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New toy purchases...14811732731371676600Posted 19 Jun 2013 at 9:16 pm
Me and my fiancée have recently become more adventurous in the bedroom. Well i say that, our recent escapades have led us to being more open about things, generally being able to talk about any wants and desires, naturally this has led to some sex toy purchasing.
We have brought quite a few recently, and all of which i knew something about or had read ample about etc. However, we had our newest parcel come today. The parcel contained 1 bullet vibrator (which we have owned previously and I have reviewed), 1 pink 7 inch dildo, 1 black small silicone butt plug and 1 set of pink "love heart" anal beads.
Well, the bullet was purchased because it was cheap. The rest of it, well the butt plug, is something my fiancée is curious about and asked me to purchase. The other things were kind of impulse buys. The dildo was out of my curiosity, however this is not way intended in usage. I, as a male, had never owned nor seen a dildo (neither had my SO but thats beside the point). I wanted to know what one looked like, felt like, wave it around and basically be childish with it. My SO found this slightly weird, teasing me about gay tendencies and such. However she got a bit abrupt when it was around her today whilst I was looking. She has always made her feelings clear that she never wants it used on her, and I intend to uphold that. However, I am intruiged as to what it would feel like to her, and why people would use them when they can buy the same thing that vibrates. I guess I'm just voicing thoughts here and saying maybe I want her to change her mind or at least look at the dildo, not just dismiss it as something i wanted. Anyway, we'll see what happens there. The other toy, oh yes the anal beads. When searching online for a butt plug for my SO i came across these and showed her. I read the intruige on her face and managed to convince her to let us purchase them, which I was happy about for the intruige of seeing feeling and knowing what they are like. When seeing the butt plug today she joked that "it wouldn't fit". I then spoke to her about the anal beads - the smallest being significantly smaller than the butt plug - and the use of them. She seemed open to the idea, and she'll trust me if I'm playing back there - with anything - so I doubt that would be a problem, we'll have to see how it develops. At the time when they arrived today she couldn't really look, feel and understand/digest the new toys, she was on her way to work etc. We'll have to see what her opinion is when she has to chance to think about it.
Basically, I think I'm generally asking for people's thoughts and experiences with these toys that I actually have no idea about.
Please and thank you?
J1371679661Posted 19 Jun 2013 at 10:07 pmFluffbags
- Rank: Field Marshall
- Posts: 2219
- Joined: 18 Oct 2011
Hi J, welcome to the forums.
I am trying to think back to when I got my first toy and I remember feeling a little strange about it too.Since then I have collected hundreds of toys and become quite an addict to be honest. I will try to answer some of your questions from my perspective:
Why buy a dildo when you can own one that vibrates:
Well, the thing is, not all ladies enjoy the feel of vibrations. I personally like vibrations but only on my clitoris. I have never been a huge fan of something vibrating inside of me. When I bought rabbits, I never turned on the rorating shafts, when I bought dildo sized vibrators I only turned them on if I was rubbing it against my clit, if I was inserting it, I left it switched off. This is still my preference and the reason why is because I like the feel of the toy sliding in and out of me. I like to feel the material brushing against my insides and feel the textures (If it has any) with the vibrations on, all I feel is this rumbling buzzy sensation inside my vagina and this isnt as sensual or as pleasant for me. I like sensations inside me to replicate sex I guess, so I enjoy thrusting, or even just holding the toy inside me to provide a feeling of fullness, or to have something inside me that I can squeeze my internal muscles around, which feels pleasurable. Vibrations inside me, after a while, can just cause an itching sensation, sometimes make me feel like I need to pee too! lol. I never used to think I was a dildo fan either. It was only this year I developed a penchant for dildos along with clitoral vibrators and right now, some of my dildos are my favourite toys. I can insert them while my partner gives me oral sex for example, or while masturbating. I experience g-spot orgasms but even still, I do not get them from vibrators inside me. I need a jiggling or shallow thrusting motion and if the toy vibrates, that is just distracting to me. Clitoral orgasms are a different story and I love my vibrating toys for that.
I have a lot of sex toys. Each one is different. Some are utter rubbish, others good, some brilliant but each one provides a different sensation and you will only learn what you like and do not like by experimenting (Everyone has different tastes)
I suspect your partner is a little embarrassed and feeling a bit daunted by the new toys. That is kinda normal. I can't even guess what is going through her head but make sure she isnt feeling threatened by them (Does she feel like she isn't good enough and that you needed to buy the toys to make things better, does she feel put in the spotlight, like you are expecting her to perform for you with these new toys, does she feel watched, objectified, is she worried about mess with the anal toys or even just unsure if she will like them and doesn't want to let you down? Etc There is many possibilities of what she is thinking but you sound like you are not pushing it and respecting her wishes, which is about the best you can do. If this were me, I would also ask more questions and try to find out what the issues are so you can either lay them to rest, or not waste your time and money if she just downright hates the idea and won't budge on it. (Some people just hate sex toys and will not budge) and that is not something you can change without causing issues within the relationship, you know what I mean?
Some options are A) leave her to experiment alone with them first. Just leave the box under the bed and tell her they are there for whenever she wants to play. I wouldnt be surprised, if she is curious as you say she is, to find that she just needs time to experiment, get over the doubts anf initial fears (Will it hurt, will I like it, will I look stupid using it...etc) alone. She may then pull them out one day and have them join you in the bed.
B) Ask her how she feels about the toys. Just be hnest and say you like the idea of them, tell her why you like the idea (I love watching you get pleasure etc) and just say "However, if these toys are not going to give you pleasure, then they won't give me pleasure either.
See I kind of suspect the abrasive attitude was maybe because she saw your excitement over the toys and she is still unsure and so she is putting up walls about them right now. You need to let her know that it doesn't matter one bit if she hates them and that she isnt disappointing you. Then leave her to come back to you on it.
You are not gay if you enjoy anal. You are gay if you enjoy having sexual intercourse with people who share the same sex as you. Males have a sexual hot spot, called the prostate, which can provide a LOT of pleasure to a man, it just so happens that the prostate lives up the bum. There is no link between enjoying anal play and being interested in sleeping with someone of the same sex. otherwise myself and my male partner would not be together right now as we would both be in same sex relationships lol.
As for the toys:
Anal beads: I am not a huge fan of them. They are designed to be inserted and either used to provide a "popping" sensation as you slowly insert and pull them out, or some people enjoy using them by inserting them and leaving them in place, only to pull them out at the moment of orgasm to intensify the orgasm. Neither of these sensations do much for me, if I am honest, sadly, being of the female persuasion, I lack the prostate needed to give you more accurate feedback lol. As for me, it just kinda feels like I am pooping and I don't like that feeling during orgasm, clearly lol Some people love them though, again, everyone is different
Plugs; ideal for hands free fun as you can insert it and leave it in place while you masturbate or have sex. The idea is that the tip of the plug, or the bulb, will rub against the prostate during movement (or squeezes of your muscles) and provide extra sensations to enjoy. Not all plugs stay in place, look for ones with a wider bulb and a slimmer neck if you want hands free. Curved plugs are again designed for a more accurate hitting of the prostate. For women, wearing a plug can often make you feel much more full, or tighter, during intercourse and for some ladies this feels intense and very satisfying. It is a sensation that requires a few attempts to get used to though.
Make sure you use plenty of lube with anal play, otherwise you will just feel too uncomfortable to continue.
I hope some of this helps in some way. Any more questions, fire away! I hope you stick around and let us know how it goes and stuff! best wishes x1371680865Posted 19 Jun 2013 at 10:27 pm
Thanks for the reply.
She doesn't feel threatened or anything, she's intruiged for the most part and wants to use them, she's only got hang ups on the dildo, don't know why.
We are a very communicative couple and have been together for a number of years so lots of communication has led us to the point we are at now, purchasing these toys.
These are not our first toys, not by a long way, but they are the first ones of their kind we have brought (first dildo and first anal toys).
Recently our toy purchases have become more experimental and adventurous because we both wanted that, apart from one previous purchase before this one, our collection consisted of a bullet vibrator, cock ring, fluffy hand cuffs and a love egg (one of my personal favourites to use with her)
She was only really abrasive about the dildo. And the joking about calling me gay was just that, joking, and i understand that. I have experimented with my own anal play previously during masturbation, finding mostly i like rubbing my perenium and using a finger to rim my anus rather than any penetration, although there have been occasions when I've enjoyed having something to grip around back there, I've just never owned the right toy for it so never experimented with it much. I wouldn't bring those parts of me into the bedroom with my OH, mainly because that side of me is simply experimenting and not something i would enjoy in everyday sex.
All the toys are for use solely on my OH, if they are used at all. I was unsure about the anal beads after purchase because (in between purchase and arrival) we've experimented and talked and concluded she likes a static object back there rather than a in/out motion of anything. However, this doesn't mean the beads will go to waste, i have mentioned them to her as an initial, smaller, butt plug idea, using a few of the balls for a different sensation. I think she is still intruiged to use them.
The plug was brought entirely for during intercourse. We recently went in to anal play and more recently discovered my OH enjoya a static finger/thumb back there during intercourse (only really reachable during doggy style) so the idea was that we could use the plug in foreplay and leave it in for the 'main event', making her feel more full and leaving her to enjoy the anal fullness whilst i still have both hands free and we are not limited position wise, we can use any position and still have anal play involved.
I'm new to the site but intend to stick around, I'd like for me and my OH to become sex toy testers here, fingers crossed. I'll come back here every now and then and update interested parties on the developments.
J1371682960Posted 19 Jun 2013 at 11:02 pmFluffbags
- Rank: Field Marshall
- Posts: 2219
- Joined: 18 Oct 2011
Ahhh sorry if I misread anything you posted and sounded too harsh. It is hard to judge over the internet, the intent meant behind certain words or sentances and I am more used to hearing from men who have been insulted in that way for enjoying anal, hence my comments and reaction were just to ensure anyone reading knows there is nothing gay about it. x
I think the plug will be perfect if she enjoys a static object. The beads can still be left inside and will most probably stay put as well, especially if most are inserted rather than just one or two beads. So they should work too! It will be down to experimenting to find out which feels nicer for her. I cant answer why she is feeling a bit weird about the dildo but I have heard from other ladies who just don't like them. She will probs tell you why at some point too as you can clearly share with each other what you like and don't like.
If you bought these items from lovehoney, and find that they don't work out, or that you feel you prefer a different sensation, remember lovehoney offer a 365 day returns policy which allows you to return a toy, even if you just didnt like it, even if it has been used:
So nothing has to go to waste, you can always think "Okay, she prefers plugs, lets swap the beads for another plug or get a refund"
Yes if you stick around and contribute to the forums and write up a few reviews, as well as making a testers wishlist, you will be considered to review items. I am sure you have read the testers information page, but if not, heres a link of things you need to do to be considered:
See ya around the forums and good luck with the new toys!1371684273Posted 19 Jun 2013 at 11:24 pm
Of course I've read the testers page lol, i already have a brief testers wish list although that's done by me and i hope to go through the whole website with my OH adding stuff to it.
And I've already made one review to start myself off, but like i say i have an array of toys I'm going to review too, could be fun.
Yeah i know intent and context is hard to read online, so no need for apologies. We'll let you know how we get on, thanks for all the advice.
She always held firm to the saying that she didn't want anything inside her but me, but since we've started using some vibrators and love egg etc she may loosen up to the dildo thing eventually (or in short time).
I'm noticing a trend that their doesn't seem to be many exclusively straight men posting in forums, or from what I've noticed anyway. I wonder why that is, and i wonder if that is why you interpreted what i was saying the way you did. Who knows.
My OH is too shy to be part of or post on here, but i like to think i know her extremely well and speak for both of us with most (if not all) of what i say.
The main reason I've been posting tonight is because I've been frantically googling all day for information on our new toys, because i like to fully understand everything about a toy or act within sex before we do it, therefore i am constantly learning how to give the most pleasure etc, whilst also watching her responses as to what in particular she likes. She's said it's what makes me a good lover - little ego boost for myself there too.