• 3sum or 4sum with a couple wud it spoil a relationship!?

    1385893111
    madhatterz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2013

    discuss!

    1385893226
    dh [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 519
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2009

    Depends on a lot of factors really, including how strong the relationship is before hand and how much you both actually want to do it (if a partner feels forced into it they may not enjoy it and this will certainly cause problems)

    1385894476
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5394
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    I always feel that these are great as fantasies - but the reality is much more difficult.  Personally it's something myself and Mr Scorpius would never consider - but if you are thinking of trying it then make sure you have thought it through thoroughly and know exactly how you would feel seeing someone else touching, kissing and making love to your partner.

    If this is exciting to you BOTH then that is great - but it something that you can never undo once done xx

    1385896596
    crazy horse [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1663
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2011

    I know it is definitely not for us. The thoughts of my hubby touching another woman in a sexual way just fills me with a sense of dread. I know if we did have a 3some or a 4some I would for ever be wondering if he enjoyed being with her more, I'd always be wondering if he was thinking of her when he was with me. But I can be a very jealous person

    1385981376
    James and Michelle (mr and mrs) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 415
    • Joined: 23 Jan 2013

    I am with Scorpius, i like the idea of a 3 or 4 sum, a great fun fantasy but im not sure i would want to do it with a partner for real. it would leave many questions for me afterword’s, is my OH happy to have sex one on one anymore, am i enough? if my OH told me she had sex with someone else i would want to end the relationship so if i was in the room at the same time i would still have the same feeling of cheating I guess

    1385985270
    Lou22 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1655
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    As others have said its depends entirely on your relationship and if its something you are both comfortable doing. If it is then i imagine like a lot of things it can enhance your sex life and bring you closer.
    Personally its not something we would ever contemplate. Even as a fantasy the idea does nothing for me, as common as the fantasy is the idea of other people with us is a complete turn of for me and seeing my partner with someone else would be devastating to me.
    We have discussed it and i know he likes the thought of it but he has said that he wouldn't actually want to go through with it, its just fantasy for him he wouldn't want to see me with anyone else either.

    1385985458
    Ryuudoragon [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 680
    • Joined: 23 Aug 2009

    Unless all parties were absolutely sure of themselves, their relationships and the future!! Too many questions, too many doubts would remain.

    1385985514
    taraman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1288
    • Joined: 30 Jun 2012

    Scorpius12 wrote:

    I always feel that these are great as fantasies - but the reality is much more difficult.  Personally it's something myself and Mr Scorpius would never consider - but if you are thinking of trying it then make sure you have thought it through thoroughly and know exactly how you would feel seeing someone else touching, kissing and making love to your partner.

    If this is exciting to you BOTH then that is great - but it something that you can never undo once done xx

    +1

    1385986000
    Morthius [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 99
    • Joined: 23 May 2013

    Well for me personally if it was sex with another couple in the same room or sex where I was included it would not trigger any jelousy. The act of sex without the feelings vs the "none relationship persons" is not much different then a motorised dildo or a sleeve. They are there but it would me and my fiancee enjoying ourselves with these new "toys" and I would make sure to find a couple whom feel the same way as if anyone from them were the jelous type it would be all wrong. 

    Cheating is more on the mental plane for me and not so much on the physical. But anything done in secrecy is cheating. So it is the circumstance of both enjoying it TOGETHER that would be the whole thing. However, oral (kissing or sucking) would probably be off limits as this is so much more intimate and personal for me than the actual penetration. 

    There is a lot of gey zone with this and the rules and does/don'ts would need to be established before even meeting with the third person/other couple. Both our and their limits. 

    1386047307
    tinytheturtle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 103
    • Joined: 23 Jun 2013

    probally would that how me and my oh got together  her ex and  her me and my ex fooled around we ended up falling in love and this was all started by her ex he kinda got the ball rolling im happy we been toghter about 20 yrs or.

    1386052429
    avocado [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 25 Nov 2013

    Make sure everyone is comfortable and really wants to do it.

    I had a threesome with a couple a few years ago, and the guy had really pressured the girl into it and it led to a lot of drama because he wanted to keep sleeping with me and she didn't want him to, and he lied about that to me. I've stopped talking to both of them because of everything that happened.

    Then again, we were dumb college kids. I think it would be fun with people who are more honest and emotionally mature, and I would love to try it again someday, especially with two guys.

    1386215320
    Ms.Bradley [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 49
    • Joined: 27 Sep 2013

    Not sure I would ever invite someone to my relationship for a 3 or 4some, but I have been a couples +1 so to say. On a number of occations since I started being sexually active. 

    I see myself as a subservient person when I enter a 3-4some with a couple. I am not there to have orgasms, but to assist in all kind of ways to make the couple enjoy themselves. To make it a fun night for them. 

    Before the event takes place I usually hold a meeting, we talk about boundaries and what they want with the evening/night.  Maintaining balance and be aware of any mood changes etc in the couple has been the key to success in these kind of happenings. Once the girl got insecure about herself under the act, and I changed around and made her OH focus about her for a while, as did I. 

    1395549029
    madhatterz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2013

    Thanks to everyone for you're opinions and advice. We have spoke about the 3sum matter and decided against it as everything you said is what we discussed aswell! We are happy enough with each other and our sex toys so why spoil it :-) xx

    1395564812
    Strange Days [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 306
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2009

    You never know, if you never try. Clearly, it could cause relationshiop problems, but it might not. You both need to get your head(s) around it - what it means and where it might lead.

    Why stop at 3 or 4, anyway.... :-)

    1395580351
    kncx84 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 29 Feb 2012

    We have indulged in a few MMF threesomes and to be honest as everyone has mentioned we discussed the pros and cons, we ended up going through with it and it was the best decision we ever made our bond and love for each other has become stronger then ever, but it doesnt always happen like that for everyone it takes a strong couple to be able to play that way and stay together!

    1395580386
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2565
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    I read a wonderful post recently, written by a woman who was allowed to have threesomes or fun with women, but not other men, because "Girls don't count" I thought it was excellent and maybe it will give everyone interested in a threesome some great insight into how some women feel. I certainly loved the message in the article anyway:

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2013/01/girls-dont-count/

    As for whether it will ruin a relationship, I do agree with everyone who has said "It depends on the relationship" Some couples have been happily swinging or sharing for years. Other couples are poly and share deep and meaningful relationships with more than one partner. It can happen where everyone is content with the situation. I think the biggest clue to look out for though, is a partner who may just be going along with something to please you. Overlooking this red flag could signal the downfall of things to come.

    1395581056
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 456
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    Fluffbags wrote:

    I read a wonderful post recently, written by a woman who was allowed to have threesomes or fun with women, but not other men, because "Girls don't count" I thought it was excellent and maybe it will give everyone interested in a threesome some great insight into how some women feel. I certainly loved the message in the article anyway:

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2013/01/girls-dont-count/

    As for whether it will ruin a relationship, I do agree with everyone who has said "It depends on the relationship" Some couples have been happily swinging or sharing for years. Other couples are poly and share deep and meaningful relationships with more than one partner. It can happen where everyone is content with the situation. I think the biggest clue to look out for though, is a partner who may just be going along with something to please you. Overlooking this red flag could signal the downfall of things to come.

    Thanks for sharing that article fluffbags, I liked it a lot, can definitely identify with it from personal experience. 

    1395607599
    MSJ6952 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 211
    • Joined: 25 Jun 2008

    Personally i see this as it would really depend on each individual couple, if the couple agrees to include more within their relationship then it can work out. Also i would suppose you'd have to have a strong and trusting to do this

    1395737517
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1145
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    It's very much a case by case thing I think.

    Luckily we have had two Mmf and one Ffm threesome in the past.

    All were with mutual friends and has not been an issue for us.

    The most important factor I think is to keep the third party either a genuinely mutual friend or a complete stranger (ie meet in a swingers club).

    If they are a work colleague or an 'old' friend or something like that and one of you has more conversation with them than the other, it could start leading things astray. Obviously this isn't the case for all this advise just helps stay on the safe side!

    1395919893
    slinx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 201
    • Joined: 1 Jan 2014

    I would go with what everyone else has said.

    There are so many things to consider and if everyone isnt 100% happy with the situation then it really shouldnt happen . Honesty and open communication is the only way it can work.

    I have just had my first mmf and absolutey loved it, but lots of talking happened before hand with my partner and it was with a friend who is trusted.  We are both very comfortable within ourselves and confident about how we feel about each other which is a major factor...if there is any chance of the green eyed monster rearing its head then it cant happen.

    For most people i think its better to keep it as a fantasy x

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.