• What do you do when your husband doesn't want sex anymore?

    1376078723
    Fortysomething [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you've done the right thing, if he doesn't want you, then someone out there will definately meet your expectations and it is definitely his loss, on a massive scale.

    Shame, you never know what you had 'til it's gone.

    You only get one life, live it!

    A bit cliche I know.

    1376079010
    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Good for you I was in a simliar situation was like that for 9 years best thing I ever did was leave him . You will have good days and bad days it will get easier and you will get stronger promise you x

    1376088217
    bjb61 [sign in to see picture]
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    Fortysomething, I'm sure there's somebody out there who would give me what I want, it's just extremely daunting the thought of getting out there to meet them. This is my second marriage & I'm 51 now, so I'm not overly keen on the idea of starting over and the way I'm feeling right now, being on my own sounds good - unless some hunky toyboy was to come along of course (I should be so lucky) lol!!

    My husband has actually made an appointment for the GP one day next week when he's got the day off & he's acting like everything is fine & hunky dory - I'm not sure whether the man is just dense or whether he's genuinely wanting to stay for the right reasons.

    In the meantime, I've just enjoyed the past hour reading through the forums and finding out what you all are up to. Makes me realise what I'm missing and also bought quite a few memories back of what I used to get up to in the good old days when I was single & pre children. There's still plenty of life left in this old bird and I pity the poor man who next gets me to bed - four & a half years worth of pent up sexual energy is a lot for any human to take!!!!!! Poor guy will be begging to leave

    1376094596
    Fortysomething [sign in to see picture]
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    There's going to be some lucky bloke out there for sure, who will have the ride of his life!

    But seriously, as a man, it's difficult to relate to your husbands behaviour. You are a rare find, and you've been unlucky, twice.

    There is a bloke out there with your name on, just seems you need to find him, and you will.

    Good luck, we're all rooting for you!

    1376145046
    Old man John [sign in to see picture]
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    A huge number if supportive replies - shows what a nice bunch most people are! Hope you can get him going again. If not have a bit if a fling. When you promise ' to have and to hold' it means have sex if he won't, it's breaking a promise .

    best wishes. I know I couldn't cope with a sexless life, even at nearly seventy .

    1376151447
    bjb61 [sign in to see picture]
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    OMJ - yes you're right, there are a lovely group of people on this site and I'm very grateful for all the support I've been given. With regards to you saying he's broken a promise, I agree in some ways but as I mentioned before, being unfaithful if not an option for me. I've always said in all my relationships that if either one of us was not happy then we should try and sort things out first, if then still no joy then finish the relationship and move on to the next one.

    Anyway, fortysomething, if and when the time comes when I feel up to venturing forth into the big wide world to start dating again, I shall no doubt be on here to ask for advice on what the do's & don'ts are these days.

    1376156085
    Fortysomething [sign in to see picture]
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    No worries, I hope it doesn't end up with you venturing out on your own and you sort things out.

    My wife sometimes doesn't understand that I find her sexy for who she is, but men are like that (well some of us at least) - I can find her just as attractive in her scruff if we are decorating as if we are going out for a meal with her with a nice dress on.

    As for venturing forth, if it comes to that... just be yourself, you seem comfortable with that already.

    Besides some physical attraction, a gsoh, warm, sincere and up for a bit of fun - there's no need to have the full war paint on all of the time! :-)

    That's my opinion and personal preference of course!

    And if it's any comfort, I made the same promise to my wife and myself as you did to yourself and your husband, it's not over until it's over and until then, there is no one else.

    Good luck, I wish you lots of it - sincerely. FS

    1376177376
    Old man John [sign in to see picture]
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    I still think it may be impotence that is bothering him. If you can get him to accept help for it that will be a start.

    honestly, most men would find it a total joy to have a wife who felt sexy. Usually I think the balance of desire is the other way round.

    Have you shown him all these messages of support?

    1376211483
    Northern lights [sign in to see picture]
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    This is a sad situation for you. Sadly the only solution for you both is communication. If this isnt a two way thing - you trying and him closing up, then another way through the impass is needed. You must be feeling such intense frustartion, which must be so hard to live with.

    If diplomacy and sensitivity isnt working, then try confronting it head on. But... think about what the outcomes could be and consider them first.

    As my dad told me once "if the wind aint blowing then you cant sail the boat".

    best of luck.

    1376266100
    Old man John [sign in to see picture]
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    There are quite a few men replying to your post, and I think it is for two reasons. One is we genuinely are concerned, and hope you will get progress, and the other is a bit selfish, but I hope gives you confidence too:- It's quite exciting to exchange ideas with a woman we know wants to be sexy. A sexy woman is simply one who likes sex, and there will be nothing wrong with you!

    If your man needs reassurance, it really doesn't matter if his erection is not strong. He can use the vibrator on you, or kiss and lick your vagina till you orgasm, or at the very least massage you with some nice lotion. How could he refuse?

    if he won't join in, you could always have a bit of fun online, and send in pussy pics to rate my vagina or similar, and imagine all the guys having a nice orgasm looking at it.

    1376321247
    bjb61 [sign in to see picture]
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    "if he won't join in, you could always have a bit of fun online, and send in pussy pics to rate my vagina or similar, and imagine all the guys having a nice orgasm looking at it. " OMJ - that's really not my cup of tea at all - I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination but that just is not me.

    1376323682
    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    bjb61 wrote:

    "if he won't join in, you could always have a bit of fun online, and send in pussy pics to rate my vagina or similar, and imagine all the guys having a nice orgasm looking at it. " OMJ - that's really not my cup of tea at all - I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination but that just is not me.

    I second that, I can only imagine women who are seriously drunk upload pictures to that site! Haha!

    1376335517
    BlankeMaus [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd recommend you writing a letter and asking him to respond, I'd leave all the attempts of seduction until he's replied, he might not like sex or he may not be able to get aroused or something happened and he doesn't want to have sex anymore. So many reasons why. Let him open up to you in writing. Then you can take it from there. Obviously something is bugging him.

    1376335661
    Old man John [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, I take it back, sorry to be flippant. I realise you are in a serious situation. Apologies. Myself, I am nealy fifty years with my wife, and have never been unfaithful. I still dream only of her.

    1376336075

    [suspended user]

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    Good luck Bjb61 babe I hope you fine someone lovely who treats you amazing. X

    1376346094
    Fortysomething [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought I'd check in and see how things were going!

    Posting pics of your lady garden to some "rate my" site isn't going to do your man's ego any good any time soon!

    Anyhow, your situation crossed my mind today, and as a married man of some 15 years, and being with the same woman 22, we've had our fair share of up's and down's.

    I was a bit of a workaholic, although I never stopped fancying my wife, but I had to seriously change my ways before I lost the love of my life.

    So I thought I'd perhaps offer some insight of what I had to do to mend my ways (this was nearly 8years ago now):

    First of all I had to acknowledge I had a problem disconnecting from work;

    I had a very well paid job, company car, all the trimmings so to speak - medical cover, pension, a bit of a trouble shooter role, leading a programme of work for a household name telcomms company for a government department (one of the biggest);

    I had to learn to let go, and leave work at work, and make myself unavailable;

    I had to get back to me, and remember what made me tick, what made my wife attracted to me in the first place;

    I had to learn to switch the BlackBerry off;

    I bought my own mobile phone, instead of using the work one as my personal one;

    I had to set a time by when I finished, and stick to it;

    I had to learn that the work would be there tomorrow'

    I had to admit I'd become a workaholic, and I'd become addicted to overtime and all the things that you can get when you've added more than a £1k a month to your basic salary after tax;

    I had to do this for myself.

    I also went back to basics, suggested a night out - my wife loves going to the cinema, so I ensured we got babysitters and we went out, we looked forward to Lord of The Rings each Christmas - even though I didn't know if we would still be together for the final film;

    We both like stand-up, so I looked out for good acts locally, we went to see Jimmy Carr (great but crude), Lee Evans, Stephen K Amos, Peter Kay (although this was last year), I booked a Curryn'Comedy night - took a risk as we shared a table with two other couples;

    I've always bought her flowers - sometimes for special occaisions, othertimes just because I wanted to, I looked out for some special things from time to time, such as anniversary's - I bought her a bracelet made on the island of iona, where we went for a day when we went to Mull for a week - it was a special place for her;

    Although my situation is slightly different, I am wondering if you need to reconnect with him on a different level.

    I've no idea what he does for a living, do you ask him about his day? Do you want to? Does he want you to? Perhaps just someone to share his problems with, even if you don't know a thing about what he's talking about.

    Is there something that he enjoys that you enjoy, that he's forgotten to do? Perhaps you could go away for a weekend, just to have some time away from the routine of things?

    I can't help feeling that there's some connection missing, and you need to re-kindle that somehow, there must have been something that attracted you to each other in the first place, some shared interest or something.

    Perhaps you can talk about when you first met, and get some fond memories back?

    Apologies if I've probably gone on a bit much, but I am hoping that there is a little bit of an opening that you can exploit to get to the root of the problem.

    Keep us posted, FS

    1376346995
    Bunny_heartagram [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds so much like my hubby and me it breaks my heart. My suggestion is anxiety. My husband has it and it can make our love kinda rough. I bought toys and lingerie anything to get that attention. . You could try that and let him know you need some personal time. He might get interested in what your private time is. You could write a notebook of poetry hopes and dreams for him. Go back to basics and rekindle reminiscent of the beginning to remind him you are a woman. Court him into courting you may take awhile but who can resist love poems flowers candy special dinners and what not.

    1376347012
    50 plus and loving it! [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with the above, good post.

    also, what age is he? Is he having some kind of mid life crisis? Does he think you aren't attracted to him? Or that he can't possibly be attractive?

    i do think there is something going on in his head, you need to get into it!

    1376347708
    Fortysomething [sign in to see picture]
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    it's me again... I forgot to say... in terms of getting reconnected and talking, do it on either neutral ground, perhaps a weekend away in a hotel etc, or perhaps somewhere that you both enjoy going, i.e. a city or town, or cafe, or restaurant.

    Take the pressure out of the situation, in fact, perhaps avoid asking him to talk about the issue on the neutral ground, and see if he brings it up of his own accord.

    It can't hurt, and it might be fun, if nothing else a nice meal and a nice weekend away.

    FS

    1376352878
    bjb61 [sign in to see picture]
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    OMJ there's no need to apologise - it's just not my cup of tea.

    FT - the phrase you used "lady garden" made me smile - never heard that one before.

    Whereas over the years I've tried showing him my love in lots of ways - little prezzies just because I saw something he might like, cards for no special reason other than to say I loved him, little surprises for the bedroom & God knows what else, he's never done that for me and yet I persevered.

    We have lost that connection for sure. Sleeping apart for over four years hasn't helped. When he comes home from work I always ask how his day has been, even though I don't understand half of what he says (he's in IT). He never has anything to say to me unless its work related. At weekends he just wants to work on the computer rather than spend time with me and the kids. I've explained to him over the years that he's pushing us out and he nods his head in agreement but then does nothing to change.

    I'm just hitting my head against a brick wall with him & getting absolutely nowhere. I now have no more fight left in me & am giving up. It's up to him now as to what he does, if anything. He has his appt. with the doctor Thursday morning & I'm interested to see what he says to him this time.

    I'm done with being the loving, supportive, loyal wife & whilst this might sound harsh to some people, I think I've been extremely patient.

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