• Poor performance

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    kinkyladyofthenight [sign in to see picture]
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    Been with the OH exclusively now for 6+ months have been hoping he would improve his performance in the bedroom .. He doesn't seem quite big enough but the biggest problem is serious premature ej. I dunno what to do but am beginning to find it disappointing and demeaning having sex and never climaxing. Am now miserable to the point that I am considering leaving him. This is a last resort incase anyone can suggest anything to save this relationship

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    Sum Sub [sign in to see picture]
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    Do you have to climax with him inside you?
    Could he make you come then have sex or have sex then finish you off.
    Plenty of toys on this here website.

    If it is a genuine problem maybe he should go docs.

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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    There all sorts of things he can try if he wants to change.

    As Sum Sub said I would check with the doctors first and also look into climaxing separately. Depending on position one of us usually climaxes before the other and if it's me that cums first, we will finish with oral sex.

    Have you tried different positions? In doggy style I will never last that long, but cowgirl will normally result in my OH cumming first.

    It's also worth trying pelvic floor exercises. These have given me much more control over what goes on down there. The downside is that it takes weeks or months of exercises to get results.

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    kinkyladyofthenight [sign in to see picture]
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    No I don't have to but I prefer to.. I dunno why but I'm never really satisfyed from just one orgasm either .. I'm hoping for some kind of fix that will make him last longer or me more easy to satisfy.. Foreplay is not his strong point.. In fact I would say being in the bedroom is not his strong point :(

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    -Chelsea [sign in to see picture]
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    Kinky- have you tried talking to him about this?

    I can't help but feel you are giving up on this without exploring all your options. It is also important how you phrase this kind of delicate issue. Instead of saying 'You don't satisy me' or' 'the bedroom is not his strong point'.. you should tellhim what he IS good at and boost his confidence.

    He is more than likely aware of the situation and whilst sexual compatibility is a desired component, communication is even more crucial for a relationship to survive.

    C.

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    kinkyladyofthenight [sign in to see picture]
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    He lasts longest missionary normally .. I have been doing pelvic flaw excersizes for a long time using kegal balls or whatever you call them.
    I don't know if he has any control over it or not often he will literally penetrate me pump twice and it's all over :(

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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    The other thing I meant to mention was delay creams. No personal experience of these, but some of them get very good reviews:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-him/

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    StHubbins [sign in to see picture]
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    kinkyladyofthenight wrote:

    He lasts longest missionary normally .. I have been doing pelvic flaw excersizes for a long time using kegal balls or whatever you call them.
    I don't know if he has any control over it or not often he will literally penetrate me pump twice and it's all over :(

    When I said pelvic floor exercises, I meant for him.

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    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with the comments made above.
    You need to talk more and you may well find that the premature ejaculation could be down to anxiety or the feeling of pressure that he needs to perform well.

    He could do a lot of oral if that is something you like and there is an abundance of toys and various products which would be used to help make the sex more enjoyable.
    Unfortunately the size matter is nothing you can do much about. but then again does he need to be touching your cervix each time he is in you? maybe try a different position which is more of a deeper feeling for you.

    I may sound harsh but you both need to put the effort in if you want a relationship in the sex department which is going to be enjoyable for both of you.

    Stick around on these forums..you will find a ton of information.

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    kinkyladyofthenight [sign in to see picture]
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    Oral is something I go for but he doesn't seem so keen for.. He likes me to go down on him but not so much vice versa .. I do try to be encouraging but this will tend to bring on repetitiveness .. I'm a very sexually orientated person and while I love him loads I am struggling to feel connected to him :(

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    [suspended user]

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    Talking is the key here as it usually is with most things.

    Like everyone has said there's lot and lots of things you can try cock rings are always good.

    My partner gets PE but I would never ever leave him for it.

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    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    kinkyladyofthenight wrote:

    Oral is something I go for but he doesn't seem so keen for.. He likes me to go down on him but not so much vice versa .. I do try to be encouraging but this will tend to bring on repetitiveness .. I'm a very sexually orientated person and while I love him loads I am struggling to feel connected to him :(

    Out of interest. How long have you been together? He may be put off the oral maybe due to inexperience of maybe feeling unsure or embarrassed. Maybe you could watch porn together or cams and see what he likes and tell him what you like. You gotta give him a bit of direction. Like mentioned there are so many threads and toys etc on here which will certainly spice things up for you both. Don't give up because I'm confident you both will be able make it better.
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    Nikki and rich [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi kinkylady

    I'm a sufferer of PE and I understand that ur feeling down about it but let me Assure you that ur partner will feel a lot worse.from my perspective it made me feel less of a man daft as that sounds and it really has had a big psychological effect on me over thinking things made it worse the thing that's helped me was less masterbation more communication and more sexual contact my OH is very supportive and that is the best help I could have.

    Rich

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    LilMissMardyBum [sign in to see picture]
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    I think first of all you have to think about the relationship with your other half as a whole,because if everything else is good and you love him and are happy with him,then is it worth losing someone because they arent good in bed hmmm

    its like this you find your dream house and the garden lets it down, do you pass the dream house and settle for another house because the garden is better or do you buy your dream house and work on the garden

    basically lovehoney will give you everything you need to turn the garden into something you desire a great garden takes hard work and time sex within a relationship is like a garden it grows with time you just have to work on it but it wont happen overnight,

    i wish you all the best sweetness xxx

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    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    This thread seems that pretty one sided. We don't know how serious your relationship is or what you've tried up until now, and a bad sex life can be hard to deal with.

    But there is quite a few things you can try as listed above before making the decision to split up if its just the sex that's bad. You may find if you're able to make a bit of progress he'll feel more confident and may gain more control just by not feeling inadequate or pressured. Its all down to, initially, talking about it with him.

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    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    This link might be of some help http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SAdYPS40V8 It's Annabelle Knight talking about tips to help with premature ejaculation. There is also a really good old blog post by LH here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2012/02/12/ask-julie-peasgood-13-february-2012/

    Pelvic floor exercises for him can help too, as can using delay condoms, numbing gels and a slow rhythm. You on top position controlling the pace might help too? On a couple of threads I've seen guys talking about using fleshlights to help their stamina too.

    I'd definitely suggest talking to him about it. It's a very sensitive issue and you don’t want to put pressure on him or hurt his feelings so plan what you're going to say in advance. You could always post on here first if you’re nervous?

    Taking a step back from penetrative sex and 'starting again' could also help your sex life overall if the bedroom department isn’t a strong point in your relationship. It might also help you reconnect if you’re feeling detached from him at the moment. Taking a step back and kissing, cuddling, holding hands then progress onto using your hands, oral sex and then vaginal sex over a month can help both of you explore and try something new- maybe invest in a blindfold and a massage candle? Re-enforce what he is doing well and he’ll soon pick up what you like. Repeating yourself isn’t a bad thing providing you’re not lecturing!

    With oral sex have you asked him what he doesn’t like about it? If it’s just not for him and he can’t give a specific answer he could always use toys on you? It might be a bit de-masculinising to introduce a 12 inch dong but a little bullet vibe or a mini wand could be a good place to start?

    There are some great sex tips books out there too which cover PE so have a look at those. I’d highly recommend Tracey Cox.

    Hope this helps X

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    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had an ex who suffered from PE and a problem with maintaing an erection. I understand how you feel. I got to the point where I just didn't want to have axe because It wasn't satisfying and it was embarrassing as he wouldn't talk about the problem. So when he would got soft he would continue trying to have sex and then get rally frustrated and I would get embarrassed as I didn't no what to say or do. There was only so long I could try stimulating him Before I gave up.
    If he's not satisfying you in fore play then it's a really big issue. And it it's enough for you to consider splitting up with him then it sounds to me like you won't have a long term relationship anyway. Your other feelings for him must not be strong enough to compensate for this problem. That's how I knew my ex wasn't going to be the future mr blondevixen13.

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    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    Khaleesi wrote:

    This link might be of some help http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SAdYPS40V8 It's Annabelle Knight talking about tips to help with premature ejaculation. There is also a really good old blog post by LH here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/blog/2012/02/12/ask-julie-peasgood-13-february-2012/

    Pelvic floor exercises for him can help too, as can using delay condoms, numbing gels and a slow rhythm. You on top position controlling the pace might help too? On a couple of threads I've seen guys talking about using fleshlights to help their stamina too.

    I'd definitely suggest talking to him about it. It's a very sensitive issue and you don’t want to put pressure on him or hurt his feelings so plan what you're going to say in advance. You could always post on here first if you’re nervous?

    Taking a step back from penetrative sex and 'starting again' could also help your sex life overall if the bedroom department isn’t a strong point in your relationship. It might also help you reconnect if you’re feeling detached from him at the moment. Taking a step back and kissing, cuddling, holding hands then progress onto using your hands, oral sex and then vaginal sex over a month can help both of you explore and try something new- maybe invest in a blindfold and a massage candle? Re-enforce what he is doing well and he’ll soon pick up what you like. Repeating yourself isn’t a bad thing providing you’re not lecturing!

    With oral sex have you asked him what he doesn’t like about it? If it’s just not for him and he can’t give a specific answer he could always use toys on you? It might be a bit de-masculinising to introduce a 12 inch dong but a little bullet vibe or a mini wand could be a good place to start?

    There are some great sex tips books out there too which cover PE so have a look at those. I’d highly recommend Tracey Cox.

    Hope this helps X

    I agree.

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    I've also had PE problems at times over the years and I agree with Rich that he will be as frustrated as you. He probably just can't bring himself to discuss..........or if he is very inexperienced he may not realise what you are missing.

    TBH talking to him is the only way forward. You could try saying that one of your fantasies, dreams , hopes is for multiple and would he mind helping you by using wand, rabbit etc before penetration......just an idea.

    I always ensure my wife climaxes at least once before penetration.......probably because I hate the thought of being selfish.

    Good luck

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    Heatseekher [sign in to see picture]
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    communication and interest.

    For starters a bit of communication may well be required if you havent broached your feelings, constructively done in a way that perhaps errs towards - hey wouldnt it be fun to' or how about we try'.....a good tip sometimes depending on the context can be to use a 3rd party to soften any potential blow....'i read', the girls were talking about'.....

    the other is interest. Dosn't matter whether its sex or anything else in life, if you can't pique someones interest, and if they aren't interested in a subject then nothing will ever change.

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