• Boyfriend snogging other guys

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    Holz105 [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not about his sexuality it's about being unfaithful.
    I know heaps of (straight) men and women who after a few drinks will fool around with someone of the same sex, but they are single.
    Of he was kidding another woman would you just laugh if off?

    If I kissed another woman that would be the end of my relationship the same as if I kissed another man.
    Gender shouldn't really come into it, regardless.

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    Draven [sign in to see picture]
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    Holz105 wrote:

    It's not about his sexuality it's about being unfaithful.
    I know heaps of (straight) men and women who after a few drinks will fool around with someone of the same sex, but they are single.
    Of he was kidding another woman would you just laugh if off?

    If I kissed another woman that would be the end of my relationship the same as if I kissed another man.
    Gender shouldn't really come into it, regardless.

    +1 to this.

    If he was having drunken larks and snogging another woman when hes with you then there would be no question hes being out of order.

    Just cause he kissed a boy shouldnt make a diffrence. Plus, leaving you alone in a room of people you dont know is being really selfish and wrong imo.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    I went to a party with my boyfriend a few nights ago at a rugby club he's recently joined.

    Could it be that he just got caught up in re-establishing himself in this part of his civilian life after his tour? Like he feels secure enough in your relationship to not worry about that? Which is still inconsiderate of your feelings, but something rather different than what you fear.

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    LJ30 [sign in to see picture]
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    rose hip wrote:

    dotdashdot wrote:

    I went to a party with my boyfriend a few nights ago at a rugby club he's recently joined.

    Could it be that he just got caught up in re-establishing himself in this part of his civilian life after his tour? Like he feels secure enough in your relationship to not worry about that? Which is still inconsiderate of your feelings, but something rather different than what you fear.

    Considering the above: this sounds far fetched but could it be some sort of initiation? Just an idea! I am torn between it being a stupid blokey thing to do
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    LJ30 [sign in to see picture]
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    And then I think, if he had kissed a women it would have been definitive that this was wrong x

    1383561724
    S&S [sign in to see picture]
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    Draven wrote:

    Holz105 wrote:

    It's not about his sexuality it's about being unfaithful.
    I know heaps of (straight) men and women who after a few drinks will fool around with someone of the same sex, but they are single.
    Of he was kidding another woman would you just laugh if off?

    If I kissed another woman that would be the end of my relationship the same as if I kissed another man.
    Gender shouldn't really come into it, regardless.

    +1 to this.

    If he was having drunken larks and snogging another woman when hes with you then there would be no question hes being out of order.

    Just cause he kissed a boy shouldnt make a diffrence. Plus, leaving you alone in a room of people you dont know is being really selfish and wrong imo.

    Yeah totally agree with Draven. It would be a totally different story if it was a woman he was kiss or flirting with. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in for him just how upsetting it is for you. He might think its ok because he's seen you kissing another woman. Or maybe he has the idea that it will turn you on?

    And yeah leaving you alone at a party where you don't know anyone whlie he flirts and enjoys himself is a no-no. I'd kill my OH for that. Maybe before the next one get him to agree to stay with you for the night or if you know he's going to abandon you for the night arrange for a friend to come.

    Hope it all works out!

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    This never went on at my rugby club!

    1383578967
    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    Stuburns wrote:

    This never went on at my rugby club!

    Yeah, I know. I've been in the armed forces and a member of various sports clubs, basically in macho male enviornments but have never ever seen anything like this. Then again I could be out of touch.
    1383579156
    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    Stuburns wrote:

    This never went on at my rugby club!

    I know! Strange behaviour. I think Holz105 has summed it up really well X

    1383579160
    Citygirl2810 [sign in to see picture]
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    i agree with everything thats already said - leaving you alone at a patry where you dont know anyone is bad enough but then to flirt with and snog someone else (regardless of gender) is bang out of order. i would have serious words

    1383604474
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all your comments guys.

    Just a few thoughts... and I have been thinking about this a lot.

    It would have been completely different had it been a girl but really why should it be? He has not seen me kiss a girl before, that happened way before we were together. To be honest I think he does feel secure in our relationship. He knows I'm very open minded and he knows that I've seen him kiss guys before and not had anything to say about it so he probably just thought it was nothing to worry about and that it wouldn't upset me.

    I think he thinks of me as someone with few boundaries so he wasn't expecting to cross a line. Plus we've recently been apart for half a year in which I built up this image, a fantasy of how perfect our relationship was. And when things don't live up to my expectations it's harder to accept. I've become a lot more insecure which really wasn't a problem before.

    I feel that he is hiding something from me. And I'm going to find out what it is.

    1383604742
    Draven [sign in to see picture]
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    Dont blame you dotdot.

    Im as open minded as most but i still wouldnt expect my partner to mess around with someone else, unless wehad agreed before hand like some couples do.

    Hope you get it sorted tho.

    1383605827
    wazza63 [sign in to see picture]
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    hi,

    i think he is living in denial, i know i did for years before coming out. he needs to talk to someone and his girlfriend, and be totally honest. take care everyone. xx

    1383608020
    Gentle giant [sign in to see picture]
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    I Have played rugby for 4 clubs and I am involved with another since I have stopped playing and in 30 years never seen this. But that isn't the issue I agree gender isn't the issue. At the leased it is rude to you at worded its unfaithful. Speak to him frankly to him if you don't get the right answers, find some one who deserves your time and company

    1383608198
    Always Hot [sign in to see picture]
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    so does he think it is ok if he kisses a boy but what if it had been another woman? I agree with GG you should be with someone who deserves your company and when you are with them makes you feel like the only person in the world xx

    1383651959
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    I feel that he is hiding something from me. And I'm going to find out what it is.

    Be really careful there. Pushing him if he isn't hiding anything could create problems where there aren't really any and pushing him if he isn't ready to talk about something could be worse.

    If he doesn't see what he was doing as sexual, then for him it may well have been significantly different than if he kissed a woman.

    I'm bi. I haven't kissed any straight women, but I have play-flirted with a couple. We both knew that it wasn't about starting anything, really just an exchange of compliments. Just because I was capable of being attracted to either of them doesn't mean that I was. I've also had flirty exchanges with gay male friends without any thought of things going further. The barrier of people's orientations made the exchanges 'safe' and they carried different meaning than they would have in a situation where mutual attraction and a relationship were possibilites.

    How would it feel to take your boyfriend at his word on this? It is consistent with what you described of the rest of the party.

    1383660103
    LilMissFrustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    For me the issue here is the fact he went to a party with you and virtually abandoned you for another person. I use person so as not to muddy the waters. If he had abandoned you for another woman this thread may be running along different lines.

    There are two issues here but for me the fact remains you were left high and dry for another person. That is concerning when you were in a room of strangers.

    1383665826

    [suspended user]

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    I think the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it hun. X :)

    1383668550
    saucey21 [sign in to see picture]
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    This is such a tricky issue. I really feel for you. I think you need to talk to him and make him listen to how you feel about feeling insecure and that him abadoning you at a party and kissing lots of other people really upset you. if he tells you its no big deal and promises to be more considerate you need to believe him and move on. it could end up eating you and your relationship. all trelationships have up and down moments. the fact you've been apart for so long won't help. it'll take time for both of you to re-adjust being together again.

    if it happens again then you have some serious thinking to do.

    I wouldn't push it too far.

    1383673145
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    saucey21 wrote:

    This is such a tricky issue. I really feel for you. I think you need to talk to him and make him listen to how you feel about feeling insecure and that him abadoning you at a party and kissing lots of other people really upset you. if he tells you its no big deal and promises to be more considerate you need to believe him and move on. it could end up eating you and your relationship. all trelationships have up and down moments. the fact you've been apart for so long won't help. it'll take time for both of you to re-adjust being together again.

    if it happens again then you have some serious thinking to do.

    I wouldn't push it too far.

    rose hip wrote:

    dotdashdot wrote:

    I feel that he is hiding something from me. And I'm going to find out what it is.

    Be really careful there. Pushing him if he isn't hiding anything could create problems where there aren't really any and pushing him if he isn't ready to talk about something could be worse.

    If he doesn't see what he was doing as sexual, then for him it may well have been significantly different than if he kissed a woman.

    How would it feel to take your boyfriend at his word on this? It is consistent with what you described of the rest of the party.

    Thank you,

    I really don't want to push him and I've been running different ways of approaching the topic in my head and just can't think of a way to put it that doesn't sound naggy or patronising or annoying. I don't want to push him away from me and I'd love to just be able to take his word on it but it's really difficult for me to do that. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone kept asking me about my sexuality when I'd aleady told them exactly how it was.

    But I think it is going to have to come up once more before the next party so he definitely knows how I feel about it. The more I think about it the more it's upsetting and worrying me and I feel like I need to hear it from him again before I can let it go.

    I just don't to wait for it to happen again before something gets done. Given the comments from people on here and also personal experience of people I know being in long term relationships then turning out to be gay and leaving their wives, girlfriends, children... It just terrifies me.

    Everything else in our relationship is just so good :(

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