• what to do when your OH isn't into anything much?

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    NaughtyT [sign in to see picture]
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    I am soooo jealous of some of the womens OH's or the guys on here who are open to trying new things. My Oh has no interest in toys, laughs when we try roleplay, gets bored when i try to read erotica....it's really unfair as i am very adventerous.

    Is anyone else in the same boat, or have you been and you managed to turn things around?

    1375791677
    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    You’re definitely not alone on this topic, there have been a few threads of this nature.

    My OH was really apprehensive at first about toys. I guess because so many of them can look terrifying it can put you off straight away. Even the packaging can be off putting for a lot of people- madly grinning naked women holding massive dongs doesn't make everyone go oooo I fancy trying that!

    We started out with cock rings, bullet vibes, small plugs and beads and then worked our way up to a collection of BDSM and fetish gear and we’re dabbling with pegging now too. So sometimes these things take time, for us it was just natural progression and becoming more honest about our likes and dislikes and fantasys. Have you got anything in particular in mind you’d like to try with him? Telling him about it and how sexy it would be and how much it would turn you on might make him consider it?

    Being on the forums and investing in some sex guides has opened us up to new idea’s too. Tracey Cox is my favourite author by far and is highly recommended. I think its Supersex which has a chapter in that talks about introducing sex toys to your relationship… I can’t quite remember, but if your thinking of investing in a guide for some new ideas then the LH customer service team are great with what would suit your needs best.

    Some people just simply aren’t into role play and toys. I find fantasy role play (school girl est) a bit embarrassing but as Mistress I love it and it feels natural to me. So I guess it’s about finding something you both feel comfortable doing.

    Hope this helps :) Xx

    1375792021
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    My husband is quite open to new things, but it has only just been a recent thing. The past few months we have introduced ourselves to the world of sex toys and it has been a brilliant adventure so far.

    I started off by getting this pack which has a brilliant range of products, it's a brilliant little starter kit with a range of different basic toys to get you started, some lube, and the essentials you need to take care of them.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22875

    This second pack has come out recently, it seems better in my opinion and I would have went for this option if it had of been available...

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22875

    Maybe you could get a starter pack and when it comes go through it together. Make it a night about him, and use the male toys on him. The strokers are great, maybe if you focus all the toys on him it might change his mind?

    Sorry I can't help more, I genuinely hope you find something that you'll both be happy with.

    Good luck :)

    1375793957
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Khaleesi wrote:

    You’re definitely not alone on this topic, there have been a few threads of this nature.

    My OH was really apprehensive at first about toys. I guess because so many of them can look terrifying it can put you off straight away. Even the packaging can be off putting for a lot of people- madly grinning naked women holding massive dongs doesn't make everyone go oooo I fancy trying that!

    We started out with cock rings, bullet vibes, small plugs and beads and then worked our way up to a collection of BDSM and fetish gear and we’re dabbling with pegging now too. So sometimes these things take time, for us it was just natural progression and becoming more honest about our likes and dislikes and fantasys. Have you got anything in particular in mind you’d like to try with him? Telling him about it and how sexy it would be and how much it would turn you on might make him consider it?

    Being on the forums and investing in some sex guides has opened us up to new idea’s too. Tracey Cox is my favourite author by far and is highly recommended. I think its Supersex which has a chapter in that talks about introducing sex toys to your relationship… I can’t quite remember, but if your thinking of investing in a guide for some new ideas then the LH customer service team are great with what would suit your needs best.

    Some people just simply aren’t into role play and toys. I find fantasy role play (school girl est) a bit embarrassing but as Mistress I love it and it feels natural to me. So I guess it’s about finding something you both feel comfortable doing.

    Hope this helps :) Xx

    I agree with Khaleesi - Reading through the forums - (maybe together) - and also investing in some sex guides could really help. You could maybe leave it on his pillow at bedtime whilst you get ready - on certain pages that excite you so that he can read it....

    I have added a link here for the LH selection of Sex Guides. I hope this gives you some ideas:)

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/fun/erotic-books/better-sex-books/all/all/all/all/all/page-all/

    Also my Husband suggests dressing up in sexy underwear and tease and torment him into trying something new - offer him sexual rewards if he agrees to certain things you want. Tell him that if he plays with a new toy with you you will give him a fantastic blowjob etc......

    1375793970
    MandiVonSweiss [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH was the same, when we first started getting intimate I found he was somewhat Vanilla with the exception of liking anal play and having his balls squeezed quite hard!

    But when we got into a relationship we started playing with my little box of tricks, Handcuffs, bullets, nipple suckers, spanking paddles and floggers, etc and he seemed to become quite fond of it.

    He doesn't have any particular fantasies, He likes the thought of a threesome but wouldn't pursuit it because we don't want anyone else. I have a huge range of lingerie from pretty to goddamn kinky and out of all of it what pushes his buttons is my vintage style lingerie, frilly knickers, stockings and such. But also he has no interest in dressing up and I have costumes for every mans taste!

    I found it a bit odd at first, But I like all the things that he likes anyway so it's nice to find a common ground in the bedroom.

    I'm sure you'll push his buttons when you find something that sparks his interest!

    1375795635
    IrishChris [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had ex's who were very aprehensive about toys or even having the lights on.

    Start small.

    Buy some flavoured condoms, tingly lube or sexy underwear (not just lingerie - naughtier than that - crotchless panties etc.). See how he reacts. Build on this.

    Or, create a situation. Let him 'accidentally' find you masturbating with a vibrator. Arrange for him to come home at a certain time. Leave a not out saying you're 'busy' upstairs and that he can either wait for you or come up and watch - just make sure not to interupt...

    Sexy adventures should ensue ;)

    1375795668
    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    i USED to be the non interested one ... i was always just up for pretty vanilla sex .. but the older ive got the more ive wanted to explore the more interesting alleyways and avenues of sex .

    if people from my past had bought it up id probably have tried new things sooner !

    my problem is usually being too shy to make any sort of first move believe it or not

    1375796263
    MandiVonSweiss [sign in to see picture]
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    rubysoho wrote:

    i USED to be the non interested one ... i was always just up for pretty vanilla sex .. but the older ive got the more ive wanted to explore the more interesting alleyways and avenues of sex .

    Don't forget the boulevard of BONDAGE!

    1375801538

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    I'm very lucky cause my partner is just as adventures as me.
    When I started using toys and bondage so did he.
    And his always saying about new things we could try. =)

    1375809698
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    I neither want to pretend I'm a plumber, nor read about a baby sociopath, but toys are awesome.

    You can always just over rule him.

    You'll probably struggle to get a vbrating cock ring on him without permission, but pop a wevibe in and he can hardly say no.

    1375814393
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    In the same boat! We've played with handcuffs, bullets, vibes a couple of times. I have gotten him to come round to basic cock rings, but not yet vibrating.

    It can be very frustrating, for example last time I happened to slip out with "i want you to tie me up, blindfold me, and have me how you want" and it totally ruined the moment because he just went "I'd rather just do this" (vanilla)

    I have however come up with a way to get him round slowly. We're in a LDR, so I suggested after an evening of sexting (when he was in a 'happy' mood ;) ) that next time he comes and visits if he brings something new to try, I'll get something as well, and he was up for it! Now to see what he brings...!

    1375823612
    numnuts [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi naughty t, u r definitely not on ur own, my Oh wont do anything other than vanilla. I have vry high sex drive, he doesnt, this lst few yrs ive gotten to want mre excitin sex, try new things but ive been bangin my head against a brick wall.I tried to get him to read fifty shades, he got a couple of chapters in an nver read any mre. I had him tie me up once but I no he wasnt comfortable with it, ive tried tlkin dirty, dressin up, suggestin porn or anything that wud spice it up and he is not interested one bit.I bought a vibrator and he said to me 'well that's gd now u can sort yourself out', I was soo annoyed i turned round to sleep and cried and nver let on to him how much it is bothering me. People always say when there is a sex issue in a marriage u shud always talk too ur partner, well ive done that for the last few yrs an got nowhere, im married an worry that I will go lookin elsewhere, it actually worries me!! If ur partner wont try at all and is happy for vanilla do I just go without.he doesnt even no im on this forum!

    1375829815
    fuzzy22a [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm with you on this one. Been seeing this guy for nearly 2 years and I'm desperate to play. Just mentioned vibrators to him and he has said he wants to watch me play so I guess it's baby steps. Watch out fella you've got a wild one here lol

    1375829948
    mkenilworth [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm in a bit of a similar situation, my OH is a bit shy and prudish, and despite having bought her toys she's a bit reluctant to try new things. She still doesn't touch herself even with these new presents I've got her! Even harder to get things exciting this week as her parents are staying with us all week :S

    Hope things get more adventurous for you NaughtyT!

    1375833081
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    as the others have said, slow and steady.

    eplain how it is something you really want to explore and that it's improtant to you.

    the worst that can happen is he tries it once and does not like it!

    1375995620
    Miss V [sign in to see picture]
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    I am in the same boat and numnuts, you are exactly the same as me. Gettling him to read more than 3 chapters of Fifty shades was so hard...he gave up!!!

    I like pleasurable pain, biteing, pinching, spanking etc and really, really want to submit to my husband. I am quite dominant in our realtionship, but I can't tell you how many toys I have bought, links to sites I have sent him until I am blue in the face. He never gets the toys out, even bought him a cock ring for our anniversary in May, still not used.

    I want to be spanked and not just one or two when we have sex, but a session of. I thought he would be really turned on by this and me expalining all my latest fantasies etc, but noooo, no further forward.

    I know he has looked on the internet to try and find a dom or a bdsm club to show him, but thats as far as he has got..... I keep telling him, we need to at least try the basics at home, but no, nothing as of yet. Trouble is we live in the south west France, so not as easy as the Uk, otherwise I think I would have taken matters into my own and visted a club. Bottom line is, he has to want to want it as well, and I just dont think he does. I realise a time goes by, I am def not Vanilla, he is, ...

    I can't ever see it going the way I want it to, Can't say how frustrated sexually I feel.

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    Yes man [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with everything that's been said, our extreme sex life was kick started by of all things a kindle, gotta say looking at your avatar, is he mad!

    1375996787
    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought I'd give you an update - the OH and I had a chat this evening about secret likes etc...I happened to mention sub/dom and heavier bondage than just the odd handcuffing. He's said if that's what I want to do he'll give it a go - I can't wait! He's visiting in just over a week - fingers crossed he doesn't change his mind and it goes to his liking,,,!

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Stop trying to get your partners to read FSOG.

    Its rubbish.

    Grey is mentaly unwell!

    Hes a bad break up away from freezing girls in carbonite.

    1376002091
    envyadams_x [sign in to see picture]
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    I was exactly the same. At the start of the relationship, my oh was pretty vanilla so I had to kind of loosen him up a bit and now he is just as adventurous as me! Start of small and take things steady :)

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