• Am I close....?

    1390648797
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello there, first post and all that jazz! Hope I'm ok to just dive right in! I'm on a quest, I'm 27 and I have never had an orgasam!!! As my username suggests I've recently started getting a little kinky which is great but I want to experience the big O...my partner and I got together very young and very inexperienced and we've just rocked along but I actually realise I'm never going to achieve it this way. Now to my question, he's just started clitoral stimulation on me which feels amazing it sort of makes me want to jolt away from it but it feels good but that's it... should I be feeling a build up? Does this sound like the start? Please help me it's never bothered me before but I know I'm missing out on one of our body's amazing functions ha ha :)

    1390650425
    Badwolf25 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello.

    Welcome to the Kinky side

    This actually sounds really fimiliar to me which is why i'm replying. I had the same situation for a long time and didn't have my first big O till i was 23 through clit stimulation.

    I would get the same feeling when I went anywhere near my clit. it was like a jolt and would make me want to jump away. Then the more I would play with it, the more of a build up I would get. Getting closer and closer each time i experimented until I hit my first Big O.......

    So it sounds like your on the right track to me, Just take it slow and don't expect it straight away, enojoy the build up and ride the waves. The sooner you become comfortable and aware of your body and how to ride it, the nice it will get.

    I hope this helps and that you hit the ultimate pleasure soon.

    1390651636
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Thankyou for the reply, it gives me hope! I have tried to do it to myself but I ccan't seem to get the same rhythm and feeling that I get when himself does it. I want to purchase some toys as I thought this may help replicate that sensation, so what do you recommend that I could achieve this with? Did you use anything? I find it hard to get proper alone time which I also don't think helps as I'm not able to properly explore my body so to speak... so I thought having a toy and an end goal might make me want to try harder lol

    1390654858
    mrsdivine69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi & welcome to the forum.

    Sounds to me like you are starting to climb the precipice to Orgasmland. If you are getting that feeling you want to jolt away. Learn to overcome the urge - believe me you are on a journey............

    A lot of wormen find that a little vibration on their clitoris increases the orgasm compared to fingers, lips etc.

    I can highly recommend the Lelo Mia 2 clitoral vibrator. It is small & discrete, yet really packs a punch. It's never failed me yet. (Cheaper alternatives are available depending on your budget)

    You really need to relax and learn about your own body. Once you know what does it for you, teach your partner. Letting yourself go is key. If you are tense - you'll never get there.

    My man has had far more women than a man should be allowed to have prior to Mrs Divine, so was very experienced when we got together. However, I have given him a few more lessons and he now has a Masters Degree in Cunnilingus. If the guy wants to learn................ you be the teacher.

    The following books are very good and if you don't find the answer in here, it's not worth knowing -

    Clitology - Jodan LaRousse & Samantha Sade

    The Lowdown on Going Down - Marcy Michaels

    There are male versions of these books to - you can both learn together and have fun.

    Penis Genius - Jordan LaRousse & Samantha Sade.

    Blow Him Away - Marcy Michaels

    Keep climbing that precipice.............. The summit is in sight. Once you reach it, your mind will be blown and you will finally know what all the fuss is about.

    Orgasmland beckons.....

    Good luck

    1390655546
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    I would add Violet Blue's Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, Fulbright's The Best Oral Sex Ever: His Guide to Going Down and the more prescriptive She Comes First by Kerner as options if Cunnilingus is the area of learning required. Any one of them will bring massively pleasurable rewards into your life.

    Of course, you might want to start in a less-focussed frame of mind, and if so then I can heartily recommend Tracey Cox as an informative, friendly and enjoyable author. You will find that authors like Tracey will heartily endorse MrsDivine's recommendation to employ the assistance of a vibe in your early stages.

    I wish you immense amounts of pleasure.

    1390659210
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    My recommendation is try to not focus on getting to orgasm. Just enjoy the pleasure and do not flinch away, of course. But you seem to be on the right track.

    Also I found it easier to orgasm alone in the beginning, as I could relax more and just enjoy and take my time. Lets face it, during oral sex, the guy may not go for 30 min or more. In the beginning it took me sometimes an hour to orgasm! I can now orgasm in few minutes, but in the beginning, I prefered toys, or the poor guy... We both knew it was not his fault, but it was about me learning to know my body and how to reach orgasm.

    Playing alone made me bit more relaxed as I knew I could take as much time as I needed, also I could focus just on myself and my body, rather than my partner. Toys works better for me, as I do not react nearly as strong to my own fingers compared to toys or partner touch.

    With regards to toys, it depends on you, which will suit you. Some prefer weaker vibrations, some more powerful. Bullet vibrations are generally a good start, preferably multispeed. Some also just like a dildo or a vibrations which is not switched on rubbed over the clitoris.

    Also sometimes orgasm boosters can help to tip you over the edge. I used to use them in the beginning. It made me orgasm bit easier. I do not use them these days as I very rarely struggle now.

    I admit I never read any book. Just learnt to experiment and learnt my body reactions.

    1390661178
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't worry you are not alone. Many of the women on here didn't experience an orgasm for years, myself included.
    My advise is invest in some lube. If I even try to touch myself without it, the clit can become very sensitive and make me want to stop.
    It sounds like your getting close to the finish line but you honestly need to just lie back and relax. Don't think about it. I used to think woohoo it's going to happen and then it never would.
    But once I chilled out and relaxed it happened and I have never looked back.
    Practice at home yourself, then you can show him what you like. And if you wanted to buy a bullet vibrator it would really help. My advised is a wee vibe tango! It's the best I own .

    Good luck

    1390663466
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    It sounds like you have quite a sensitive clitoris. I have been having orgasms for a long time, but if my partner touches me directly over my exposed clitoris, I also get this jolt and it is so intense, like almost painful and makes me want to shoot through the headboard.

    I honestly would suggest masturbating alone every chance you get. This will help you learn your body, what feels good and what doesn't and what is too hard etc etc. I would also recommend getting a bottle of lube and letting your boyfriend try (and you) with lube. (I find lube helps massively to avoid dragging sensations over my clitoris which cause that jolt.)

    If the jolt you are feeling is the same jolt I feel....I would not advice relaxing and pushing through it. When I get those jolts it is an immediate unrelaxing, distracting, almost painful feeling that I cannot push through. I would simply advise that your partner moves his fingers to a different position. I cannot touch the tip of my clit directly because of this jolt, but I can touch the sides and further up...it is all about experimenting to find what works best for you.

    If you continue to struggle for a while I would suggest getting yourself a clitoral vibrator and trying this too.

    Keep experimenting, both alone and together and I wish you luck!

    1390700119
    Candied Citrus [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    It sounds like you have quite a sensitive clitoris. I have been having orgasms for a long time, but if my partner touches me directly over my exposed clitoris, I also get this jolt and it is so intense, like almost painful and makes me want to shoot through the headboard.

    I honestly would suggest masturbating alone every chance you get. This will help you learn your body, what feels good and what doesn't and what is too hard etc etc. I would also recommend getting a bottle of lube and letting your boyfriend try (and you) with lube. (I find lube helps massively to avoid dragging sensations over my clitoris which cause that jolt.)

    If the jolt you are feeling is the same jolt I feel....I would not advice relaxing and pushing through it. When I get those jolts it is an immediate unrelaxing, distracting, almost painful feeling that I cannot push through. I would simply advise that your partner moves his fingers to a different position. I cannot touch the tip of my clit directly because of this jolt, but I can touch the sides and further up...it is all about experimenting to find what works best for you.

    If you continue to struggle for a while I would suggest getting yourself a clitoral vibrator and trying this too.

    Keep experimenting, both alone and together and I wish you luck!

    I wholeheartedly agree with Fluffbags on this one! I'm the exact same in that any direct stimulation to my clitoris is far too intense - to the point of being almost painful - and I want to flinch or jerk away from the sensation because it's uncomfortable. So I'll reiterate what she says: if it feels like that, don't try to push through it.

    Instead, try stimulating elsewhere - for example, you could still stimulate your clit but through the hood and/or your labia. Experiment and discover what feels pleasurable to you. :)

    1390700503
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Candied Citrus wrote:

    Fluffbags wrote:

    It sounds like you have quite a sensitive clitoris. I have been having orgasms for a long time, but if my partner touches me directly over my exposed clitoris, I also get this jolt and it is so intense, like almost painful and makes me want to shoot through the headboard.

    I honestly would suggest masturbating alone every chance you get. This will help you learn your body, what feels good and what doesn't and what is too hard etc etc. I would also recommend getting a bottle of lube and letting your boyfriend try (and you) with lube. (I find lube helps massively to avoid dragging sensations over my clitoris which cause that jolt.)

    If the jolt you are feeling is the same jolt I feel....I would not advice relaxing and pushing through it. When I get those jolts it is an immediate unrelaxing, distracting, almost painful feeling that I cannot push through. I would simply advise that your partner moves his fingers to a different position. I cannot touch the tip of my clit directly because of this jolt, but I can touch the sides and further up...it is all about experimenting to find what works best for you.

    If you continue to struggle for a while I would suggest getting yourself a clitoral vibrator and trying this too.

    Keep experimenting, both alone and together and I wish you luck!

    I wholeheartedly agree with Fluffbags on this one! I'm the exact same in that any direct stimulation to my clitoris is far too intense - to the point of being almost painful - and I want to flinch or jerk away from the sensation because it's uncomfortable. So I'll reiterate what she says: if it feels like that, don't try to push through it.

    Instead, try stimulating elsewhere - for example, you could still stimulate your clit but through the hood and/or your labia. Experiment and discover what feels pleasurable to you. :)

    I am not alone! hehe

    Some other good methods that just came to mind, that work for me:

    Keeping my legs mostly closed so that my labia majora cover my clit and just rubbing over the top, which will stimulate the clitoris beneath in a more indirect way.

    Keeping your underwear on can also dull sensations.

    You could also try rubbing against something, like a pillow or even something firmer, as this will provide a more broad, indirect stimulation.

    Basically....experiment as much as possible until you find what works for you!

    1390703818
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    water based lube can help make things slightly less sensitive as well

    1390738370
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow thank you for all replies its certainly reassuring to hear other people's stories, it can become to feel like I'm the only person not to experience this!

    Mrs devine the way you write is fabulous! Thank you for giving me some confidence as the rest of you have as well, I can do this ha ha ;)

    It's odd, I wouldn't describe what I feel as painful. It makes me want to move away but not stop it iyswim... and it does feel good but gos no further i didnt progress to anything else so obviously I just ended up getting a bit sore. But then I also know what you mean about suddenly touching, it can be almost painful. My other problem is I hardly find time to pee in peace let alone take up to an hour trying to please myself ha but I will persevere as I can't go on any longer! I have taken all your tips in so fingers crossed!

    Thank you for vibe/toy recommendations my budget is a bit short at the moment but I did order this; craze Cutie 7 Function Powerful Clitoral Vibrator as it was in the 3 for £10 deal along with some lube and ill go from there. I have a child/partner free evening coming up so I will experiment then... hopefully in time ill be joining all you ladies in orgasmland! :)

    1390738612
    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    I wish you an entirely pleasurable evening, whether you achieve an orgasm or not. And that is probably the way to look at it... less psychological pressure equals a happy bio-emotional system.

    1390738653
    mrsdivine69 [sign in to see picture]
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    vanilla turned kinky wrote:

    Wow thank you for all replies its certainly reassuring to hear other people's stories, it can become to feel like I'm the only person not to experience this!

    Mrs devine the way you write is fabulous! Thank you for giving me some confidence as the rest of you have as well, I can do this ha ha ;)

    It's odd, I wouldn't describe what I feel as painful. It makes me want to move away but not stop it iyswim... and it does feel good but gos no further i didnt progress to anything else so obviously I just ended up getting a bit sore. But then I also know what you mean about suddenly touching, it can be almost painful. My other problem is I hardly find time to pee in peace let alone take up to an hour trying to please myself ha but I will persevere as I can't go on any longer! I have taken all your tips in so fingers crossed!

    Thank you for vibe/toy recommendations my budget is a bit short at the moment but I did order this; craze Cutie 7 Function Powerful Clitoral Vibrator as it was in the 3 for £10 deal along with some lube and ill go from there. I have a child/partner free evening coming up so I will experiment then... hopefully in time ill be joining all you ladies in orgasmland! :)

    Hi Vanilla

    Thanks for the compliment. :) Very much appreciated.

    Looks like you've taken the first steps up that precipice.

    Good luck - you can do it!

    1390760556
    mitzy millar [sign in to see picture]
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    you should try a swoon mini wand from lovehoney site, maybe give it a go whilst on your own so you can relax or the mini bullet which is about £10 think sexy too! i think most women have to concentrate on the feeling that starts to build ( a slight noise can sometimes put me off) ive never really described how it feels before but the best way i can say is that it starts with a warm tingly feeling deep inside that builds up to my actual orgasam which is a sort of pulsing intense giggley tingly sensation that makes me close my legs and tense up (but in a nice way) i also think the more you or your partner touch your clitoris the more comfortable you will become with it! practice makes perfect as they say!!

    1390831664
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks mitzy was going to ask how it feels.. its good to know what build up signs to look for.

    Well my LH order just turned up.... feeling very excited ;) now just to wait for an empty house....!

    1391167363
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    Well still haven't found that mystical land :( in fact I feel so far away I just can't ever see it happening! Maybe I'm just doomed for a lifetime of fakery!!!

    1391167708
    happydays121 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe your trying to hard and thinking about it to much, I know it seems easy to say, but if you just relax and not try to make it the end goal, you might just be suprised and it could come naturally when you least expect it..

    Good luck xx

    1391168203
    vanilla turned kinky [sign in to see picture]
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    I know, I've tried so hard to not think about it, I still end up thinking about not thinking about it! I had a good sesh with my partner and tried to completely let myself go, didn't worry about the end result but I still went no further than it feeling good... I've also tried a few times on my own and I can't even get close to those sensations. The vibe I brought feels good all be it a little scary with its glowing pink tip lol but it just ended up making my hand feel funny with all the vibrating. I'm a freak aren't I? ;)

    1391169751
    PinkPolkaDot [sign in to see picture]
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    vanilla turned kinky wrote:

    I know, I've tried so hard to not think about it, I still end up thinking about not thinking about it! I had a good sesh with my partner and tried to completely let myself go, didn't worry about the end result but I still went no further than it feeling good... I've also tried a few times on my own and I can't even get close to those sensations. The vibe I brought feels good all be it a little scary with its glowing pink tip lol but it just ended up making my hand feel funny with all the vibrating. I'm a freak aren't I? ;)

    No you're not a freak at all. Is there something going on in your life that's distracting? Or are you going through something tough or stressful? Because you don't just need to be consciously relaxing, I find I'm simply unable to orgasm when I have a lot going on and can't switch off. It also took me a while to have my first orgasm. I completely faked it with my first partner every single time but didn't even think of masturbation until about 2 years ago. I had my first orgasm during sex last year and it was great. But not the first time we had sex and it wasn't every time either. Try a different position. I find my legs absolutely have to be bent for some reason, otherwise (no matter how good it feels) I just don't orgasm. Being on all fours works well for me too - I actually tried that the other week for the first time and fell over when I tried to walk afterwards ;) you could try to lay on your side with one of your legs bent, or on your stomach with your bum slightly in the air. Just try whatever you can think of. But most importantly - you HAVE to be mentally aroused. You can rub away all you want but if your head isn't in it you probably won't get anywhere. Have you tried reading erotic fiction or looking at naughty photos online? I find those two work best for me but you could also watch porn if you wanted to. Also with your bullet, try moving it around over your clit. I find I get that shock if I just leave something vibrating on my clit so I have to constantly move my bullet without keeping it in one place for too long. I know it's easy to say but try not to think about it too much. I also found it so much easier to orgasm when I felt good about myself so maybe try to pamper yourself at least once a week before you start trying to reach that big O.

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