• Relationship Breaks

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    yummy mummy91 [sign in to see picture]
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    Totally agree with fluffs post

    myself ive never had a "break" per say my oh of 7 years said to me he didnt think he loved me anymore but still cared for me when our eldest had just turned 1 which was heart breaking but as we were living in his parents we were still "together" just not sexually a few weeks later he then said he was still inlove with me an here we are 3 years on expecting our 3rd baby

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    yummy mummy91 wrote:

    Totally agree with fluffs post

    myself ive never had a "break" per say my oh of 7 years said to me he didnt think he loved me anymore but still cared for me when our eldest had just turned 1 which was heart breaking but as we were living in his parents we were still "together" just not sexually a few weeks later he then said he was still inlove with me an here we are 3 years on expecting our 3rd baby

    I do think people should be a bit more patient and wait a while ...glad you got it sorted ym91

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    yummy mummy91 [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    yummy mummy91 wrote:

    Totally agree with fluffs post

    myself ive never had a "break" per say my oh of 7 years said to me he didnt think he loved me anymore but still cared for me when our eldest had just turned 1 which was heart breaking but as we were living in his parents we were still "together" just not sexually a few weeks later he then said he was still inlove with me an here we are 3 years on expecting our 3rd baby

    I do think people should be a bit more patient and wait a while ...glad you got it sorted ym91

    gunther wrote:

    yummy mummy91 wrote:

    Totally agree with fluffs post

    myself ive never had a "break" per say my oh of 7 years said to me he didnt think he loved me anymore but still cared for me when our eldest had just turned 1 which was heart breaking but as we were living in his parents we were still "together" just not sexually a few weeks later he then said he was still inlove with me an here we are 3 years on expecting our 3rd baby

    thanks yeah thats was years ago now

    I do think people should be a bit more patient and wait a while ...glad you got it sorted ym91

    Yeah thanks was years ago now just thought id share my experience
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    Rob 516 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have had a "break" with my ex. To be honest when this chesnut comes up i knew the relationship was near it end. I would say if you need a break you basiically scared of moving on and want to go back to your comfort zone at the xpense of your partners feelings for your own selfish act. if you want to end then end it dont mess the OH around.

    Well thats my expereience though I dont highly think of relationship breaks.

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    WooHoo [sign in to see picture]
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    At its heart, having a relationship break is all about avoidance - whether thats avoiding dealing with a situation, to let things calm down, or avoid having a conversation thats long overdue because you're scared of the outcome, or whatever. There may be plenty valid reasons for having a break - too much emotion "in the room" being one - but at the end of the day whatever triggered it will still be there waiting to be addressed when or if you decide to get back together.

    Of couse the alternative might be to face it head on and have "that" conversation, which could lift the lid on a whole pile of things you need to be ready for and might not like hearing, even if it confirms what you thought in the first place - and once it's all out there, there's no going back.

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    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    WooHoo wrote:

    At its heart, having a relationship break is all about avoidance - whether thats avoiding dealing with a situation, to let things calm down, or avoid having a conversation thats long overdue because you're scared of the outcome, or whatever. There may be plenty valid reasons for having a break - too much emotion "in the room" being one - but at the end of the day whatever triggered it will still be there waiting to be addressed when or if you decide to get back together.

    Of couse the alternative might be to face it head on and have "that" conversation, which could lift the lid on a whole pile of things you need to be ready for and might not like hearing, even if it confirms what you thought in the first place - and once it's all out there, there's no going back.

    very well said

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    WooHoo [sign in to see picture]
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    rubysoho wrote:

    WooHoo wrote:

    At its heart, having a relationship break is all about avoidance - whether thats avoiding dealing with a situation, to let things calm down, or avoid having a conversation thats long overdue because you're scared of the outcome, or whatever. There may be plenty valid reasons for having a break - too much emotion "in the room" being one - but at the end of the day whatever triggered it will still be there waiting to be addressed when or if you decide to get back together.

    Of couse the alternative might be to face it head on and have "that" conversation, which could lift the lid on a whole pile of things you need to be ready for and might not like hearing, even if it confirms what you thought in the first place - and once it's all out there, there's no going back.

    very well said

    Thanks. As someone who has been through "that" conversation, lifted the lid and, through counselling, found out just how bad things were, I did feel this was a thread I could add something to!

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    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    hope you're doing better now x

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, just wondering your thoughts on people who have relationship breaks for mental reasons.

    Sometimes we have deep mental thoughts which need to be tackled by ourselves, because we need to switch everyone and thing off, to actually focus on them.

    I talking about deep depression and other emotions.

    To me a break doesn't always mean seeing someone else, or the freedom to sleep around, but also a way of looking at yourself.

    While I understand the average person may be able to find themselves / work-out their mental issues, while keeping-up appearances, not everyone can.

    A break basically when not only the relationship is lost, but the relationship with ones self has vanished too.

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    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
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    thats also very true Nymph , it can happen . sometimes [people need to step back and rediscover their own minds as a single entity rather than a part of a couple , even if just for a short while .

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    The Nymphomaniac wrote:

    Ok, just wondering your thoughts on people who have relationship breaks for mental reasons.

    Might be helpful to use a different word for it then, since 'relationship break' isn't exactly accurate and has a lot of associated baggage.

    What you're describing is more like taking time for oneself than setting the relationship aside. Talking about what one needs right now and in the context of the relationship (i.e. I need to get myself sorted so I can be fully present for you) is clearer and makes room for the OH to have some input and be part of the decision. So instead of something vague, undefined, one-sided and emotionally confusing, you're setting up a period of reduced contact that you've both agreed to with perhaps some sort of guidelines for touching base during and when you'll re-evaluate the situation.

    If there really is a desire and intention to return to the relationship, I think it's best approached more like we would approach a period of say LDR for work than just "I need a break" which implies "I need a break from you".

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    WooHoo wrote:

    At its heart, having a relationship break is all about avoidance - whether thats avoiding dealing with a situation, to let things calm down, or avoid having a conversation thats long overdue because you're scared of the outcome, or whatever. There may be plenty valid reasons for having a break - too much emotion "in the room" being one - but at the end of the day whatever triggered it will still be there waiting to be addressed when or if you decide to get back together.

    Of couse the alternative might be to face it head on and have "that" conversation, which could lift the lid on a whole pile of things you need to be ready for and might not like hearing, even if it confirms what you thought in the first place - and once it's all out there, there's no going back.

    That post was almost painful to read....but thanks for posting

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