• New rules....

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Ladies and Gents,

    When you have a moment, please pop over and check the updated Forum Rules.

    You'll notice these is a new 'rule number 3' in the list which I've added today.

    This rule has been brought into effect because we've noticed that some members are choosing to use overly graphic or derrogatory language during conversations.

    At Lovehoney we enourage everyone to talk honestly and openly about their sex lives and want you to feel free to offer advice and ask questions about each others experiences, however I think we can all agree that there are ways of doing this without being excessively explicit.

    To re-iterate, please do not use language which could be construed as offensive, overly graphic, derrogatory or inappropriate, and remember anything you post online is 100% public and can be seen by anyone.

    As always, if anyone has any questions, suggestions or feedback, please get in touch or post here :)

    - Jess

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Unfortunately when it comes to the internet some people have no concept of what's "appropriate" in a public forum, and I think a site of this nature is more likely to fall prey to such people. It happens everywhere, though if you call people out on it they often say "I didn't mean it in an offensive way." That's frequently the case, though not always. I think Jess has a point though. There are times when it's a case of "too much information." I clicked on one thread and wished I hadn't...But that was kinda my fault, and I freely admit to being more naive and inexperienced than most people here!

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    Dali256 [sign in to see picture]
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    Unfortunate that this has to be spelled out so clearly for people, but good that you have. At least you can take action on those few that break it now.

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    This rule has been added because of a few recent posts from certain members which we feel having been crossing an 'invisible line of necessary language' when posting. Now there is a set rule, the line won't be invisible anymore so I can refer people to the rules if they slip up.

    This isn't in response to inflammatory behaviour as I feel that rule is already covered by rule number 1.

    This has been raised because of certain people in the forums using unecessarilly graphic descriptions to talk about their sexual experiences (even when no-one has asked!) and also referring to their sexual partners in less than pleasing ways. Not very 'Lovehoney'.

    I agree that using appropriate language should be common sense, but apparently it isn't for everyone! As Cat Lady says, when people are sat behind a computer screen they can forget what they're doing and end up taking on an entirely different persona online than they have in 'real life'.

    We expect everyone here to treat each other with the same amount of respect that they would if they were talking face-to-face, and I'd betcha that the majority of us would't chat to our friends about our sex lives in explicitly graphic detail. The fact is, it doesn't add anything to conversation and you can easily get the same message / information / question across without being overly crude.

    Obviously there will be instances where some graphic detail is necessary and I completely understand that and will, of course, take conversation relevance into consideration with this rule.

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Skippy75 wrote:

    Unfortunate that this has to be spelled out so clearly for people, but good that you have. At least you can take action on those few that break it now.

    +1

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    S&S [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah it's only a good thing to reinforce the rules every now and then.

    As well as this issue, we've definitely noticed an increase in troll posts lately, so that is something that should certainly be looked at as well. The place just seems a bit more volatile lately.

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well i'm hoping that I haven't inadvertantly over-stepped the mark a little - if I have I of course, apologise and will promise to be more tactful in the future!

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    Kasumi [sign in to see picture]
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    I think 'rule number 4' needs to be pointed out to some members too...

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    I kinda wanna see the examples

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I am a little confused. Well, I totally get the "derogatory" thing. That makes perfect sense, but the "Overly explicit" thing is worrying me because I think I am explicit when I reply to folks asking advice or ideas. I mean, I describe positions, or body parts and when giving advice on things such as blowjobs or anal or something, I go into detail. I am unsure if I am crossing the line to be honest, in being explicit with my advice or help. I also assume that some people may enjoy one thing, and another find that idea repulsive and therefore too explicit or offensive? Also, there is the erotic fiction section which I guess encourages "explicit" stories, but that is okay (I assume, or it wouldnt be there) so I am totally confuddled as to the definition of overly explicit lol

    Arghh please help me Jess! lol I am confused and I don't wanna break the rules! x

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Cat Lady wrote:

    Unfortunately when it comes to the internet some people have no concept of what's "appropriate" in a public forum, and I think a site of this nature is more likely to fall prey to such people. It happens everywhere, though if you call people out on it they often say "I didn't mean it in an offensive way." That's frequently the case, though not always. I think Jess has a point though. There are times when it's a case of "too much information." I clicked on one thread and wished I hadn't...But that was kinda my fault, and I freely admit to being more naive and inexperienced than most people here!

    What is one persons "too much info" is another persons "Useful advice" and to some extent the same goes for explicitness (Is that even a word) I mean some people may find one thing just too detailed, while another, not detailed enough. I am, of course, not talking about offensive or derogatory language, that one is obviously not helpful or wanted, the other is not so clear. I guess a judgement call?

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I get the impression the problem is people putting explicit stuff gratuitously, so in a sense it's putting people on this forum in a voyeuristic role they might not wish to be in if they stumble across something too personal or overly detailed in a thread that doesn't seem to call for it. I think advice is different, because it''s usually asked for, and you can usually tell from the thread title in those instances. I guess it depends on the context really.

    I have a suspicion that the post that bugged me earlier today was partly responsible for this thread (though I didn't report it) but it would obviously be really wrong for me to say which one it was...It was definitely not in an advice thread though.

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    I am a little confused. Well, I totally get the "derogatory" thing. That makes perfect sense, but the "Overly explicit" thing is worrying me because I think I am explicit when I reply to folks asking advice or ideas. I mean, I describe positions, or body parts and when giving advice on things such as blowjobs or anal or something, I go into detail. I am unsure if I am crossing the line to be honest, in being explicit with my advice or help. I also assume that some people may enjoy one thing, and another find that idea repulsive and therefore too explicit or offensive? Also, there is the erotic fiction section which I guess encourages "explicit" stories, but that is okay (I assume, or it wouldnt be there) so I am totally confuddled as to the definition of overly explicit lol

    Arghh please help me Jess! lol I am confused and I don't wanna break the rules! x

    I don't think any of your posts would be considered offensively explicit, they are well written and informative. There are times when giving advice means going into detail but I wouldn't think you have anything to worry about

    xGGx

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    chunkyg [sign in to see picture]
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    I think this has left me extremely confused as well. During my time as contributor here I have found the forum to be engaging, caring, supportive and helpful.

    I'm hoping this is LH covering themselves by making clear that the "twitter outrages" of the last week or two are not repeated here. I think the forum is so caring that anyone engaging in derogatory comments would get hammered by the majority here. As for "overly explicity" that is such a subjective statement that I think it would need to be clearer the type of keywords not acceptable but context is always the factor that could change that!

    Really hope this "rule change" or change in emphasis doesn't change this boards nature.

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    SubReiSkyeM [sign in to see picture]
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    I find it difficult to gauge when something passes these lines. Maybe an example or two would be useful? If we clearly know the difference then it should be easier for people to stick to this rule :)

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey everyone,

    Thanks for your comments and questions, and for being so patient over the weekend waiting for a reply :)

    I understand that a rule like this does come with 'grey areas' and of course conversation detail is contextual. As I said in my previous post, I will bare in mind subject content and whether or not the amount of detail is necessary and adding to the conversation at hand.

    I think we can all appreciate times when detail is required in order to fully advise / ask a question and get the information you need, in comparison to times when adding extra detail is unnecessary and doesn't help in passing on any information or make the conversation any clearer, more informative or helpful. It's a really tough rule to enforce as I'm effectively asking everyone to use their common sense, and that in itself is subjective!

    Perhaps I should change the wording to "Unnecessary expletives"? What does everyone think?

    To confirm, by expletive I'm referring to the following definition:

    - "A word or phrase that does not contribute any meaning but is added only to fill out a sentence or a metrical line."

    It's not so much a case of 'too much detail' if the detail is required, I'm referring more to when the person posting chooses to use harsh / expletive language to describe something when it really wasn't required and the information passed on would have been equally as useful without it. For the sake of offering an example, I will break my own rule!

    NO- "I rammed my asshole with my new anal dong last night - I can still feel myself throbbing and gaping as I write this. I smothered myself, the toy and my whole house in lube and squeezed it in, feeling my a-hole stretch over the tip. I can't wait to use it again and watch myself cum over and over again. Next time I'm going to frantically frig myself off at the same time to see how much I can cum...."

    YES- "I tried out my new anal dildo last night - it was amazing!! I made sure I used plenty of water-based lube and was impressed by how stretched it made me feel. Certain positions were better than others and I personally found inserting in a squatted position easiest. The orgasms were fantastic and I think it could be my new favourite toy! When I come to use it next time I think I'll try using it alongside my bullet for clit stim as well."

    These two paragraphs basically say the same thing, but the choice of language is completely different - going back to the age old saying "It's not what you say, but the way you say it".

    As for the Erotic Fiction section of the forum does hold some of the biggest 'grey areas' of the site, as there is always room for artistic expression in this area. This, in my opinion, is where descriptive language is necessary and does add to the story / atmosphere / fantasy. In this section I'm only really interested in making sure the stories are 'Lovehoney friendly' eg: discussing sex acts after the age of 18, nothing involving animals, kids, etc.

    This has always been the 'unwritten rule' of the forums so those of you who are already well established forum users have nothing to worry about, and to be honest you shouldn't feel any change. The reason I've been forced to put this rule into writing now is due to the number of new members who think this is a hook up / dirty talk site (and I suspect many are getting off on their own posts) and I need to put a stop to it to protect the happy, helpful and open atmosphere we have here. This rule is definitely not in place to impinge on any of the wonderful community members and information we currently offer and I really don't want anyone feeling they can't speak freely on the forums.

    On a side note, I can honestly say that all of you who have commented on this thread have never said or done anything which I feel breaks this rule (or any of the others for that matter) so for you guys, just carry on doing what you're doing!

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    Team Jess - talking sense as always.

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    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow that definitely cleared it up for me!

    I think you could definitely change the wording to unnecessary expletives :) just a bit clearer! X

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Jess, whilst your new post is both informative and clears alot of things up, you are now responsible for the massive coffee stain that is now all over my desk. I literally spat out my coffee, whilst laughing like a loon in front of my co-workers reading that example of inappropriatness!

    Thanks for that ;)

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    That does clear it up 100% Jess, thank you. I totally understand now what you meant. I am still giggling at your example I must admit....the whole HOUSE? bahahahaha!

    Okay. Now I understand. Thank you Jess, and yes, you are right, their are a few more posts creeping in that suggest the poster is getting off on what they read, or type, sometimes because they just openly admit they are, which is uber creepy when you are giving one person advice and another is chiming in with....that kind of information. It does put you off, so you are totally right in stopping that behaviour here.

    Now I am off to cover my house in lube......

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