• Hello and Help! Stamina and Deepthroat

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    Bornagainvirgin79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all,

    I'm new to all this so be nice, please :-)

    ive been seeing an amazing guy for a few months now, we have a light BDSM Dom/sub relationship (I'm sub, new to it, and definitely enjoying learning ;-) ) and my guy has a shedload of stamina. Please don't get me wrong... Multiple orgasms multiple times is seriously amazing but he takes AGES to finish!

    Im also new to the world of blowjobs and really get into doing this for him but after half an hour my jaw is just about dead. He says he's really enjoying it and that it feels amazing (phew!) but how can I help him finish a bit faster? Will practising on a dildo help? Will learning to deepthroat make it better for him? I've never seen or used sex toys of any kind so really am new to this, but am pretty open minded and willing to learn.

    Advice is most welcome!

    Thanks so much x

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    Welcome, Don't worry, we're all very nice and normal here :)

    How about getting him a bit closer with other methods before going oral - titwank, toejob, handjob, vaginal. Personally I find it very difficult to cum just from oral alone, unless there is biting and plenty of real hard suction, and I'm no stamina king

    I dunno about other guys, but concentrating on the underside of the glans works wonders for me.

    How about a bit of prostate play?

    1391091064
    Horny Glass Lover [sign in to see picture]
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    Alternate with your hand inbetween, gives your jaw a rest, and as the above comment.. getting him closer first will speed things up

    1391092393
    Bornagainvirgin79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you! I find it hard to alternate hand and mouth without there being a break/ having to rebalance.... And I like the idea of tring other methods first, thanks!

    i do also really like the idea of deepthroating and would like to hear from others who are mastering the art, with any tips and advice as well.

    thanks again lovely people :-)

    x

    1391092541
    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know much about deepthroat as i've never done it, but I do know lovehoney sell numbing lollipops and stuff, I'll see if I can find a link.

    Also, I was reading a thing on how sword swallowers stop their gag reflex the other day - and it seems the trick is to stick things down your throat regularly (eg fingers), the more you do it the easier it gets.

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29546

    I'm sure there's more but here is 1 example

    1391092634
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Cazz [sign in to see picture]
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    Here are two great pieces of advice.

    1 from 'Fluffbags' here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/665535-deepthroating/

    and one from Google - http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/guide-giving-head-101-guides

    Lovehoney Jess wrote a good guide also on the forum, you may come accross it if you have a little search. I'm sure everyone here will give you more than enough help :)

    Enjoy the forum! x

    1391093853
    jeffngloria [sign in to see picture]
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    I am with sum sub , the more tongue on frenulum stimulation the better x

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    kc. [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there,

    Is he into anal at all?

    You could slip a well lubricated finger in a get the prostrate going. I remember the first time my wife did it some fifteen years ago. Surprised me no end, although it was something that had been on my mind for some time. Finished me off!!! We now get up to plenty of other things with each other.

    Don't know if you have your own toys but if you do play with those whilst you are performing oral on him. The sight of that should tip him over as well.

    1391096929
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Cazz. I would have never found that link again! Since my advice on the deep throating is in the other thread, I shall give advice on the time it takes him to orgasm.

    First, a few questions. Is it only during blowjobs that he takes a long time, or does he go for hours no matter what stimulation you give? Also, have you spoke to him to find out if he is purposely holding back, or if he just can't tip over? Lastly, does he masturbate a lot?

    So why I asked those three questions:

    1) Some guys think that to be amazing in bed, they must last for hours on end. They believe this is studly and "What women want" (Some do, most don't as you have experienced, it gets painful! Not just for blowjobs, but for sex too.) If he is holding it back purposefully, you can solve all your problems right now and ask him to not do that. If you think he may take offense to your asking, just explain to him that some women LIKE it when their guy orgasms quick. It is the ultimate compliment and turn on, to know they lost control around you and were so aroused.

    2) Masturbating often CAN cause two problems. (Not always, but it is quite common) The first problem is death drip and becoming accustomed to the feel of his hand. This is very similar to the female equivelent of being unable to orgasm from fingers or oral sex, if they get too accustomed to using powerful vibrators. The same can happen with men. They get used to the harder squeezing and more intensity that their hand provides and then they cannot quite reach orgasm from softer sensations, like oral. The second problem that can happen is just not being quite as horny. I mean, there must be some truth in the age old advice given to men: "Masturbate before a date, this way, when you have sex, you will last longer"

    Depending on what the problem is, it can be solved in different ways. If it is the first one, where he is purposely holding back, to be the stud, then you can either have an open discussion with him, explaining that holding back might be sexy for some women, but you really get turned on by the idea that he loses control around you. Being completely controlled in bed is not a massive turn on for me. I once dated a guy who could go for hours and cum on cue when he decided. I was thoroughly bored. Some of us women want it to be spontanteous and want our guys to just relax and go with it. Letting us blow their minds and letting us have the honour of taking their control away. If yu can put this across to him in some way that he won't take offense to, hopefully he won't try to hold it for hours.

    If it is the second issue, he will probably need to stop masturbating. Yup! He will need to train his body to get used to gentler sensations. I and others gave lots of advice on this, in this thread here:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/880492-how-to-please-a-hard-to-please-man/#p880538

    There is also a third option that is causing it. Pressure or stress. Eg: Performance anxiety. If this is a reasonably new relationship, or if he is quite an insecure person regarding his bedroom skills, it is possible that he is working himself up with anxiety to be good in bed, that he is just not relaxing enough. This causes him to take a long time. If it is this one, then reassurance, time and understanding + communication should help

    The final reason for this happening is that he just naturally takes this long. As a female, I take, on average, 20 minutes to reach orgasm. When I was on medication I took longer.(About 30 mins) I have to be EXCEPTIONALLY horny to be able to reach orgasm any quicker than 20 minutes. That is just my standard. While most men tend to be much quicker than us females, there are still some men out there who can have a standard of 20 mins, 30 mins or even an hour. You will know if this is the case, if he ALWAYS takes 30 mins, no matter what the stimulation is, even when he masturbates. (This is the one that will give you the most clues to his average)

    How to solve achy jaw? Two ways! First of all, keep giving blowjobs. I am in a D/s relationship and part of our dynamic involves a lot of tease and denial. This means I actually CHOOSE to give him blowjobs that can sometimes last up to two hours. I can only do this by A) Doing it a lot (I notice if I have a long break from it, my jaw hurts the next time, whereas if I do it regular, I have no pain. I guess its like training a muscle) secondly, and most importantly, I take my time. There is no way I could give a 2 hour blowjob if I was bobbing up and down speedily. I would be knackered. I prefer giving long, slow, sensual blow jobs. When I first met my partner and used this techniue on him, he could not orgasm and sometimes he even went soft! He had got used to needing more stimulation, so I had to go faster if I wanted him to orgasm and often I felt like he was pushing, or forcing himself to orgasm. (He was not relaxed) and that kinda sucked (pun lol) I cannot pin point what changed, I think he just got more comfortable in bed with me, more relaxed and over time, he broke that need for intense, hard stimulation. Now I can get him to the edge of orgasm without barely moving. Just a teasing blow job. What I am trying to say is, it takes a while to get rid of the need for intense hand jobs to finish and it takes a while to learn to relax.

    A lot of our ability to be able to orgasm, is in the mind. People who have premature ejaculation say that it is brought on more by worry and thinking about it (Mind) I have had mental blocks that have stopped me reaching orgasm (mind) there are men who can focus on something else, to control their orgasms (mind)

    Which leads me to believe that things can change, if the mind is in a different head space. If he is not worrying, controlling it, thinking about it, feeling pressure and all the other reasons our orgasms can be effected.

    Anyway, gunna stop now....this is another essay, but I hope it helps somehow. x Good luck xx

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    We like your essays Fluffbags.

    1391097172
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lots of men can't come from oral alone. And a lot of men hold off as they don't want to come from oral of they no there is also going to be sex as it can take them time to get ready to go again.
    I had an ex who took ages to come from oral and I ended up getting jaw lock and it would be very painful. When I told him I wasn't giving him any more bjs because I clearly didn't satisfy him he looked at me horrified and told me he had been stopping himself coming. Next time I gave him one he came after a few minutes lol.

    But if he just takes ages to come start of with a hand job, give some oral and when your jaw starts to hurt go back to a hand job or tit wank. Or ask him to play with himself while you watch and you could play with yourself too. Then when you see he's getting really turned on and close to coming, finish off with oral!

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    Lovehoney - Cazz [sign in to see picture]
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    This thread will also go hand in hand with any Deepthroat questions. Gag reflex Tips

    - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/693528-gag-reflex-tips/

    1391113849
    Bornagainvirgin79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow. You guys are all seriously awesome!

    he doesn't deliberately hold off-/ it's not a macho thing, he says he's just always been like that. I think the fact that he knows I get tired and he wants to cum makes both of us more stressed, which doesn't help. Some of the tips and links were really great, thank you!

    As for the anal bit... He'd probably be fine with it and although the other way around is fairly common with us I don't think I could bring myself to stick my finger/ s in there... Sorry. Maybe in time! Up until a few months ago I'd only ever had extremely rare sex in missionary (ex husband of 10 years had zero sex drive) so I'm really discovering quite a lot in my 30s lol!

    I also want to be clear that he doesn't demand anything like this from me, although I know he enjoys it... I WANT to be able to do this and do it well. So, next question... Are there any particular dildos or toys or home objects that are good for practising on when he's not here? And I'm allergic to bananas!

    thanks again, you guys rock. I think I may just turn into a regular here :-) and I'd love to hear from more pele in a Dom/ sub relationship. Did I mention I was new to just about everything?!!

    x

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    Bornagainvirgin79 wrote:

    Wow. You guys are all seriously awesome!

    he doesn't deliberately hold off-/ it's not a macho thing, he says he's just always been like that. I think the fact that he knows I get tired and he wants to cum makes both of us more stressed, which doesn't help. Some of the tips and links were really great, thank you!

    As for the anal bit... He'd probably be fine with it and although the other way around is fairly common with us I don't think I could bring myself to stick my finger/ s in there... Sorry. Maybe in time! Up until a few months ago I'd only ever had extremely rare sex in missionary (ex husband of 10 years had zero sex drive) so I'm really discovering quite a lot in my 30s lol!

    I also want to be clear that he doesn't demand anything like this from me, although I know he enjoys it... I WANT to be able to do this and do it well. So, next question... Are there any particular dildos or toys or home objects that are good for practising on when he's not here? And I'm allergic to bananas!

    thanks again, you guys rock. I think I may just turn into a regular here :-) and I'd love to hear from more pele in a Dom/ sub relationship. Did I mention I was new to just about everything?!!

    x

    being new is nowt to be worried about - be thankful you've got the opportunity now :)

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi welcome check out the LH Welcome page - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/inside-lovehoney/665597-welcome-to-the-lovehoney-forum/

    Why not introduce yourself in the Newbie Initation Test http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/introduce-yourself/19119-newbies-initiation-test/

    We are all a lovely bunch of coconuts have fun & enjoy LH x

    I would highly recommend http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=29543 they do the job

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    Trouble Loves Me [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a huge fan of giving long head sessions, but, yes, sometimes things can get a bit achey/uncomfortable/difficult.
    I personally found this product really useful:
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25801
    It takes the pressure off your jaw a little, and also means you can just use it as a masturbator when you need a break. When you use it, you can just focus on giving sensations to the head, which is a bit less uncomfortable for a long period of time.
    As has already been suggested, anal play could be a good idea to offer another sensation to get him closer. It might also be worth trying a few different positions to see which is easiest on your jaw. I find either him sitting on the edge of the bed and me sitting on the floor or him standing and me on my knees easiest, but if he's lying down and I'm kneeling over him, it can be a real struggle.
    Good luck, and enjoy yourself. Take your time, practise makes perfect :)


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    pr4wnst4r [sign in to see picture]
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    You could try alternating between your hand and mouth and then combine the two to make him climax. as for deepthroating you don't have to do it for ages you could just deepthroat for about 2 seconds and then stop and carry on normally, when you get used to it you could maybe go for longer.

    1391194627
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Sum Sub wrote:

    Welcome, Don't worry, we're all very nice and normal here :)

    How about getting him a bit closer with other methods before going oral - titwank, toejob, handjob, vaginal. Personally I find it very difficult to cum just from oral alone, unless there is biting and plenty of real hard suction, and I'm no stamina king

    I dunno about other guys, but concentrating on the underside of the glans works wonders for me.

    How about a bit of prostate play?

    Agreed

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