• Making her cum

    1395863979
    againstleon [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok so long story short, me and my oh have recently been in a slump when it comes to sex and taking all your advice I talked to her about it. Things then picked up got a little more frequent and we introduced lingerie into the bedroom, but then it goes back to square one right away and then I've talked again and so on and so on. I've tried other stuff like making sure she's not stressed and treating her to suprises, weekends away and so on, but to no avail.

    Talking the other day about sex in general I asked if she ever cums when we have sex. She said she hasnt ever cum from penertration and only cum from cliteral stimulation. Could this be a reason for the lack of sex/passion?

    Anyway I know not every girl cums from penertration, but I'm determined to give it a go. Shes never used toys before and its her birthday soon, so i'm thinking of getting something that could help as whats the worst that could happen. any thoughts?

    1395864536
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you actually asked her if she wants to try toys? I know you want to try everything to improve things, but some women just don't like the idea of toys, and if penetration doesn't feel particularly good to her, then a penetration toy may not go down very well. I personally have never felt much pleasure from penetration toys, i find they tend to only help by the fullness adding internal pressure to my clitoris making clitoral stimulation more pleasureable, but then i'm trying out different sizes to see if the toys i have are just either too large, or too small. A vibrator thats big enough for penetration but that could just be used clitorally might be the best type to go for if you're sure she'd be happy to try a toy.

    1395864963
    againstleon [sign in to see picture]
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    VirginAngel wrote:

    Have you actually asked her if she wants to try toys? I know you want to try everything to improve things, but some women just don't like the idea of toys, and if penetration doesn't feel particularly good to her, then a penetration toy may not go down very well. I personally have never felt much pleasure from penetration toys, i find they tend to only help by the fullness adding internal pressure to my clitoris making clitoral stimulation more pleasureable, but then i'm trying out different sizes to see if the toys i have are just either too large, or too small. A vibrator thats big enough for penetration but that could just be used clitorally might be the best type to go for if you're sure she'd be happy to try a toy.

    No I havent asked her yet, but will mention if its something she would be interested in trying. obviously dont want to shock/scare her, so will brink up the idea first. When we've talked about our problems she doesnt really give me a straight answer, so think she might be a bit t shy or not wanting to hurt my feelings by saying that she is getting nothing from sex.

    1395869417
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22771

    Try this and let her go on top and trap the clit vibe between your pubic bones for her to grind against

    1395869483
    BBobX [sign in to see picture]
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    againstleon wrote:

    [...]

    Talking the other day about sex in general I asked if she ever cums when we have sex. She said she hasnt ever cum from penertration and only cum from cliteral stimulation. Could this be a reason for the lack of sex/passion?

    Anyway I know not every girl cums from penertration, but I'm determined to give it a go. Shes never used toys before and its her birthday soon, so i'm thinking of getting something that could help as whats the worst that could happen. any thoughts?

    Hmm, same deal here. I used to get real hung up over it - then pretty miserable that I wasn't "a proper husband" if I couldn't bring her to the peak with the old "trouser snake". Then I read an article that basically said that some women are plumbed in that it's damned difficult to bring them on with penetration alone - so the answer is to use oral etc until they're almost there and then finish off with the "proper" (?!) method. I tried that and although the timing is a bitch, it is possible.

    Then my lady love pointed out that she actually enjoys the clitoral orgasm more anyway - the fact that I'm not on top of here (or the other way) means she can really get into the sensation and luxuriate in it. After that little revelation I wasn't so bothered. Now if I can only figure out this G-Spot thing... ;)

    Best advice I can offer is to have an earnest heart-to-heart about it with her. I've also read that some women go through periods where the libido really dives - maybe that's the answer. Me and OH have a slight annoyance in that our drives aren't matched. I'd be quite happy to jump her cute little butt every other day, but she's happy with the parent-tradition of once a week.

    1395869879
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    You are correct when you say that not every woman can orgasm from penetration, but the figures are roughly 70% of women who can't, which actually puts your partner in the largest group, the most common, the one that is often the usual, so my advice about this aspect would be as follows...by all means experiment with different positions to make her orgasm from penetration, but don't make this your mission, your one big goal, because she will pick up the fact that you are constantly trying to do something to her that doesn't work and THAT could put her off sex.

    Instead I recommend focusing on what she CAN do and making that more interesting. For example, I cannot orgasm from penetration alone and trust me, i've been having this sex business for over ten years and I am very comfortable and confident but the problem is, most women cum from clitoral stimulation and this is not touched much, if at all during sex. Imagine your missus making it her goal and ultimate mission to make you orgasm from say....touching your thighs or balls and nothing else? Anyway, back to the point, I cannot orgasm from penetration alone, but....I can reach orgasm if my clitoris is being stimulated while he penetrates me. I can use all different types of vibrators, or mine or his fingers.

    My womanly advice? Treat foreplay as sex...because whether you guys like it or not, I'm afraid that for the vast majority of us women, orgasm doesnt happen through penetration. Treat penetration as another part of foreplay and don't build up the actual penetration part as the end goal, the thing that must be done, or the most important part. Instead treat oral sex, fingering, massages, dirty talking, role playing, kissing, nipple and breast play and all the rest...as the main events. Of course, you can still have penetration as often as you wish, but don't treat foreplay as something to get her worked up and wet ready for sex. Instead treat the foreplay as an extended session of tactile stimulation with your fingers tongues and sex toys and more...until she orgasms from that without even needing penetration. Alternatively, go even further with the foreplay that usual, before the penetration, until she is close to orgasm and then during the penetration, continue to stimulate her clitoris.

    Not being able to orgasm from penetration is unlikely to be the reason she is not keen on having sex, UNLESS you are making the penetration the main event and skipping all the bits that really titilate her hot spots.

    My biggest tip is to remember men are more visual and women are more "mental" This gets overlooked by men easily because, well put it this way....men want to blow our minds and give us intense pleasure, so they do what we all do....we imagine what would please OURSELVES, what would blow our own minds and then try to replicate a similar experience for our partners. Men like to be very physical (Lots of touching parts of the body) and very visual (Different positions, lights on, cum on her face etc etc on and on) Which is all good of course, but women have a different brain process than men....we are slow burners, we like to fantasise and we cannot flick a switch (Not often anyway) and "be horny now" Women tend to get more turned on with a slow burn, putting ideas into her mind, teasing, talking to her to put fantasies and memories into her mind and we also love to know we are really desired.

    So my biggest tip for this one if you want to get your lady in the mood more often, is this: Try to initiate sex hours, all day, or days before you want to get jiggy and when you do initiate it...try not to initiate it with a physical gesture (So no grabbing and honking her boobs or ass) or a visual gesture (No whipping out your body parts to tantalise her) ....Of course, you can use these methods too, but at first, try not to use them because it will help you learn to use HER sexual imagination. It will help you to stimulate her mind with words. Just one sentance, if spoken correctly and appeals to her fantasy, can have a woman turn from stone cold to a jibbering horny mess. Use her fantasies and imaginings to make her swoon...with words, promises, hints, teases and of course...comments on how sexy she is (but not just her physical features. I also recommend complimenting her on something she did once during sex, tell her why it blew your mind and much more, to get her feeling desired and sexy...way before bed time.

    As for sex toys, ask her. Some women love them, some thought they would hate them and then became huge fans and others just love em outright, but surprising a woman who has little interest in sex, with sex toys and lingerie, has the potential to make her feel like you are pushing for more, or it could make her feel a bit "forced" into putting on a show, or having sexual activity that she has little interest in.

    Please also bear in mind that women especially can go right off sex if something isnt right...we really are more "mental" and because our minds are our largest sex organ, the one we use most to feel sexy, get in the mood and even orgasm, can you imagine how it stops working when we are busy/stressed/tired/pissed off etc and unfortunately there is so much in life to add these stresses or busy schedules that leave us drained and there is not much I can suggest other than help her more (to let her recuperate some energy or remove some stress) and never ever stop making her feel like the sexy desireable women you love. When life gets in the way, we stop doing all those things we did at the start, to impress our partners. Bring some of that back and you may notice a change.

    Most complaints I hear from female friends are that she feels she is taking on the lions share of the general burdens of life and he is only paying her that sweet attention when he wants an orgasm (sex) this is the most common complaint. Not that guys are doing anything wrong, but we all think and work differently. Maybe you appreciate being left alone to get a task done, as you can do it without distraction, this then makes you think that she would feel the same, but she might be wishing you'd help. That is just one of millions of examples on how we miscommunicate as couples and end up feeling meh at times. We all do it! lol

    Wow, sorry, I hope this helped somehow, I rambled again xx

    1395884488
    hard and deep [sign in to see picture]
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    Just keep on trying, you may stumble upon something that really works.

    1395885043
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    Your rambles are so great Fluffs.

    1395885166
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Alastor wrote:

    Your rambles are so great Fluffs.

    Thanks! :D

    1395893684
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    Kudos Fluffbags, that is an awesome and informative post. Absolutely spot on

    1395907499
    Zing444 [sign in to see picture]
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    Terrific post,Fluffbags.....genuine guidance from one who clearly has experience/knowledge that will benefit others.....caring,thoughtful,nurturing.......:)

    1395915970
    againstleon [sign in to see picture]
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    Cheers Fluffbags, I appreciate the time you've taken in your post. I think there’s a couple interesting points that being a man I hadn’t considered.

    I think your point about 'make you orgasm from say....touching your thighs or balls and nothing else?' is quite interesting and I hadn’t considered it from that point of view. And your right its a great tease, but that’s all. As for foreplay I love it and my personal preference is that I prefer the foreplay to intercourse. So with that in mind, thinking about it I don’t think I've expressed this to my OH and she might be under the impression that I want intercourse all the time.

    As for the issues regarding having sex, you're right its a mental thing. I was stressed out and ill because of it and it made my sex drive zero. I try and pitch in as much as I can (though there’s always more I could do) and try and make sure she's happy and has no concerns. However you've given me some food for thought in this area and given me a positive direction to head in.

    Thanks again

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