• "My partner won't use sex toys to pleasure me anally"

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    Lovehoney - Alice [sign in to see picture]
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    I just saw this article on The Guardian, there's only 5 comments and I thought it was the sort of thing that the forum would have some great insight and advice on...

    My partner of three years refuses to consider my request for her to use sex toys to anally pleasure me. My former partner and I enjoyed this, but my new partner said that she found the idea distasteful. She refuses to discuss it and now seems reluctant to even have sex with me. She accuses me of being perverted or a closet homosexual, even though I've pointed out that the prostate is a well-documented pleasure-spot for men. She's also said she might discuss this with her friends, many of whom I know. I wouldn't like any aspect of our sex life discussed without my consent. I love her and would be happy to relinquish my desires, but I'm finding her lack of understanding difficult.

    My partner won't use sex toys to pleasure me anally

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    Hmmm. Tricky isn't it? We all have some sort of sexual inhibition, some of us have more than others. But the more you are into sex, the more open you become to experimenting and losing those inhibitions.

    I dunno... if he bought some interesting things from LH, would it generate in her a greater willingness to experiment? Or would she just dismiss it all as 'kinky'? I suspect, that short of persuading her to join the LH Forum, so that she gets to understand that you can be experimental and not feel bad about it, it sounds like bit of a hopeless case. Or is that too defeatist?

    It would be interesting to know if other female members used to be really inhibited.... and how they came to change their attitude.

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Just because a male likes things to pleasure their ass doesn't mean they are gay. They have a P spot and it is anything like the G spot why not enjoy the sensations it creates at the end of the day , males can't help the fact their P spot is up there ass . To me it doesn't bother me at all , I like the idea that my man could have something in his ass why I have him in my ass , that's very erotic .

    Its not everyone cup of tea each to their own , but never say never and at least try something once to see how you feel as she may never know she might actually enjoy giving her OH pleasure and maybe that scares her as to her that is not the 'norm' but what is the norm these day as the definations are always changing . Each to their own , I very much like the fact that both of our ass's can be pleasured at the same time . Plus LH have some great toys to share the experience

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    Lovehoney - Alice wrote:

    I just saw this article on The Guardian, there's only 5 comments and I thought it was the sort of thing that the forum would have some great insight and advice on...

    My partner of three years refuses to consider my request for her to use sex toys to anally pleasure me. My former partner and I enjoyed this, but my new partner said that she found the idea distasteful. She refuses to discuss it and now seems reluctant to even have sex with me. She accuses me of being perverted or a closet homosexual, even though I've pointed out that the prostate is a well-documented pleasure-spot for men. She's also said she might discuss this with her friends, many of whom I know. I wouldn't like any aspect of our sex life discussed without my consent. I love her and would be happy to relinquish my desires, but I'm finding her lack of understanding difficult.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/08/partner-refuses-to-anally-pleasure-me

    Probably unwise to discuss what you have done with a previous partner, and even more unwise to start discussing what happens in the bedroom with mutual friends. The guy split with his previous so having her using toys on him wasnt that important anyway.

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    Thi was in the Guardian?!? Jeez...

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    If that is her limit then it should be respected. If she finds it distasteful then thats fine and she shouldnt be guilted into doing it, wether it pleasures him or not. The same would apply the other way round and if he feels like her limits are unacceptable and that this is a deal breaker for him then he needs to think about moving on.

    As for her threats to tell people and the name calling, one of two things is happening here. Either she really believes the things she said and is totally disgusted by it and just needs help from people to understand or help her worry less (Mutual friends would not be the best people) or she is being pressured or nagged by him to do something she doesnt want and has got resentful of this and "snapped" leading her to be bitchy and make this threat to tell people or name calling.

    Although I am of the opinion that enjoying anal does not make a man homosexual and hell we even dabble in it as a couple, thats my choice. I have some limits and so does my partner and this is one of those situations of incompatibility. I mean, if my partner pushed and pushed at one of my limits I would get resentful and angry. However if I loved something sexually (say oral sex) and met a guy who refused to do it, I would feel miffed.

    So the options are simple when you take away the emotion. You either go without your desire to be with the person (Without resenting them a year or so later because you think you are missing out) or you realise that being denied something you love will become an issue later and accept you are not compatible and move on. This of course if harder to do when you love someone but that is basically the options.

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    S&M sexy times [sign in to see picture]
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    If someone is being pressured by one person in the relationship to do something the other person considers distasteful or indecent although boundaries should always be respected sometimes more information on the subject matter can help ease concerns, communication being the core of any relationship the need to lash out & make threats will only cause resentment faster, I agree with Fluffbags on this subject when it is all said & done love,sex & compatibility is like a jigsaw puzzle when all the pieces fit it is meant to be, if a piece doesn't fit then it is most likely for the best the people concerned part ways, unless it is not a deal breaker, but this is alot easier said than done when one feels in love. Desire for something pleasurable should be enjoyed, although I have to say I personally have always fancied the idea of a MFF threesome, my other doesn't wish to take up the idea, so although I may feel like I'm probably missing out, the love I have for my other half is by far the most important thing to me.

    I have to say on a lighter note though, what twisted vision the creator had when the male anatomy was conceived, putting a pleasure point in an area which the most of society regards as a negative taboo. (not me though)

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    i think some people get too hung up on one kink....who cares if he or she wont do this or that....if you enjoy life together who the hell gives a damn

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    SexyBumBully [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with the general consensus of the group here. It's not right if she is being pressured.

    I have a friend who loves being pleasured anally and he says its difficult to find a woman willing to partcipate unless he pays her... he likes some pretty kinky stuff and feels the only way to get what he wants is to pay for it.

    He has asked me if it's something I would participate in however I'm unsure. I wouldn't rule it out as I'm sort of a "I'll try anything once" kind of girl but I can understand why some women may not want to.

    However I disagree that this woman is accusing him of being a pervert/homosexual. There is nothing with finding pleasure in this.

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    I can see where she is coming from. I would have considered myself to be fairly open minded (although since joining this forum I've discovered that im pretty straight laced compared to some). I can see why she might associate male anal play with homosexuality.

    Personally, I could not abide any thing near my ass. But I respect that guys right to shove what ever he wants up his. He should also respect his partners right not to participate.

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    -Chelsea [sign in to see picture]
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    I have the opposite problem.... When I first got the job at LH HQ, my OH said, and I quote,

    "That's great love but just for the record, NOTHING is going up my ass!"

    C'est la vie.

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Chelsea wrote:

    I have the opposite problem.... When I first got the job at LH HQ, my OH said, and I quote,

    "That's great love but just for the record, NOTHING is going up my ass!"

    C'est la vie.

    PMSL I am howling

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Chelsea wrote:

    I have the opposite problem.... When I first got the job at LH HQ, my OH said, and I quote,

    "That's great love but just for the record, NOTHING is going up my ass!"

    C'est la vie.

    My bloke says this to me when I pull out the latest gadget, but I just say "shhh shhh shhhh love, it will only hurt for a minute, once the chloraform kicks in you wont even notice it!"

    lol

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    LOL Poor guy ! Now I know why you're wickedwoman.com. Ultra-scary...... mega-exciting :P

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    ZombieCpl [sign in to see picture]
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    It looks to me like the poor girl feels bad because he obviously wants her to provide a pleasure that his ex provided- she may be feeling that is a 'replacement' or that he may be thinking of his ex because that is wht they enjoyed. I know if my partner asked me to pleasure them in a particular way because their ex used to I would be furious and downright refuse. If however he said its a fantasy that he harboured an would like to try then I would understand.

    Perhaps she is threatening to tell people about it because she wants to 'punish' him for treating her like his ex and feels that he may suconciously learn through this embarrassment that he should go around things another way.

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