• New girlfriend, help to start anal sex

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    JayJay13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi everybody!

    I have a new girlfriend and she refuse to do anal, but I talked to her and told her that it is a big thing for me. First she didn't want to hear about it, but she noticed that it was bothering me. After a good talk I found out, that she tried anal sex with her ex-bf in the past and she didn't liked it. They tried to fast and it wasn't pleasurable for her. They never had penetration because it hurt to much, so she thinks there isn't a good side of anal sex and she thinks we don't need it in our relationship. I also told her that I like anal on me, but she just don't want to think about anal sex, even it's on me. She can't think about getting something in her butt or mine...

    I thought it was a dead end for me, but she after a while of talking she said, she wants to read stories from other people with the same experience and then maybe, just maybe we can start our journey into anal sex. I don't know if she just told me to end our conversation or if she really meant it, but does somebody know some good site/stories for her, where she can see that anal sex can be pleasurable for her and me? Any good advice will help me a lot!

    thanks!

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a little confused. She said no, then said she thinks there is no good side to anal, then said she doesnt think you need it in your relationship.....then she does not want to talk about anal sex.........

    and then she wanted to look for stories to convince her?

    It sounds to me like your lady has either already made up her mind and did just say to look for stories to stop you pestering about it, or she is extremely nervous of it due to that bad experience in the past. but is maybe considering it with you.

    If I were you, I would let her find her OWN stories. If she is actually interested and curious enough, she will find out for herself. If she does nothing, then I think you have your answer that she just said it to stop you asking. If that happens, I think you will need to finally accept it is a no-no with this lady. If you go searching for stories and showing them to her, it is just more pestering if she did indeed say it to shut you up. It will start to irritate her. Then I guess you need to decide if anal is a deal breaker for you and either meet someone who is more closely matced with your desires in the bedroom, or just accept it is never to be anymore. After all, can you imagine being pestered to do something you found painful, unthinkable and a big no-no for you? Say she asked you to fulfill her fantasy of giving another guy a blowjob/swallowing your own cum/getting on your knees and barking like a dog while she pats your head (Note: None of these are bad, but I am just trying to say, imagine doing something that you are so not into at all?.

    However, you mention that she would like to read some stories and I feel that you will not be deterred lol, so........

    Here are some great threads on anal, and getting started:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-toys/362-anal-sex-for-beginners-any-advice/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/368233-anal-do-you-think-its-a-big-deal/

    And this thread has peoples experiences and levels of enjoyment:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/782519-do-you-enjoy-anal-sex/

    I hope that helps you and your lady.

    1386374309
    SophieM [sign in to see picture]
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    Looks like Fluff beat me to it whilst I was searching the forum for appropriate threads! From what you're saying it does seem a bit confusing with your girlfriends apparent indecisiveness. But yeah, have a look at the links above as those are the ones I was going to suggets having a read through too.

    If she does read through those threads and likes the sound of what she reads, then maybe you could buy her a small butt plug (silicone material preferably) and some anal lube and let her use it by herself without you there and see what she thinks. Just don't pressurise her. They key is to be extremely relaxed, use loads and loads of lube, and to take things slowly by starting with something small and then slowly 'training' the anus to take larger objects. If done slowly and correctly, anal can be extremely pleasurable for women provided they are open to trying and like the feeling of it.

    1386375803
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say this really irks me, when someone doesn't want to try something but they're pestered until they finally give in about it. As Fluff said how would you feel if she wanted to do something you didn't really want to do?

    My ex was very much like that and went on and on about me doing anal because it's something that he liked doing with his exes he went on about it so much that it actually affected me emotionally and psychologically, and it's something that I've tried once and have no desire to try again regardless of who it's with.

    I would have a talk with her to find out if this is something she really wants, that she actually does want to try it and isn't just changing her mind to try and please you. If it is something that she wants then maybe you could look at some of the threads together or she could look at them alone and see if she does indeed want to try it again.

    I know a lot of women (and men) find it pleasureable but a lot of women (And men) don't. We all like different things and have different limits! I actually know a few guys who don't like oral! My suggestion is to be patient with her; and don't make her feel like she has to do it (I'm not saying you're making her feel like that I just know that my ex tried to make me feel as though I was abnormal for not wanting to do it again)

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    The way you've written your post hasn't cone across great so my gut reaction is the same as the above. BUT love honey is generally non judgemental and so if you have been misinterpreted don't be put off.

    The key is almost communication. Your girlfriend doesn't sound like she's into it though and its something that can take a lot of trust and familiarity to find comfortable. How long have you been together?

    I'd suggest from the little we've got to go on that for now you drop the idea of ana:l play on her and maybe discuss some light play on you and see if that is more in her comfort zone. If not back off. Give her time and see what she likes. Non vanilla stuff may come in time but only if you're both in the same place.

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    mr [sign in to see picture]
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    i hate to say it but i think its just one of those things where you need time to let her push her own boundaries. I remember with one of my previous partners every thing was very average for our first few months of sex. Eventually we started going to sex shops to buys toys. One toy led to another toy, which got us to try our first plug. Why not show your partner the LH website and let her explore all the toys. She may build up the courage to order a small anal toy for herself, this could eventually let ger move on to mutual toys or maybe anal sex.

    I dont thin you should push her to try anal sex straight away though. It could potentially have the opposite effect and create resentment. Like i say maybe just try and encourge her to try a small plug on her own so she gets confortable.

    just my 2 pence though. On a side note, take whatever i say with a pinch of salt as i have had quite a few drinks by this point haha

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    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    you can never push someone into this sort of thing for emotinal reasins. however with anal sex, there is definitely a physical side of things which must not be forced either. The way our bodies are desigend down there means that the person recieving must be totally relaxed. in order to be totally relaxed, you must be comfortable, confident and happy with what youre doing.

    Count yourself lucky that:

    1) you are with a partner!

    2) they have come round to the point of wanting to read up about it

    3) she has tried it before so isnt totally averse to the idea, just needs the right reassuring, trust and patience to slowly try again.

    1386424968
    JayJay13 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks all for your replies!

    I think that some of you misinterpreted my story, I think I didn't communicated to you very well. If I read my previous story again, I feel the same as you guys. So let me put it this way,

    I want to be an better guy than her ex-bf! I don't want to push her into certain things at all. I wanted to start a conversation about anal sex because I know she didn't like it and I wanted to know why. No I know and I want to help her getting comfortable with it. This doesn't mean I WANT her to do it, I just want to help her, because so knows little of the subject. I want to please her every way possible and let her experience all the benefits of all things. If see wants to take this journey to anal play or whatever (and this can take years), then I want to be her guide (if she needs it). I would like she can fully trust me in every way and always be the one where she can go and talk to! I just really love her..

    So she had bad experiences with anal and is "afraid" about it, so I started this thread to get advice how I can help her the most and I want to thank you again for your responses. I think I could better ask you guys, how can I be her perfect tourguide for this journey if she first read some "brochures" and wants to take this journey?

    She tells me she never masturbated and she don't have toys, so I don't now if it is a good idea to show her a site like LH, because she's not interested in toys etc. However, during sex we occasionally use a vibrator.

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