• Boyfriend snogging other guys

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay, I'd like to think that I'm quite an open minded person and I know that all of you on here are so this is the best place to get some advice! Sorry in advance for rambling.

    I went to a party with my boyfriend a few nights ago at a rugby club he's recently joined. Everyone was drinking a lot and we were having a good time. Then my boyfriend comes up to me and a guy I was chatting to and says "haha I just kissed ___" (another guy). This isn't the first time he's done this, he has done it at other parties we've been at with a few of his work friends. It never bothered me that much in the past and in the past I have kissed other girls. I just rolled my eyes and we carried on partying.

    Then I noticed that he was paying less attention to me and more to this other guy he was making friends with. They went to the bar together, bought each other drinks. At first I didn't think too much of it, he was just making friends. But then, I don't know if it was due to me being quite drunk, getting a bit paranoid or getting the wrong end of the stick but I kinda felt like I was put on the backburner. I didn't know anyone at the party and I felt a bit abandoned by him at times. I joined him and this other guy at the bar and honestly it looked like he was trying to chat him up. Then he full on snogged him. Right in front of me.

    Had I not been drunk I might have handled the situation a bit better but instead I stormed outside, cried a lot and went home early. I was so upset by it and he just didn't understand. I asked him point blank "are you gay?" I said it was okay if he was I just needed him to tell me straight. He said he's not gay, he's not bi, he doesn't fancy other guys it was just a bit of fun.

    But I just don't understand! I have openly admitted that I sometimes find girls attractive and he knows that I have kissed girls before but I would never do it whilst in a relationship let alone in front of him! We talked about it a bit the next day but he made me feel like an idiot for even suspecting him of being gay and he still doesn't think it's a big deal.

    I don't know what to do or think. Is this something guys do when they get a bit drunk and silly? Is he trying to hide something from me? Am I being completely irrational?! xx

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    pr4wnst4r [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think you're being completely irrational :), I would probably be the same in that situation, considering you went to a party for him and didn't know anyone there it wasn't the nicest thing for him to ignore you for some guy he had just met, I'm bisexual and my boyfriend allows me to experiment with other girls but I'm certain that If I brought him along to a party where he didn't know anyone and then left him for some random girl he would get really mad. It probably feels like he wasn't bothered about you at the time, if my boyfriend did that to me i'd be fuming! It would probably make me question if he's gay too as he was treating some random boy better than the girl he's with! I've never been in a situation like this so I have no idea what to say but I'd just suggest explaining to him how you felt and ask why he just left you on your own.xx

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    Nope I would never do that even if I was drunk to the point of unconscious. Not even for a dare. Sound like he's bi or gay to me.

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    LilMissMardyBum [sign in to see picture]
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    I saw my sisters fella snog his mate at a party, it was the weirdest thing ,i have seen mainly because he is in a relationship with my sister, and hes totally straight,i was in shock they had been drinking and having a bit of giggle just blokey stuff then they snogged, when i asked my sister she said oh he always does it when hes had a drink, i said is he gay or bisexual she said no he just as a laugh with his mate and does it for a laugh i said do you mind she was like no its just fun at the end of the day so as my sisters bloke says he does it for a laugh just some fun and hes not gay nor bisexual me personally if my fella snogged another man i would not be so relaxed about it i would really question him everyone is different i guess :) x try not to worry about it to much have a long chat,just let him know how it made you feel, i think a good chat to clear the air would do you good

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    hihowareyou [sign in to see picture]
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    your not being completely irrational, when i get drunk i dont go around kissing other men, if he came up to you earlier in the night an told you he kissed a guy, i think he might be looking for a reaction out of you,he didnt get it so he kept going till he got one, it could be he is in denial about his sexuality aswell.

    1383519256
    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a lot of male friends and I have never ever witnessed any of them snogging another guy for a laugh. Yeah they some times have made jokes about being gay and plonked the lips on there mate but it was literally a peck! No tongues etc.
    Personally I would have been extremely upset and confused if I witnessed what you had. But only you can judge your relationship and what you class as forgivable behaviour. My partner would be in hug trouble. I have nothing against gay or bisexual people, but if I had entered into a relationship with someone who had bisexual tendencies then I would want to be made away of that so I knew what to expect. I'm sure that is how you feel too. Hope your ok.

    You really need to sit down and talk to him and explain how his behaviour at the party made you feel x x

    1383520223
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh god. The thing is though, no one else batted an eyelid. It was like they see it all the time. The guys there seemed to be very open with their sexuality... it was fancy dress and half of them were dressed as women or in very revealing outfits. It was all very confusing! I'd only been there 10 minutes and I saw someone's dick. I saw a guy putting lipstick on another guy. What the hell kind of party was I at?!

    In fact I bumped into the first guy he kissed on the way out of the party. He saw that we were arguing and asked what was up. My boyfriend said "she thinks I'm gay" and this other guy just laughed like I was off my rocker and tried to drag me to his girlfriend to explain that he wasn't gay.

    Same with parties at his work... no one seems to think it's weird. And at first I just thought it was a silly drunken thing but it was just this one guy he was with at the party. It wasn't just a hello, snog, haha, goodbye. It felt like he was chatting him up.

    It's not the first time I've tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't do well at serious conversation about anything! He just makes a joke out of it. I've tried gently promting him, I've discussed how sometimes I'm attracted to girls and does he ever feel that way about guys, I've asked him to the point " are you gay am I wasting my time?" And I have never got any other answer than "it was just a bit of fun I was drunk." I said that it really upset me and he said he wouldn't do it again but he still thinks I'm being silly.

    But I'm worried. Things have been a bit difficult because he's recently come back from being away with work for 6 months which has changed things. I don't feel that we have sex enough which was making me question his sexuality but we talked about it and it's much better now. I adore him and he really seems to love me. How could he be gay or bi? :( There's another party coming up soon and I'm worried about it.

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds to me like he's in denial. I never witnessed that type of behaviour from straight men before. Most guys even in an emotional drunken state might hug and say they love each other but full on kissing? No chance.

    Honestly dotdashdot kissing a guy or a girl when he's with you is all the same, its not a very nice way to treat somebody. Id save yourself From the inevitable heartache.

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    hihowareyou [sign in to see picture]
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    have you tried talking to the girlfriends and wivies of your OH friends, to see what they think of the situation. they may have more insight into the situation.

    you not being silly you just want to know where you stand, i think your going to have to talk me about it,

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    I've witnessed this kind of behaviour a LOT from rugby guys! So if it was me I would laugh it off and not be too worried, but if it does bug you just say to him your uncomfortable with it. All the guys I know who do this just think it's hilarious xx

    1383521379
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    If he's bi or not really isn't the issue here, it's the fact that he's crossed a line you told him not to and is now treating it like no big deal when it is to you.

    you need to sit him down seriously and tell him that it really upsets you, and that he put you in a situation that made you feel uncomfortable and unhappy. Firmly state that you don't find this behaviour acceptable and that it's putting a strain on your relationship. Tell him that you don't mind him going to parties but he must control himself in the way he acts and even the amount of alcahol he drinks to stop this. It would also be worth mentioning that his light hearted approach to serious talks like this annoys you and makes it feel like he isn't invested in the relationship.

    It may be a bit of fun to him, but if it upsets you then it's not fair for him to continue as it ruins the trust you have in your relationship

    1383521434
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    hihowareyou wrote:

    have you tried talking to the girlfriends and wivies of your OH friends, to see what they think of the situation. they may have more insight into the situation.

    you not being silly you just want to know where you stand, i think your going to have to talk me about it,

    Yeah I think you're right. The work party is next month so if it happens again I'm going to talk to the other girls there. And we will be having a very serious conversation whether he wants to or not.

    I do just want to know where I stand. We've been together a year and a half. I waited for him for 6 months whilst he was away. I do not want to waste my time. If he fancies guys a bit... fine we can work around it. If he's bi, okay. If he's gay I'd rather he just admitted it to himself and was happy with another guy rather than unhappy with me. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here. I just don't want to get married, have kids, then 20 years down the line have him leave me for a man.

    1383521515
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    MissChar wrote:

    I've witnessed this kind of behaviour a LOT from rugby guys! So if it was me I would laugh it off and not be too worried, but if it does bug you just say to him your uncomfortable with it. All the guys I know who do this just think it's hilarious xx

    What is wrong with rugby guys?! Thanks MissChar. Well I usually do laugh it off but I feel like he's crossed a line this time xx

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you've answered your own question here. Hope it works out for you.

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    maltedmilk [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd be really upset by this. Don't worry about how you're feeling hun it's completely rational in a "standard" relationship. You need to talk together. Xx

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    maltedmilk [sign in to see picture]
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    If I'm honest in real life I'd probably get furious at this :) But I am mean! Xx

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    Wildcherry [sign in to see picture]
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    MissChar wrote:

    I've witnessed this kind of behaviour a LOT from rugby guys! So if it was me I would laugh it off and not be too worried, but if it does bug you just say to him your uncomfortable with it. All the guys I know who do this just think it's hilarious xx

    I dunno.. my hubby has been playing rugby since he was 16 all over the country even when he lived abroad, they got up to some antics but it didnt suddenly want to make him go snogging other men..

    Kissing is one thing as a laugh but when it turns to snogging and there was possible flirting id say theres something else going on.

    1383526651
    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    Blackcherry wrote:

    MissChar wrote:

    I've witnessed this kind of behaviour a LOT from rugby guys! So if it was me I would laugh it off and not be too worried, but if it does bug you just say to him your uncomfortable with it. All the guys I know who do this just think it's hilarious xx

    I dunno.. my hubby has been playing rugby since he was 16 all over the country even when he lived abroad, they got up to some antics but it didnt suddenly want to make him go snogging other men..

    Kissing is one thing as a laugh but when it turns to snogging and there was possible flirting id say theres something else going on.

    Haha I defo wasn't insinuating all rugby guys do this, or that rugby 'makes' guys want to lol! I was just saying all the guys I have seen do this are rugby guys... You're right though something more could be going on, maybe they all have been secretly gay/bi..

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    LetsTryThis [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I would be really upset if my husband kissed someone else, regardless of the gender of that other person. It just isn't part of our relationship, so I think you're totally justified. And if he did admit to being bi I would still demand exclusivitiy from our relationship, being bi wouldn't be an excuse to do what he likes.

    1383551726
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Blackcherry wrote:

    MissChar wrote:

    I've witnessed this kind of behaviour a LOT from rugby guys! So if it was me I would laugh it off and not be too worried, but if it does bug you just say to him your uncomfortable with it. All the guys I know who do this just think it's hilarious xx

    I dunno.. my hubby has been playing rugby since he was 16 all over the country even when he lived abroad, they got up to some antics but it didnt suddenly want to make him go snogging other men..

    Kissing is one thing as a laugh but when it turns to snogging and there was possible flirting id say theres something else going on.

    Yes! Flirting! That's the best way to describe it. From my fuzzy, drunken point of view it looked like flirting. And that's what bothered me. I'm just mad because it feels like I was the one who made a scene, yet it was my boyfriend who was snogging men.

    The other thing is, when he's kissed guys before I think he's always been the one to initiate it. I can't be 100% sure about this but I'm worried that it's probably the case. At the next party I'm not going to drink very much so I can keep an eye out.

    I just don't feel that I can bring it up now... I've got a really busy week starting my new job and we might only see each other once every couple of weeks. But I don't want to wait a whole month until the next party. Ohhh I really wish I wasn't having to think about this. Our relationship has always been so perfect :(

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