• how to get OH interested

    1393618756
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    aggie.w wrote:

    Hi, well I've mentioned getting some toys to use to my OH and he's not overly excited but he did say he would think about giving it a go so I think we're making progress :)

    You will get there, your avatar looks super sexy can't believe he will turn you down. He's a very lucky guy that you want to do this with him. Take it slow and keep talking to him. Good luck.

    1393619626
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    I was just thinking exactly the same thing but didn't want to say so in case she though i was some kind of perv. I've not been on here long enough and absolutely dont want to upset what to me are lovely people.

    1393623205
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    aggie.w wrote:

    Hi, well I've mentioned getting some toys to use to my OH and he's not overly excited but he did say he would think about giving it a go so I think we're making progress :)

    You will get there, your avatar looks super sexy can't believe he will turn you down. He's a very lucky guy that you want to do this with him. Take it slow and keep talking to him. Good luck.

    While I see this as meaning well and as trying to give a nice compliment, I have been told this before "I can't see why he wouldnt sleep with you, you're so hot" or similar and to be honest, it made me feel worse...like "Great...so as long as I am hot then eh? What about everything else about me that counts"...

    so yeah, I see you meant well though, but women are more to men that simply "hot or not" and relationships are complex, he could be off sex for various reasons, none of which are anything to do with OPs looks, but if you make it about women's looks, it just adds to the insecurity, the fear that women MUST be hot..or basically fail at life.

    1393623337
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Actually I will go further and say its an insult to the man too! That all he cares for is looks and this is the only thing that should make him horny is a womans looks, when often, men are deeper creatures just like us women, they just dont express it maybe as gushingly as females do. hehe

    1393623482
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    Well said!

    1393623993
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Actually I will go further and say its an insult to the man too! That all he cares for is looks and this is the only thing that should make him horny is a womans looks, when often, men are deeper creatures just like us women, they just dont express it maybe as gushingly as females do. hehe

    Understood fluffbags, but as you guessed just trying to help with confidence by paying a compliment. If you or Maggie.w think this is misguided or UN helpfully my apologies. It has always interested me the difference between what a man thinks is a compliment and a woman doesn't.

    1393624640
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    Me too, it's a potential minefield if your not very careful and you know the lady well. Last thing i want to do is upset anyone and if anything i tend to be overprotective towards ladys, i'm what some would call a new man (whatever that is) but i can be a bit old fashioned at times too. Chivalry aint dead yet lol.

    1393625006
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Actually I will go further and say its an insult to the man too! That all he cares for is looks and this is the only thing that should make him horny is a womans looks, when often, men are deeper creatures just like us women, they just dont express it maybe as gushingly as females do. hehe

    After all we men are on here to be educated as well you know. Have learnt so much in my short time here.

    1393625246
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    +1

    1393627368
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Well its not entirely out faults. We grow up in this society that teaches us the values of others and learn what is around us and often mean well but in reality can say things that are stereotyped into us from age 0 onwards.

    I don't like chivalry. I remember a post about it once and I fear I am in the minority on that one because lots of women like a bit of chivalry. I personally had a lot to say and a lot to hate about it, but thats all on another thread:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/off-topic/667604-is-chivalry-dead-would-you-prefer-it-to-be/

    The idea that women automatically need protecting because they ARE woman infers they are the weaker sex. Why not say "I am protective of people" or "I am protective of friends" Not all men are fighters and not all women want to have men fighting for, or over them. So to state you are protective of women (I guess you mean jumping in to "defend" them) first of all insinuates you do not trust a woman to care for herself and be smart enough to know when she is in danger or needs help and also implies you don't think she is capable of protecting herself. You take away her choice this way, to decide how she wants to handle the situation.

    Green Giant: I totally got that your comment was aimed as a compliment and a "pick me up" and I just wanted to point out that while I am sure you didn't even think of it like I am (and most probably won't tbh) these are insidious ways of keeping this societal divide in value and worth between men and woman.

    I sometimes find it slightly amazing that the female body can be commented on so freely, I mean, we all find it so easy to say "Your so sexy" to any woman, even a stranger, but to say to a male "Your so rich" .... lol Going to attempt a reverse, see if it sounds right:

    "I can't believe she won't sleep with you man, I mean look at your bank balance, your so rich!"

    Hehe. Anyway...yeah, just my opinion as always and of course I understand the comment the way you intended it but my thoughts tend to just go BLAHHH over a page and derail the thread so, never mind me...I wasn't here! lol

    Edit: Oh and just so you know, I hate chivalry and I hate equality but I love men just as much as women. Happily in a 4 year relationship with a sexy man and I see it the female Yin and the Male Yang and together on this world we make it complete....just wanted to get that out now lol

    1393630888
    aggie.w [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not at all insulted, I understand where your coming from saying the pic was nice, and would like to say thank you for the compliment and support.

    1393630985
    mckenzie [sign in to see picture]
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    i will do it for you aggie xxxxxxx

    1393631373
    northern boy [sign in to see picture]
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    mcKenzie,did you get that gear from LH?

    1393631428
    mckenzie [sign in to see picture]
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    yes ordered some more cant wait to try them on xxx

    1393631518
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh fluffy, I love your posts and view, but aggie.w has only posted a hand full of times and she had posted a sexy avatar. There was nothing else to complement her on. This is a forum about sex and sexuality. Just because you hate chivalry not all do. You are obviously an educated and articulate lady who wants to be seen as sexy for who you are and not just your body, that's amazing but not everyone has that ability. Most people post here looking for help or other people's opinions. You are a great source of advice and knowledge and have made me think differently about some topics but just because I gave a simple complaint in no way means I am demeaning or seeking to belittle. I am sorry if this is a little strong in opinion and depth. However that is how your comment felt to me.

    Posted as a forum friend who greatly values opinions and views.

    1393631561
    northern boy [sign in to see picture]
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    How many pieces and name please ive just gotta have it for OH you look stunning

    1393631833
    northern boy [sign in to see picture]
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    if my other half saw that pic of you shed probably lick the monitor lol

    1393631870
    mckenzie [sign in to see picture]
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    anytime love that xxxx

    1393632330
    northern boy [sign in to see picture]
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    Enjoy your night (sure you will) nice talking to you hope to do it again some time,Uploading picture soon mcKenzie. XXXX

    1393632623
    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Well its not entirely out faults. We grow up in this society that teaches us the values of others and learn what is around us and often mean well but in reality can say things that are stereotyped into us from age 0 onwards.

    I don't like chivalry. I remember a post about it once and I fear I am in the minority on that one because lots of women like a bit of chivalry. I personally had a lot to say and a lot to hate about it, but thats all on another thread:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/off-topic/667604-is-chivalry-dead-would-you-prefer-it-to-be/

    The idea that women automatically need protecting because they ARE woman infers they are the weaker sex. Why not say "I am protective of people" or "I am protective of friends" Not all men are fighters and not all women want to have men fighting for, or over them. So to state you are protective of women (I guess you mean jumping in to "defend" them) first of all insinuates you do not trust a woman to care for herself and be smart enough to know when she is in danger or needs help and also implies you don't think she is capable of protecting herself. You take away her choice this way, to decide how she wants to handle the situation.

    Green Giant: I totally got that your comment was aimed as a compliment and a "pick me up" and I just wanted to point out that while I am sure you didn't even think of it like I am (and most probably won't tbh) these are insidious ways of keeping this societal divide in value and worth between men and woman.

    I sometimes find it slightly amazing that the female body can be commented on so freely, I mean, we all find it so easy to say "Your so sexy" to any woman, even a stranger, but to say to a male "Your so rich" .... lol Going to attempt a reverse, see if it sounds right:

    "I can't believe she won't sleep with you man, I mean look at your bank balance, your so rich!"

    Hehe. Anyway...yeah, just my opinion as always and of course I understand the comment the way you intended it but my thoughts tend to just go BLAHHH over a page and derail the thread so, never mind me...I wasn't here! lol

    Edit: Oh and just so you know, I hate chivalry and I hate equality but I love men just as much as women. Happily in a 4 year relationship with a sexy man and I see it the female Yin and the Male Yang and together on this world we make it complete....just wanted to get that out now lol

    Eeek! like i said earlier, it's a potential minefield. Dont get me wrong, I fully agree re equality, it's just that i personally know a couple of women who were very badly abused by their partners and even thinking about it makes me very angry indeed and it tends to affect my judgement sometimes. I did not mean to infer they are a weaker sex, sorry if thats the impression i gave. I'll shut up now because there is no right answer and i'll just end up digging a deeper hole for myself if i keep going x

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