• Men Women Sex life and Work.

    1366671109
    Mbfireman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 50
    • Joined: 11 Jan 2013

    Ok guys hope you can offer me some advice, not my normal sort of post but the following is getting me a little down so hope for some help.

    I have been seeing my GF coming up to a year now. We are very much in love and I am happy with our relationship....here comes the but!....lol

    We both work for different emergency services, she works long shifts and antisocial hours, I also work shifts but not as many as my GF. When we first me (as always with new relationship) we had sex quite frequently, this was also before she started working shifts. Now recently it's been once a week, sometimes once a fortnight! We are both around 30 with no kids and plenty of opportunity, often though she is tired or not interested. I have quite a high sex drive and would really like to have sex on a more regular basis.
    She says she doesn't want to rush sex and would rather quality than quantity.

    So what am I asking? I guess it's what would you do in my situation? We communicate well but I don't want to bring it up again and never want her to feel pressured into it or anything like that. Is this just a fact of life that me and my right arm better get used to?

    Thanks in advance guys.

    1366671420
    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3587
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Tell her you really enjoy making love to her you understand she is tired but you love the connection you have when together & you miss her .

    Dont go in with you cock blasing saying i want more sex as it doesnt work as, we think you nagging.

    Maybe have a bath ran for her so she can relax after work and destress its hard with the jobs you do x

    1366671687
    SnoWMan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 140
    • Joined: 6 Jul 2009

    Perhaps when you know you've both got the day/evening off you could plan a romantic evening.. As KinkyFuckery said maybe draw her a bath, cook her a romantic meal... Just something that might help get her in the right mood

    1366671786
    ksw1980 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 146
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2008

    As those above have said, make time to help her relax. At least that's what my OH likes (she works lots of night shifts) and when the time is right, we have our fun times. I also work odd shifts, so know when she suggests a shower together, I need a good scrub and she can help. :)

    1366703097
    spiceitup [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 98
    • Joined: 27 Oct 2010

    If you can drive (save expense) look at both your Rotas and book some single nights away in premier inns £29 per night if booked in advance.throw a meal on top and a couple off drinks and voila.a day browsing shops and other towns you not Been to before helps leave work life behind and often works a treat.i do this with the wife quite often to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and it keeps things fresh somewhat.

    1366708890

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3043
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    in the long term see about changing jobs/shifts. In the short term just put up with it. I was working night shifts while my wife (to be) worked days...it really stressed us out, not just the lack of love making the lack of time together. I honestly prefer working away from home then taking a few months off to that situation. My wife needs time even if Ive been away for three months we cant just jump in the sack.

    1366712139
    kato [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 5 Jul 2012

    I understand where you are coming from, I work shifts, although not quite the same as an ed worker as mine aren't over a full 24 hour period however there are times when I do a long stretch of work and late nights. My sex drive does drop as you feel like you get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. The comment I usually get is I hate it when you're on this shift.
    It does pass though but it's a pain we just make up when the patterns back to normal

    1366713392

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3043
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    kato wrote:

    I understand where you are coming from, I work shifts, although not quite the same as an ed worker as mine aren't over a full 24 hour period however there are times when I do a long stretch of work and late nights. My sex drive does drop as you feel like you get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. The comment I usually get is I hate it when you're on this shift.
    It does pass though but it's a pain we just make up when the patterns back to normal

    best not to say anything I found...only makes things worse

    1366713471
    James and Michelle (mr and mrs) [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 324
    • Joined: 23 Jan 2013

    The work/life balance can cause problems when it comes to sex, I don’t have a set routine as I work in environmental emergency repose so sometimes am home at 2pm other times 10pm and sometimes away for a few days/week. This can cause periods of time without sex. It can be frustrating. Also I suffer from stress because of work and as you are emergency services staff I would guess you have more than your fair share of tough times at work. As said, helping her and you to relax may help, the nights away and hot bath are good ideas, also maybe have a nice dinner ready for her every now and then will help

    1366716184
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 742
    • Joined: 27 Sep 2007

    Yes, ultimately you have to do something to break the pattern. We had an 'interesting' time in the early years - studying at universities nearly 200 miles apart, then my doing 'field work' that took me away for spells of 5 to 10 days with only a few days between trips, then my wife doing a 1 in 2 rota (108 hours a week and still permitted for junior doctors in the NHS back then) - far too many years of "hello stranger".

    It's hard to sustain a relationship through that but promising yourselves a different future and meaning it really helps. In our case it meant swapping hello stranger for having too much month left over at the end of the money for a spell but we survived.

    1366825508
    Janny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 687
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    This reminds me of a few years back, I worked late, sometimes got home at 4, while she had to get up at 5... so that hour, the last thing on either of our minds was sex.

    Think it's just life. In an ideal world you both work 9-5 mon-fri, and then have the rest of time free! But It doesn't really work like that....

    Shift work can be tough, but it works both ways, sometimes you will have that Monday in bed together while everyone else is moaning about going to work!! You can find time! Good luck.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.