• Pleasuring yourself

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    Mz Jo [sign in to see picture]
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    Do you think it is wrong to pleasure yourself, watching porn, while your partner is in the other room

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    My answer is: It depends.

    Masturbation is healthy. There is definitely nothing wrong with men or women pleasuring themselves, nor is it wrong to watch porn, or use sex toys or to fantasise to orgasm. Men tend to be more visual creatures and this is why the porn industry is huge and aimed mostly at men, while women tend to be more "mental" (Not in that way! lol) and we fantasise, making up stories in our minds that get us off. I personally think that porn, sex toys and fantasies are all normal, healthy ways to get the juices flowing and porn is no more cheating than women are "cheating" if they fantasise. Porn is just a way to help achieve orgasm for males as we use vibrators or our naughty minds. Porn is not cheating. Unless thinking or looking is cheating. If we consider porn as cheating, or bad, then we should also consider reading 50 shades of grey as cheating...which makes no sense.

    However, despite my general support for porn, people watching it and masturbation as being healthy and normal, there comes a time when it is a problem. That time is when you choose masturbation OVER intimacy with your partner, TO YOUR PARTNERS DETRIMENT. So, say there is a man, who has lots of sex with his wife and his wife is happy and content with the amount of sex they have, but he needs more release, then I think he should quite rightly be allowed to relieve himself is he so wishes. The reason I think this is because it is natural for couples to have different sex drives, but just as I would NEVER accept the higher drive partner to be pushy and demanding for more sex from the lower sex drive partner, nor would I accept the lower sex partner demand that the higher sex partner forego his, or her, orgasms and wait for him/her to be ready. Frustration is frustration and can cause resentment on both sides of the coin.

    However, if one partner is off masturbating, while the other partner is in bed, wanting sex, yet the masturbating partner is CHOOSING to masturbate instead of be intimate with his/her partner, leading to the other partner feeling unloved and unwanted, then yes, there is a problem.

    See, the problem exists when the other partner is left feeling sad, unhappy, unwanted and miserable. If this is what is happening for you, then it sounds like a chat is in order, to try and resolve it.

    Feel free to come chat to us and we will be here to offer advice and a helping...ear! xx

    Hope it helps you Mx Jo.

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    rajen roy [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes i do it.

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    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    After a while of being unhappy about my husband watching porn we have recently started watching it together and to my surprise I'm really quite enjoying it.
    However, I would not be happy if he was masturbating to porn on his own while I was ready and willing to have sex (which I pretty much always am).
    There's nothing wrong with masturbation as long as sex with a loving and willing partner takes preference.

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    ShannonMarlene [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes and no. Basically, as everyone else has said.

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    Trouble Loves Me [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    But to specifically go and do that while I was available, and was an active choice to masturbate instead of being with me, then I would be a bit peeved, for sure.

    Yeah, this is kinda the issue.
    If I had refused sex, or was busy, then I totally get it. But to not have even initiated anything, even if it is just a mutual masturbation session, suggests a lack of communication.
    Idk, maybe sometimes people do just want to get themselves off? But why would I want to play solo when I could a). play with the OH or b). play solo with an audience?

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    naughtywildfun90 [sign in to see picture]
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    I do it all the time, the same way some men have a "warm up" just because I've had some fun solo it doesn't mean I won't want any with him, he has caught me a few times but never said he has a problem with it as I know he does it too xx

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with pretty much what has been said. If i'm ready and available and wanting sex, if he chose to masturbate on his own instead, I would take issue. But if i'm not around or just not in the mood then fair play (but tbh i'm always in the mood so it's not really an issue).

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    GarynChrissy [sign in to see picture]
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    Nothing wrong with playing with yourself while watching porn Gary and I watch it together x

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    Curiousmaybe2 [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife said she was tired the other night (just before TOTM) so I started playing next to her and she helped me - I felt quite relaxed about it ad she has not mentioned anything so I think she was too.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Wife is ok with it so long as I don't come. That's for her only

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    MSJ6952 [sign in to see picture]
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    Depends tbh, if the mrs was busy then it wouldnt bother me. Like us all i think we'd all prefer the real deal :P

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    NapoliGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    my ex would often be playing with herself either in the bath or in bed if she went to bed before me, and I loved walking in on her and watching her... but it was pretty much part of foreplay never instead of sex... don't know if it makes sense?

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    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Nothing wrong with masturbating when your partner is around, but both of us would not feel happy if porn was involved. We're old fashioned like that, but of course that's not a popular view on forums like these!

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Im not a fan or regular watcher of porn but I know the OH watches it from time to time during solo play and it does not bother me but we have discussed it. If your partner is doing this and it bothers you find a way to discuss it.

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    paulsballs [sign in to see picture]
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    Love making and sex with the wife is most important, but I do enjoy masturbation and if I've not had sex for a few days I do like to have a bit of solo or joint relief first.

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    Jordan eat your heart out [sign in to see picture]
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    ShannonMarlene wrote:

    Yes and no. Basically, as everyone else has said.

    +1

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    Jordan eat your heart out [sign in to see picture]
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    NapoliGuy wrote:

    my ex would often be playing with herself either in the bath or in bed if she went to bed before me, and I loved walking in on her and watching her... but it was pretty much part of foreplay never instead of sex... don't know if it makes sense

    My OH loves watching me, gets him really hard and I get the best sex 😏😁

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly, it depends on your agreements with your partner and also if you prefer masturbation and porn to your partner, or use it because the partner cannot have sex. E.g. during my period I tend to be so sick from pain that I can barely eat the first day and tend to have upset stomach even second day. So if my partner would be in the mood for release, I would be 100% ok with it, because I would not be able to do it for him. Or if I was sick. Or a friend was ok with it after she gave birth. She was in no mood for sex for a while, but did not mind her husband masturbated.

    But my partner would be doing this a lot, with me in the other room, and not asking me for sex, I would not be very happy, but would want to solve it.

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    Troubled Joe [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sure I'm not alone in that my sex drive is higher than my wife's. Therefore I go solo frequently - something she is fully aware of and is fine with.

    I'm fine with it too, but it's no substitute for the real thing, so I can't ever envisage a time where I'd choose a wank over sex with her. That would be madness!

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