• Desperate need of help

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    innis [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree that I have a big decision to make.I really don't want to leave her so I'm going to give the sex therapy ago, hopefully she agrees to it, if not then its decision time, which believe me is the last thing I want.

    Thanks for all your help, although its not what I want to hear its what I need to hear :(

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I genuinely hope it goes okay. I fully understand that you wouldn't want to leave her, because you're not just with her for sex, you're there for the full package. I personally think walking away from a marriage is a terrible thing to do, and I really think you need to utterly exhaust yourself until you get to the bottom of this. You'll know when it's time to break away from the marriage but I feel like its not your time yet and there is still a lot of feelings between you two. Best of luck, please keep us updated. Take care :)

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    innis [sign in to see picture]
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    I will and hopefully it's good news :)

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    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    Fingers crossed for you innis. Let us know how it goes and you can always log on here for support Xx

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    innis, some of the posts in this thread are stressing me out just reading them. are some of them making it worse for you, rather than helping? if so, take a step back from the thread and remember that these are the opinions of strangers. none of us here understand the full picture by any means.

    i need to go clear my head so i can re-read what you've written. right now, i've got everyone else's voices swarming in my head and confusing me as to what you've actually said. hopefully you're managing better with it than i am.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Although I've had some input I highly agree with the above post. No body knows you or your wife, some people have never been married, some are single, some are divorced and none of us can unfortunately give you the answer your need. But I really strongly don't think this is the end of your marriage and I am very confident that the love you have for her will carry you both through this, you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't love her. Maybe take some suggestions on board, but don't take everything me or anyone else says as being set in stone. You're in charge here, you need to follow your heart and do whatever you think is best to do. This is not the end of your marriage!

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    Of course there are differing viewpoints expressed in this thread because we have all had different life experiences but hopefuly some of them will strike a chord! Anyway good luck and remember you promised to keep us informed :-)

    <3 W

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    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    MrsMcX wrote:

    Although I've had some input I highly agree with the above post. No body knows you or your wife, some people have never been married, some are single, some are divorced and none of us can unfortunately give you the answer your need. But I really strongly don't think this is the end of your marriage and I am very confident that the love you have for her will carry you both through this, you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't love her. Maybe take some suggestions on board, but don't take everything me or anyone else says as being set in stone. You're in charge here, you need to follow your heart and do whatever you think is best to do. This is not the end of your marriage!

    I agree- do what feels right for you Xx

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    innis [sign in to see picture]
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    We had a good honest chat last night, she admits that there is a problem and really wants to work on it, she has no idea why she has lost her sex drive. She has agreed to go see a doctor to see if its anything medical, I'm going to support her all the way and hopefully by the end of it I get my kinky wife back lol.

    She hates the thought of going to therapy but admits that we need help, so if the doctor doesn't work then we will sit down again and chat. The good news is she really wants to try this time as I think she can see we are drifting apart and that's it's killing me inside that we can't be intimate. It's the first time in my life my wife has saw me with a tear in my eye and I think (hope) it makes her see that I really want to get back to the way it was.

    Again thanks for all your support and advice.

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    You're more than welcome,innis and I'm (we're) glad that its starting to work out for you

    W

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    This is so nice to hear innis I'm glad it's getting sorted out for you, best of luck :)

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    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
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    Good stuff. I hope all works out well.

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    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats so good to hear :) Best of luck Xx

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    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    That's great Innis! Hope all goes well!!

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    The only thing I can suggest,Sexyboots, is marriage guidance conselling if u can get him to agree otherwise...

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    innis [sign in to see picture]
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    Sexyboots wrote:

    I have a similar issue with my OH who doesn't seem interested in me....we do have sex normally at night in bed when he wants it about once a week or when I've had a strop! But he doesn't touch me and there is little affection. Ive tried talking to him, dressing up...he never takes notice of what Im wearing or says...just gimme 10 minuites!! He says he's stressed with work etc n I understand all that and says I put pressure on him, however he is quite happy to play with his toys on his own. I've suggested things dropped hints talked asked questions screamed and shouted but nothing changes. If I say I can't cope with this any more he always convinces me he loves me and it will get better and I'm over sensitive....then nothing! I am on the verge of giving up completely!

    I feel your pain sexy boots.

    its so frustrating and it tends to be all I think about lol.

    if you ever want to chat give me a shout, I'm currently in the same situation , however, hopefully we have turned a corner so keep your head up.

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    the_drew [sign in to see picture]
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    My previous relationship dried up in the same way you describe and it all happened after she got pregnant. Beforehand sex was this fun thing we did together, then she got pregnant and that's when she realised sex had consequences.

    Not sure if this mirrors your circumstance and I hoep you can fix what's not working.

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    Old - But not THAT old! [sign in to see picture]
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    innis wrote:

    I feel your pain sexy boots.

    its so frustrating and it tends to be all I think about lol.

    innis / sexyboots I know how you both feel. My OH lost interest in sex when she started to go into the menopause over 7 years ago. Since then I have had no physical relationship with her of any kind. Understanding that the menopause can affect sex-drive I was patient for several years, but she has long since come out of it. Just like you I have tried all the different ways of rekindling some romance, and just like your partners she tells me that she loves me and promises that things will resume, but it never happens. And just like you, innis, I find it so frustrating and because of this it does seem to be all I think about too.

    So, why are we still together? Well my forum name gives it away a bit - AGE. I'm really not that old, but I am the wrong side of 50. I have had 2 divorces in the past, and the last one left me very heavily in debt. It has taken me 20 years to recover from that, and now the only real posession I have is a modest little home in a cheap sunny country that is paid for and ready for me to move into when I retire (or lose my job, which is likely to happen before I get to 65) I feel I'm too old to start again, and if I left there is no doubt in my mind that in terms of who gets what from the marriage I will most definitely come off the worse, us men usually do - even in these days of sexual equality. So I stay put, and put up! Fortunately we are good friends, so life is not too bad, it's just sexless.

    One thing is for sure though, if I were 10 years younger I would be gone by now. I could not face being in a sexless relationship if I was still in my prime. Don't get me wrong, there is more to a relationship than just sex, but to me that part is very important, not only do I enjoy it (of course) but to me the closeness of that physical act is an indication of a partner's love and affection for you, and a lack of it implies a lack of real love and affection. This is just MY attitude to the act of making love, I don't see it as just sex, it would be so much easier if I did have this view as I could then seek such release from paid services.

    So, what I'm really trying to add to this dilema for you both is this. Look at your own ages, and decide how many years you have left in which you believe that you will have the necessary physical ability to indulge in sex, and then decide if you can live with your current partner and without sex for that length of time, because that is what you will have to do if you stay - the chances of your partners changing are VERY remote, and even if they do it is unlikely to be on a permant basis as they have already indicated their true attitude towards sex.

    Whatever decisions you both make, I really do hope that you will be happy in the future.

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    Wilkibo [sign in to see picture]
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    Please don't give up hope Old BNTO: I am also the wrong side of 50 and jobless to boot! I met my current girlfriend on an awful dating sitet that I wouldn't recommend to my worst enemy! Anyway we are both looking forward to the physical side of things (even tho she is 7 yeas older than I am and I myself am sexually inexperienced): the quality of the love making is completely irrelevant; just being physically intimate will be enough.
    W

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    CullensNaughtyLamb [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that is excellent advice from Despina Rose. I have a male friend in a similar situation although they have been married less then a year and he has had enough. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you :)

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