• The psychology of sex.

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    This thread is why I love this site.

    I can relate to so much of this GG, Lady S and CB and will certainly be sharing this thread with my husband. Upbringing, confidence issues, general tiredness and caring for elderly parents have all played their part over the years in how I relate to sex. All the honest comments here show me that I am not unusual and my long-suffering husband is not alone. You three-GG, LadyS and CB81- have put things more eloquently than i ever could so a heartfelt thankyou.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Glad you know you are not alone capricorn, I'm really pleased I replied on this thread now, good to know you can give others a lift just by sharing your own thoughts and experiences :)

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Zing, you are both too kind. This is what I love about lovehoney there is room for everyone. Some of the best questions and answers come from the most unusual source's without being judged. Enjoy
    Capricorn I have followed some of your posts and I think you undervalue your own contributions. After a while there are a group of people you look for and you are one of mine. Friend

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Lady S how are the Birthday celebrations proceeding?

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    capricorn13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    Hi Zing, you are both too kind. This is what I love about lovehoney there is room for everyone. Some of the best questions and answers come from the most unusual source's without being judged. Enjoy
    Capricorn I have followed some of your posts and I think you undervalue your own contributions. After a while there are a group of people you look for and you are one of mine. Friend

    Accepted with thanks. I always look for your comments too.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Birthday celebrations were a total wash out, in the bedroom department anyway. Had a nice dinner out though and he liked his presents so that's all good.

    I've not been feeling great, he hasn't been feeling great, our little boy has been under the weather too. So in general sexy time has been neither of our priorities.

    So it will all be moved to another time when we can properly enjoy ourselves.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh dear sorry to hear this, but light at the end of the tunnel and a positive spin.
    At least you can do what you had planned another time.#hugs#you all get well soon.
    Lots more talking gone on here.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I have actually revised my plan too, so it may be even better. Going to get mother in law to have little one overnight, so we can go out for dinner then come back for some alone time. So may work out for the bes.

    Good to hear about lots of communication, I sincerely hope me and hubby are still talking openly about such things after 25 years. I think we should be, I only be 45 so should have plenty of go left I hope, lol. I've been having a mini crisis about turning 30 this year (I know this is ridiculous and not anything to worry about, but I am being irrational) coming on LH has really stopped my worrying in its tracks.

    I think I definitely understand now that age is not a factor in sexual pleasure. I think I thought I was running out of time and felt bad I'd discovered all this a bit late, but now I know I've got loads of time to tie hubby up and make use of him, so it's all good, lol.

    So now I can't wait to be 30, I have told hubby I am entering my 'dirty thirties' and he'd better watch out. Plus we are heading to Paris, child free, to celebrate, so can't wait for that. :)

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    I can only agree and guess what after dirty thirty you've got naughty forties. It all just gets better and better. Like most things as you get older you slow down and learn to savour every. Take your time to really enjoy. Have you been to Paris before? It's wonderful you'll love it.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I went when I was about 12, don't think I really appreciated it though. So really looking forward to going and exploring. Exciting times :)

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Will you let him out of the hotel room, put Amsterdam on your list too. Great visit and easy and quick to get to.

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Possibly not, lol. I really like nice cakes though, so we will go out to find fancy french pastries :)

    Funny you should say that, I actually gave him the option of Amsterdam or Paris. He picked Paris, he doesn't see the appeal of Amsterdam. I went there as a teenager and loved it. Would love to go again, but hubby has been convinced by work colleagues that if he doesn't want a hooker or weed then there is no point going. So silly.

    Also I think he secretly quite likes the romantic notions of Paris. I think he would rather people think he is whisking me away for a romantic break to Paris, rather than a kinky weekend in Amsterdam. Little do they know it'll be kinky either way. Not sure he even knows that yet, lol.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex, cake and coffee well there are plenty of all to be had in Paris. Enjoy.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Bump
    Any newbies like to add something?

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    ToyWithMeUK [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it also evolves over time too, you start feeling one thing at the beginning and after the years have gone by, you know what both of your limits are and each other's likes and dislikes.

    I have been with my wife for 16 years now and she's had the 30th birthday recently too so I know what you mean about that as she keeps saying she wanted to stay in her 20s! You are right, things tend to slow down a bit in terms of not wanting to get to one goal as quick as possible and well for me anyway, I love kissing and being really close as a buildup where as say 10 years ago it would have been more fast paced and over quicker!

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    runnyhunny [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a very similar story. I have always enjoyed sex but EXACTLY lik eLady S I just could not come forward ans even ask for it (or very rarely anyway). I am at the very beginning of this journey and reading this, and other posts on here really helps me to keep going forward. I have ordered a bunch of toys and am excited for them to arrive (they take ages as I am overseas) and even though I know my husband will be freaking delighted, I know that I will be nervous about showing them to him.

    I am thinking of booking us into a hotel for a night. I certainly seem to feel freer when I am out of the house, not worrying about kids over hearing us etc. I think that it helps me to get out of my head and try something new. The really horrible thing is that I know, and have always known that it makes my husband feel bad that he has to always be the initiator so I know that he will revel in me being more forward but it still doesn't come naturally.

    If your wife is happy to use toys etc, have you tried to use a toy on you where she has to help and take a little control?

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    He then had nobody. It makes me so great full for my extended family. Who have excepted him in. We are not religious but my son wrote him a letter asking him to be his god father he cried for weeks thinking about it.

    I know I'm always a bit of an emotional wreck... but this one statement has had me in tears for about 10 minutes. Your son obviously has a great sense of affection to write such a letter for someone who he can see needs that love and support.

    As far as this thread goes, Although I'm late to the party it has been a fantastic read. Certainly the style of writing has been more encapturing than any book I've read recently. And you guys say you don't have the eloquence of some of the other members... pish posh and all that =P

    Seriously though, it's really interesting to see the progress within relationships in regards to an openess with sex. I do sometimes think that I read these threads and then expect too much from my partner though.
    I long for him to read some of the posts you make Gentle Giant. But he would shrug off the suggestion claiming that he can't read, or he wont understand it. Having never entered high school he doubts himself so much in regards to his intelligence so even if we are just discussing something it quickly becomes a case of him listening and waiting for commands.

    I actually wondered what members' opinions on age were; Do you believe that we are ready when we are young, or is it better to explore gradually?

    I'm only 23. I have many years of sexuality to explore and indulge in yet, but with the bountiful wealth of information that is the internet (And I don't mean pornography) I can't help but feel I want it all NOW!
    I feel like there is a world of pleasure out there waiting to engulf me, lying in ambush to trap me within its loins. But it feels like a 2 player world. One that perhaps my partner is not ready to assist me in defeating the final boss level before embarking on a new quest that is the rest of our sexual lives.
    Do I wait patiently for him to 'level up' and enjoy what we have here and now? Am I being too impatient to demand it so young, or should I perhaps count my blessings that I know where I want to reach and enjoy the journey of getting there in years to come?
    Hmm food for thought. Speaking of food... the kids need dinner >.<

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Jazzam wow. Ok where to start. You sound like a very mature driven young woman. Love ,sex and a relationship are a journey it evolves with you , it never stops and the only goal is happiness and pleasure. With this I mind you need to just try in guide your journey.
    I think for you that your relationship dynamics may be a little different. I think you are in a bit of a roll reversal. It's usually the man that would drive things forward. This doesn't mean anything negative. The only consideration is instead of you having to get over the usual female confidence issues , you will have to bear in mind male pride. You will reap great benefits once he truly trusts you to never let any one else know of his own confidence issues. These are very different for men and can be very debilitating. Once he learns you've got his back he will move on with you.
    So many of our partners don't understand why we are pushing, it somehow gets turned into them thinking " I am not enough for him/ her". " I must be boring in bed". There is nothing you can do for this but reassure him that it's is not what you are thinking at all and time just keep showing him.
    Age is greatly on your side, you have identified this so early that your journey can get going sooner. Funny this is exactly the age I was when I met my wife.

    I am no teacher but my education came late . How is your ohs reading ? Reading is the key. If he doesn't read to well he would of ended up trying to hide it so as not to look silly in front of others. The other point is his eyes . Part of my issues were eyes txt blindness a part of dyslexia, you just see a block of txt. My daughter was the same she needed tinted none prescription lenses , just a hint of yellow in her case did the trick. For me the desire at 12 to learn about sex drove me to teach myself to read. This meant I could spell Cunnilinguest before confidence. Lol. Being fifty this year I know that many of my ideas and thoughts can be seen as old fashioned and some times chauvinistic. However most men are very simple animals at the core these values seem to work.
    In answer to your last paragraph there is a world of pleasure out there but it's actually all inside you all you have to do is let it out and just go with the flow , explore and enjoy just be mindful to your OH.
    I shall look forward to your further posts.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/941065-masculinity-male-sexuality-and-confidence/

    Jazzam, this thread I started may strike a chord for you. A few men did post, it got a little derailed but I would value your in put and does it help with your oh?

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    I have re-read your thread and made my replies the best I could GG, after re-writing it 5 times i lost my train of thought though haha

    There are certainly some role reversals in our relationship that's for sure. I'm much more open, I don't give a crap who knows my business. I don't do shy... I've pushed out 2 kids no sense in worrying now haha
    He's quite happy to look at toys and be open in principle, but I can feel it's kind of forced if that makes sense?

    His reading is fine. He plays himself down I think. His is like reversed confidence. He would admit to any of his friends etc that he never went to school, that I fill his forms in for him etc. But yet we play a competitive card game together (Like Magic The Gathering) which involves significant tactics and reading of the card text which he has no issues with at all and in fact often corrects me when I just skim the text.
    I think it's why I get so frustrated at him. My father was incredibly intelligent... not exactly educated even though both his parents were school teachers he rebelled against them, but he made a point about learning everything he could in the things he was passionate about (Cars/computers/bikes/fishing/marine tanks etc) I see a lot of those qualities in my partner, we've been together for 5 years... quite a feat seeing as how he's only 20 now. I see him for more than he sees himself and so its a constant battle to show him his potential x

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