• men who say no to anal play

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    No, we're saying there are additional factors besides pain and general disinclination for men, because of social conditioning. Nobody is denying those things can apply to men too.

    1377297593
    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    Im in to anal as most will know on here, think Naughty Nurse got it right, most men just think you must be gay if you like it, that's the impression I get!
    I've always liked a bit of anal and was doing it for some time before my OH sudgested we used some of here redundant anal toys on me, which was a pleasant surprise! we now have a strap on and other anal stuff for me.

    1377297854
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I also want to point out that social conditioning regarding sex acts can apply to women too, albeit differently to how it affects men.

    At my former place of employment, there was a time when the female members of my team would talk about sex a lot. They were all straight women in their 20s and generally pretty conservative in their views. They mostly appeared to think anal sex was "dirty" and wrong and weren't fans of BJs either. (Of course some of them might have been saying that to conform to the majority opinion but I don't know either way!) I, being a complete innocent, knew nothing at the time so for years they, and books and TV, were my only frame of reference regarding what constitutes sexual norms. So I've been quite surprised by things I've learned about human sexuality on this site.

    It's still a little difficult for me to break away from those earlier perspectives but I suppose time will tell if I ever find myself in a relationship.

    1377298038
    Johnny Roach [sign in to see picture]
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    You hit the nail on the head there fluffbags.
    I love anal play, more often than not my oh initiates it. I think enjoys playing with my arse more than I enjoy taking it!

    1377298541
    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    I do actually agree with you ork. On here it kinda seems like when a girl says she doesn't do anal/ her partner wants her to try anal people say DON'T do it for your partner, you don't have to have anal etc etc. and then if it gets brought up that a male doesn't do anal play its kinda like well why don't you do that..I've seen it (the fact a male doesn't wanna do anal) called childish, ignorant etc.

    Once ages ago when I said my partner didn't want to and I respected that (tbh I don't want to particularly anyway) someone (have no idea who so dont feel aimed at! don't think I've ever seen them round much since) tried to sort of make me try to make him?! Which is ridiculous, my partner respects what I don't wanna do so why wouldn't I respect him.

    Anyways I just ignored it lol. But I have noticed what you said here ork babe xx

    1377298631
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    I think ruby asks a valid question. Why do a lot of men want to penetrate but not be penetrated.

    I think the simplest answer would be that men stick stuff in women, regardless of the hole.

    1377298638
    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    There missing out! :P

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I do have to agree with you Ork, it does seem a little bit like that, but then people have their ideas about it too which are all valid, if I ask someone if they like something sexually I'll ask if they've ever tried it, and say well you don't know until you try.

    With anal I tried it, didn't like it. Next.

    But then in all honesty during sex with my ex and he said I'd really like you to put a finger in my bum I about passed out. Something I'll never ever do again. Because somehow it just seemed weird to me to be putting a finger up my fellas bum. lol, I'm not a prude in anyway I just don't see myself ever being a giver of anal to my partner (Thou he's so anti anal I think I'd pass out from shock if he asked) and a receiver.

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    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    i wasnt trying to pigeonhole anyone. i was hoping to get the views of the men who dont fancy it at all and just find out their reasonings .. the women on here have usually gone into why they dont want to , but ( unless ive missed it ) ive not seen much from the dudes , not taht ANYONE has to explain themselves to me or anyon elese .. its just a curiosity theread . no harm intended and im certainly not criticizing any bloke or chick for not doing it

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I don't feel critized hun xD TBH I've actully been curious as to why people like it so much, I really hated it.

    Then when my ex asked me to stick a finger up his bum during I was like uhh uhh and well did. (He was pretty drunk) he then got up when in the bathroom for 20mins having well a number 2 and was all like ok try again. Ummmmmm yeah I'm done with everything. NIGHT lol xx

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Its just drummed into you that anal is gay.

    Growing up thats what you joked about with your friends, saying that they sucked cock and took it up the arse.

    So i would say that most guys dont do it cause of that.

    It takes an opened minded person to try anal no matter what gender, as its considered "dirty"

    But i would say that its more taboo for a male

    1377299639
    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    Ork wrote:

    rubysoho wrote:

    i wasnt trying to pigeonhole anyone. i was hoping to get the views of the men who dont fancy it at all and just find out their reasonings .. the women on here have usually gone into why they dont want to , but ( unless ive missed it ) ive not seen much from the dudes , not taht ANYONE has to explain themselves to me or anyon elese .. its just a curiosity theread . no harm intended and im certainly not criticizing any bloke or chick for not doing it

    I don't think anyone is offended or anything, I was just pointing out the whole shaming men who don't do it thing could be a big factor... I suck at explaining stuff though XD

    :) naw you dont , its all good

    1377299691
    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I have to agree with that WeeSteve! I think it is drummed into men a lot that it is 'gay' to do it.

    I think it's more taboo for men to do it, and I think it's pretty much acceptable now that girls take it. The stigmas usually change, years ago it was considered dirt to give oral.

    1377299826
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    MissChar wrote:

    I do actually agree with you ork. On here it kinda seems like when a girl says she doesn't do anal/ her partner wants her to try anal people say DON'T do it for your partner, you don't have to have anal etc etc. and then if it gets brought up that a male doesn't do anal play its kinda like well why don't you do that..I've seen it (the fact a male doesn't wanna do anal) called childish, ignorant etc.

    Once ages ago when I said my partner didn't want to and I respected that (tbh I don't want to particularly anyway) someone (have no idea who so dont feel aimed at! don't think I've ever seen them round much since) tried to sort of make me try to make him?! Which is ridiculous, my partner respects what I don't wanna do so why wouldn't I respect him.

    Anyways I just ignored it lol. But I have noticed what you said here ork babe xx

    Do you think this happens because lots of people still fall under the belief than men are the ones who 'push' for sexual things and woman are the ones who are supposed to keep him 'in line' and not get carried away? Like if a woman is pushing for something, the man should be estatic that "omg she is interested, take advantage now, bend over and 'man up' and do as she wants before it ends" whereas if the man is pushing for it, its like "Okay hunni, heres how you keep him at bay" That is sometimes the impression I get in todays day and age. To be honest though, I don't even think some people realise they are doing it, in trying to be helpful, they are perpetuating the stereotypes.

    1377300365
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Ork wrote:

    rubysoho wrote:

    i wasnt trying to pigeonhole anyone. i was hoping to get the views of the men who dont fancy it at all and just find out their reasonings .. the women on here have usually gone into why they dont want to , but ( unless ive missed it ) ive not seen much from the dudes , not taht ANYONE has to explain themselves to me or anyon elese .. its just a curiosity theread . no harm intended and im certainly not criticizing any bloke or chick for not doing it

    I don't think anyone is offended or anything, I was just pointing out the whole shaming men who don't do it thing could be a big factor... I suck at explaining stuff though XD

    This shaming is a two way street. Think about it. The shaming implies that either if a man does enjoy anal he is gay/doing something dirty/other potentially shameful thoughts or b) if he doesn't want to do anal he is shamed for not being open minded enough or man enough to brave it. Shaming exists over every thing and everywhere and both genders. I do hope I never unintentionally upset or make someone feel pressure or shame as I would feel so guilty (shame lol) but I cannot see how men have been shamed in this thread? Am I being stupid here? I honestly read back through it twice now and cannot see anyone shaming guys for either preference here? The question was asked "Why do you not like anal if you are a guy" and peeps commented with their reasons. I mean, having a preference either way, for anything, isnt shameful. The reasons here are not shameful, right? Enlighten me? lol

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that's really awful that your dad said that Ork. People are who they are. If my son was gay as long as he was happy then I'm happy!!

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Ork wrote:

    The reasons here are not specifically what I was talking about fluff, more just in the forum in general if that makes sense? XD

    FrozenAngel my dad has said worse to me lol, but its a generation thing I think, in that to him its acceptable, though of course its not, but mentally for some people it is.

    Ahhh right! XD

    My mum is the same. I think you are right with it being a generation thing to some extent. I know there are manyyyyy folks my parents age who are doing all the things this generation are doing, but yes, I have noticed this kind of stuff from my parents. I just ignore it as it is so not the way I think.

    Then again, there are some proper nasty narrow minded people of my age. I think bigotry or judegment like that cuts through all ages genders and preferences.

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    naughty stacey [sign in to see picture]
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    Some guys don't like anal, some girls don't like anal. I don't think it is fair to compare taking anal to giving it, both are completely different experiences. So when a girl says "why should I take when you don't?" it is incorrect. It is more correct for the girl to either "say yes please I like it," or "no thanks I don't like it."

    My fella thinks if he sticks things in his bum then I will let him do the same to me. It just aint happening.

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner used to be completely against it.
    Till one day, I was very very upset, and he said; "I would do anything to make you happier"
    I said; "anything?"
    "Of course! Anything!"

    :D Then my mean little devil mind came into play.

    And he did it! Took a dildo from my box and just said; "I hope this makes you happy"
    I was obviously in fits of laughter :P so it did actually work XD

    Afterwards he admitted to it not bothering him.
    Didn't realise he'd started to secretly use my plugs till i found them lined up and drying in the bathroom :')

    Its still a sensitive subject though, he still gets all coy if it comes up around friends.

    I think for him and probably other men its all an image thing. xx

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Well i happily tell my male friends i do it and it weirds them out, some of them are just like " eew thats gay" but one of them " the only one with a gf" asked about it, then told me his gf had asked him about it, so i have him some tips and they ended up trying it hahaha.

    I think any guy thats just out for a shag wouldnt do it, but a guy thats looking for a meaningful realtionship would be willing to try!

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