• Masturbation - Why can't I come? advice please.

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    Karenlea [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a bigger sex drive than my OH so becoming necessary to masturbate .

    Problem is , I have never been able to orgasm by myself.

    I orgasm almost every time through penetration .. but more recently through nipple play .

    I have a basic vibrator and some nipple clamps but still no luck ... feels very nice tho.

    Has anyone else had this problem ?

    I have invested in a rabbit and a butt plug, hoping they aren't a waste of money and can get me coming ...

    If not, guess I will just keep seducing my fella...

    I thought women are supposed to have lower sex drives than men ..what do you think a "normal" sex drive is?

    I would have sex at least twice a day , first thing , last thing but would be very happy having sex as many times as he wanted.

    Help and advice would be appreciated.

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to be unable to make myself come, I think it was more because I wasn't getting myself horny enough. I am now able to make myself orgasm multiple times. I use glass dildos and clit stimulators. The more powerful the better for me, so http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20778 is a fantastic bullet I am able to use because it is very powerful and I need that for clit stimulation.

    It's more a myth that men have a higher sex drive than women, just like a lot of things, some guys do and some guys don't. I have an extremly high sex drive, to the point that if I don't get that release I actually get very moody and feel rather depressed and snappy, it affects my mood in such a huge way. My fella (And anyone I've dated tbh) doesn't have a high sex drive. I'd have sex and then want it again right after no matter how many times I have orgasmed, it seems I'm never properly satisfied. I want sex 3-4times a day but would do it a lot more if able to. So being able to use toys helps me a lot.

    I do hope you find a toy that you're able to use by youself and satisfy yourself, once you get used to doing it and your own body it becomes a lot easier, just some people find it hard to orgasm through solo play. (Sorry I'm not much help haha).

    xx

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    Karenlea [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks .. glad I am not the only one hehe. I was looking at glass ones .. look good but wasn't sure .. I will try one see how I get on.

    Xxx

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    Twilightgirl123 [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to have the same problem and I can't agree more with FrozenAngel...I find clitoral stimulation alone can make me orgasm multiple times but saying that; eveyone is different. If you can usually orgasm from penetration you will love the rabbit and it should also help you along with orgasming from masturbating as the vibrating bunny ears are fabulous for intense clitoral stimulation. I hope I was some help.

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    LilMissFrustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    I find I cant orgasm just using my fingers. I have to use toys or someone else's fingers. Also my clit has to be stimulated but I get a better orgasm if im full ie dildo and bullet or rabbit. My next try out is a wand although Im not sure if it will be for me. Again the longer I wait the easier I find I cum otherwise the stronger the vibration the better. Like me you'll need to find power and combo that works best for you.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    As frozen Angel said, it is a myth that woman have lower sex drives than men. true, some women will have a lower drive than their male partner, but not always and sometimes it is the other way round. I am the one with the higher drive in my relationship (I am female, in a LTR with a man) Like Frozen Angel, I have also gone through that frustration and experienced the same feelings.

    I think the 'average' sex life for couples was like 2 to 3 times a week, last time I read some new fandagled study, but the problem is that average is average, which means that it is the average number taken from those studied. This means there will be a huge amount of people (50%) who enjoy sex less than 2/3 times a week and a huge percentage (50%) who will enjoy it more. The scale is sliding and we all fit on it somewhere, from those who have zero interest in sex whatsoever and can live without it forever and not bat an eyelid, to those who want it multiple times a day. All normal. The only problem is finding a partner with a similar drive, which can be harder than it seems, as you may figure from the amount of men and women complaining that sex is not often enough, or reverse...that their partners pester them for sex or only want them for sex all the time. This is a mutual problem and you have to compromise, but never do what I did when I was younger and take full responsibility, like you are at fault for being one, or the other. The truth is we are all different and all 'normal' We just need to hopefully find happiness with someone that matches our own desires closely enough that we don't get frustrated and resentful. If that ever happens, communicate and compromise together.

    I have had many issues with my orgasm and I still have issues to this day. I am the opposite of you though. I am fine on my own but with the pressure of pleasing a partner I struggle to orgasm. Had this issue on and off for years and I know it is psychological (I mean, I can cum fine on my own so there is nothing physically stopping me) and it is frustrating as hell yeh! Unfortunately, there is not an easy fix for mental blocks. The basic idea you need to follow are ensuring you are relaxed with him, not under any pressure, teach him how you like it and let his skills grow with time and then pushing away any negative thoughts that stop you, or block you (Like, "Oh I take too long" or "I know I won't cum" etc) and just enjoy it. Another way is to, together, remove the target of your play as being "to reach an orgasm" and instead, focus on the journey. No pressure to orgasm if you take that out the equation and just enjoy each others foreplay and not focus on the big O. These are the techniques to gradually introduce an orgasm back, or to stop negative thinking, or even mental blocking yourself. The problem is, it is quite hard to do. I am an open minded, liberal, communicative sort of woman and my partner and I talk in great detail about this and I have tried all the above, but I still suffer the problem. If I ever figure it out, I will be rich! (Lots of women have this problem, it is veryyy common! having orgasm issues of some kind)

    Anyway, best of luck! Enjoy your new toys. xx

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I have high sex drive, but it seems my last partner had higher drive. But then stress and hormones can cut mine down at times a lot.

    Orgasm issues are very common among women, so you are definitly not on your own. I am more than capable having one on my own, but I do not always get there with a partner. I do not know why. I guess some mental block. It does depend on lot of things if I do or I dont get there.

    One thing I do struggle when playing alone though is I cannot orgams with just my fingers. I just do not react to them as strongly as I react to partners touch, so I only use fingers to tease myself. And to reach orgasms, I need toys. Not necessarily vibrating toys, but toys nevertheless.

    Personally I would suggest maybe reading a book or short story describing something you like before masturbation, it may turn you on more. And you may have less problems with reaching an orgasm. If you are more into visual, watching porn may also provide some stimulation which will help to get you into the mood more.

    During the playing, I would suggest just closing your eyes and playing a fantasy of yours while playing. I am finding closing my eyes makes me focus more on the sensations, than leaving my eyes opened. Try not to focus on getting orgasm, but just enjoy the fantasy and the feel of pleasure the toy is giving you.

    One thing, you can possibly try, is buying an orgasm booster. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-her/better-female-orgasms/

    I do not use any now, but in the beginning, I really really struggled with getting an orgasm and these helped a lot. So maybe getting one is good idea. Who said you have to keep using them, once you are more comfortable and you reach orgasm more easily. I try not to use them now, just enjoy my own orgasms. And if this makes you feel better, it took me an hour in the beginning to reach an orgasm, but now I can get these in fraction of that 99% of the time.

    Good luck on the journey ahead of you. I hope you can find what will work best for you, in terms of toys and getting into the mood techniques.

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