• Living with PE (premature ejaulation)

    Nikki and rich [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,

    I've been living with PE for about two years now, and it's pretty miserable. I think back to my younger days and wish I could perform like I used to for my long term partner Nikki. I'm 26 now and the thought of my sex life being like this for the rest of my life is depressing.

    It gets me so down that sometimes I don't even want sex. It's with intercourse that my PE seems to affect me, I've tried most things and tips to aid me, but nothing seems to work.

    What are your thoughts, have you encountered PE and if so how did it make you feel? I just want to feel normal...

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have any experience on the subject, but what I've read on the forums, it's all to do with mental games you play on yourself. Not that it's your fault, but you brain can play tricks on you and make it so much worse, like you're saying now you even avoid sex at all costs, and that's not really going to help you get to where you want to be. Have you seen your doctor about it? I think the best thing you can do is keep going at it, and as hard as it is, just to try and forget about it. Women are easy to please in other ways. You can use your hands, mouth and toys, so I wouldn't worry about your lady. I'm sure that she doesn't want to put any pressure on you, and she wants to see you happy, so please try not to think about that aspect. I really feel for you, I've had some personal lows that have messed with my head and made my mind play tricks on me, so I couldn't just read this and run, although I'm probably not giving any advise that you don't already know yourself.

    Genuinely hope it works out for you, the main hurdle is the overthinking.

    Kink Asylum [sign in to see picture]
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    I've heard that it sometimes helps to bring yourself to orgasm before sex with your partner, though I'm guessing you might have already tried that.

    I can honestly say, from a woman's point of view and having had a partner who had PE, it really didn't bother me. What bothered me was that he would get himself all worked up about it, which I think made it worse. RELAXING is key. Don't put pressure on yourself by thinking about it, if it hapens it hapens, there is no harm done. If you feel you haven't satisfied your partner then use your hands, mouth or even toys (they all work just as well) :-)

    Best of luck


    ShannonMarlene [sign in to see picture]
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    As a woman, it actually doesn't really bother me as I get most of my pleasure from foreplay.
    If you're worried, you could try a cock ring and delay spray?

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I gave you advise before, on a previous thread. I guess it did not help much, but the ladies above are right...it is often a mental spiral like this:

    Premature happens > embarrased and worried it will happen again > Next time you have sex, thinking about it and focusing on it > the worrying causes it to happen again>Back to start.

    Have you asked your woman how she feels about it? Have you talked to her about it and how you feel? often it helps ease the worries if you can communicate and have your fears put at ease. If you have already talked about it with her, I am guessing she said it was not an issue for her, but you don't believe her?

    Okay...I am older than you and had multiple relationships over the years. Out of all my sexual experiences I only knew of ONE man who had such control over his orgasms that he could bang away for hours and choose when to cum. Truth? I found him and his "skills" boring! (and sore)

    I often wonder why guys worry so much about having an orgasm quickly? This is a serious question because when the shoe is on the other foot and a guy can make a woman orgasm in 30 seconds...he is PROUD of that...so is she...everyone is happy and gloating. So why when a man lasts a short amount of time, is it a bad thing? IT ISNT! From a female point of view, some of my FAVOURITE sexual memories are experiences with guys who had a fast orgasm. Maybe its an ego trip, but I think it is HOT! I mean, what is not to love about the fact someone desires you so much they can't help themselves?

    This is the crux of the matter for me....if I am with a guy who cums really fast, does he then stop, roll over and snore or does he continue to pleasure me if I have not had an orgasm yet? After all...MOST woman tend to orgasm from vibrators, tongues and fingers and only about 30% can orgasm from PIV penetration alone...and even some of those cannot do it every time. So why do men centre their ability to please a woman specifically or most importantly around what their penis can do? The penetration and intercourse is good and nice and hell yeah but...it is NOT the be all, or even the CHOSEN route most women would take to orgasm.

    Sex is supposed to be about two people being intimate and making each other feel good right? There are so, so many aspects to doing this and penis in vagina is just ONE of them. Its about closeness, touching, kissing, tongues, fingers, toys, talking, holding, stroking...etc etc I dunno about other women but for me, the sex is just one small part of that...how small? Well often my partner and I don't have sex! We "have sex" almost every night, but the penis in vagina thing only occurs maybe once a week, twice a week, because we are massively into the foreplay

    Why is it called foreplay!!!! Its definitely misleading. For lots of us foreplay is MAIN-play.

    And your gunna love this...and you can call me strange but I actually LIKE my guy to be prem. We have a D/s relationship in the bedroom and to be honest, I am not half as interested in having sex with him if I know he is going to last a while. I take great pleasure in keeping him in chastity, teasing him for days/weeks and edging him for hours BEFORE we might move on to sex....him struggling to last is sexy for me...it always has been part of my fantasy, part of what turns me on. I love taking his control.

    Maybe some of this might help change your mindset around premature ejaculation, maybe not but you need to know first of all you are normal and secondly there are lots of women, not just me who either don't care or mind at all if you orgasm fast and even some of us who find it a huge turn on!

    At the end of the day, fretting and worrying about it is, at the moment, making you want to avoid sex. That sucks and it doesn't solve anything, so you could try not worrying (as hard as it is) and accepting this is you...this is who you are and embrace it? Make something of it (like my partner and I)...make it enjoyable and fun? I actually imagine in doing this, you may even notice it kinda goes away and then you might be one of those guys wishing it was back (Yup, they exist too!) hehe

    Hope that helps.

    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Rich, sorry to hear about your situation. The main issue with PE is its a down ward spiral and you are your own worst enemy and you heap more and more pressure on your self. First little bit of advice is start exercising your PC muscle or pelvic floor. If your not sure what I mean when you have an erection try moving it on its own. As you build up strength put a wet flannel on it and lift that, build up to a bath towel. Why do all this? Because if you can get enough control as you feel yourself beginning to come clamp your PC down and stop it.

    Secondly try making your orgasm the last think in your love making. More oral and toy and fingers to please your OH. Plus the most obvious thing keep talking to her. The last thing is to try and increase the regularity of which you have seen, so your not quite so horny. Good luck.

    Nikki and rich [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks to you all

    Fluffbags you're a very wise woman and a force to be reckoned with! Your point of view and advice has kinda helped me in my head if that makes sense.

    All of your help and advice is well received and I'm very grateful thank you all :-) x

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree wholeheartedly with Fluffbags. I can guarantee that if this happened to my husband, I would take it as a massive compliment and a huge turn on! I also know that if it did happen every time we had sex, it wouldn't mean that our sex life was rubbish or I wasn't getting enough from him, because I know that he can please me in other ways and it the night wouldn't just end then. In fact, I would say that the majority my orgasams through foreplay are more powerful than orgasams from penetrative sex.

    I would definitely talk to her, and ask her what she thinks about it. But I can guarantee she won't care, why would she? If you're getting off and she's getting off, then what else matters?

    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    How many times can you PE in a row, in a single session? The reason I ask; If my hubby has cum a few times in a day already he struggles to cum at all, just stays hard.

    Perhaps you can reach some kind of saturation point, continuing after the PE rather than letting it spoil the mood. Even if it happens again keep playing.

    mrbigpackage [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 23 Feb 2013

    i suffer with it sometimes (im 27) but i can carry on going (sometimes its very tinglly)

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