• Affair Web sites

    1372601765
    johnbrown [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Jun 2013

    Hi If anyone can adsise I would appreaciate it. Are there any genuine affair websites ? Is Ashley Madison website a con or no ?

    Regards John

    1372603189
    Plain Jane [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 314
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2011

    So much online hype about it most probably best to stay well clear

    1372613414
    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 971
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    Seriously!!!
    I think there's enough temptation out there for anyone to have an affair in everyday life, I you want to go looking for it you'll probably find it, I doubt you'll need a web site or app for that.
    None of my business and each to their own but are you really sure that's what you want johnbrown ?
    I'm just concernend fo you that maybe there are other options out there for you and your wife, unless it's something you both agree on and have an open relationship.
    Mrs A

    1372621742
    Hampshire Hogg [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 669
    • Joined: 24 Jan 2012

    As is often the case I agree with Mrs A

    I live in a small town and was one of the last to discover that my wife had been accused of having an affair with a male teacher at my kids school.

    We got thought it, bit I still can remember the pain.

    1372626084
    dimplecheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 17
    • Joined: 4 Nov 2011

    only have an affair if you are prepared to lose everything you have ever loved !!

    1372629389
    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 212
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2009

    dimplecheek wrote:

    only have an affair if you are prepared to lose everything you have ever loved !!

    ^^this

    I just don't understand affair websites. Affairs do nothing but harm.

    1372636920
    mz sin [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 20
    • Joined: 23 Jan 2012

    There are plenty of websites for people looking for affairs. There's one that charges £150 per month and at that price you might as well go out and pay for sex. Affairs are not for everyone at the cost of one of you getting emotionally attached it just isn't worth it. Yes it can feel illicit and exciting but it won't last. When things go wrong in a relationship better to find a solution and be done with it.

    1372639489
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1965
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    If you're going to have an affair with someone, you don't truly love the person you're with. You're giving them enough damage by staying with them and stringing them along. Grow some balls, and don't wait until you're caught out for some excuse to leave your partner, just leave yourself with as less pain as possible.

    1372671193
    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2281
    • Joined: 16 May 2010

    I still think affairs can work for certain reasons.

    Yes I agree that lying and things is bad. But there are some people in positions where they are married to someone whop they can't sleep with due to health reasons, but also not everyone has a choice in who they marry (cultural, family, religion).

    Affair websites I don't know much about though sorry.

    1372674815
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1965
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    Nymph, I totally understand that, but it's still not a reason to have a full blown affair. "Johnbrown" has stated on his profile he's looking for a married woman, so this will destroy two marriages. If someone is struggling to have sex because of health reasons then surely the nicest thing to do was to have sex with your partners position, now and again, with a different woman every time. I feel the same partner would be too hurtful.

    If it was me, and my husband had health problems I would never sleep with anyone else even with his permission, I take my marriage vows very seriously, and I know how hurt I would be if I was the in the position of the wife who's husband was actively looking for an affair.

    1372674928
    johnbrown [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 30 Jun 2013

    Thank you all for your views, perhaps you would read the following dirg and comment please.

    Hi . Your right I don’t know whether seeking an affair is the right thing to do!!!!! Well it’s a long story. My wife has never been very keen on sex, we have discussed this over the years with a view to erotic art, porn, bdsm, dressing up, dildos, vibs, toys, restraints etc. I accept of course that it her free choice to decide on what she wants to do in sex. However it has mainly come back to that she does not like any of those things and that they are abnormal in a husband and wife relationship. She has said that If I loved her then I would not ask her to do any them and that if I still wanted those things then there must something wrong with me and that I should seek help. So long ago I have stopped talking about such things. This has left me feeling rather guilty over my desires for more than just missionary sex. I have never had an affair and have always felt guilty if I read or watched anything erotic. I have had to ignore anything sexual while in her company otherwise it would lead to accusations of my thoughts on sex. As she has got older she has questioned the purpose of life and has found some meaning in religion. This has led her to the view that sex is for procreation and that after this its purpose has been achieved. In more recent years the news of Sex trafficking, girl sex slaves, internet pornography and Saville Gate have led her to extol over what the desire for sex can lead men to do. We have many things that we share family, finance, home which I do not wish to leave. Coward you might say, I would say I am just being practical. The experiences I desire may not happen or if they do they will not last long and then old age will stop me anyway. I have dreams that mainly include women with a full figure dressed in, Basques, black stocking and suspenders and stilettos and end with oral sex and a lot of my sperm. This has on many occasions resulted in me having raging throbbing erections which have awakened my wife. She has been very upset questing what is going on in my head for that to happen, to such an extent that she insisted that I go to see my doctor about it. I tried masturbating regularly to see if I could stop this from happening but, if anything it only increased my erections. In the end I went to my doctor and asked for something to stop the erections, he was somewhat concerned and said he spent most of his time giving men of my age Viagra to have erections. So no I don’t know if I am doing is the right thing. I am now 61 and suddenly feel that I need to experience the things I have long desired before it’s too late. I am looking for an experience or relationship where passion is high. Having accepted years of duty, lie back and think of England sex I want to experience what it feels like with a woman who really wants to have sex with me (not paid for sex). To be able to respond to her desires and fantasies, to find ways to excite and satisfy her, to feel the excitement of expectation as I touch and caress her body, to feel the tingling down my spine and then the flood of release as the ultimate moment is reached. To experience what I never have, the exhilaration of a tumultuous mutual exhausting climax. It’s not a case of who’s right or wrong, this just my feelings at this moment in my life.

    Thanks John

    1372675675
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1965
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    I understand that you have major issues in your relationship, but I ask you this...How would you feel if you found out the reason your wife doesn't want sex is because she's already having sex with someone else? These things can't be hidden, and you will get caught, you'll end up in an even worse position and more than likely lose your home anyway.

    My advice would be to try and seek some marriage counciling, tell her you're not happy, and if she cares she'll be willing to go with you. If you go to marriage counselling and/or sex therapy, and things still don't seem to be perking up, then you need to make a choice. You seriously can't put this innocent woman through this, she thinks you're being a supportive husband, and you're looking for sex in other places. That would absolutely destroy me, but if my husband decided to walk away, that would be hurtful but not as much as it would if he was sleeping with someone else.

    I understand you may lose your home and a break up at your age would be a massive difficulty, but the reality is, you're not happy. You need to think very hard about what you're doing and think about how hurt your wife would be. It sounds almost like you want to have an affair to punish her how "unreasonable" she has been over the years, but especially at your age the menopause could create a big medical factor for her, it might now be uncomfortable for her to have sex.

    If you're not happy, leave. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.

    1372718238
    BDSM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 212
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2009

    You can't have everything. You cannot keep your marriage and all that goes with it AND have an affair. It is not reasonable or fair to your wife.

    How does your raging throbbing erection wake your wife up?

    If your desires for sex are that over whelming then you should end your marriage and pursue them. The very least you owe your wife is honesty. If you wish to stay married then you have to ask permission to have sex outside your marriage.

    This will end in misery - sorry you have an unsatisfactory sex life, but an affair will not solve it

    1372718807

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3036
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    visit a dominatrix get it out of your system and find out the difference between fantasy and reality

    1372720198
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2225
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    What a tough situation. While I see your view point (Seriously I would have reached the end of my rope long before you have) and agree you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, I also agree with everyone else in saying that you cannot have your cake and eat it.

    Its like you have two choices. One is comfy, commitment, partnership, familarity and safe. The other is excitement and risk and passion. What you want to do is have both, at the expense of others feelings (You could wreck two marriages just to satisfy an itch, while trying to maintain what you have already)

    I keep saying this to people who want to have an affair, its really selfish. Its like you are saying you want to do something so deceitful and yet crawl home afterwards into the clothes washed for you and the bed made for you and the cooking made for you and....no

    It might be difficult to split up, especially after so many years of being together, You might well lose things. but that is the choice. If you WANT another life, you cannot take your old life with you, as a safety net, just in case, or just because its easier. It is going to really hurt someone and all because you want to have the best of both worlds. As much as I agree you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, you should do it the right way. Either counselling, or splitting up to go forward and seek your happiness.

    I know some people will come along here and say "Well the wife has been selfish all these years denying someone what is normal, intimacy and sexual pleasure" You are probably right. If she knows he is unhappy all these years and has desires yet doesnt care to compromise and just deny him of them, then yeh she is selfish. Retaliation affairs as punishment though? not a good idea.

    If something makes you unhappy...speak your truth to your partner. If they cannot meet your needs, the choice is to seperate or stay together unhappy..choice 3 (Affair) will cause no end of problems. It might seem like the easiest option (If I don't get caught I get everything...comfy home and rampant sex) but you will probably get caught, or realise you are still not happy. That old saying "The grass isnt always greener on the other side"

    I dunno, just my thoughts. You seem pretty adament that this is what you want to do. Like BDSM says, you could always just be honest with her. Tell her the truth. tell her that just because SHE has these views, doesn't mean that you do and that your views do not mesh at all and it is leaving you feeling miserable. Tell her you have come to the end of your rope and tell her what the doctor said and that sex is normal and enjoyable and you are getting older and you need to experience this. Ask her to tell her what the future holds. Is this it for your sex life? Will she go to counselling with you or compromise. Ask her how she would feel if you were denying her something she felt she needed (Money, house, support) You need to tell her how much this effects you now and you need some answers and decide on a plan.

    1372720211
    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 971
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    My heart does go out to you that she's not into kinky sex but she loves you ands it sounds like she still wants sex with you, which some couples unfortunately don't get as their relationship progresses.
    Don't blame religion though my husband and I are practicing christians and believe that sex is Gods wedding present to couples for them to enjoy for ever. Its an important part of marriage and closeness.
    Councelling might be the way forward there are lots of styles to choose from.

    1372720659
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 625
    • Joined: 26 Sep 2010

    Fluffbags wrote:

    What a tough situation. While I see your view point (Seriously I would have reached the end of my rope long before you have) and agree you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, I also agree with everyone else in saying that you cannot have your cake and eat it.

    Its like you have two choices. One is comfy, commitment, partnership, familarity and safe. The other is excitement and risk and passion. What you want to do is have both, at the expense of others feelings (You could wreck two marriages just to satisfy an itch, while trying to maintain what you have already)

    I keep saying this to people who want to have an affair, its really selfish. Its like you are saying you want to do something so deceitful and yet crawl home afterwards into the clothes washed for you and the bed made for you and the cooking made for you and....no

    It might be difficult to split up, especially after so many years of being together, You might well lose things. but that is the choice. If you WANT another life, you cannot take your old life with you, as a safety net, just in case, or just because its easier. It is going to really hurt someone and all because you want to have the best of both worlds. As much as I agree you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, you should do it the right way. Either counselling, or splitting up to go forward and seek your happiness.

    I know some people will come along here and say "Well the wife has been selfish all these years denying someone what is normal, intimacy and sexual pleasure" You are probably right. If she knows he is unhappy all these years and has desires yet doesnt care to compromise and just deny him of them, then yeh she is selfish. Retaliation affairs as punishment though? not a good idea.

    If something makes you unhappy...speak your truth to your partner. If they cannot meet your needs, the choice is to seperate or stay together unhappy..choice 3 (Affair) will cause no end of problems. It might seem like the easiest option (If I don't get caught I get everything...comfy home and rampant sex) but you will probably get caught, or realise you are still not happy. That old saying "The grass isnt always greener on the other side"

    I dunno, just my thoughts. You seem pretty adament that this is what you want to do. Like BDSM says, you could always just be honest with her. Tell her the truth. tell her that just because SHE has these views, doesn't mean that you do and that your views do not mesh at all and it is leaving you feeling miserable. Tell her you have come to the end of your rope and tell her what the doctor said and that sex is normal and enjoyable and you are getting older and you need to experience this. Ask her to tell her what the future holds. Is this it for your sex life? Will she go to counselling with you or compromise. Ask her how she would feel if you were denying her something she felt she needed (Money, house, support) You need to tell her how much this effects you now and you need some answers and decide on a plan.

    ^^this makes sense to me ^^

    xGGx

    1372726995
    secondcoming [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2012

    Fluffbags has it right - the thing you really need to do is talk about your situation, and work out each other's needs - and then attempt to compromise. Only after that is it time to try for a solution that doesn't involve her physically (though it will still invove her emotionally).

    You've told us how your wife behaves, but does she do this knowing it makes you miserable? That her choices are close to driving you away, to making the marriage fail?

    The art of compromising here is key - but extremely tricky because it can be such a hard subject for couples to discuss. It can be hard to get the other person to truly put their perspective forward without embarrassment getting in the way, which makes it impossible to see the situation from their point-of-view.

    We've been working through our differences too, in search of more intimacy (and yes, more sex) and find that discussions - regular discussions without fear or embarrassment -are key to understanding how our behaviour is felt in the other half.

    Two books we've been looking at are useful to help see what happens elsewhere, to see how wide the range of "normal" is, and to come up with tactics to change:

    Sex Diaries, by Bettina Arndt

    The Sex-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner Davis

    If nothing else, they help prompt us with aspects to discuss.

    1372756299

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3028
    • Joined: 25 Apr 2013

    Just wanted to say I strongly agree with what everyone has said an affair is (not) the way to go about this. It will just make things worse!

    1372774814

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3036
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    just like to say that just wanting to try something doesnt mean that you would like it or want to do it again...you could upset the whole shebang for something you wouldnt want to do aain.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.