• OH is never 'in the mood'.. ?

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    I agree with Taylor. I can already sense a kind of resentment in your "voice" and I say this because I was in exactly the same situation many years ago with an ex and I can kinda sense in your posts how I felt back then.

    At least your guy only said "you should stop wanting it so much" mine called me a slut! lol

    Anyway...I moved on and was much happier for it. See, most people will say that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship and I do agree, as long as both of you are either content with the situation or accepting oe resigned in some way and still feel happy in the relationship. For other people though, sex IS a really important aspect of the relationship and if he has no interest in compromising with you. Sorry but he sounds a little selfish. Firstly telling you that you are in the wrong, or at the very least, not willing to listen to your hurt, he dismisses your feelings and basically says "you change" (Stop wanting it so much) and also telling you he isn't happy if you get a sex toy ....I dunno....maybe he has his own issues but if he isnt going to tell you and share with you and support you (as you support him etc) then ...well, I personally could not put up with this myself.

    You do sound unhappy. I think if you feel that nothing is going to change, then you need to think about moving on. Lest you stay unhappy for many years to come. (And trust me, that always ends badly) A break away from each other might be the best option. See how you both feel afterwards?

    This is what I would do if I was this unhappy.

    Freckles74 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    Sorry to be blunt, but life is too short, you are both young, move on and find someone more suited to you.

    bumblebee1989 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 8 Aug 2013

    Hi Kate,

    Had you lived together before September? If no, this may possibly be the reason. I was with an ex for 2 years and the sex was good and often, however in the 3rd year of our relationship we moved in together and it pretty much stopped completely. I've always been pretty horny but he never seemed to instigate it so I know exactly how you're feeling. On the times he did agree to have sex with me, usually when he was drunk, it just felt forced and awkward. We even went abroad for a romantic weeks holiday and didn't have sex once and slept in different beds! I ended up resenting him for it.

    In the end I decided enough was enough and ended the relationship. It was a big decision and involved a lot of messing around as we lived together, but it was worth it in the end. I met someone new and we now have the greatest sex life, exploring new things and are always able to satisfy each others needs, and an extra plus, we always want it at the same time, we vibe from one another. What I'm saying is, please don't stay with somebody who makes you feel like this. It is not your fault! If you've tried talking to him and there is still no reasoning or change, maybe the spark has just gone and it's time to move on. I was the same age as you when this happened to me. You will in the future meet somebody you are sexually compatible with, and it will be even better than the sex you've had before. Trust me! xx

    KateL [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 25
    • Joined: 22 Jan 2014

    Thank you all.. I do feel the spark has gone but I'm hoping we can get it back, as you've said, it could be the move up here & work etc.

    A few people have mentioned I seem unhappy but don't know this is why, the fact others have noticed it has made me second guess things..

    I saw my OH earlier, only for an hour, and things (other than the lack of sex) seem to be like before the move (happy etc) so if this continues for a few more days I will just mention something, if it's the only thing that needs fixing.

    In the meantime, I think I'll just see how it goes. I've never felt sex is important in a relationship if im honest, but the lack of it is making me unsure now.

    Thanks again, Kate.

    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 880
    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    Good luck Kate. xx

    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 288
    • Joined: 14 Apr 2009

    Can I suggest, maybe you should show him your post here and your concerns.
    Obviously you don't want things to be over, we can see that. That's why you're asking for advice in the first place!
    That being said, perhaps he needs to see that some women have higher libidos - and see that even those that are caring and giving wonderful advice, are still worried for your overall happiness.

    A relationship is give and take.
    It DOES work both ways, and if either party finds themselves dissatisfied by it, the other needs to step up and compromise. It takes work to find a perfect balance - work from you both. He could atleast speak to you more openly regarding it so that you can get a clear head on the subject & equally you need to try to assertain if there *is* anything 'wrong' with how you're handling it. (Not saying there is, just saying to talk it through and make adjustments on both sides)

    If he can't talk about it openly and with a desire to atleast bring you some emotional support for the problem in the aspect of closure, then I feel I should agree with the others and would consider your realistic options. Having just come from a young man's funeral today I can honestly, whole-heartidly say that life is too short to spend it unhappy, to some people the sex is insignificant in a relationship, to others it is a large part of feeling close and loved - if you fall into the latter section you won't be happy until you can work through it together or make a big decision.

    Good luck xx

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