• No more sex :(

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    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    We are having to give up the idea of having sex anymore. My wife gets UTI's or Urethritis every time we do. We are both doing all the proper hygene stuff but she is post menopausal and has vaginal atrophy. Despite trying some good lubricants, YES and in the past Astroglide, it is still uncomforable for her but the frequent UTI's are really the last straw. She won't consider hormone therapy because of the risks, and I support her in that. She doesn't like the idea of a low dose of antibiotics every time we do it, and I support her in that as she has a pharmacy qualification and knows more about it than most people. So it looks like that's it. Naturally I'm sad at the idea of us never making love again. She isn't so concerned as it really hasn't been much pleasure for her.

    I do finally have a question for anyone who can help.

    I have a fleshshlight (full size) and a fleshlight flight and a super head honcho. They are pretty good but not as good as the real thing. I know nothing is as good, but can anyone recommend anything else that is closer to the real thing or can give a really good feeling for a poor old guy who is still just as horny as he was 40 years ago ( and who is going to miss that wonderful intimacy) :(

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Astroglide might be considered a quality lube for performance, but its ingredients will give lots of women problems. Plenty of parabens and there's also glycerine, a sugar which can feed some sorts of beasties down there. The Yes lubes are better on the chems, but still have two polysaccharides, guar and xantham gum. I think it's worth trying others.

    Several forum regulars who have problems with glycerin are happy with Sliquid and Lelo lubes. Most of the Sliquid range (except Sliquid Silver) has 'guar conditioners', I don't know if that would be different enough from the Yes to help your wife. Someone else who has even worse reactions uses a aloe vera gel; that info is in the forum archives.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11378

    Does your wife use kegel balls? I'm on estrogen following surgical menopause and wouldn't be without them. I also find it helps to use a skin safe oil like sweet almond on the dry skin outside. That makes everything more comfortable for me.

    I wouldn't give up on sex until I'd tried a few more lubes, kegel balls and looked into other sorts of natural remedies. Good luck.

    1379780750
    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    What about condoms? I know it's not the same but at least you can still stay sex enjoying together.

    1379783520
    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    rose hip wrote:

    Astroglide might be considered a quality lube for performance, but its ingredients will give lots of women problems. Plenty of parabens and there's also glycerine, a sugar which can feed some sorts of beasties down there. The Yes lubes are better on the chems, but still have two polysaccharides, guar and xantham gum. I think it's worth trying others.

    Several forum regulars who have problems with glycerin are happy with Sliquid and Lelo lubes. Most of the Sliquid range (except Sliquid Silver) has 'guar conditioners', I don't know if that would be different enough from the Yes to help your wife. Someone else who has even worse reactions uses a aloe vera gel; that info is in the forum archives.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11378

    Does your wife use kegel balls? I'm on estrogen following surgical menopause and wouldn't be without them. I also find it helps to use a skin safe oil like sweet almond on the dry skin outside. That makes everything more comfortable for me.

    I wouldn't give up on sex until I'd tried a few more lubes, kegel balls and looked into other sorts of natural remedies. Good luck.

    Thanks rose hip. I'm not sure she wants to try anything else as this final UTI bout has left her worried about keeping on taking antibiotics every time this happens. We changed from Astroglide for the paraben reason and found YES pretty good. It's possible another lubrciant might be better but she isn't willing to experiment and I can understand that. The glycerine info sounds interesting though and I can well imagine that might not be helping.

    I'm also not so sure she would want to use the kegel balls either. She seems pretty nervous about putting anything "up there" at the moment. A shame though as that might help too. I wouldn't press her to do anything she'd rather not do of course.

    I don't think there is an answer for us at the moment. Thanks for your information though. You made some good suggestions. She might well have tried a different lubricant a while back but now she is too worried about the UTI coming back to try anything.

    1379783814
    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes man wrote:

    What about condoms? I know it's not the same but at least you can still stay sex enjoying together.

    Thanks yes man. I'm not sure how this would help. I don't think I am giving her the UTI. It's most likely that a sheathed penis would still give the same result.

    1379784664
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    To answer your question: Fleshlights are great for providing a more "real" sensation, but I (Or my partner) would recommend trying tenga Flip holes for more intense sensation. The materials look a bit scary in the pictures, but it is actually quite soft, jelly like and he rates the Flip Hole (He has the Silver) as being very high up his list for sensation. A cheaper version, that he also rates highly for sensation, is the £12.99 lovehoney Double Stroker (The black one) again it looks scary but feels great for a tighter, more textured experience.

    As a fellow UTI sufferer (I had to have my urethra stretched due to constant infections) I can feel her pain. It really is extremely uncomfortable. If she is ever willing to try sex again, i can give you some tips that really help the most. She may know most of this, but this may help others too:

    1) Wipe from front to back, always, from vagina back to bum, never back to front, as you are potentially pulling bacteria towards the vagina Like 80% of UTI are caused by e-coli bacteria that lives in the intestines/bowels naturally, but once it gets into the urethra...disaster. It is said that a womans risk of being a recurring UTI sufferer can have a lot to do with the distance between her urethra and back passage. the shorter this distance, the more chance of bacteria migrating.

    2) Get rid of the thongs and g-strings and go for pants. Same reason as above, the material between the buttocks moving about can help transfer bacteria

    3) I was once told that drinking cranberry juice helps, then I was also told that cranberry juice is a double edged sword. The bacteria that causes infection feeds on sugar and grows. Reducing sugar intake will help, and cranberries have an enzyme (or something) that helps stick to the bacteria and flush it out......but normal cranberry juice is also packed with sugar, which also feeds the bacteria...go figure! So...get the sugar free version (Which tastes urghh) or get cranberry vitamin tablets instead. I also recommend looking into a substance called D-mannose. People rave about this stuff for UTI infections.

    4) This one is like, the MOST imprtant one, for me this one is the biggie....pee after sex. As soon as sex is finished, go pee, to help flush out any bacteria just making their way into the urethra. Even if it is only a dribble...still pee! This one helped me massively.

    5) Shower rather than bath. I hear bathing can introduce bacteria into the urethra easier whereas showering washes any bacteria downwards and away. Also, shower the vaginal/anus area before and after sex (Flushing away the risk)

    6) Drink more water during the day. This one is kinda obvious, it keeps you peeing regular, therefore flushing out your system more regularily. Not drinking, and therefore not peeing for hours and hours, gives any bacteria already making its way into the bladder, time to multiply and take hold. Flushing it out regular is helpful.

    Okay enough about UTI, and onto the Lubricant thing. here is a tip i learned from Yes...Get a bottle of their oil based lubricant (Yes is the only oil based lube I know that is safe for vaginal use, others not so much) apply the oil based lubricant generously. Then get a good, paraben, glycerine, natural as possible bottle of water based lubricant and use that over the top of the oil based lubricant. This method is supposed to be great for ladies who suffer vaginal dryness or sensitivity. Its a double layer of slip. The oil lasts long and provides the main layer, followed by water based to add a real slickness on top.

    Good luck. I hope things work out for you both.

    PS: Condoms won't help much in stopping UTI. Unfortunately it is often caused by bacteria being transferred from a womans back passage area to the front, and even if the penis is encased in a condom, it still moves back and forth around this area and can still transfer bacteria. I guess it is the one infection condoms cannot stop. Even fingers and tongues can transfer the bacteria :(

    1379785898
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with everything that FB said. I often get UTI's and I've noticed that they're less likely to occur when having sex "doggy style". The constantly trusting of missionary sex can push bacteria up the urethra, but when having doggy style sex it makes the entrance to the urethra further away from all the action, meaning it keeps cleaner. Make sure she has a full bladder before sex, this also means she'll find her orgasam more intense as it pushes the g-spot further in, but the she can urinate afterwards and flush out bacteria. She should then shower and use intimate cleansing shower soap to clean the area. Doggy style definitely makes a very big difference.

    1379786079
    Trial&Error [sign in to see picture]
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    What about anal sex?

    woukd allow you to maintain intimacy etc.

    1379786488
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I should have mentioned too, without wanting to sound rude, but you should make sure you're really squarely clean before sex too. If you don't already, you both might want to try going 'bare' and removing pubic hair. No matter how clean you think you are, it can still harbour dirt and germs.

    You should also get her to see a doctor, not for antibiotics, but to see if she needs some sort of operation on her urethra to help her out. Fair enough, without sex, she won't get as many UTI's, but she'll still get them a lot and it will lead to kidney problems so she needs to see what's really going on down there. I get UTI's and it has affect my kidneys really bad, but I could never just not have sex with my husband because of it, I couldn't do it, to him or to myself. I think she needs to explore all areas before just taking sex off the agenda!

    1379788376
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    I should have mentioned too, without wanting to sound rude, but you should make sure you're really squarely clean before sex too. If you don't already, you both might want to try going 'bare' and removing pubic hair. No matter how clean you think you are, it can still harbour dirt and germs.

    You should also get her to see a doctor, not for antibiotics, but to see if she needs some sort of operation on her urethra to help her out. Fair enough, without sex, she won't get as many UTI's, but she'll still get them a lot and it will lead to kidney problems so she needs to see what's really going on down there. I get UTI's and it has affect my kidneys really bad, but I could never just not have sex with my husband because of it, I couldn't do it, to him or to myself. I think she needs to explore all areas before just taking sex off the agenda!

    I noticed my UTI occurance dropped after having my urethra stretched, but I also had lots of tests as well, to check for scarring on the bladder and urethra (I had a fair amount, from previous infections) but that scarring can just cause them to be more regular and of course, painful sex etc. I would agree with MrsMcX that maybe a trip to the doctor for further testing. They put me on long term preventative antibiotics too and it just ended up causing recurring thrush lol...sighhh...my vagina gets agitated easily LOL. Even my guy says..."She doesn't like me" lol

    1379796421
    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags: Thanks for your detailed reply. She does every one of your points except for showering instead of a bath. She prefers a bath and alway has. It reminds me of an old friend's saying about "bathing in your own shitty water" but she won't have it. She certainly showers before and after after sex though.

    She will be going for antibiotics but I doubt that she will get into a conversation about prevention with the doctor, if she is lucky enough to see him, it's usually a nurse. She isn't the type to talk about this sort of thing with anyone really. The last time, a few weeks ago the nurse just gave her 3 days worth of antibiotics as they are scared to death that bacteria will become immune to them. This is already happening in a few cases with the particular antibiotic they gave her.

    MrsMcX: Thanks too for your reply. Not rude at all and I understand why you make the point. Men aren't usually too good at personal hygene. I see so many men not washing their hands after using the toilet. It makes me want to shout "You dirty bastard"... Anyway, I always shower before sex and we are pretty careful .... but obviously not careful enough somehow. If she still gets UTI's without me getting near her she may well end up at the doctor's having it investigated but somehow I think she is unlikely to get into a discussion right now. I think she has given up.

    1379798256
    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags: Thanks for the Tenga info. I think I might try one of those. I hear the Tenga's are supposed to be "one use only" but people seem to be able to use them more than that. Is that what you find?

    Edit: I see I am confusing this with the Tenga eggs. These look cleanable after all.

    1379815319
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I have bought tenga eggs for my husband, and they're a favourite out of the strokers we use. We clean ours after every use with warm water and LH sex toy cleaner. I would say you could get about 5 uses out of one, then it would lose its shape, and not be as good. They're really good, and fun to use on him too! Maybe you and your wife could just play together that way, and you can stimulate her clitoraly, which takes the damaging of the urethra out of the equation. Might be a way to keep that intimate part of your relationship.

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    xKayteex [sign in to see picture]
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    Im no doctor but your wife could use 'the pill' to settle her hormones and use as a replacement rather than the hormone treatment?

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Hormones have nothing to do with UTI's. The pill wouldn't have any effect.

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    xKayteex [sign in to see picture]
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    No he said that shes worried about hormone replacement treatment and i was reccomended for it but i refused so theyve put me on the pill because i had simular problems preature ovarie faliure so basicly the menapause very young

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh!! Sorry!! :)

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    xKayteex [sign in to see picture]
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    Its ok lol, like i said im no doctor was just from
    My own experience

    Im prone to uti's aswell so feel sorry for her but i found pee'ing straight after sex has helped loads

    1379882851
    50 plus and loving it! [sign in to see picture]
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    I am also post meno and have vaginal atrophy. The only way to treat it is to get local oestrogen, this is not absorbed into your blood stream. Google "vagifem" , I used to have a lot of pain during sex and was on the verge of saying no more! Now I am fine and we have a healthy sex life. No amount of lubes will help, may make penetration a bit more comfortable but that's about it. I am also on HRT patches! But I believe in benefits out way any negatives!

    i hope you can convince her to talk to her GP

    1379884143
    Chris53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for this but I think the Breast Cancer risk with Vagifem and other local oestrogen's make this a no no.

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