• Boyfriend to busy for me

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    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok,i will try and keep it short.

    Me and my OH have been together for over 2 years,still to this day,we see each other once a week,he lives 20 mins away and he drives.He works nights,so i understand he needs his sleep.He used to come down and see me in the week and take me to work(zero hour contract job) but that has stopped,i make my own way to work,instead he is always running around picking people up from work or taking them to work,friends family etc.I feel like everybody else is benifeting from him drving and our relationship isn't.I cant remember the last time he came down to see me in the week,he always makes out he has no time,but he can pick his mum up from work,EVERDAY at the same time. When we do see each other there is no affection what so ever,other than the bedroom,at one point he was all over me,but now,im lucky to get a kiss off him.

    I feel like im drifting apart from him because he just doesnt make no effort into seeing me,we hardly talk either and when we do see each other,we always go to his mates,where he will look after his friends kids and just 'smoke',so im sat there like a spare part =/

    Is he too comforatble in this relationship and feels everything is ok,or his he losing interest?I also find it hard to sit and talk to him cos he has a temper

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    LilMissFrustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    Dump him. Get another one. You need to look long term as well as now. If you cant talk to him because of his temper and he puts everyone else first, its time to move on. No excuses, no but I love him crap, Im being harsh I know but trust me on this. Get rid. Move on.

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    crazy horse [sign in to see picture]
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    LilMissFrustrated wrote:

    Dump him. Get another one. You need to look long term as well as now. If you cant talk to him because of his temper and he puts everyone else first, its time to move on. No excuses, no but I love him crap, Im being harsh I know but trust me on this. Get rid. Move on.

    +1 especially the temper.

    1393082396
    Hellotitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not a busy person at all,i volunteer once a week and i have a zero hour contract job.Is it becuase im not a busy person,im feeling like this? as i have more time on my hands or what?

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with whats already been said. Don't ignore the warning signs - The Temper would be setting off alarm bells in my head, and should be in yours.

    Only once a week and 20 minutes away? For 2 years? Honey, you need to get out now whilst you still have your dignity. He's not worth the heartache - you can do so much better.

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    jackjohn [sign in to see picture]
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    if he were into you he'd put some effort in.

    if you can't tell him how you feel, because you're affraid of his temper then dump him and find someone who cares and who you can comminicate with.

    either he's lost interest or he already has someone else.

    good luck.

    1393082930
    LilMissFrustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    Hellotitty wrote:

    I'm not a busy person at all,i volunteer once a week and i have a zero hour contract job.Is it becuase im not a busy person,im feeling like this? as i have more time on my hands or what?

    No you are being perfectly reasonable. What's scaring me and many others is his temper. If you know he has a temper then you may have been on the end of it. The temper won't get better and you are not in a healthy relationship if you are to scared to speak. Use your free time to look for someone new. You deserve a lot better. Wise up sweet and move on.
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    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    He sounds like an idiot. If he can't make time for you then wave goodbye.
    Every relationship I've been in the Guys have been spending as much time with me as possible.... Even after 2 years. That's not me being big headed and saying in great, what in saying is that when someone cares about you they want to see you as much as possible. And when they do see you, they should treat you like you are the most important thing on the planet.
    As for his temper issue. That's not someone you want a future with. Get rid of him now before he gets your down anymore and you waste anymore of your time on him.

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    myghost [sign in to see picture]
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    Dump him this guy clearly isn't interested in you if he can only bother to make time for you once a week even then showing virtually no interest despite living quite near by i'm sure you can do much better than be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you

    1393094284
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Get rid and now temper is never good also he seems very selfish to you, Yes it will hurt but in the long term you need someone who'll put the effort in. And he isn't hugs.

    1393095010
    Lucky Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Get rid, if he can't be bother to make an effort now he never will and while you are wasting your time staying with him you might miss the opportunity of being with someone who will treat you so much better.

    You deserve to be treated so much better, so don't settle for less!

    1393096166
    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    If I couldn't talk to someone because of their temper that would be a big warning sign.If he's not paying you any attention now it's not going to get any better further down the road , I would say if he's not willing to talk calmly about this problem then its time to move on to someone who appreciates you.

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    LostInTheWoods11 [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with all of the above, sadly

    *Hugs*

    Alice

    xoxox

    1393098899
    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    Im always astounded how beautiful intelligent women can waste so much time being used as door mats by losers. Dump the prick, or risk wasting another two years. Why are you prepared to let this guy take you for granted?

    1393100851
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    My tuppence worth:

    Relationships require give and take. That also means it requires a little work and compromise from both partners. They are about mutual respect and understanding too.

    Do you think your boyfriend is giving you any of these things?

    As for the temper thing, it really depends on what you mean by temper. If you mean he gets defensive and gets a little shouty and stompy then...I know plenty of people like that and I don't think its anything more than feeling guilty that their behaviour is being called up. I actually think arguing can be healthy, so long as it is constructive and there are no lines being crossed, like violence, threats or if it has just reduced to insults.

    In other words, if he is actually a violent, nasty bully...leave and don't waste your time. If however you are afraid of confronting him (Some people would rather stay quiet than get into an arguement) then I would say write him a letter and explain exactly how you feel and ask him if he will sit and talk to you without getting all shouty and defensive.

    My answer to if you are being taken for granted is this.....its different for everyone. Its not about "Well, my best mate reckons you should be together 24/7 but my other friend believes in absence makes the heart grow fonder" etc....What matters, and what is true to you is simply this.....How do you feel about it?

    You are neither right or wrong, he is neither right or wrong...and if both of you were happy with the arrangement then there is no problem right? The difference is, you are unhappy...so the answer then is "Yep, there is an issue you need to resolve" You should both give that compromise and make the effort to keep to the comrpomise (The work I referred to before) and if he is unwilling to do that, then maybe you have your answer xx

    Good luck x

    1393101631
    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd say ask yourself if you want to continue the realtionship, then ask him he wants to continue the relationship, if not, you know where you stand and can move on. If so you need to tell him, he can't continue the way he is.

    If his temper makes this impossible, it really is as simple as get shot of him before you become a prisoner to him, really your whole life is a lot to commit to someone who mistreats you.

    1393103932
    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's very rare to see such a resounding "get rid" response on here. That's because most of the people on here know that relationships take a lot of give and take and if there's a good side to the relationship then there's certain efforts that can be made to improve the communication and from there the other areas of the relationship.

    The reason there's so many saying "get rid" here is because it really doesn't soudn like there's a good/saving side to this relationship. It sounds like you get nothing from it.

    so the first thing to ask yourself is not "should I leave him?" but "why do I stay with him?". If the arguements for that sound weak to you then there's the answer to the "should I leave him?" one.

    also NEVER feel bad or at fault for wanting more from a relationship (assuming you're happy to give as much yourself). Some people genuinely don't want/need much. MOST people need/want more than you sound like you're getting. But even if your relationship was better if you want more then it's fine to ask for it and go and search for it.

    1393104038
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    LilMissFrustrated wrote:

    Dump him. Get another one. You need to look long term as well as now. If you cant talk to him because of his temper and he puts everyone else first, its time to move on. No excuses, no but I love him crap, Im being harsh I know but trust me on this. Get rid. Move on.

    +1

    1393105370
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Do you make the effort to go and see him? It kind of seems like you want him to do all the leg work, but you haven't mentioned what steps you take to try and make the effort with him.

    What you really need to do is talk to him, tell him how you feel, and see if there's any solution that you can both come up with. Communication is key, and so is putting in as much as each other, and really making an effort. If after that conversation, things don't change, then consider your options. But I wouldn't just dump him without talking about it first.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I've read your other posts about him being selfish in bed and the others, combined with what you've mentioned above, it sounds like he may just be with you for the sex. I'm not saying it's a fact, but he seems totally uninterested in pleasing you, and that's not nice.

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