trust me on this.....if you were then to remove it and get your hubby to penetrate you...I can almost guarantee the stinging will come back immediately, because the damage is already done...I think the stinging is caused by stretching too fast and causing very tiny tears ...so they stay irritated throughout that session. I recommend keeping on experimenting, but only allowing something to slide inside if it is 100% pain free. I personally don't recommend sprays (I am of the group who believe if it hurts, that is your body telling you to slow down or stop, not try to ignore it by numbing it.)

    It will take longer, but not rushing it will pay off massively in the end. You will learn how to relax those muscles You have two muscles to be concerned with. Two sphincters. One surrounding the entrance and another an inch or two inside. This second one is often the culprit for burning pain etc. It is the one that takes longer to learn to relax because you cannot mentally control its instinct to clench. In fact, that is its job, so it takes a while to overcome.

    Anyway. I hope I helped ease your mind to understand that it can take quite a while for us to get to a stage where penetration with a penis or larger toy is possible. You are on the right journey though. Good luck xxx

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Fluffbags, that is helpful, I think I might have to share this thread with hubby, each time we try I am so eager for him to be able to penetrate full that I think we're not taking it as slow as we need to. He has a tendency to get over excited and rush ahead, maybe this information will help him slow down a little.

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    It has to be said that by now the vast majority of info has been covered, but in my book the best investment anyone can make in pursuing anal pleasure as a beginner comes in the shape of Tristan Taormino's book on the subject.

    One thing I might stress is the value of arousal and promoting relaxation in the area. Massaging your cheeks, gently stretching, getting used to localised contact as a pleasure, that kind of thing. The general level of arousal, is also relevant I feel, one lady I know has a definite 'threshold' she needs to reach before she will enjoy anal penetration, but she adores it once she is ready and can take quite a bit of stretching and stimulation from then on.

    Best of luck.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the recommendation Al, this could be a good read to keep me occupied while hubby is on his nights, could be a sexy couple of weeks, even though I'll be flying solo :)

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    LadyS wrote:

    Thanks for the recommendation Al, this could be a good read to keep me occupied while hubby is on his nights, could be a sexy couple of weeks, even though I'll be flying solo :)

    Think it is on Kindle too.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    That is even better then, I am ashamed to say I have turned to the dark side and embraced electronic reading for all my books.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi LadyS, we had very similar issues, I would like to do it more but don't ask as all of the things that you mentioned are a concern. So my Wife really wanted to be able too do it. She came up with a great way, which was all so wonderful for us both.

    She told me I was going to have it but it would have to be by her rules. The first was doggystyle, getting the height is very important. We had a lot of foreplay and we made sure my Wife had orgasmed so she was very relaxed. My wife then asked that I lubed her carefully so only around her anus was lubed and not her buttocks. Next I had to lube my self making sure my erection was strong. Ready for the next bit. My only job was to line the tip of my penis up with her bum and hold it straight out so it was level with the floor and not to move or thrust. This was very important as she wanted to take control of the speed and depth I entered her. The reason for me doing all the lubing was so she could grip her buttocks and pull them wide apart. I have to say that this was all most to much it was so erotic and such a turn on. She very slowly edged back and forward a very small amount at first, slowly here anus did opened up to except me in. We were both genuinely shocked when I was nearly half way in when she asked was it in yet.

    This wasn't our first time, but it was without any pain. We have done it a few more times more since but as my wife says her only enjoyment in doing it was knowing how much I wanted it but I don't like to ask for it. She does say I should because she is now confident that it won't hurt her and it does get a little easier each time. Good luck hope this helps.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I cannot quote posts at the moment, but everything Gentle Giant just said is amazing advice for anyone beginning with anal penetration. Males....if you do let your partner take control in the way GG just described and keep still...this method will really help her relax, gain confidence and you may notice you get to where you want to be much better for both.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks GG, that does sound like a good approach. I think my biggest challenge reading all this advice is going to be to get him to slow down and keep still. I think he's so excited I'm finally wanting to do this of my own accord that he's possibly holding us back with his enthusiasm, lol.

    I am confident we will get there though if we use all the advice given :)

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree GG has some really good advice. I agree with Al too, it's best to make sure that you're really really aroused! It makes you relax a lot more.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I am aroused nearly all the time these days, so getting really really aroused isn't a problem, lol, that's about the only bit I have sorted :)

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Being aroused makes no difference for me. (Once again, we are all different) My ass doesn't care what my vagina thinks ...I wrote a guide to anal for beginners on my blog if this helps LadyS:

    http://grittywoman.co.uk/anal-guide/

    and to quote from a small part of it:

    "Imagine your anus is like a grumpy grandfather. You can knock at his door but he will be slow to open it, grumble and whinge that you are there in the first place and while he may invite you in for coffee, he will be constantly hurrying you back out the door again. The butt is stubborn and it doesn't like impromptu guests"

    That is my ass...every day! lol

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I will definitely check that out Fluffbags. Looks like it will be a good read. So many talented folk on here :)

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi LadyS. Tell him if he doesn't stay perfectly still he will only get a blow job instead. Haha.
    Honest tell him, make him." If you can't your not having it". This is just such a turn on for most men. What man having this said to him, then the view of your OH's held open heart shaped backside being eased back onto him wouldn't be in sexual heaven. One word of warn don't be surprised if you get a bottom and back covered in "erotic arousal appreciation fluid". Lol
    The one thing you are going also to have to consider is his orgasm. If you don't want it in. Make sure you have sorted this before you start, in this position it is almost impossible for him not to thrust. The last thing you want on what should an amazingly intimate act is for him to suddenly pull out this could be just as bad as thrusting to deep. As I am sure your all aware just be fore orgasm the gland head and rim of the penis can swell even more. We found that allowing her to take me out when I asked then gently rubbing against the outside of a slightly gapping well lubed butt was just stupendous.
    But most of all enjoy.

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    PurringTiger [sign in to see picture]
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    So much excellent advice already been given it's hard to add anything!
    Starting small and slowwwwlllyyy working your way up is probably the most essential part. Amanda linked a few toys I immediately thought of - especially the prober such a fantastic little product.


    As has been said the butt plug you have might not be the right shape for you and the more slender ones could be a better fit. There are several training kits that could help such as http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/butt-plugs/butt-plug-sets/ the aim is to start with the lowest and gradually work your way up to the largest.


    Once this is achieved to then look at slim anal vibrators/dildos such as http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=692
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=12177
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=2041 to help get used to more length and movement.


    Once you're comfortable with this then look at a realistic dildo that is a bit smaller than your hubby but a bit bigger than the previous toy you used. Again get used to this and then you should be at a stage where your hubby can try the above techniques that GG and others have advised.


    As you can see, it's not a quick two step plan and it's a case of training your anus to accept items going in and getting it to feel pleasurable. If anything feels uncomfortable stop straight away.
    For me having an orgasm before anal always helps me relax but that is an individual thing, it's indeed something you can try for nothing though ;)

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    Kasey [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    I know!! That's why I bought one, it was being discontinued along with a ceramix plug, so I got them but they are quite big, and with them being so rigid I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'll get there one day :)

    I got those two. Was not expecting that size...

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a feeling the glass one might be slightly big, but it's bigger than expected, and I thought the ceramix would be tiny but it's so thick!! Have you had the courage to try them yet? I'm scared! Haha!!

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    LovelyLemons [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi LadyS, I can relate to everything you've described, it was exactly the same for me. What worked best for me was being relaxed and the first time my hubby entered me was when I had a few too many drinks and lost all inhibitions (; and this was after months of trying and taking it slow. My main advice like others have said is to relax, try not to be shy, take it really slow with stretching those muscles and going at it by yourself first will help alot.

    PS
    While my hubby is away I'm having lots of solo fun with my tracey cox glass set

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    More great advice guys, thank you so much.

    PurringTiger - I love the look of that tantus silk dildo. Might just have to put that one on my wish list.

    LovelyLemons - I have had my Tracey cox glass set out to, they are so lovely to use :)

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