• So before you all shout!!

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    Fizz and Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    I would like to point out im no skinny bird myself but..

    have met a bloke, through the internet dating scene, we had one date last year and it went really well but circumstances meant we didnt meet up again til this week, though we have been in regular contact texting and email and fb etc as friends

    now had another date and it went fantastic, he's lovely, made me laugh lots and we had a kiss and it was yummy, but

    he is a really big overweight bloke, and whilst i like my men chunky not sure this chunky, just not sure i fancy him. which makes me sound really crap and judgemental, cos in every other way I thinks he's fab.

    I don't want to lead him on, going on another date, if the attractions isnt going to be there, but then am wondering if the attraction wil come?

    1366805286
    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think you're being judgemental, you're refreshingly honest. Look, you said he's a nice guy but your under no obligation to take it further. If your not physically attracted to him that's unlikely to change. Do him a favour and nip it in the bud. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

    1366807870
    Lou22 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think its judgmental, people are attracted to different things its just the way we are.

    As AA said its possible that in the future you may become physically attracted as a result of your emotional relationship, it does happen, but of course no one could guarantee that as there really is no way of knowing the future of any relationship absolutely.
    All you can do is think about how you really feel for him right now and figure out if its worth taking the chance.

    Hope it all works out ok x

    1366809225
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Not judgemental at all. You're not attracted to him. That's all.

    The attraction could possibly come if you got to know each other more but it's not worth leading him on and seeing what happens if you're not sure.

    If you had met at work or something and had the chance to flirt, get to know each other, become friends and then start dating then you'd probably start to find him attractive. But with internet dating you are there for a date, a relationship and there is a lot of pressure for things to move quickly.

    It would be kinder to him to nip it in the bud. There are plenty more fish in the sea and you'll know when the right one comes along :) x

    1366810954

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    since you say you arnt a skinny bird...why not both try to lose a bit of weight together?

    1366812757
    Fizz and Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for your replies, and gunther, I am currently on a weight loss plan and started running, but I do that for myself. Wouldnt want someone to change their ways to fit in with me, any lifestyle change should be done for yourself

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey fizz, good for you on the running. Its tough but gets easier. Your 100% right, that guy needs to come to his own conclusions regarding his lifestyle. Your going in the opposite direction and if seeing that guy doesn't fit in to that, so be it. Don't feel guilty, thats life.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't say that a third date in a year (and second in what a week, a month?) is leading someone on. Kiss was yummy, you like him a lot, my inclination is to go for it and find out.

    Disabilities mean I don't meet a lot of people's dating criteria. I'd rather be given a chance and have it not go anywhere than be tossed out straight away.

    1366816952

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    Fizz and Sparkle wrote:

    thanks for your replies, and gunther, I am currently on a weight loss plan and started running, but I do that for myself. Wouldnt want someone to change their ways to fit in with me, any lifestyle change should be done for yourself

    I can see your point of view but I would say losing some weight to attract a mate is doing it for yourself...If my wife told me to lose weight I would lol

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes Gunther but the difference is that that is your wife. Not someone you have been on a couple of dates with. If OP turned around to her date and said "lets start losing weight together!" he'd probably be very offended.

    1366822738
    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
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    Aww its a real shame you can't just be firends and see how things go. But as it's been pointed out alread internet dating is tricky because its not like just getting along with somone at work and being their mate, generally if there isn't a romantic spark people don't stay in touch.
    You have to decide if being attracted to him as a person and his personality is enough for you or not, and if it's really a weight issue. I mean do you genuinely think that you would fancy him if he lost a couple stone.
    It is a tricky one but only you can decide. Good luck hun x

    1366826933

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    I don't see any big issue for you FS. You can have a really great relationship with a man that isn't driven by sex. It would be a tragedy to give this guy up just because he doesn't really turn you on.

    It souinds like he's a real catch.... nice personality, fun, affectionate enough to kiss you, and he likes you enough to have stayed in touch over a long period. Just don't feel pressured to sleep with him. Relationships based on genuine friendship are a lot less complicated than those that are sexual and are over-committed.

    The absolute worst thing you can do is to sleep with him, then decide he's a turn-off, and have to reject him. If he slept with you he would probably form an emotional bond.... and he would get seriously hurt. It wouldn't be fair on him.

    For now, keep it light and fun...... and see what happens over time, when you will be more sure about your feelings about him. As others have said, the pitfall with internet dating is that things move too quickly...... and then get very messy.

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    Mystical_Mother [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it might be best to stay friends so no feelings will get hurt that way. If you're not attracted to him, it's unlikely that will change. I have an ex who I was in a relationship with 2 years ago, we started seeing each other at the begining of this month and I was excited to see him after sucha while but when I did I was shocked he had put on weight. We got back together and we had so much fun like we used to and I could feel the emotions coming back but when we kissed it was so different, he said the feeling was still there but I wasn't so sure. We had sex and it was nothing like it used to be and we decided we were better as friends, I still love him and care for him but I just don't feel physically attracted to him as much as I used to, I do feel such a bond emotionally and when we talk on the phone I feel like a school girl again and the feeling come back but when we are face to face it's different, unless we are having a laugh and I'm not concetrating on his looks. He's a very good looking lad but when I look at his face, it's just not the same face I fell in love with. I don't mind the change in his body but looking at his face is strange, he just looks so different and I feel awful admiting it because when we first got together I was on medication that piled the weight on me and he accepted me like that after we split I lost it all and he went on simlar medication and put it on!. We are good friends now and I wouldn't have it any other way and it sounds like that would be the best choice for you too.

    1366886336
    Fizz and Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey thankyou all for your replies and views.

    I really do like him, so am going to take things slowly and just "date" not move it into a sexual relationship before we both know each other better.

    He makes me smile when I think about him and did make my tummy flip when he kissed me, so I think I would be a fool to pass him by. I have told him I want to take things slowly and he is happy with this so we have another date next week.

    in the past have rushed into relationships based on lust and they have all fizzled out so maybe this is the way forward!

    again thankyou for your replies, i love this forum!

    ps he has just text me to say he has joined the gym and is on his way swimming !!!

    1366887909
    ukduo2004 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it comes down to how the other person makes you feel. Both my wife and I lost weight before we met, but have crept back up to where we were previously over the years. I don't find her any less sexy, we work around the problems (her on top is very seldom nowadays, both because she worries about me, and her legs ache after a while, and we've never been keen on missionary).

    Yes, I'd like us both to lose weight, but thats for our general health not just so I could pick her up and walk around the bedroom with her wrapped round me.

    If he's losing weight of his own choice, thats great, you'll both be a lot healthier. I wish you both the best of luck and a long life.

    1366896771
    Baby_Lu [sign in to see picture]
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    Ron Burgundy wrote:

    I don't think you're being judgemental, you're refreshingly honest. Look, you said he's a nice guy but your under no obligation to take it further. If your not physically attracted to him that's unlikely to change. Do him a favour and nip it in the bud. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

    This.

    1366904337
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Hopelessly romantic side - he makes your stomach flip, you really like him AND he's serious enough about you to join a gym

    Shamlessly pragmatic side - if nothing else, both of you will gain a different experience of being in a relationship AND will hopefully improve your health and fitness as well. that's two wins even if it doesn't work out. So, let's see

    Philosophical side - it sounds like you both value each other enough to also value yourselves a little bit more. IMO, that's a great way to start a relationship.

    1366904417

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    Fizz and Sparkle wrote:

    ps he has just text me to say he has joined the gym and is on his way swimming !!!

    sounds like he has picked up on your feelings and decided to do somethin about it.

    good luck

    1366925044

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    MrBumcheeks wrote:

    . I only wish my undesirability was down to weight, because I'd be on a diet in no time!

    But this is all from the point of view of someone who's pretty ugly myself...and in ways that can't be changed. I get led on by women who think they might like me, think I'll be a good shag or whatever else they think, and it's ten times worse if I start to like them before they finally reveal to me that I'm not good looking enough and they're off.

    Better to be told "well you're nothing to look at but you might grow on me or you might not". Who could argue with that :)

    Wise counsel, Mr B. !

    And you may, or may not, be ugly..... but never forget......

    you have a bum to die for !! smiley

    1368452521
    Fizz and Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    so update...

    we have had some great dates over last couple of weeks with the last one ending up in the bedroom.

    however, he has small penis and whilst im okay with that , he clearly isn't he wouldnt let me touch him, stopped me from giving him head, and wanted to spend the session giving me oral and using his fingers. now im not massive fan of oral sex, and the rest seemed more like foreplay than a full on session. we did penatrative sex later on, but only for couple of mins then he switched back to oral etc

    meh any advice??

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