• Submissive questions

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice for whats is worth as a male with dominant tendancies is that any relationship (but particularly a dom / sub one) has to have key cornerstones in place. Without wishing to oversimplyfy this they are in my opinion;

    1. Consent

    2. Likes & Dislikes (In a dom / sub relationship these would be called limits)

    3. Mutual Respect (again in a dom / sub relationship if you don't respect the other party then it would / should fall apart)

    4. Honesty and Openness

    These work for us and many of the good relationships I see are based on these foundations.

    Good luck and most of all take it slowly and enjoy.

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    Kinkydink [sign in to see picture]
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    Just a quick note. Me and the OH have a dom sum relationship with me the dom. Our dynamic is that my pleasure comes from her pleasure as the sub. This works great cos her pleasure comes from pleasing me, so we have a circular pleasure relationship. Id say that if you look for someone who genuinally cares for your wants and needs you are off to a good start. This will also help avoid poor masters/doms as these tend to overdo the 'You will obey me!!!' right from the start. The start of the relationship should be heavy with communication whilst your dom finds out your likes/dislikes and soft/hard limits etc. Also areas you are experienced in as well as those you are wanting to explore. The reverse is also true, after all you cant be a good sub without defined ideas about what your master will be pleased by.

    Just my ten pence worth. Hope it helps!

    1378815975
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    thank you everyone for your input and advice, thoughts on the SUBject lol

    I guess I need to get this out of my system, although I am sure it will just make me need/ want it more.

    Communication is everything and trust and knowing that you respect eachother.

    Whilst I have experience as a Sub, there's things that I want to explore and experience that go deeper than what has already been.

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    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    Naughty Miss K - Maybe you could have sub/dom days where you wear a specfic outfit that means you want to play Sub/ Dom and that will be his visual cue. You could even text him to let him know what you're wearing that day which might help stimulate him into the mindframe and see where you go from there?

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    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Communication communication communication.

    This builds trust as it helps set bounderies, opens each of you up more, helps formulate plans, things you want to try, things you don't, etc. Without this, it would be hard for a partner to know what you want, hoe hard you want it, what the safewords are, what is off limits.

    Time helps too. Trust comes with time, with your experiences together.

    xx

    Couldn't agree with the above post more Xx

    1378854696
    gary40 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 2 Sep 2012

    hi all me and my partner is new to this is ther any tips u can give use.

    1378854905
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    intersted to know what roles you and your other half are in for the Dom/Sub might help in the advice dept.

    You both have to talk open and honest about what your doing and wanting from the experience.

    You NEED a safe word thats something like cheese or kitchen sink or something so either of you can use it if things get too much or hurt.

    You have to respect each other and start of gently.

    1378854912
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    BlankeMaus wrote:

    Naughty Miss K - Maybe you could have sub/dom days where you wear a specfic outfit that means you want to play Sub/ Dom and that will be his visual cue. You could even text him to let him know what you're wearing that day which might help stimulate him into the mindframe and see where you go from there?

    Things are a bit rocky atm, but if they repair I think that would be something well worth trying... :)

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    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    Naughty Miss K wrote:

    BlankeMaus wrote:

    Naughty Miss K - Maybe you could have sub/dom days where you wear a specfic outfit that means you want to play Sub/ Dom and that will be his visual cue. You could even text him to let him know what you're wearing that day which might help stimulate him into the mindframe and see where you go from there?

    Things are a bit rocky atm, but if they repair I think that would be something well worth trying... :)

    Oh sweetie, I hope you manage to work things out, there's a lot of awkwardness happening for people at the moment, be patient xx

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    BlankeMaus wrote:

    Naughty Miss K wrote:

    BlankeMaus wrote:

    Naughty Miss K - Maybe you could have sub/dom days where you wear a specfic outfit that means you want to play Sub/ Dom and that will be his visual cue. You could even text him to let him know what you're wearing that day which might help stimulate him into the mindframe and see where you go from there?

    Things are a bit rocky atm, but if they repair I think that would be something well worth trying... :)

    Oh sweetie, I hope you manage to work things out, there's a lot of awkwardness happening for people at the moment, be patient xx

    Thank you, finding it especially difficult to hang on and keep myself happy at the minute - I'm eating loads of crap which isn't helping! xx

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    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    NMK - read a good book instead, some good ones out there that'll get your mind set out of the dark.

    1378858529
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that's what I'll do this eve :) *puts down double chocolate freshly cooked from sainsburys cookies*

    A book is a good idea, I can easily lose myself in that when it gets a bit much

    1378859915
    gary40 [sign in to see picture]
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    if she is teling me what to do to her and what she wants to do to me does that make her the dom and me the sub.

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    There are certainly others here more experiencesd to help you gary, but for me a dom is one who takes control of both of your pleasures, whether they are a giver or receiver, and the sub trusts the dom to know their limits, or react to the safeword, and make sure they don't push for anything outside of what's agreed. Hope that makes sense and helps

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    gary40 wrote:

    if she is teling me what to do to her and what she wants to do to me does that make her the dom and me the sub.

    well in a way yes. If she is the one telling you what to do, then yes.

    But just cause she tells you what she likes you to do doesnt make you in a Dom/sub relationship.

    Does she ask you to call her a name like Miss? or Mistress?

    D/s is more complicated than just "do this"

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Gary40, I agree with NaughtyMK who has done a great job of summarising the D/s relationship.

    It all depends if you want to be the Dom in your relationship all the time, or if (as some do) you would like to 'Switch' occasionally - which works for some couples. You should discuss when the power exchange starts and ends and how far it should go (which limits you set for each other etc). You should be in complete agreement before anything starts.

    Remember, trust is the most important element of a D/s relationship - and it takes time to build up. Keep things Safe, Sane & Consensual - and have fun! :) x

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    gary40 [sign in to see picture]
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    i will try the feed back that you's have givn me thanks all and have fun i now i will lol.

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    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    Scorpius12 wrote:

    Hi Gary40, I agree with NaughtyMK who has done a great job of summarising the D/s relationship.

    It all depends if you want to be the Dom in your relationship all the time, or if (as some do) you would like to 'Switch' occasionally - which works for some couples. You should discuss when the power exchange starts and ends and how far it should go (which limits you set for each other etc). You should be in complete agreement before anything starts.

    Remember, trust is the most important element of a D/s relationship - and it takes time to build up. Keep things Safe, Sane & Consensual - and have fun! :) x

    I just did a lil dance round the kitchen cause I actually managed to explain something to a satisfactory level :)

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Naughty Miss K wrote:

    Scorpius12 wrote:

    Hi Gary40, I agree with NaughtyMK who has done a great job of summarising the D/s relationship.

    It all depends if you want to be the Dom in your relationship all the time, or if (as some do) you would like to 'Switch' occasionally - which works for some couples. You should discuss when the power exchange starts and ends and how far it should go (which limits you set for each other etc). You should be in complete agreement before anything starts.

    Remember, trust is the most important element of a D/s relationship - and it takes time to build up. Keep things Safe, Sane & Consensual - and have fun! :) x

    I just did a lil dance round the kitchen cause I actually managed to explain something to a satisfactory level :)

    LOL - Love it! :) xxx

    1379026018
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    gary40 wrote:

    i will try the feed back that you's have givn me thanks all and have fun i now i will lol.

    Good Luck :)

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