• So, how honest are you?

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    Little Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm usually open about stuff I would like to try but at times my boyfriend won't be interested and at times he will. =P

    He's the same, if he wants to try something new he'll suggest it.

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    olihearthoney [sign in to see picture]
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    In my last relationship I started out honest, then it went down hill as I got bored of her! Harsh I know but it's the truth, she wasn't for me but I couldn't bring my self to end it. Sigh.

    I am currently 'seeing' a girl, our relationship has no label as of yet but I guess that's how you would describe it. She's my best girl friend of 4 years and only in the last few months did it get sexy! I am literally loving it, and would never ever lie to her or keep anything from her that I felt I would need to tell her. Because we are best friends we have total trust in each other and don't HAVE to share everything. We share most things, things that are interesting. Works well! Also we love using sex toys! haha x

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    lucky mrs t [sign in to see picture]
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    I completely agree with you Shelly boo. If you have to lie then you are not with the right person. I am scary honest (sometimes I wrap it in a little cotton wool for Mr T), but then I live by the philosophy if you can't handle the answer don't ask the question.

    I don't fantasise when I with OH, but do think about him when I am playing solo.

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    Puppies77 [sign in to see picture]
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    PPB wrote:

    Im honest in a relationship, I dont lie about anything i dont see the point really!

    PPB

    x

    I'm with you on that one :)

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Dunca1348 wrote:

    Telling her every time you had a wank is a bit to far

    It's not like "Hey babe, I wanked before! WHOOO!, Who's the man!" It's more that you're willing to tell if asked and are comfortable doing so.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    I would never ever cheat on my man, and I'm the really jealous type so it can make the relationship strain a bit when I have such low confidence. But thats all the problem is-My confidence. My OH used wank off quite openly and I used to get upset thet he didn't want me and prefered the porn. As soon as he found out it bothered me he has never done it in front of again, and I dont think he even wanks off at all anymore, unless I've started it for him! As for myself, my guy is very aware that I masturbate a lot, but I'm embarrassed by it, so he tries to keep my dignity by not saying anything about it. I know it doesn't bother him cuz we had the conversation when I first started buying vibrators. He's fine with it, but only as long as I save enough for him!

    The thing that does bother me is talking about past relationships and old flames. I never talk to my partner about an old bf or gf unless its part of a story or just happens to come up in conversation. But to have your partner say things like "Oh that time when me and that lass shagged on top of that hill looking down on my football teams stadium.." or "Really? You never had sex in a kitchen? I remember the time...It was the best sex!" That does upset me a lot! so I'd rather not know.

    Sounds like you both need to be a little bit more honest with yourselves because that hinders honesty with each other! He should probably ask himself does she really want to hear this and you might want to ask yourself is it fair? Because if you're not honest to yourself first you'll never acknowledge problems.

    I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm poking my nose in. If you're happy then that's all that matters!

    I just find it hard to imagine a former masturbator just stopping because it upsets you, without some negative emotions attached, if it's ok for you to masturbate. Or he'll be doing it in secret... which of course is not honest.

    Likewise, I think if you accepted that masturbation is normal and healthy for both of you then you would'nt feel embarrassed. As I said, if you think i'm interfaring then feel free to ignore me or not answer or tell me to ssshhhh. I just think the strongest relationships are the most honest and little secrets can become bigger if you ignore them.

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't worry about making sense.. words are pretty rubbish!

    I agree with the details part, its a little insensitive unless someone asks really.

    To me you just described a barrier that exists, I understand because my girlfriend used to feel the same in some respects. I have a higher sex drive and she used to be a bit bothered I wanted it more and used to feel uncomfortable when I masturbated like she wasn't giving me enough. That was never an issue, I just get frustrated easy and its a quick release! Sometimes sex is so good I have to masturbate as soon as it finishes because I'm so turned on! Its a positive reflection on my girlfriend!

    I try and look at it this way. Any time my girlfriend masturbates its because shes horny and thats because of me. The more sex I have the hornier I get and good sex makes me masturbate. As I said, I find it hard to accept he's stopped completely and is happy with that if its ok for you to masturbate but not him. I'd imagine thats why your embarrassed, you might be portraying your own negative perceptions of him masturbating onto yourself. You might assume he has the same negative feelings that you have about it. If you accept that masturbation is healthy and normal something else is giving you the negative feelings and its probably you! So be positive and make him wank over you!

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    No, he hasn't stopped completely, but he asks to get me involved first before he does anything now, rather than just switching on the porn channels and getting busy. That was what the problem was..

    ^^ thanks for advice though! I do have low self-esteem, and sometimes its difficult for me to accept positive things about myself.

    It's part of our culture. We have a culture based on consumerism and not being good enough. Everything we own or do is never enough and someone has it better apparently! It took a long time to convince my OH she was perfect and even her imperfections just added another positive dimension to her.

    I like to take the view that good sex depends. Orgasms or length of times arn't important and certainly other peoples sex lives arn't and comparing. Satisfaction is! If your satisfied and he is then who the fuck else matters!

    I think one thing that helped my girlfriend alot was the ability to take pride in her 'work'! Me being completely out of it after her very fine blowjobs gives her some indication of just how good it was! You might want to try it. Focus on his smile, laugh, general fuckedness or tiredness after you have both finished and congratulate yourself on a job well done! It does wonders for your confidence just to enjoy and relax.

    I guess everyone feels a bit rejected sometimes and the offer of a helping hand probablly works a treat for both of you!

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm glad! It wouldn't surprise me if when he used to masturbate openly before it's was because it was part offer and part 'She's not gonna be interested'. That's it sometimes for me!

    Hes well gonna prefer your involvement than without so by doing it it simply says "I don't think you're interested but if you are....."

    Remember that, that negativity is in your head not his and you might just realise how silly it is to be insecure about that when he's obviously so satisfied!

    Happy sexing!

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    Geordie_Paul [sign in to see picture]
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    If she's away I tend to ring the OH just to declare that I miss her soooo much and love her sooo much that I had to masturbate.... therefore avoiding a bollocking and usually getting a good seeing to upon return :) Although I have also said "I had to have a wank in your name" then told her I cracked one off over her high school photo which has her name below it... unfortunately that didn't go down to well lol

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    Little Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    My boyfriend and I are pretty honest with one another about everything!

    When I masterbate I don't tell him I'm going off to do it, but usually tell him when I next see him what I wandered off to do. I have told him before though. =P

    He's told me what he's into, what he likes doing, what he likes me doing etc and I've done the same. =)

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Geordie_Paul wrote:

    If she's away I tend to ring the OH just to declare that I miss her soooo much and love her sooo much that I had to masturbate.... therefore avoiding a bollocking and usually getting a good seeing to upon return :) Although I have also said "I had to have a wank in your name" then told her I cracked one off over her high school photo which has her name below it... unfortunately that didn't go down to well lol

    Your girl doesn't like unexpected facials then Paul?

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    Malteser81 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've changed alot over the past few years moving from a marriage in which I was mentally abused and was told that no matter what I said (even if it was the truth) that I was lying to a fantastic relationship where I never feel I have to lie and am excepted. A relationship is much more fun, positive and romantic if ure open and honest. I have to admit that i'm still a little scared about being completly open and honest with regard to sex but it really is only early days (been together2 years) in our relationship really and have our whole life together to know everything.

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    DesignDude [sign in to see picture]
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    I believe honesty is very important! Being dishonest can lead to good people doing bad things which can ruin otherwise good relationships!

    i consider myself to be extremely lucky to be in the relationship i am in now. I can tell my girl absolutely anything and she understands me completely (even better than i'd care to admit sometimes lol).

    i know she masturbates a lot and i encourage this as much as i can by supplying toys etc. If i ever see porn i think she'd like i make sure to send her a link so she can watch it in her own time! I never ask her about it though, she just tells me anything that catches her interest.

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    rjcww [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm currently single but if I had a partner and they asked me any sexual-related questions, I would answer them honestly. I am honest already to other people, such as friends, when sex comes up in conversation so that would definitely transfer over into a relationship.

    Plus, I hope to be in a D/s relationship anyway so that honesty would be crucial and we'd want to share fantasies, mastubatory habits etc in order to improve our sex lives and the intimate, trusting connection we'd share.

    Honesty is crucial!

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    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    I always been totally open with all my sexual ideas and activies (porn and so on). We are very open, and recently even more so we headed into other areas for our sex lifes :) Which is a great bonus.

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    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've always been honest with my current partner, there's nothing he doesn't know about my sexuality, and i'm sure he's been equally honest with me. He knows he can tell me anything or request anything in the bedroom department and then we can talk about whether we want to try it.

    He knows I masturbate and I know he does, but no we don't tell eachother everytime, don't see the need. I know about his stash of porn and he lets me borrow it, we both watch it whether alone or together. He knows I like women aswell as men and knows I fantasise about Jeniffer Love Hewitt often!! There's nothing I don't share with him and that's how I like it.

    My ex was another matter, he was fairly uptight and cried when I bought a rampant rabbit, even thoughit was his suggestion!! Said I was replacing him. I didn't feel I could be as open with him after that x

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Tbh - I don't "go solo" all that much as my libido is lower than my OH's so I always end up giving him "something" when I am horny! When I'm away from him though I tell him sometimes but not every time, I guess al of us here kind of agree that sex is as normal as breathing, and I wouldn't tell him every time I breathed! Unless there was something exceptional about it, and usually he's there for those times! As for porno? Never watched it alone, always with him so no need to be honest and for fantasising? I'm amongst many here to say, I don't tend to fantasise about anyone else, usually I think of him and me, or of nothing at all (or very occasionally I get distracted by something silly like washing and have to get him to talk to me to keep my focus - no reflection on him, just my own failure to stop my brain going ten to the dozen) Don't have anything to lie about really, he knows my sexual history (he's the only one) and he knows my likes, dislikes, maybes, worries and fears so I guess we're pretty honest and open about everything.

    I know for a fact he has never once told me a lie (not even a white one!) and I rarely, if ever, lie to him, he can read me too well for that! We've been together 4 years so I know things aren't likely to change too.

    Ax

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    I'm pretty damn honest about everything, this is no exception. I'd think my partner should be able to accept that LOL

    It's an annoying trait on occasions, but bloody rare and I would not change that my OH is just like this!

    Ax

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    Morbidia [sign in to see picture]
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    Im too honest, and it can indeed be a dreadful trait, but hey ho, better that than a liar

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