• nerves??

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly, the only way to know if your doing it right or wrong is to ask your partner, ask if theres anything they could advice to do better or if theres somthing diffrent they would like you to try.

    The problem with nerves is its all makes perfect sence when thought out, but its never that easy in practise.

    The only way to learn what your doing wrong is to ask people what they think :).

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    im not with anyone,i just want to experience new things now, im 21 soon and have only done something with one guy which was awful,im not saying i want to be a slag just want to have fun :)

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    I dont think anybody would call you a slag for wanting to experaince sex! Especailly on here anyway!!!

    When ever you do meet somebody and its getting to that stage, if its a bf, or just a fuckbuddy. you just need to say that its been a while and your a little nervous about getting it "wrong".

    Oral is like any other type of sex, some positions work better, theres diffrent technquies and everybody likes somthing diffrent, you just need to ask what they prefer and do your best :)

    god, for a mintue there i sound like i knew what i was talking about :O! id make a great car salesmen

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    JayBee_x wrote:

    Yeah i do get nervous with phone calls if i dont know the number my heart goes and i panic and will not answer...... but i mean with everything im just nervous with oral sex,i want to do it like receive and give but im so nervous its ridiculous,im worried if im doing it right or what they are thinking,i cant stop my nerves and its stopping me.

    JB, if your nerves, that is, anxiety is really getting in the way of you leading a normal existence (and it sounds like it is) you need to have a chat with your GP. Give her some examples of your anxiety, like the phone problem. She will be able to refer you to some specialist help.... maybe a one afternoon per week course on 'anxiety management'. They can help you to understand your (over-reacting) thought processes, and show you ways of 'challenging' and correcting them.

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Lifebuoy wrote:

    JayBee_x wrote:

    Yeah i do get nervous with phone calls if i dont know the number my heart goes and i panic and will not answer...... but i mean with everything im just nervous with oral sex,i want to do it like receive and give but im so nervous its ridiculous,im worried if im doing it right or what they are thinking,i cant stop my nerves and its stopping me.

    JB, if your nerves, that is, anxiety is really getting in the way of you leading a normal existence (and it sounds like it is) you need to have a chat with your GP. Give her some examples of your anxiety, like the phone problem. She will be able to refer you to some specialist help.... maybe a one afternoon per week course on 'anxiety management'. They can help you to understand your (over-reacting) thought processes, and show you ways of 'challenging' and correcting them.

    No offence to you LB, but have you ever been to a GP about anxiety issues?

    All they do is tell you to calm down, throw some tablets at you then tell you it will take about 6 months on the NHS to get any help from a psychotheropist/anaylist/counciler.

    My doctors didnt beleive i had any serious problems until they had to come round to my house as i was literally paralised with fear in our living room.

    1368540633

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    WeeSteve wrote:

    Lifebuoy wrote:

    JayBee_x wrote:

    Yeah i do get nervous with phone calls if i dont know the number my heart goes and i panic and will not answer...... but i mean with everything im just nervous with oral sex,i want to do it like receive and give but im so nervous its ridiculous,im worried if im doing it right or what they are thinking,i cant stop my nerves and its stopping me.

    JB, if your nerves, that is, anxiety is really getting in the way of you leading a normal existence (and it sounds like it is) you need to have a chat with your GP. Give her some examples of your anxiety, like the phone problem. She will be able to refer you to some specialist help.... maybe a one afternoon per week course on 'anxiety management'. They can help you to understand your (over-reacting) thought processes, and show you ways of 'challenging' and correcting them.

    No offence to you LB, but have you ever been to a GP about anxiety issues?

    All they do is tell you to calm down, throw some tablets at you then tell you it will take about 6 months on the NHS to get any help from a psychotheropist/anaylist/counciler.

    My doctors didnt beleive i had any serious problems until they had to come round to my house as i was literally paralised with fear in our living room.

    I might well be out of touch on this, WS. I lost my job repeatedly in the last major recession (of 1990). I fell apart and went to my GP. I think it was immediately obvious from my body language that something serious had happened to me..... and I got a referral, as described above.

    I did suggest that JB describe her specific problems to her GP,..... so that he could see there was genuine disruption of her life caused by her anxiety...... not just something that can be palmed-off with a few tranquillisers. But, maybe you are right and GP's are now very reluctant to refer people because there simply aren't the resources available. (Let's face it, the NHS is unaffordable for a country with an unsound economy).

    But thanks for pointing that out, WS. I know you are more in touch with this problem than I (now) am.

    (By the way, I was totally impressed with your recent post that mentioned the job interview...... I know, they can feel very punishing..... and set you back. BUT you HAVE to expose yourself to situations where you 'perform badly' anxiety-wise. It's only by being in these situations AND applying 'calming tactics' (like positive affirmations) that you learn how to deal with the social situations of everyday life in a normal (not automatically over-reacting) manner. It all takes a lot of time, of course, and even now..... 20 years on.... I still 'mess-up' sometimes. But I do have a lot more control and it's nothing like as bad as it was).

    Solidarity hug : )

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Lifebuoy wrote:

    WeeSteve wrote:

    Lifebuoy wrote:

    JayBee_x wrote:

    Yeah i do get nervous with phone calls if i dont know the number my heart goes and i panic and will not answer...... but i mean with everything im just nervous with oral sex,i want to do it like receive and give but im so nervous its ridiculous,im worried if im doing it right or what they are thinking,i cant stop my nerves and its stopping me.

    JB, if your nerves, that is, anxiety is really getting in the way of you leading a normal existence (and it sounds like it is) you need to have a chat with your GP. Give her some examples of your anxiety, like the phone problem. She will be able to refer you to some specialist help.... maybe a one afternoon per week course on 'anxiety management'. They can help you to understand your (over-reacting) thought processes, and show you ways of 'challenging' and correcting them.

    No offence to you LB, but have you ever been to a GP about anxiety issues?

    All they do is tell you to calm down, throw some tablets at you then tell you it will take about 6 months on the NHS to get any help from a psychotheropist/anaylist/counciler.

    My doctors didnt beleive i had any serious problems until they had to come round to my house as i was literally paralised with fear in our living room.

    I might well be out of touch on this, WS. I lost my job repeatedly in the last major recession (of 1990). I fell apart and went to my GP. I think it was immediately obvious from my body language that something serious had happened to me..... and I got a referral, as described above.

    I did suggest that JB describe her specific problems to her GP,..... so that he could see there was genuine disruption of her life caused by her anxiety...... not just something that can be palmed-off with a few tranquillisers. But, maybe you are right and GP's are now very reluctant to refer people because there simply aren't the resources available. (Let's face it, the NHS is unaffordable for a country with an unsound economy).

    But thanks for pointing that out, WS. I know you are more in touch with this problem than I (now) am.

    (By the way, I was totally impressed with your recent post that mentioned the job interview...... I know, they can feel very punishing..... and set you back. BUT you HAVE to expose yourself to situations where you 'perform badly' anxiety-wise. It's only by being in these situations AND applying 'calming tactics' (like positive affirmations) that you learn how to deal with the social situations of everyday life in a normal (not automatically over-reacting) manner. It all takes a lot of time, of course, and even now..... 20 years on.... I still 'mess-up' sometimes. But I do have a lot more control and it's nothing like as bad as it was).

    Solidarity hug : )

    Yeah that job interview went horrabily wrong and ive been depressed for the last week, WOO to anxiety...

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    WeeSteve wrote:

    Lifebuoy wrote:

    WeeSteve wrote:

    Lifebuoy wrote:

    Yeah that job interview went horrabily wrong and ive been depressed for the last week, WOO to anxiety...

    Haa ! WS. Been there.... many times! You feel so effing worthless afterwards, don't you? I finally got lucky with job interviews..... there was only one interviewer.... softly spoken and modest. I was at much more at my ease and got the job. It was just part-time, and when the it got converted into a full-time one, it was (of course) someone else who got it... and I was out. But that year of work was enough to get me up and running.... and I secured a full-time job very quickly. So.... patience is the game. You're probably going to screw-up interviews for a while yet...... but don't worry about it. Slowly you'll get better at coping with them.... and grow through the process. 'Water off a duck's back', remember.... you can hack it.

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I know what you mean. I used to be like that, constantly worried about everything and nothing. Obsessed by what people might think.

    I'm 37 now and I couldn't give a shit. As you get older you become a lot more comfortable in your own skin.

    Sorry if this sounds flippant, I know where your coming from. Try not to think too much.

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    just want to stop being so nervous and have fun haha

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    JayBee_x wrote:

    just want to stop being so nervous and have fun haha

    Exactly JB. It really isn't fun is it? So get it sorted..... if your GP is no help, then have a look on Amazon and read a book or two on anxiety and how to deal with it : )

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    rather read a book,doubt a GP would help with this

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    JayBee_x wrote:

    rather read a book,doubt a GP would help with this

    A Gp can help. they are quick to throw medication at you but honestly it does help. ive been on my tablets for 4 years to tackle my anxiety, and i have significantly improved.

    If you want more information on my personal cirmunstances and more advice feel free to email me. As i dont want to clutter your the forum with it :).

    Emails on my profile i beleive :P

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    yeah been offered tablets for depression too,i just dont think they will help,i think its all in your head tbh

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    JayBee_x wrote:

    yeah been offered tablets for depression too,i just dont think they will help,i think its all in your head tbh

    I think you are right on this, JB. Pills might ease the symptoms..... but the way out is to learn to THINK the right way. This is only going to happen if you expose yourself to anxiety producing situations.... and learn to apply corrective or reassuring thoughts. Read a book. I've just ferreted in the garage and found the book that I found to be extremely useful.

    Gillian Butler 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' ISBN 1-85487-703-8

    It might be on Amazon, or you could probably get it through an inter-library loan. Constable publishers do (or did) a series of such self-help books, including one entitled 'Overcoming Anxiety' by Helen Kennerly..... which might be more relevant, JB, if your problem is more one of general anxiety, rather than being anxious when you are interacting with people.

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    ToxicJenni [sign in to see picture]
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    the tablets i as offered for depression made my anxiety attacks worse.

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    ToxicJenni wrote:

    the tablets i as offered for depression made my anxiety attacks worse.

    really? :/ thats not good,i just geniunly dont agree with them

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    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Lifebuoy wrote:

    JayBee_x wrote:

    yeah been offered tablets for depression too,i just dont think they will help,i think its all in your head tbh

    I think you are right on this, JB. Pills might ease the symptoms..... but the way out is to learn to THINK the right way. This is only going to happen if you expose yourself to anxiety producing situations.... and learn to apply corrective or reassuring thoughts. Read a book. I've just ferreted in the garage and found the book that I found to be extremely useful.

    Gillian Butler 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' ISBN 1-85487-703-8

    It might be on Amazon, or you could probably get it through an inter-library loan. Constable publishers do (or did) a series of such self-help books, including one entitled 'Overcoming Anxiety' by Helen Kennerly..... which might be more relevant, JB, if your problem is more one of general anxiety, rather than being anxious when you are interacting with people.

    yeah i think i will have a browse online :)

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    LauraK [sign in to see picture]
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    I feel so bad for you guys that seem to have terrible doctors but please don't rule out going there! Though I think it's protocol to start with pills you could try going to your doctors but specifically say you would prefer to speak to a therapist. By getting a therapist hopefully you'll beable to discuss everything thats making you anxious including the oral sex thing :) If they don't listen and refer you to a mental health professional find another doctor!

    Personally I think it's a bit hit and miss with therapists too but I'm sure it will work out :)

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    LauraK [sign in to see picture]
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    Just saw another one of your posts, I really think your anxiety about this will decrease by being with someone you trust :) please don't go for it with this work guy, you're SO much better than him!

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