• Being kinker than the OH

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    sharon79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yip it is tricky. I was the same at first - whenever OH asked what fantasies I had, I would say none. Complete rubbish of course! I was just too embarassed to tell him. I suspect your gf is the same. Maybe she feels "nice" girls shouldn't like/enjoy anything kinky, or at least not admit to liking it. My OH worked away a lot and I used to write him sexy stories to read about an "imaginery" couple, introducing things like anal, dp, tying up to the bedpost. Of course it wasn't me directly asking for these things, it was just a story, but we found it a great way to get our wishes across without spitting out the words "I'd love it if you were to blindfold me and tie my wrists to the bed"!!

    You sound like a caring partner and I hope that with some gentle persuasion and patience you'll both be able to fully enjoy the magnificent world of kink just waiting for you both to explore xx

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    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    I second that. Probbably not very appropriate but an old saying springs to mind.

    Softly softly catchie monkey

    Good luck.

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    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    There is also the possiblilty that you may just have to accept she's one of those who isn't into kinky at all, and have to really think about which is more important to you, a bit of kink, or her.

    Depending how many times you've tried to bring it up, given you've noticed she may be agreeing with no intention just to get away from the subject, it may possibly be crunch time to let it, or her, go.

    I had a long distance relationship with my ex who simply would not listen that i had absolutely no interest in ever trying anything anal. Sometimes when we got on to discussing sexual desires he would bring it up, and i would tell him very firmly i had no desire to ever try it, and my reasons why i was personally very against it. It got to the point that twice in one week he mentioned penetrating me anally after tying me up, and i got so uncomfortable worrying he'd physically try to force it sometime that it ended splitting us up.

    Fact of life that unfortunately we can't always have it all.

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    Mr-Mrs-Sexy [sign in to see picture]
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    from my own experience not saying everyone is like this but i find the girl is normally a bit embarresed or even scared of your recation if she tells you, a good way to get past this is for you to suggest it to her if you have an incline on what she wants if not a good way is to use a board game such as nookii or monogamy, they have kinky ideas but gradually get kinkier and will be the game suggesting it not her

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    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Obviously we are not all the same and I suppose some people arenlt into anything kinky, but will share my own experience. My OH has spent years telling me he is up for anything, just say what I want and it's done, has been trying to coax me into saying something dirty or doing something a bit kinky and I have never responded. To be honest the more he talked about it, the worse I fet about not being able to respond.

    I had kinky desires, and I wanted to say what I wanted, but I just kept thinking 'i know he says anything, but he won't want to do that...' I also felt really awkward talking about my desires and my body, and my needs, which is really daft looking at it now, but I guess we can't help the way we are.

    I think my biggest turning point has been reading erotic novels and short stories. I suddenly realised that my man wants me to take pleasure from him and have it in the way I want it, and I realised that getting a bit kinky couldn't do any harm. Even now though if he asked me a broad question like 'what are your fantasies', I don't think I could answer. But if he asks me a simple yes, no, maybe question, e.g would you like to try tying me up? then I can answer because it's only one thing to think about if that makes sense.

    Good luck, I hope you can get to a point where you are both happy with the outcome x

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Nikki and rich wrote:

    There's so much more to sex than clit bullets doggie and missionary I whan to open her eyes alittle and enjoy the ride together x

    True, but the more doesn't have to be kink.

    What are you really wanting, more variety or the specific things you listed in your first post?

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH had no kinky side at all for the first 10 years we were together, I tried to talk to her about it and it got as far as some kinky underwear, I used to get the attitude that I should be happy with what I was getting! Then for her birthday I bought her a Kindle and because people cant see what your reading and due to all the fuss she read 50 shades, she then started reading what I thought was mummy porn but it turned out to be a lot harder and it opened her eyes to everything kinky and hardcore, it was when we found LH that she realised the stories were a bit more than fiction and there were couples out there living those stories, now we're one of those couples, not saying it's the answer for you but a Kindle changed my life like I could never have dreamt!

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    Nikki and rich [sign in to see picture]
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    Id like more variety to be honest however if she ever became comfortable with the idea of going into kink that would be great too. I've been with her 3 years and I still don't know what turns her on she shuts down and reverts back to the safe "I don't know" answer iv bought the board game LUST of LH and she seems to be interested by it I think this might open her up in a non direct way if that makes sense.

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    [suspended user]

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    miss_s wrote:

    Talk, be honest. You might be surprised at what she does like, or want to try 😊

    100% agree!

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Nikki and rich wrote:

    Id like more variety to be honest however if she ever became comfortable with the idea of going into kink that would be great too. I've been with her 3 years and I still don't know what turns her on she shuts down and reverts back to the safe "I don't know" answer iv bought the board game LUST of LH and she seems to be interested by it I think this might open her up in a non direct way if that makes sense.

    So that's two different things, which may or may not be related depending on her orientation regarding kink.

    I like Fluff's suggestion of asking about specific things rather than open-ended. What's simpler under pressure - yes/no, multiple choice or an essay? :-)

    A variation on Fluff's suggestion would be to do something small every now and then and ask 'Do you like it when I do this?' Then maybe something a bit more. The immediacy of the stimulus to the question might make it easier for her to talk about it, especially if she just has to manage a yes or not really. You can make it romantic too, whispering in her ear and all, if that would put her at her ease or please her.

    Basically, make it comfortable and simple for her to begin talking about her preferences. Not her fantasies, that can be complicated. Not everyone has describable fantasies or ones they have any inclination to act on, including some of us who are comfortable talking about our sexual preferences.

    That's how I see it anyway. Create opportunities for her to talk about her preferences in small ways. And make sure you're listening to what she tells you without words - you do know a lot about what turns her on already, pay attention and trust yourself.

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    Kasey [sign in to see picture]
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    What i found interesting was this site -http://mojoupgrade.com/

    You both answer a set of questions, and then things you have in common are displayed.

    if it really just is a case of shyness, this might help you like it helped me.

    1394011655
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    Kasey wrote:

    What i found interesting was this site -http://mojoupgrade.com/

    You both answer a set of questions, and then things you have in common are displayed.

    if it really just is a case of shyness, this might help you like it helped me.

    That looks really good Kasey, I think I am going to do this ith my OH, should be very interesting I would imagine :)

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    regular_john [sign in to see picture]
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    For a long time I felt I was much kinkier than my lady, and the difference in our kink levels made me wonder whether or not we'd ever be truly sexually compatible. A few weeks ago, she confided in me that she'd really like to spank me. We've done plenty of spanking before (Femdom relationship), so this was nothing new

    However...

    ...now she said she wanted to spank me until I cried. She did (kinda, I'm not really one for tears) and was hornier than I've ever seen her afterwards.

    I'm no longer worried about a difference in kinkiness between us :-)

    Take home message: For someone relatively new to kinky fun, it can take a long time (a few years, in her case) before it becomes really enjoyable.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    There is one angle I think hasn't been mentioned, have you asked if she is a total submissive? She may just want you to totally dominate her. Be submissive to all your kinky ideas. If you just ask she may just want you to do what ever you want to her. I was really surprised when I found this out about my wife. I had spent a lot of time trying to be a good husband kind and considerate. Thinking of her and her needs and all along what she really wanted was me to tie her up and use her how ever I wanted. I could not believe how turned on she was by it. This actually took a lot of doing on my behalf , all most roll play to be able to achieve it. We now do it a lot, the next ice breaker is to see if she can do it to me. This has really taken her out of her comfort zone but she says she wants to try.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    The other thing is kinkyness whatever that is I guess is like sex drives, it's seldom that you find two lovers in a long-term relationship that are matched. This has to be talked through and some form of compromise adopted.

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    kinky-for-you [sign in to see picture]
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    Try playing monogamy my OH and I are very open but we found this such great fun and still learnt so much about what each other likes. The level one cards are a questions like if I were a fruit what would I be and why? Plenty of drinking gets you relaxed and giggly through level one and 2 and 3 get far naughtier. You collect and swap fantasy cards the whole way through only keeping your favourite 2 at the end. Should give you a good idea of she is into by what she keeps and encourage her to do some things she might not have thought about while playing. It's not a clingy game at all it was great fun and we talked and laughed and played

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    LAR [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes man wrote:

    My OH had no kinky side at all for the first 10 years we were together, I tried to talk to her about it and it got as far as some kinky underwear, I used to get the attitude that I should be happy with what I was getting! Then for her birthday I bought her a Kindle and because people cant see what your reading and due to all the fuss she read 50 shades, she then started reading what I thought was mummy porn but it turned out to be a lot harder and it opened her eyes to everything kinky and hardcore, it was when we found LH that she realised the stories were a bit more than fiction and there were couples out there living those stories, now we're one of those couples, not saying it's the answer for you but a Kindle changed my life like I could never have dreamt!

    yes man, You've asked to be friends .. not having used this site before for anything other than purchasing and looking at toys for the other half ( i'm thankful you requested to be friend ...) but why... you have My lisa worried that you know us LOL

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