• Oh going on his first lads holiday

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    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    To be honest with you, I don't think you should talk to him about it, and I think you should let him go.

    I know you said not to talk to him about it but i feel like i need to set some ground rules,or tell him what i wont be happy about if x or z happens.Do you think that would be ok?He has gave me plenty of ultimatems(sorry i'm really bad at spelling) throughout our relationship.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah you can tell him that, that's fine. But just don't be too harsh on him. You'll know when he comes back because he'll probably act differently. I just have a sense about these things, and when I was cheated on I just had a feeling, then a few months later it come out of the woodwork from someone else who told me, then all the puzzle pieces fell into place and I dumped him. I told him I might be able to forgive him if he told me what happened, he did, and I still didn't give him a second chance. I just wanted to hear the truth.

    I don't agree with you saying that women are home wreckers for doing so, if the girl is single, she's not doing anything wrong. The likely place he's going to meet someone is in a club, with loud music, chances are he wont even be able to tell someone he has a girlfriend, or worse, he might choose not to tell them. Even if a girl did come onto him, it's still not her fault, he has a tongue in his head, he can say no. Even when my ex cheated on me, I didn't blame the girl, even though she knew he had a girlfriend. He didn't have to peruse it, fair enough, it was immoral of her to do so, but he was in the wrong because he was the one in a relationship, he could have said no.

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    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    Yeah you can tell him that, that's fine. But just don't be too harsh on him. You'll know when he comes back because he'll probably act differently. I just have a sense about these things, and when I was cheated on I just had a feeling, then a few months later it come out of the woodwork from someone else who told me, then all the puzzle pieces fell into place and I dumped him. I told him I might be able to forgive him if he told me what happened, he did, and I still didn't give him a second chance. I just wanted to hear the truth.

    Well he said he will ring mw when he gets over there but i dont think he will cos i think he will forget about me.Thats what im thinking:1 month down the line he tells me something has happended when he was on holiday.I know when he is lieing but i think if he really wanted to cover this up he would.He told me not long a go that this women who lives near him as asked him for sex,he said no but it has been going on for about a month,The only reason i think he said no was cos she wasn't his type,not cos of me.But its the fact he kept it frome me for a month,also,he told me when he was younger(he is 23 now) he cheated on all his gf's,im the only one he hasn't cheated on.

    If he tells a girl he has a gf,surely any girl would back the fuck off?

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    -Chelsea [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been reading this thread with interest HT as you sound exactly how I used to sound.

    I have been with my OH for 4 years now and like any other girl, we have our struggles due to my insecurities but frankly.. trust has to be the foundation of any solid relationship.

    I also used to have trust issues but you have to learn to let go as not everyone is the same and at the end of the day, they will do whatever they want to do. If your bf is going to cheat, he will do it, regardless of what rules you set him. In fact, the calmer you are qbout his holiday, the less likely it will be in his mind as the pressure is off and you will find this will make him miss and appreciate you more.

    I have to say what cemented my relationship was the fact my OH went to NZ for 3 months, just as I started at Lovehoney. At first, I was worried that he might meet someone else or might feel differently about me upon his return but I can honestly say it was the best thing thathappened to us! I got a great new job wuth lovely people (obviously :p) and I regained some invaluable independence, such as hanging out with long lost friends or having some 'me' time. I found I was so busy, that we had so much to talk about and we skyped everyday, which did help.

    I would advise asking him to ring you or drop you a few texts during the holiday, just to check in and then you know he is thinking about you :-)- I still ask my OH to do this for safety reasons as I like to know he's got there OK and I genuinely want to know he's having a good time! The little insecurities are still there but at the end of the day, your OH is with you a reason and should love you for you! If not, he is not worth your time.

    I will say berating other girls for what your boyfriend may choose to do or not do isn't fair. Yes, we would like to think they would back off if he does admit he has a gf but as others have said, he may not do that, if he decides to act in such a way. Either way, he is the one in the wrong as he is the one that's commitited.. not them.

    I think what;s important is to open up about your issues and you will probably find he is extremely understanding and sympathetic.. if not.. show him the door!

    Sorry for my waffle but I hope this helps you in some way :-)

    C x

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    -Chelsea [sign in to see picture]
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    Also, I noticed in your other threads that you have mentioned your OH is too busy for you and is selfish in bed?

    I would definitely be re-evaluating the pros and cons of this partnership as it is not good for your self-esteem.

    Just remember, all of the lovely LH form users are here for you should you need any further advice! x

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I totally agree with all of Chelsea's comments. If he tells a girl he has a girlfriend, yeah they should back off, and most girls will. Even if they don't, which is probably pretty rare, he can still say no and use his legs to walk away. It's really that simple. He doesn't have to get off with her, it's totally 100% his choice whether he acts on it or not.

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    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Chelsea wrote:

    Also, I noticed in your other threads that you have mentioned your OH is too busy for you and is selfish in bed?

    I would definitely be re-evaluating the pros and cons of this partnership as it is not good for your self-esteem.

    Just remember, all of the lovely LH form users are here for you should you need any further advice! x

    Yea he works night but im getting sick of defending him by saying that he does,he always has time to pick his mum up form work,see his mates before he goes to work for a quick 'smoke' and pick his mates up to go to work so why shouldnt he have time for me? his recent excuse is,he isnt going to let his um get a bus home,even though in the UK,its not getting dark unitll about 7 now,and that he needs his sleep

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you both need to have a discussion with each other about where you want the relationship to go. It seems like you have too many issues in the relationship that can be solved by people on a forum. Communication is key in a relationship, and I think your best chance of getting answers is to talk properly with him.

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    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally. I wouldn't expect my partner to ask. Not seriously anyway.

    He's joked about going on a Lads holiday with his other friend who also has a girlfriend, but they're not really going - He just likes to laugh about getting away from me and the kids for a while

    If he's seriously going even though he knows you're not happy (whether you said the word yes or not he knows you're worried) then I'd consider that a tipping point to evaluating the relationship.


    We as women can sometimes tend to have this thing where we know thing's aren't great but we just don't want to be single and searching. Its like it's better to have a little of something consistently [Love] than lots of it with uncontrollable periods of nothing at all.
    That's not true. You need to work on it together and if not then find the person who is going to love you properly and enjoy your life TOGETHER (small breaks required, Lads holidays are not.)

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    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    amandammmm wrote:

    If I may say something, please don't take offence, but, you're relationship sounds volcanic.

    I'm not offended lol.It is defo as you say 'volcanic'.It has been ever since we got together.It hasn't been easy but we have been through a lot together and some how managed to stay together.I defo think we need to talk more and commincate,its jsut very hard when we are never together,only at weekends.

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