• Why do men feel the need to watch porn when they can have sex whenever they want

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    Sexymegz [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Guys

    I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. I recently found that my hubby to be has been looking at naked pics of woman and watching porn on his mobile phone. Now before anyone says that is terrible that you need to look through your guys phone well I wasnt I was actually looking for the number for the dress shop i got my wedding dress from when the search results popped up on google. Now my guy lets me use his phone whenever I need to but this really hurt as I am the type of girl who gives everything to please there guy and I'm willing to give him him sex whenever he wants ( just once a week his choice not mine ). Ive spoke to him about this and he says that this was ages ago but I'm worried that Im not doing it for him anymore as I feel he needs to look at this instead of having sex with me and his phone is full of nakes celebs and when these celebs come on tv he is like a dog drooling over a bone.

    Any help would be great

    Worried wife to be

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    Men like to masterbate which 'you' don't always have to be part off. It's not always about whether he has sex on offer whenever he wants. It's also not about fancying women in porn. Men just think about and visualise sex a lot more than women.

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    OrdinaryMan [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, don't feel threatened by it.

    It's fantasy, including the celeb element.

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd be concerned if he starts making excuses to not have sex at all, yet still find time to look at porn. If it starts to get in the way then you need to have a conversation.

    However I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years and I still look at porn on my own. And so does he, and sometimes we even watch together.

    Porn only becomes a problem if you make it one, or if it comes to a point where it's the only way he's getting off.

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    Agreed with David ^^^^^^

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    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have sex for medical reasons with my hubby I miss this of course but I have crushes and hubby loves taking the Mick out of me, he knows because he can't anymore we've discussed this that's how I cope with that and toys. Please don't beat yourself up, now if he didn't want sex and gave no excuse medical ect and didn't pay attention I'm hoping he still does then.start questioning hope I've not offended you.

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    Sexymegz [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your replies guys.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Men looking at porn doesn't mean that they're lusting after other women, they're probably not even looking at it and thinking 'woah she's amazing I wish she was my wife'. It's just not the case, they look at porn because it's a way of making masturbation quick, and not just trying to imagine that their hand is something else.

    It also might be the case that he doesn't feel comfortable enough asking you for sex, or instigating it. When you have sex, is it you that instigates it or him? If you think it's affecting your relationship then you should talk to him. It's not just a case of 'well I'm here if he wants to stick it in' that probably just gives him the impression that you're just having sex for his sake and not because you enjoy it too, and that will put him off coming to you when he does want to have sex, because he'll think it's just for his benefit, and not want to bother you.

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    jackjohn [sign in to see picture]
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    watching porn, masturbation and sex are three different but overlapping things. porn can be seen for it's visual appeal, sometimes beauty, on its own, or part of sex or masturbation.

    masturbation can be with or without porn and part of sex too.

    for me at least, watching porn and masturbation aren't substitutes for or alternatives to sex with mrs jj. they're connected, but separate needs and desires.

    so there's no need for jealousy or concern, sexymegz - he can like porn, fantasize about celebs and love you and love sex with you without these things conflicting or contradicting. enjoying porn and fantasies might even increase his sex drive and want you more.

    talking about the porn either of you like and your fantasies, can bring you closer and make sex better. what's not to like in that? have fun...

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    ShannonMarlene [sign in to see picture]
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    On the other hand, I'm a woman and sometimes I like to watch porn and masturbate alone even though sex is always available to me 24/7 (I live with my OH) I don't do it because I don't want him, I just like some me time sometimes without worrying about anyone else.
    I can't really speak for his side as he's never really been into porn and masturbation. He does it occasionally but it's rare.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a woman who watches porn and I can tell you that, from my experience at least, I don't watch it because I am missing something in my relationship. In fact I am perfectly satisfied and when with him, I also want to keep him satisfied.

    Anyway, men and woman (for the most part) are wired up differently when it comes to arousal and sex. Its in our biology. Now just assume everything I am about to say starts with the words "Most" or "in general" because there are many exceptions to every "rule" but it saves me typing those words out each time I refer to "men and women"

    Women tend to get more turned on with more of an emotional connection, whereas men are more visual. That's not to say men don't have an emotional involvement, they do of course, but men are often more turned on by visuals and it is often why they report some of their favourite positions as being ones where they can look down and see your bottom, or see the penetration, or see your breasts bounce and wobble. They are totally into watching our nipples harden or our orgasm faces and many other visual things. Now, it is a lot rarer that I hear a woman say "God, you know what REALLY turns me on? Watching his balls swing while we have sex"

    Women on the other hand, tend to be masters of the imagination. Drifting away fantasising in our heads, thinking about that favourite fantasy, or imagining a time when we were with our partners that really turned us on and even elaborating on that and turning it into our fantasy sex.

    Most of my exes and my current partner have admitted to watching porn and masturbating (I say admitted like its a negative thing, but thats how it seemed, almost like they were nervous to say they did) but being visual creatures it is harder for them to go into their head and bring back a faded memory. This is what porn is, its easy. Its like women thinking of their "Never fails me" fantasy or grabbing a vibrator, its easier. Watching porn for men is kinda like grabbing a microwave meal, its easy and will do the job of sating that hunger, but in reality men would much rather have that steak dinner, with all the trimmings. That doesn't mean that now and again, they don't just fancy a quick and easy microwave meal, because variety is the spice of life.

    Porn is a masturbatory tool. It is not really that much different than a sex toy, in that its main job is to get the user from A to orgasm, after which, it gets switched off (just like a sex toy) and never thought of again until the next time the urge pops up.

    You are not the only person who is threatened by porn. It is reasonaby common for some people to feel threatened by things that help their partner reach orgasm, or get aroused, without them. Sex toys and vibrators can have this effect on some males and porn has this effect on some woman, but porn, or sex toys are not a threat to your relationship and certainly do not represent how you feel about your partner.

    I like to think of it this way: trying to censor your partners viewing of porn, or telling your woman that she is not "allowed" to own a sex toy, is trying to censor a basic urge that we all have. In my view it is the equivilent of telling a woman she is not allowed to fantasise about any other person, or sexy scenario that they have not already done together as lovers. It's like someone telling your partner they can never think about XYZ in a fantasy because you feel threatened by it.

    It is trying to diminish the threat felt by the sex toy, porn or fantasy because WE feel insecure about what that means. Does it mean we are not good enough? Does it mean we cannot make them orgasm and they need all these "tools" to help?

    It doesn't mean any of that though and it is certainly not cheating. Heck if thinking or watching was considered cheating, 99.9% of us would be guilty of it.

    This is who we are as human beings. We have the luxury of imagination and we all use it. We also have basic urges and we have all been satisfying them since forever. I can imagine your husband masturbated long before he met you and likewise, you did too. This is a natural urge but sometimes we need a little something something to spark our imaginations, to get us from A to O and this is where toys/porn/fantasising comes in.

    Actually, a surprising amount of people still masturbate when together with a partner. Even when happy with a partner, even when completely satisfied with a partner and masturbating does not indicate a lack of interest in your partner. My partner and I have sex about 4 or 5 times a week and I have the higher sex drive. I still masturbate, for the following reasons:

    1) He isn't available. Maybe is is away, or busy, or sick, or not in the mood. Whatever the reason, I feel aroused and want an orgasm. I don't think any less of him and would, on these occasions prefer sex with him, but it isnt on the table

    2) I just want to do it alone. The reasons have nothing to do with him. He turns me on like crazy and I love him to bits, but sometimes I don't want a sex session. Sometimes I want to chill out, lie back in the bath, close my eyes and relax on my own. I can't explain why, but what i do know is that it has nothing to do with him, his skills, his sexiness or anything like that. I just want to do it alone. The urge is there and I don't want to have a big, full on session. maybe there is no time, or privacy to have a full on session with him. So a quick, alone time session is like a stress reliever of sorts.

    I would not give up my masturbation. I can tell you why...I like the variety. Again it has nothing to do with "Oh he doesn't satisfy me" and more to do with the enjoyment of variety. In the bedroom together, we use hands, mouths and genitals, we use words and touches...and all of this is variety, but so is masturbating alone and sometimes I want that option. for no other reason than I haven't done it for a while and the idea of doing it turns me on. Just like if you never ever gave each other oral, eventually it would be missed. The tools I use while masturbating (Porn/Sex toys/fantasies) are just that, tools to help me along. Sometimes I am horny but exhausted and just want a quick wank without the effort required for a sex session.

    Have you even masturbated in front of each other? It is a very arousing thing to do together as a couple. I would honestly suggest you bring that into your sex life together, rather than seeing masturbation as a secretive, bad thing, celebrate it as another variety, more spice. Watching each other masturbate is extremely sexy, plus it gives you both pointers on how the other likes to touch themselves. It feels naughty too, which adds to the arousal.

    Unless he is masturbating to the point where he would actively turn down sex with you, to go and wank in the bathroom, I can assure you wholeheartedly you have nothing...NOTHING to worry about with his habit and his reasons for doing it could include either feeling like he has the higher sex drive and is actually avoiding pestering you for sex all the time (Even though you are happy to have it) because he thinks you will start assuming all he wants is sex sex sex. Yeah, some men actually go masturbate out of fear of their lady assuming they are just after one thing. Secondly he could be in the common group of people who just occasionally enjoy a little solo time and I can assure you, it has nothing to do with you (Eg: He still loves you and finds you attractive and loves your sex life)

    Sorry, this turned out long.

    Good luck though and please, don't worry. Its only if he chooses his habit over you all the time that you need be concerned and just so you know, allowing him to indulge in his habit won't make him gradually enjoy doing that more and more and abandoning you...As humans, we love variety.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    ^^^ amazing advice!

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi sexymegz welcome to the forums. I agree with fluffbags and stuburns. Please don't worry and don't make him feel guilty, It's normal. It sounds like you have a slightly higher sex drivee than your partner. Just because he is looking at porn it doesn't necessarily mean he is masturbating. You say he can have sex when ever he wants it, that isn't possible, just sleep and work alone makes that not possible. Time shared with other people in puplic. I am sorry I am being very literal.

    You are desperate to please your OH and can't understand why he would look at porn when you are offering yourself. It's not that he doesn't want you it's just sexy to do. You must talk but not negatively offer to look at some with him share it. We have been married for 25 years and make love about 3 times a week, but I still enjoy looking at porn I don't always masterbate and my wife knows. She enjoys watching it occasionally with me, I like finding porn that she may like to look at. Please don't look to deeply and try to talk about it positively. Keep posting for more help and guidance.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    How often would you like sex with your partner?

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    Sexymegz [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    Men looking at porn doesn't mean that they're lusting after other women, they're probably not even looking at it and thinking 'woah she's amazing I wish she was my wife'. It's just not the case, they look at porn because it's a way of making masturbation quick, and not just trying to imagine that their hand is something else.

    It also might be the case that he doesn't feel comfortable enough asking you for sex, or instigating it. When you have sex, is it you that instigates it or him? If you think it's affecting your relationship then you should talk to him. It's not just a case of 'well I'm here if he wants to stick it in' that probably just gives him the impression that you're just having sex for his sake and not because you enjoy it too, and that will put him off coming to you when he does want to have sex, because he'll think it's just for his benefit, and not want to bother you.

    Hi Mrs McX

    Thanks for the info :) Whenever me and my hubby to be have sex its usually me that starts stuff. I would love if he started things more often. Whenever we do have sex I always tell him what feels good and what I enjoy him doing. I do my very best to make sure he knows that I enjoy it just as much as him.

    Thanks again

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    In that case, he might just be nervous about instigating sex, maybe you should ask him if he is? I think communicating as much as you can with him will help you to both be more comfortable x

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    jeffngloria [sign in to see picture]
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    In my case I only watch porn to provoke a bit of sexual desire , I don't watch it while masturbating , sometimes, sex is not on my mind at all , its like I do want to have sex but watching a bit of porn makes me really want sex , if that makes sense , its like a bit of visual stimulation stokes up my libido a little bit ,,

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    dkink [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags nailed it as far as i'm concerned.

    The only thing i could add is that when i was younger, fear of being caught jerking off meant it had to be over and done with quickly which means a guy gets used to doing the opposite of what is required in a relationship. It would be most unsatisfying for a woman if shes just getting interested when her partner orgasms and it all has to start over again. I used to masterbate before hand (sorry) if i knew there was a chance i might get lucky, so that i could last longer in bed and (hopefully) be a better lover.

    It has no relation to how he feels about you at all, it's just what he's used to doing, he would probably tell you that himself if asked.

    Communication is the way forward as always but be tactful, especially if he's likely to be embarassed.

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    Sexymegz [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys for all you great helpful info :) its made me feel a little easier knowing that my man isnt going off me lol as we do have a great sex life we had a little chat about a few things last night so fingers crossed

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi sexymegz, That sounds really promising. Good luck and keep posting.

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