• Getting him into BDSM

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    Niccitine [sign in to see picture]
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    So there's this area of my sex life that I've been dying to explore but it's very difficult with my partner.
    We both enjoy bondage and roleplay and we've experimented with spanking and nipple clamps, the only problem is that he doesn't understand the importance of taking your time in bdsm play.
    When he spanks he goes from being gentle to really hard without any build-up and often he'll follow by another quick blow before I can recover. The same problem will go with squeezing my nipples, he will do this suddenly and very hard during sex and is not pleasureable at all.

    I've tried explaining to him how I would like it to go and have shown him videos and given him sections of books to read but he just doesn't seem to take it in.
    In general he is not very good at foreplay and will try to avoid it if he can. I'm beginning to feel like I'm nagging him and I'm thinking of giving up on the idea.

    Do you have any advice on how to make him understand that there's more to sex than just rapid penetration?

    I look forward to your tips and comments.

    xxx

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication is key, sounds like you have been though... Do you talk to him while its happening? Saying like 'I like it like this', showing him...

    my boyfriend often says to me spank yourself how hard I should spank you, how hard you deserve etc so if I want it lighter he'll do it lighter. You could introduce it as just a kinky aspect so you don't feel like a nag.

    In terms of just general foreplay, and in answer to your ultimate question - again communication, but really to show him what you want. On you and on him -then he will understand. My man always used to grab me in a really annoying way, so I started to do it to him as a joke just when we were about the house and he was like oh my god...is that what it feels like! He also used to tip cold moisturiser on me for a massage. So I did it to him...hasn't done it since haha.

    do the things you LIKE on him too, and more so... then ask him to copy. Kinda like a game. Xx

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    Niccitine [sign in to see picture]
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    I suppose I could be more vocal, I guess I just struggle to speak up for what I want during sex, I seem only capable of saying those things before or after sex. o.O

    It's also a great idea to show on him, although he doesn't like recieving pain so that could be a bit tough, although I'll definitely use that tip to correct some annoying behaviour.
    Thanks :D

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    It is hard hun I'm the same. Have a drink beforehand haha! xx

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    myothertoy [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree, before and after is easier, but during is when it needs to be said, aha.

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Niccitine, just a few thoughts from my Husband and I who in are in a Dom/Sub relationship. As Miss Char rightly says, communication is everything. It is important that your partner realises that BDSM play is more about what's in your head, the expectation and anxiety - rather than how much pain you can take. It is this build up that creates the excitement. Trust between you is essential. Try to get him to understand, that you are giving him your trust and control and that in return, his role is to learn to 'read' your body's reactions. It is these reactions that should guide the intensity of his actions.

    We have also found this LH link below which has lots of bondage guides that you could both look at together.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/bondage/buyers-guide/

    Unless he is a selfish lover (which we hope he's not) foreplay is very important to get you warmed up and in the mood to give him the things he wants. Why not try rewarding/incentivising him if he gets you hot and steamy before penetration...

    We hope this helps :)

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