• anal help?

    Bethygrace [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 16
    • Joined: 9 Feb 2014

    Hi guys!

    Me and the OH have tried anal a few times although he takes it slow etc it still really seems to hurt and I can never go for too long. I'd really like to be able to get into it as I know he really loves it! any tips would be appreciated.

    Thanks Beth :) x

    Brooke. [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 42
    • Joined: 4 Aug 2012

    Hi Bethygrace, I've been in your situation and completely understand! I still consider myself very much a beginner so please don't expect expert advise on my part, I still go through this every now and then.

    I have found that my best experiences of anal have been after a heafty foreplay session, specifically when the OH goes down on me (thats just my thing, whatever you find best) once he brings me *almost* to point of orgasm we stop and I allow him to enter. Remember to use plenty of lubrication and relax - it will fit if you let it! The more tense you are the more painful it'll be. I will admit - a drop of alcohol eases the nerves - I am certainly not condoning this act while drunk as there is the risk of feeling of being taken advantage of later...but just enough to still know your senses!

    There are a ton of beginner anal toys on LH to get you started, working from something small first may make you more comfortable to increase in size eventually. He will also benefit from these combined with vaginal sex - I've heard it's a very good feeling!

    Good luck, you've got great support here!

    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6535
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi Beth - The best advice I can give is to take is extremely slowly and use lots of lube. It is always best to start with a finger - my Husband uses a glove when he does this so that afterwards you just turn it inside out and you have no worries about mess etc. We use these:-


    We also use a relaxing anal spray which I find invaluable. The great thing about this spray is that you really don’t loose any sensation at all - and there are no long-term effects. Nothing gets looser, so to speak - it just helps things to relax and not burn. I personally use 3 sprays, but the bottle does suggest using between 2-3 sprays - it depends on how you feel. Just try a couple of sprays and wait for about 5 minutes:


    It may take several sessions before you are able to penetrate for a longer time - just take as long as you need and build up very slowly. Just get used to playing with your fingers for a couple of sessions and enjoy those sensations before you try again - you can try to build up to 2 fingers then 3 fingers - making sure you use lots of lube - this is essential - I use Sliquid Sassy as it does not contain any chemical nasties - but there are lots of anal lubes on LH to choose from:


    Hope this helps :) xx

    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 831
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    Definitely recommend buying a butt plug. It allows you to get used to the sensation on anal and stretches you a bit so it's easier to have anal sex.

    You can use it during foreplay or during sex, having it inside whilst you're having sex is an incredible feeling if he moves it in and out. You don't have to buy anything big or expensive.



    A couple I recommend. Have fun! xx

    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 880
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    I am going to make my usual strong recommendation for cases like this...Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

    The author is a very strong believer that anal sex should be pleasurable rather than painful and gives detailed advice to help achieve this. I have certainly found that the ideas made my partner's experiences very enjoyable.

    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2343
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Hi BG, welcome to the forums. All the advice above I agree with and keep posting for more help.

    My wife is and was just the same as yourself , she always wants to please and knew this was something I enjoyed and wanted. It was not something she thought she would enjoy, all so am quite big and she was a little concerned. So I never pushed her for it. However over a few years she learnt to enjoy a well lubed finger in during receiving oral and even achieved orgasm. Then we slowly moved to a well lubed finger in whilst having doggystyle sex.

    Being very relaxed is important one way of achieving this is for you to of have your orgasm first.

    This is the way my wife gave me her anal virginity with no pain. After a nice bath some massage and lots of foreplay I made her come orally. Then she took control , she lubed use both. Then moved us both into the doggy position and told me I would get want I really want but I had to stay still and do as I was told or she would stop. This just added to the eroticism. She told me to hold my erection with my hand and keep it level with her bum hole. She held her arse open with both her hands and slowly backed onto my cock. As she was in control she just rubbed the head of my penis against the opening. Over a few amazing minutes and without fully entering her I could see her arse relaxing and opening up. Then as she pushed back a little more of the head of my penis went. She didn't say anything but I must of moaned or made some noise of pleasure as she asked if I was ok . When I replied no not ok but thrilled. Why is it in she asked. The head of my penis was in her bum and she hadn't felt it. She just kept moving backward and forward slowly bit by bit more and more. I had to stop her as I was about to come. She had asked that I did not come in her she wanted it on her back. So I pulled out slowly and came all over her bum and back. Mesmerized at how open she was.

    When we talked after she wasn't sore at all. She had enjoyed very much the pleasure she had given me and whilst she physically hadn't got any pleasure from it she would have no trouble doing it again.

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3774
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Next step up could be you could buy a kit and work your way up - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539

    Get a butt plug also so you are used to things entering you

    I then got a douche http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=952 dead and makes you clean esp when your using bigger toys as I worked my way up to an anal dildo to get to used to the fact that he will be inside me - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16726

    Then I brought http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17072

    Honestly try it slow if you enjoy it you enjoy it its not for everyone, dont put any pressure on yourself slow and lube it taken me about 6 months to work my way up, just taken it at my own pace.

    Northern lights [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 156
    • Joined: 6 Jul 2010

    FOr us - Pjur Analyse me opened the doors to joy wide open :-)

    ukduo2004a [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2010

    Whilst I wanted to give my wife anal she'd never shown any inclination for it so I never brought it up.

    Then she surprised me by actually suggesting it herself.

    Apparently her ex husband had tried to do it (again at her request) but she wasn't able to relax enough.

    So, with us, it was basically a case of taking our time preparing her, using a finger or a small vibrator, plenty of warm lube, and eventually she was relaxed enough to lie on her side and pull her legs up (like the position you'd get into for a rectal at the doctor), and allow me to start very very slowly.

    Once the tip was in we stopped, she was able to relax more (I could actually feel her opening), and then I managed to get all the way in. Once in we were able to set up a rythym, and she started masturbating, cumming before me.

    Nowadays anal is more foreplay than the main course, we've found through experience that once she orgasms she doesn't want it up there.

    Now, some idea's:

    Wear a condom for anal if you're going to go into her vagina immediatly after, or else give her a minute to relax whilst you go wash yourself.

    If you don't want to use a condom, and neither my wife nor I like to, decide in advance where she wants you to cum. (And if you're discussing it in advance try to get her to evacuate her bowels first.)

    Good luck.

    MSJ6952 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 191
    • Joined: 25 Jun 2008

    Best advice i can offer from my experience is start by using toys, the best toy i found was a glass anal dildo that i bought of Lovehoney and use it with plenty of lube. slowly work your way up to bigger toys.

    If you want to make the sex better i'd advise that you'd use toys to loosen your self up then if its a long term partner and you're both trust each other status my partner and i find that it is best to do anal sex without condoms as it reduce the friction and slides in easier but make sure you use plenty of lube preferably one designed for anal sex as most lubes dry up to quickly.

    Another tip would be make sure that you clean your bowels before hand maybe with a douche which is also sold on Lovehoney.

    Hope this helps :)

    BrumGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 504
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2011

    Hi you could try a nice warm enema, a couple or three flushes of the rectum should be warm clean and relaxed enough for a well lubricated couple of fingers try streaching an if you feel that you can lube a dildo then try but don't force, the same goes for any de-sensitizing lubes, don't force.

    If you can do this on a daily basis, 5 or 10 extra minutes in the shower, adding another finger every few days you may also be able to use an inflatable dildo to help.

    Enjoy. x

    MissAnthropy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 3 Aug 2013

    Up until last year i'd hated anal, found it much too painful to complete but then I met a guy who was really into it and I thought I should give it a shot.

    Now, I know exactly how you feel because I was tensed up like a coil ready to spring the first few times his fingers went near my asshole but eventually I realised that this wasn't the enemy and I know how ridiculous this sounds but take a big deep breath and let yourself relax
    (I don't know if you've ever had any piercings done before but they always tell you to breathe in then breathe out as the needle pierces your skin....I employed this technique my first few times to great effect allthough it truthfully wasn't painful as I was relaxed and lubed to the hilt)

    Lube is most definitely your friend, use plenty and take a nice long warm bath first. This will not only relax you but will help "warm up" your muscles so they're a little more stretchy and malleable. Get your OH to spend plenty of time with oral and not just on your pussy, rimming is FABULOUS and a wonderful precursor to anal and then to try slipping some fingers in one at a time as and when you feel ready.
    Don't forget, all this is on your time scale. Don't let anyone rush you!

    I noticed someone mentioned gloves, they are good for avoiding mess and also add a certain ease of slide :-)
    That's the other thing, you can start to stretch yourself a little if you would like to. Once I started anal I was hooked and now I regularly include anal play as part of masturbation so you could get some non latex gloves and try inserting a finger or two and see how you get on :-)

    So, the route I took was self stretching, conscious effort to relax, breathing exercises (breathe out as he thrusts in) and lots and lots of lube! The second time I did it I squirted and I was hooked!
    Good luck :-)

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.