• Submissive questions

    1378493254
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    I've a few questions if anyone here can answer them.

    Usually I fall into relationships and find that the guys make great masters, however how do you know someone is master material and I am not willing to give into every whim someone has, I am very open to pain, very open to all of that but there's a lot of trust involved in this and you have to earn trust in my opinion and of course the safety words etc.

    So what's your take on how you fuse the master with the sub that is agreeable and pleasurable for both.

    1378493519
    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    BlankeMaus wrote:

    I've a few questions if anyone here can answer them.

    Usually I fall into relationships and find that the guys make great masters, however how do you know someone is master material and I am not willing to give into every whim someone has, I am very open to pain, very open to all of that but there's a lot of trust involved in this and you have to earn trust in my opinion and of course the safety words etc.

    So what's your take on how you fuse the master with the sub that is agreeable and pleasurable for both.

    well im also a sub but only for the right kind of Domme. When i was looking for somebody, i would engage with them just in conversation talking, ask them about their fantasies and communciate. i need a Domee who i know loves me, and isnt just in love with the power she has over me.

    1378493750
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication communication communication.

    This builds trust as it helps set bounderies, opens each of you up more, helps formulate plans, things you want to try, things you don't, etc. Without this, it would be hard for a partner to know what you want, hoe hard you want it, what the safewords are, what is off limits.

    Time helps too. Trust comes with time, with your experiences together.

    xx

    1378493945
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    See I agree with this fluffbags, was just talking to my friend who is a master and he was like once you give yourself you've no say, and I was like well I think I would have say in not wanting something to happen to me.

    Thanks for confirming what I knew to be right.

    Me too WeeSteve, agree has to be in love with me... and not the power ... but I know you can tell the difference on that one.

    1378494964
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi BlankeMaus,

    There are many different levels of Dom & sub. It will depend if you want a 'vanilla' relationship with a D/s sex side, someone to be your occaisional Dom, or a full time D/s experience.

    I'm a sexual submissive and that works for me. My husband and I have a very loving relationship and total trust between us. Pain can be involved, but only to enhance pleasure - but that takes experience and trust

    You sound like are looking for a partner with a Dominant nature rather than a Master - who will look after you, realise your needs and desires and help you to achieve them. WeeSteve is right, you don't want someone who just loves the power side.

    I thinks you are best off trying to find a Dom or Master who is also wants a loving relationship - let the trust build up between you and see where it takes you...

    Hope this helps :) xx

    1378495580
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    Scorpius12 wrote:

    Hi BlankeMaus,

    There are many different levels of Dom & sub. It will depend if you want a 'vanilla' relationship with a D/s sex side, someone to be your occaisional Dom, or a full time D/s experience.

    I'm a sexual submissive and that works for me. My husband and I have a very loving relationship and total trust between us. Pain can be involved, but only to enhance pleasure - but that takes experience and trust

    You sound like are looking for a partner with a Dominant nature rather than a Master - who will look after you, realise your needs and desires and help you to achieve them. WeeSteve is right, you don't want someone who just loves the power side.

    I thinks you are best off trying to find a Dom or Master who is also wants a loving relationship - let the trust build up between you and see where it takes you...

    Hope this helps :) xx

    That is exactly what I am looking for :) thank you very much for putting it into words for me :) I really appreciate it.

    1378495894
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    Dear Ork, thank you for replying, I think the Sub thing is more my thing and I guess I am looking for a Dominant person, I am not prepared to have no say at all in what happens to me and I find the whole idea that someone can take what they want when they want from me with zero consideration rather frightening. So it's good that I asked.

    I don't judge others on how they expererience or give this but it has to be mutual.

    Some fair better without the love, some need the love, to allow someone to give them pain that creates the pleasure.

    I had a pretty brutal upbringing with no love or that was their version of love, but I take pleasure in the pain when love is involved.

    1378495915
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    BlankeMaus wrote:

    Scorpius12 wrote:

    Hi BlankeMaus,

    There are many different levels of Dom & sub. It will depend if you want a 'vanilla' relationship with a D/s sex side, someone to be your occaisional Dom, or a full time D/s experience.

    I'm a sexual submissive and that works for me. My husband and I have a very loving relationship and total trust between us. Pain can be involved, but only to enhance pleasure - but that takes experience and trust

    You sound like are looking for a partner with a Dominant nature rather than a Master - who will look after you, realise your needs and desires and help you to achieve them. WeeSteve is right, you don't want someone who just loves the power side.

    I thinks you are best off trying to find a Dom or Master who is also wants a loving relationship - let the trust build up between you and see where it takes you...

    Hope this helps :) xx

    That is exactly what I am looking for :) thank you very much for putting it into words for me :) I really appreciate it.

    Really pleased I could help Babe - always here if you need to talk :) xx

    1378495927
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    and oops accidentally reported a post when trying to quote it, sorry xxx

    1378498630
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    BlankeMaus wrote:

    See I agree with this fluffbags, was just talking to my friend who is a master and he was like once you give yourself you've no say, and I was like well I think I would have say in not wanting something to happen to me.

    Thanks for confirming what I knew to be right.

    Me too WeeSteve, agree has to be in love with me... and not the power ... but I know you can tell the difference on that one.

    For me submission is a gift you give to someone. I personally like mine to have some experience before hand, I cant explain why I submitted to the two I've had there was just something about them.

    The bond of trust is ultimatly the most important thing all the other stuff. With my current sir we care about each other have shared intrests outside the bedroom he compliments me and brings me gifts he listens when i voice opinions about things within the submissive side and above all we enjoy everything.

    I have very firm boundaries but he prods at some of the more flexible ones but the things that are a hard no stay off the table. A recent example of this is substituting ice dildos for glass much more pleasant experience for us both.

    A submissive absolutely has a say in what happens to them within a scene And If a safe word Is used once a scene is finished they should sit with you and talk about why you used it, the same with a punishment, if you've broken a rule or failed to do a task you talk about it first then decide together what your punishment is.

    Its such an amazing experience :-) but its the bond above everything else :-)

    1378505027
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    lillithlibby - thank you for replying, love the

    way you've described it. And that's a lot of how I think it should be.

    You totally need to have a say and it needs to be respected when no is in place.

    Obviously some no's turn into yes but there are no go zones. Same as with the Dom, if there's something he doesn't feel happy with it should be respected.

    1378506279
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    Exactly, i forgot to add something earlier,

    , the way I always saw it is that the dom trusts the sub not to let the dom push them too far, while the sub trusts the dom to not push if that makes sense? Communication is the key im able to talk to sir about anything and everything.

    Trust is especially important when it comes to pain play, you need to trust each other and yourself explicitly. If theres ever a question in your mind or theirs just dont do it, work up to it maybe but dont jump straight in, Work on the bond first and build your confidence up first.

    Ive met masters who think a submissive should obey them instantly and I cant stand them, id treat them with respect but unless sir says otherwise im exclusively his and I draw so much strengh from that when things get tough.

    Its also important that you are both able to spend time with each other after a scene incase you drop and for you both to know your warning signs and be able to read each others body language which is important if you are ever gagged.

    :-)

    1378511700
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree, things need to be built up, because you have to get to know how both tick, and time together after wards.

    1378511745
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    the next mission is finding the dom..

    1378515102
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    Go slow sweet. don't jump at the first master you meet just because you want one. There are plenty out there, first of all you have to get it straight in your head what it is you want, what your boundaries are, etc. I took a short bdsm beginners course not too long back to get back into the swing of it, it was by Someone called Luna I'm sure you can Google it, its free and all done via the internet. It might help :-) her YouTube videos are really good as well :-).

    1378515733
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    oh don't worry i wont i've already had masters before but its been a while and the conversation i had with my friend threw me because it wasnt my previous experience.

    I definitely know what i want. thanks for the tip re the course xx

    1378516022
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope I haven't offended you or anything :-), xxx

    1378516537
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    no you havent. Don't worry. Just want the right type of person for the next guy in my life trying to work out where to find him lol never had to look before x

    1378520258
    lillithlibby [sign in to see picture]
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    Good :-) I found my sir by total accident, I posted on an app about comics and he answered :-) it was quiet strange :-) the first one was a really good friend of mine for years before it shifted so I honestly woukdnt know where to look if I actively had to find one either xx good luck x

    1378560630
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    I find myself in a really awkward position with this, day to day I'm totally submissive, but come across to my friends etc as very dominant. In the bedroom, I like to switch...my current OH doesn't have muc experience with sub/dom, and is a dom is in that situation through and through. It has made me wonder how you would go about finding that type of relationship, as we've been together for 3 years and I've only recently brought up my sub/dom likings and we've started to experiment, but I have a feeling he won't make a very good dom, it's just not him to think that much about someone elses needs without being told each time, if that makes sense. But anyway, enough jabbering on!

    I agree with the others, trust and communication are key to any relationship - esp so in this case :)

    x

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