• Husband not as into it as me

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    nutella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    My hubby and I are struggling right now. I have a huge sex drive where I want to play! For example I want to be tied up and dominated. I want to be a sub with hands round my throat and forced to do things to him and accept things dine to me. He wants to sleep or have sex in bed only. I keep talking to him and telling him my fantasies plus asking him his but he said he has none. What can I do? I show him my wish list but he won't buy anything off of it

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    nutella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    *done not dine

    1396053626
    KinkyKiki [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 22
    • Joined: 5 Apr 2007

    The only thing id suggest is to talk to him a bit more with no distractions. Me and hubby had known each other years but never got into the conversation about him being bi or the fact that watching me with another guy(s) turned him on!

    It may help. Either that or just play with yourself more and im sure he will join in ;)

    Kiki x

    1396129291
    RSEssex [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 27 Mar 2014

    Wow you should meet my hubby lol. It the other way round with us. He wants to do things like that and I dont. I dont mind a little spanking and being tied up but thats as far as I go.

    Maybe try watching some BDSm porn. That may help a bit. Or try going to a fetish club

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    northern boy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 25 Jul 2013


    Well RS in my opinion (and mine only ) i would say hes lucky to have a partner like you,open up a little and try...But again that is my opinion.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    I'm a bedroom submissive in my marriage. We have children so don't carry it through into every day life, but still have some aspects. In my opinion, these things can't be forced. If you have discussed it with him and he's not interested then there's not much you can do about it.

    What aspects of being a submissive are most appealing to you? I understand that's what you're interested in, but you can't expect every man to want to be a Dom. The aspects of physical punishment he might not want to carry out, and more plainly it might be something that isn't arousing for him. I'm sure that if he did have a fantasy, and it was something you didn't find arousing, you wouldn't really want to partake in it too.

    Not only is it those aspects, but it's emotional aspects too. Being a Dom or sub is also a mentality, and maybe he just isn't interested in having control and basically just enjoys a vanilla relationship. Forcing someone into that role isn't safe for the both of you, and it's something that takes a lot of consideration.

    I don't think watching BDSM porn or going to a fetish club is a good idea, if anything he will need a gentle introduction and porn or clubs will probably be too extreme and put him off totally. You could ask him to read some erotic fiction with a Dom/sub relationship in it and see after reading it and understanding it more if he is more open to it. You can even talk to him more too, be gentle and just start off easy like asking him to handcuff your hands or something, then after that talk about how good it was and slowly introduce other aspects and see if he likes the idea. It's definitely something you shouldn't rush, and something that will need full consent from both parties.

    Good luck :)

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    happyhusband [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 12 Dec 2013

    Why don't you try playing monogamy? It makes you talk, makes you drink and loosens the tongue in a good way.

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    Holly2 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 9 Jan 2012

    I tried for many years to change my wife but didnt succeed . In essence you cant change your sex drive and nor can he . I really wish you luck xx

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Such a difficult one, because as Mrs Mc says, you cannot force your fantasies onto your partner. (and you sound as though you might be on the submissive/bottom side of the coin, so I can also imagine that pushing for what you want will not have the desired effect because, well, you want HIM to be the leader, the one to make you do it his way....

    What would I recommend? First of all, sit down and have an in depth chat. I would suggest you dig deep, find a little bossy, dominant side from somewhere, get yourself some handcuffs etc and talk him through your desires. I mean literally talk. Sit together and explain your desires, why they turn you on and what you would like to happen exactly.

    Now, you said you have told him all your fantasies. A small amount you shared with us above. Now put yourself in his shoes. Imagine your partner coming up to you and starting to spill fantasy after fantasy about something that you had not considered or were not sure about.

    Lets say, for example, that he came up to you and said "I love wearing womens clothes, and makeup and I especially love lacy pants which I like to masturbate into while I shove something up my bum. I also have wigs and I would love it if you brushed my hair and did my makeup or had sex with me in womens clothing" (Disclaimer: Not saying this is wrong in any way, just trying to use a more "extreme" fantasy that a male may have to make a point here)

    Can you imagine how overloaded you would feel? So despite your massive excitement for this, I honestly would suggest baring in mind that he (at the moment anyway) has not really considered this and it is alien to him, so I recommend slowing down and giving this to him in more manageable chunks. Like I am sure you would find it easier if in the male example fantasy above, he said something gentle at first, like...I would love to try on your lippy....slow down, ask him for this in smaller chunks, dont overload him.

    Next i recommend taking control yourself. I see you are more submissive, but your man is not dominant right now, so you need to dig deep and find some control...Why dont you go purchase a toy, instead of leaving them on the wishlist for him to look at? Why not grab his hand and put it around your neck in bed and asking to sqqueze gently...etc. I am afraid you will need to lead a little more at the moment, if you want him to feel more comfortable doing this with you.

    Finally...if after talking, slowing down and taking baby steps yourself do not work, then I think it is time to accept your man is not interested in being dominant. xx

    1396299721
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2468
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Hi Nuttella, please don't get despondent, your hubby is very lucky as with so many other posts the uneven sex drive in your relationship is not the usual way around. Communication is the key. You must talk to him. What else is going on in his life, work, stress or health?

    The other way to communicate that is so often forgotten is a good old love letter. What is joyous about a letter you can take your time and not have the embarrassment of having to confront your OH face to face. Good luck.

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    lumberjack [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 83
    • Joined: 29 Mar 2014

    My advice is just do what he feel comfortable with, just start adding tiny little things into it.

    Make him feel loved and do what he likes with little twists, just little by little you may get him to come round to a little more.

    I think it will take a wile but if you can ride the storm it may be a happy slightly more kinky relationship ahead.

    Make yourself feel really sexy, do thing to yourself you like, you are a very important part of this. If you like it spicy make yourself into your own spice.

    If you can visualise the world you want, you can get allot of self gratification by just fantasising with yourself go solo in that world if you know what I mean!

    Maybe if he sees you enjoying yourself in your own world. He may just surprise you might feel so left out that he will want to join the spicy fun party you are having !!

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