• advice needed

    dimplecheek [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 4 Nov 2011

    can anyone give advice on what i can do to help my oh who has told me he has been suffering with impotance for the last few months,

    i didnt realise this was the problem i just thought we hadnt had quality time together to have sex, we have always had a very active sex life up unti,about 6 months ago, it must have took great courage to tell me as he knows im a very sexual person, i have reassured him we will work together on this and i truly mean we will but what can i do?

    i have searched online and it says it may be due to medical or physocological reasons but i think he is too emabarresed to go to the doctors,

    i know he feels less of a man now and i really want to help him with this, has anyone been through this or going through now and if so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    MissChar [sign in to see picture]
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    The best thing is to go to the doctors, I have some advice but bear in mind I don't come from a medical perspective - just speaking from my experience.

    Can you think of anything that has changed in his and your lives lately? Anything that may cause stress? My partner had stress related issues not dissimilar. It really is best to go to th doctors, he needn't be embarrassed and the sooner he can get some advice from a professional the better. In the meantime though try not to let him stress about it just keep things loving, romantic, sexy..but with no pressure (sounds like you are being very supportive and that is so important).

    C x

    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    90% of the time it is stress related. Is he still at work? I've had partners who have had business problems which has lead to issues in the bedroom. Then once a man becomes paranoid about his willy not working that tends to cause more stress causing it to last longer.
    My advise would be to sit him down and talk about life, is there anything upsetting him. Does he have money concerns etc. dealing with underlying issues normally help.
    If the problem continues then speak to the dr. X

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Are ther any issues effectign him ..work, home, family, illness, overly tired etc All of these can have a huge effect on our sex drive.

    Maybe some honest talking but in a relaxed setting so he does not feel the pressure is on him or he is being seen as a failure in anyway shape or form.

    My OH went through a similar issue a while ago and i stopped even mentioning sex and gave extra love, nice meals, lots of hugs and kisses, little treats and lots of space to chat about anything and everything so the focus was not jsut on sex...

    OH was just so bogged down with work he was exhausted this added to ex-wife issues the last thing he needed was me piling the pressure on to have sex (though i admit until we sat down and really spoke about this i did not realise the pressure I was putting him under)

    Our sex life is better than I could ever imagine but we also communicate so much better generally and the lil touches we both do have added so much to our relationship.

    We both feel loved nad valused and in a better place to say if thigns are not right as the other is not quick to jump to the wrong conculsions about things ie *not feeling like sex is not the same I do not fancy you*...

    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    Agree with what others have said about it most likely being stress related. He's probably in a lose lose situation now as the more he thinks about it the more it'll affect him. My partner is the same sometimes but things are much better than at the beginning. As long as he knows he has your love and support things may resolve themselves over time.

    I can't stress enough the importance of going to the doctor though. Yes it can be embarrassing, but rest assured its nothing's the doctor won't have seen before and it's important to rule out underlying medical conditions, such as heart disease.

    dimplecheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 4 Nov 2011

    Thank you, we will get through this i know, i have had a good chat today he feels he isnt stressed about work or life, but what he mention which he has never mentioned was how his brothers massive heart attack a year ago has affected him, his brother survived but he lives daily with the after effects of this and his marriage has broken up because of this too, im thinking is this part of the underlying problem as OH feels as though he hasnt support him enough.

    i have decided and told him that it dosent matter about sex and we can just take our time which i feel he was relieved about as i had been going on about for a few months as i didnt understand.

    Also he will book an appointment at docs just as precautionary.

    thanks again

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