• Explaining BDSM to a parent

    1390148318
    rag doll [sign in to see picture]
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    So my mum has known i am kinky for a while and for about as long as she has known i have wanted to try and explain to her and help her understand rater than be guided by her misconceptions which are many.

    i have tried explaining a few times but it doesn't seem to ever get very far

    the reason i want to explain so bad is that she has taken to worrying about what i am into to geting all sorts of the wrong impressions and having to lie in the past about where i am going or who i am seeing has not been good for our relationship. or for me mentaly.

    i understand that parents wil always worry and that there is some stuff she doesn't need to know but when shre thinks that me being a sub is some act against feminism, that there is some conection with colonialism and that the parties i attend are dangerous orgies and my friends are trying to exploit me it is more than a little upsetting.

    how do you suggest i explain the reality of Safe Sane Concentyual BDSM and the scene? any resauses you cold suggest? and what has been your experience explaining it to those who care about you?

    1390149493
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Depending on how much she knows, have you tried explaining it in a way that lets her know YOU are the one in control. That, as the submissive, you have the power to continue, or stop what is happening with the use of a safe word. That you only play with a person you trust to never ignore that safe word.

    To be honest, It sounds like she has an idea in her head already and you have tried to explain already about consent and safe words to little avail. Which sounds like she is not trusting you to look after yourself. She is worried you are being put in danger of abuse. Maybe rather than explaining what BDSM is, try explaining what it isn't. Explain you did not get dragged into anything, you chose to get involved because YOU want to be part of this. It makes you feel good. Tell her that in the BDSM community, consent, trust and respect and valued much higher and it isn't an orgy. Just a group of like minded people having fun and making friends and that nothing happens without you wanting it to.

    Dunno if that helps?

    1390149969
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Depending on how much she knows, have you tried explaining it in a way that lets her know YOU are the one in control. That, as the submissive, you have the power to continue, or stop what is happening with the use of a safe word. That you only play with a person you trust to never ignore that safe word.

    To be honest, It sounds like she has an idea in her head already and you have tried to explain already about consent and safe words to little avail. Which sounds like she is not trusting you to look after yourself. She is worried you are being put in danger of abuse. Maybe rather than explaining what BDSM is, try explaining what it isn't. Explain you did not get dragged into anything, you chose to get involved because YOU want to be part of this. It makes you feel good. Tell her that in the BDSM community, consent, trust and respect and valued much higher and it isn't an orgy. Just a group of like minded people having fun and making friends and that nothing happens without you wanting it to.

    Dunno if that helps?

    + 1 - I totally agree with Fluffbags - focus on explaining the safety and what you get out of the relationship yourself - focus on the positive aspects and how it is helping you to grow and develop. Explain that she can trust you because this type of relationship is totally built on trust, honesty and communication and as Fluffbags said the submissive has the control to stop whenever they choose. Good Luck Hun :) xxx

    1390150237
    rag doll [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice. explaining what it is not sounds like a good idea.

    another problem is finding a good time to talk about it as she prefers not to talk about it and i find it akward to bring up we often only end up talking about it during an argument. i considered writing a letter or giving her some sort of book or link to resauses but im not sure how this would go down or what books etc. would be good.

    1390151956
    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
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    Parhaps you might like to start by saying you are attracted to dominant men and is just part of you. Then explain the difference between being dominant and agrressive/ bulling. She needs to understands this first, and more importantly that YOU understand it, After all knowledge is power and if you clearly know and understand the difference between healthy relationship and abuse it will make her feel much more confident that you can avoid and protect yourself from it.

    Go on to explain (probably in a different conversation) how the scene is a community where consent and respect are valued, and people keep an eye out for and expose predetors. The scene is a safer way to meet men who you are attracted too, because these ones are much more likely to understand the consent and respect aspects than the average joe you meet in the pub.

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