• Poly: It's complicated

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    Relationships:

    Single

    Open

    Married

    Engaged

    Comitted

    I'm complicated

    and more

    But these are often aimed at mono relationships, and even when used within different form of relationships, people become confused.

    But, even within accepting open relations, accepeting poly relationships, and other forms of relationships, people are asked if they fall within some or one of the above.

    People who are poly can be comitted, even if it's just one person, or more.

    They can be single at times too, but also with fuck buddies, or one-night-stands.

    The can be married, but seeing multiple people just as much, or depending on culture they could be married to multiples.

    Agian they could be enegaged, to not just one, but many too.

    But I want to hear your thoughts baout people who are poly / in multiple relationships, who state it's complicated. Why do you think they feel it's complicated? Is it different to a mono person saying their relationship is complicated? Can a mono person have just one complicated relationship and the rest be fine? Or do these all effect one another.

    I'm interested to hear your thoughts =)

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    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    i suppose , just as a simple answer it could be stated its complicated as it '' its too complicated just towrite out my entire situation with person a , b , c and d when each of them are different levels of relationships '' just , for the sake of a form filling out example ?

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    I believe it is complicated because it conflicts with what is considered normal in the west. Poly relationships are normal in some parts of the world, presumably people there would have difficulty explaining why they are or want to be monogamous. All cultures have their "norms" about half of my Japanese colleagues had arranged marriages eith arranged by their families or their boss in the company....That really astounded me.

    er excuse me boss could you find me a wife please?

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    Contaception has changed everything within my life time, even when the pill was available in the sixties the norm was for girls to marry before they were 20. It took time for attitudes to change. The old titles "going out" engaged and married were designed to ensure children were only born to people who were committed to each other legally and emotionally. Marriage traditionally was a public declaration of entering into a lifelong commitment and a sexual relationship. Personally I think the change in attitudes to marriage have been a disaster for our society, the statistics for children living in broken homes and their performance is school and life.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep, it's complicated. I would put poly under a category as the same as your sexual orientation, like straight, bisexual etc. I wouldn't say that it should be a relationship category because even if you do have several partners this could be classed as open, or you could even write committed, or single if you haven't got any sort of arrangement going on at the moment. I wouldn't say say it was relevant to a relationship category.

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    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with that Gunther, the latest statistics show that 9/10 children born in 2013 will not live in a home with both biological parents by the time they reach the age of 10. I think it has a lot to do with the attitudes of the parents, parents. Me and my husband both come from families with decades of strong marriages, and I more often people who's relationships break down haven't had the role of a stable family themselves. With that article I read, apparently social networking is playing a big factor on this as more often now days more people are knowingly available, whereas years ago before the Internet come about, you would never know what your old school crush was up to, or who was recently single.

    Although its very sad, I do feel very proud of my marriage and our children and I can only hope we pass down the family stability onto or children.

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    rag doll [sign in to see picture]
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    i studied sociology and the familt and the statistic for children born outside of marriage in the uk is actualy 50/50 and this doesn't take into account cohabiting partners who are in strang stable relationships. the views of society and parents are still a huge factor but there are many others too such as secularisation, the changing role of wome, the ecconomy and indeed, as stated contraception.

    class is actualy the bigest factor effecting education, even bigger than gender or ethnisity. it is nearly imposible to isolate singular factors effecting educationalk success though. it may look like those from single parent families dont do as well but this could be due to the fact that many single or unmarried parents happen to be of a lower class or because a large proportion of single parent households are from minority backgrounds (so they have the added factor of ethnisity effecting their educational achievement) parents from upper classes mayonly stay married because they have monortary ties such as owning a house together so this skews the statistics.

    one of the reasons for children from single parent households doing badly is that as the parent has to work they loose out on help at home, they lack a (usualy) male role model or because there is only one parent working their household income is lower so they suffer from material deprivation.

    so if we link it back to what this thread is actualy about, a polly family would actualy be better for children. they would have access to more knowlege, income and parental support rather like in the old fashioned traditional extended family.

    (back on topic)

    i agree with @MrsMcX that it would be more appropreate to have polly listed under sexual orientation. because what we are really trying to clarify with these sorts of forms is how open to new relationships someone is which orientation is similar too (refers to what sample of the population you would consider a relationship with. polly is a way of living and, yes by nature 'it's complicated'

    also, you may be polly but in effect be as open to new partners as a Married momo person.

    i would rather be able to put polly as my orientation then be able to state more than one relationship status. such as 'commited' and 'open'

    i recon more polly peopple probably put open rather than complicated when polly isnt an option. but then it would be redicules if all forms had as many options as on fetlife :)

    oh, and sorry about the mini essay

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    My wife has a "best" friend ....for years she had an affair with a married man, eventually they split up when he started fooling around with a younger woman. Then she found out that the guys wife knew all the time and was happy for somene else to take care of his "needs" while she emptied his bank account, a sort of poly relationship within western norms. They are all single living alone now which I think is a bit sad.

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