• sub dom relationship

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    Little Red [sign in to see picture]
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    Any advice on how to get started on being a dom for the first time?

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    There's loads of ways to be a Dom. First using Dom instead of dom is a good one ;-).

    Basically you find a willing submissive. Then you could have a contract, you can find a few online. Writ a list, set some tasks, ask for their limits and safe words and go from there.

    Think of rewards and punishments. For example my sub has forgotten to do his tasks so I am forcing him to eat marmite. He dislikes marmite so much! Another punishment is to refuse him from giving or receiving any spanking and caning for two weeks as he gains too much enjoyment. Rewards he can attend events with me, he will be allowed to orgasm, caning, knife play, wash my boots etc.

    You will be able to find out more on sites such as fetlife.

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    Sean88 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've always wanted to be dominated

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    HerMastersVoice [sign in to see picture]
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    It was really hard for me to adapt at first but what I found is not to pay too much attention to movies or porn or the generic ideas of what it means to dominate.

    I tried being aggressive and rougher than I was comfortable with but it didn't come off as it isn't 'me' so I'd say it's important to make the job your own.

    Now, I'm dominant, I'm very much in control, I'm Sir... But I do it in my own way, quietly, calmy and confidently and she seems to be enjoying it just as much as me.

    I hope this helps.

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    JoFemSub18 [sign in to see picture]
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    Totally agree with The Nympho Maniac, nothing more to be added! IM a submissive!.. Also try going to fetish clubs and going on to a website called Fetlife, its great =)

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    Fetlife is a great resource and amazon have some good books on being a dom (The mistress handbook or something similar I think). I think the most important thing is to communicate with your partner and set limits. Also really important to have a safe word to use if the sub reaches their limits without you realising.

    I have assumed that you are asking in the context of a relationship. Enjoy yourselves as you find out about a whole world of imagination, roleplay and enjoyment. Don't try too much too soon otherwise you may find yourself overwhelmed.

    Good Luck

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    Little Red [sign in to see picture]
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    HerMastersVoice wrote:

    It was really hard for me to adapt at first but what I found is not to pay too much attention to movies or porn or the generic ideas of what it means to dominate.

    I tried being aggressive and rougher than I was comfortable with but it didn't come off as it isn't 'me' so I'd say it's important to make the job your own.

    Now, I'm dominant, I'm very much in control, I'm Sir... But I do it in my own way, quietly, calmy and confidently and she seems to be enjoying it just as much as me.

    I hope this helps.

    Thank you for this! I'm a very quiet caring person and the thought of being a Dom is a little scary the fact that I don't have to be aggressive is a relief!
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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes, there are different types of Doms from the shouting ones to the ones who like the idea of psychological play =)

    I'm more into psychological play. =)

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    Sensory deprevation and enhancement is one of the most powerful tools in a Dom's repetoire. You don't have to utter a word to blindfold someone, tie them up, put headphones on them and tease them with different sensations until they go wild.

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    chunkyg wrote:

    Sensory deprevation and enhancement is one of the most powerful tools in a Dom's repetoire. You don't have to utter a word to blindfold someone, tie them up, put headphones on them and tease them with different sensations until they go wild.

    Yep, I will be putting one of my subs into a cage over night ^_^

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh also, one of my subs hates pink and girly things, so every time he does something wrong I force him to watch Barbie movies ^_^

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    Little Red [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all for your advice! X

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    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    how do you get into being submissive when your wife expects you to be the dominant leader

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    Puddleduck [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi lilred

    i think it's quite fun to count the amount of times he misbehaves and spank him once for every time he's naughty
    sending him to the corner for doing things bad is a way you could be dominant without hurting him and showing who's in charge
    I also think it's fun to tie him up and masturbate in front of him to tease him showing what he's missing.
    Just a few ideas :)

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    HerMastersVoice [sign in to see picture]
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    So glad I could help. It's been so much fun exploring and learning with my oh. She's been amazing :-)

    Good luck and have fun, I know I do.

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    MissSteele [sign in to see picture]
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    I am submissive and have been in a monogamous D/s relationship for the past 5 months.

    What makes it work well is communication! Talk about what you both want to try, what you know that you both enjoy, and the things that are definite no's for you both. After each of our play sessions i have homework to complete, i have to feedback what i enjoyed most and least from our play, so that he has some idea of my limits, what i find hard, what limits can be pushed, what i really enjoyed and the reasons behind it.

    Having contracts etc are all well and good as long as you keep up the dialogue between you as well, so that as the relationship and play evolves you know what works and what doesnt work so well.

    One of the things i like best is being collared and cuffed and spending the evening sat by his feet, a simple thing but puts me in a very submissive frame of mind.

    Enjoy your exploration!

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    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    MissSteele wrote:

    I am submissive and have been in a monogamous D/s relationship for the past 5 months.

    What makes it work well is communication! Talk about what you both want to try, what you know that you both enjoy, and the things that are definite no's for you both. After each of our play sessions i have homework to complete, i have to feedback what i enjoyed most and least from our play, so that he has some idea of my limits, what i find hard, what limits can be pushed, what i really enjoyed and the reasons behind it.

    Having contracts etc are all well and good as long as you keep up the dialogue between you as well, so that as the relationship and play evolves you know what works and what doesnt work so well.

    One of the things i like best is being collared and cuffed and spending the evening sat by his feet, a simple thing but puts me in a very submissive frame of mind.

    Enjoy your exploration!

    I cannot agree more with this post. Im a sub and me and sir both agree it's about communication. You don't have to be agressive and its ok to start off small. Something you need to think about is how you would react if things go wrong and you accidentally push your sub too far. This happened recently with us with a toy we were using and our strategy is that we stop that activity, bring the scene to a gentle close and then talk about what happened tor me to use my safe word, we do the same with rule breaking and review and adjust. Its also sometimes about compromise, an example for us is chilled glass dildos instead of ice :-). Its about finding a speed you and your sub is comfortable with and lots and lots of talking and trust. Wish you well on your journey :-)
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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been rereading some shakespear today and came across with this quoet I felt fitted in with this topic

    FERDINAND In The Tempest

    There be some sports are painful, and their labor Delight in them sets off. Some kinds of baseness Are nobly undergone. And most poor matters Point to rich ends. This my mean task Would be as heavy to me as odious, but The mistress which I serve quickens what’s dead

    And makes my labors pleasures

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    Little Red [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks to all some really good tips here. Xx

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