• How to make my boyfriend desire me again!

    1396466179
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    I think the problem with the 'once in a day' for LIAYN is that it is combined with the fact that they see each other infrequently. It is not like she will be given the opportunity for sex every day as I see it.

    Instead, they have a longed-for period of time together and her desire to 'make up for lost time' is left unsatisfied. Please do correct me if I am wrong LIAYN.

    1396480848
    loveisallyouneed [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 11
    • Joined: 18 Mar 2014

    Hi, thanks for your replies.

    So we did talk in the end and everything is fine. I was so worried, he didn't call or answer my text last night, this morning he text me to say he was "thinking about things". I thought it was over. But turns out he was just really busy and wanted to ring me when he had some time to properly talk. We finally managed to talk about how we were feeling and agreed that we need to do it more often rather than keeping it to ourselves.

    He explained how he feels, he just doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like I do. If I have a problem I want to talk to someone about it (him mainly) whereas he just wants to work on it by himself and not burden others with his worries. I always knew he was more of a "live each day as it comes" kinda guy whereas I'm more of a worrier and a planner and that does make things hard sometimes.

    But he's made it very clear that his feelings for me are the same as they always have been. Reading back through my posts, the main issue I talk about was the sex thing. But I realise now that there was a lot more to it. We've been together for two years now and I'm thinking about our future, but he didn't seem to be on the same page as me and wouldn't talk to me about it. All those worries, combined with the concerns about sex, made the issue seem a lot bigger than it really is.

    He's basically just explained that the whole time we've been together we've been going through periods of instability in our own lives. I was finishing uni, he went away for work, he came back as I was looking for a job and moving house, I got settled at work and now he's moving to another job. There's never been a time when both of us haven't had something big going on in our lives. And he said that he doesn't feel like he can think about the future when things are still up in the air. He says we both need to become more stable before we think about moving forward. And it makes so much sense! I completely agree, and there I was freaking out and thinking that he just didn't want me.

    With regards to sex, we just have to try harder to meet each others needs and become more compatible. Alastor has got it in one, sex once a day would be excessive if we saw each other more, but we don't. We have weekends, but a lot of the time one of us is working over the weekend too. So really, there's probably only a few full days a month that we really get to spend together. And that's the time where I want to have sex loads because it's been so long and I want to make up for lost time! Whereas for him, it's enough to just do it once.

    So I think we'll work on having longer, better, sex sessions. Fluffbags, I really like your idea of teasing and not letting him orgasm until I've come. I think that may really work for us. I don't entirely see sex as a validation for love. I know that he loves me, cuddling and kissing shows me more proof of love than sex does. But yeah, I do think sex helps me validate my desirability, boosts my self confidence. Like you said, we are programmed to believe that guys are only after one thing, that they always want sex, so it's a knock to our self esteem when a guy doesn't meet this expectation.

    Also, I was brought up in a household where sex was always talked about. I love talking about sex, I love having sex and the more sex you can have the better in my eyes. And I've obviously got a guy who's a bit more shy about it, feels that less is more.

    So I don't think the issue really is me, and I feel much better now. I did tell him about how much he compliments me and that I need to be sure of how he's feeling. He seemed to think that because he told me a couple of months ago, I'd just assume nothing has changed. He knows now that I need to be reminded of his feelings. I think we understand each other a bit better now and I'm really glad we've talked.

    As always, there was more to it than just the sex thing, there were lots of issues that needed to be worked out. I'm hoping we've turned over a new leaf and things will continue to get better.

    Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of wisdom and support xxx

    1396481084
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    That sounds really positive. Excellent news. So happy for you.

    Looks like he will have a real chance to brush up on his oral and toy-use skills before he is allowed his release.

    1396482190
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2236
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    See I told you he would call once he thought about how to say things! :D

    Yay! So glad you are feeling more positive. Good luck and keep talking together and you are on the right track! So happy for you right now xxx

    I am a sex blogger and have written quite a detailed post about tease and denial on my blog, with ideas and such. If you need them, you can find the post here: http://grittywoman.co.uk/beginners-guide-chastity-orgasm-denial/

    Also there are lots of tips and info in this post here on lovehoney:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/695341-edging-the-oh-what-would-you-do/

    Any questions, just ask! I think you are definitely on the right tracks though and again...really happy for you xx

    1396581224
    Tromain [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 39
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2011

    So happy to hear the positive outcome! :)

    1396629530
    bagpuss30 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 11
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2013

    Great you got a positive outcome, I just went and got myself a lover to give me sexually all I desire! He is in the same position so as long as we don't get found out it is win win. His wife doesn't want sex any longer and my husband isn't interested in me that way now, trust me I have tried so many things.

    1396630877
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 828
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    bagpuss30 wrote:

    Great you got a positive outcome, I just went and got myself a lover to give me sexually all I desire! He is in the same position so as long as we don't get found out it is win win. His wife doesn't want sex any longer and my husband isn't interested in me that way now, trust me I have tried so many things.

    Well your lover is a lucky fella... and your husband is an idiot.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.